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Topic: Am I man enough?

  1. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    21 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    A'hoy there,yes I am back for a brief period,suffered a slight set back in my surgical recovery...seems I may have gone at it a bit too hard and tore some muscle off the bone, well the bits of bone that are left,not the titanium rod...I feel a bit like Darth Vader-more machine than man,oh well at least I will make airport security earn their money when I pass through the metal detector...So I am laid up with some ice compression contraption on my thigh looking rather classy with my leg elevated for numerous chunks of the day.I asked my wife if she could bring me peeled grapes,if I rung a little bell on my bed side table,let's just say that the bell was rather swiftly removed!The PTSD part of ship has been placed back in the queue.However,with that said I have just been referred by my GP(based on my recent psychologist report)to see a psychiatrist.Oh the joy!They say it is a honour to be seeing one in the USA,I however,with all my insecurities past & those returning to roam and haunt the vacant halls of my mind,am loathing the experience.By all accounts she seems,from what I have been told,very lovely & well versed in helping PTSD cases.I guess this is the much needed apple from the healing tree that I need right now.As lately I have been having terrible triggers that create vivid flashbacks-that take me some time to snap out of and return to my normal state of calmness & clarity of thought.Not great to have happening when you have 3 beautiful souled little children to nurture-all whom I'd give my life to protect.So that's where I am at,waiting for my first appointment-to step off & start the slow march down the long & winding road of self recovery.Am I scared or nervous of what lies ahead or around the next corner?The demons I will be forced to face & share with someone I hardly know?The disturbing memories to relive & recount...Yep,I'm absolutely petrified!But,when I look into my beautiful children's eyes,they're like windows to their souls,I can feel my strength swell within & I must endure whatever it takes to conquer this. Knowing I can draw continued support from those who love & care for me brings a sense of calmness over me-like a child with their blanket.Knowing also,I have continued support, true understanding & compassion from those of you here on BB-who have been by my side thus far-bathes me in absolute comfort & relief.This I express with endless gratitude that my words will never be able to justify the true power of their actual healing.💝NBM
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Just Sara
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    Just Sara avatar
    3398 posts
    21 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Well hello NBM!

    You posted 7 minutes prior to me catching it and how lovely that was. Your thread has become legendary and then some. I guess you could've never imagined an effect of such magnitude! Yet here you are...with humour, love and gratitude. I welcome you with open arms my friend.

    Not only have you benefited from this site and our beautiful caring community, but you've bought out the best in us..in me. I can only thank you with words, but it's words that bought us all together and it's words that will continue to enhance our lives...that's a given.

    I read your post with bated breath, a very big smile and (happy) tears welling up in my eyes. I applaud your guts to glory attitude and well deserved kudos! (Cheers from the crowd..Yay!!!)

    You've made my day Navy Man...your children and wife are very lucky indeed to have you in their lives. I congratulate you on your progress and wish you all the luck in the world with your new psych. You deserve to continue to reap the rewards for your amazing efforts. WELL DONE!!

    Warm and kind thoughts as always...Sara xo

  3. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    21 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Goodaye NBM,

    Welcome back! Hope the body heals okay after your operation!

    It is good you are seeing a psychiatrist. A lot of us have been there and done that. I personally find it a lot easy talking to a person I don't know rather than someone close to me.

    You may well feel shaken up after the experience, so make sure you have something easy to do or some comforting experience to enjoy once the session is over. Or you might need some time alone to process what on earth just happened!

    Love the bell story! My husband had one of those after his cancer operation. He didn't ask for peeled grapes though, I guess he didn't think of that! Ha. Ha.

    If you don't mind me asking, can you please tell me what your medals represent? If that is too tough for you, just ignore that question.

    Our town had a small celebration for Remembrance Day. A very dignified looking soldier from the Vietnam War was standing there with his medals on. I had a chat with him briefly, then someone he knew came to chat with him. It was a lovely service.

    Wishing you all the best with your recover, body, mind and spirit.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  4. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    21 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Hello Mrs. Dools,yet another beautiful person has written back.I just read Sara's lovely post,logged off to grab some pain relief for my hip replacement set back issue-nodded off to dream of my little bell & all the uses I could think of if only it was there when boom yet another response from someone I have never met(just like Sara),yet I hold so much respect,compassion,admiration and love in my heart for you both.Yes Rememberance Day holds a very special place in my heart,just like ANZAC day, only for two reasons.My first child(daughter)was born on Rememberance Day-how very military everyone would comment.We have planted some poppies,as they are her favourite flower,in her own special garden.We live on a small farm (40 acres)& breed miniature cattle (Dexters),very quiet animals with the most lovely temperaments-it's our calving time now and the kids just love being with the calves-a special time for everyone in this house really.Sorry to bore you with the trivial stuff,must be the painkillers...The medals,not a problem,I usually don't like talking about them but because I hold such respect & trust for yourself and Sara, I'd be honoured to explain what they represent. From L-R: AASM(Aust Active Service Medal) with clasps(there is supposed to be two,but my son ripped the other one off and placed it somewhere very safe),the clasp on there is the ICAT(Interantional Campaign Against Terrorism),the missing one was for Iraq.Next sits the Afghanistan Campaign Medal followed by the Iraq one. Next one with clasp is the ASM(Australian Service Medal)-the clasp is for Special Operations,this I got on operations during my time as a navigator on submarines,I could tell you why,but then I'd have to kill you...Following that is the AOSM(Aust Operations Service Medal),for time spent doing operational stuff in and around Australia.Then comes the old man 15 years service medal rounded off by the 4 year service medal-what many call the Coke Bottle medal,as almost everyone who serves their initial period gets it.So there you have it.In someways reflecting like I just did in writing that,I'm proud of what I achieved and was able to do for not just my country but many others.This though comes at a cost for me personally,but slowly,slowly I'm working towards fixing this-with my ultimate goal of marching ANZAC Day with all three of my beautiful children(wearing their Grandad's polished WWII medals).I haven't marched since that day on operations,don't feel I deserve it yet.❤️NM
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  5. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    21 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Sorry Mrs. Dools for the abrupt ending there, it's this damned 2500 characters regimental restriction,must be Airforce run..Not very Navy like!!!You see we navigate by the stars,the Army sleep under the stars, and the Airforce judge their hotels by them!!! Just wanted to quickly add it was very touching to have such prompt and lovely replies by both yourself and that of Sara. It means more to me than you'll ever know having you both by my side as I start this march. Until next time, and it might be a while again before I raise masts and come up for Comms-if all goes to plan this time... I send much love your way along with all the happiness and kind caring thoughts that you truly deserve. ❤️NM
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  6. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Dear Navy Guy,

    Thanks so much for sharing about your medals. Hopefully in time you will be able to wear them proudly, accepting the fact that you have made a huge difference in the lives of so many people, in such an amazing sacrificial way.

    Hopefully your son will remember where that really safe place is! If not, can you apply to have that medal replaced? I'm not sure how that works.

    I enjoy reading about your children and the calves. Sounds like a wonderful, exciting time, greeting the new calves into the world.

    You mentioned planting poppies in the garden, I have planted roses here to remember my precious babies and also a beautiful lady name Josie who was like a Mum and mentor to me. The rose for her is so appropriately named Just Joey.

    Like you mentioned, it is very comforting to know that complete strangers can reach out to others on this forum and offer support, care, love and concern in such an amazing way.

    Maybe by ANZAC Day your body, mind and spirit will be healed enough to march extremely proudly with your own medals shining, and like you mentioned with your three children marching also wearing Grandad's medals.

    On a cheery note, hope the calves are all healthy! Last year we borrowed some sheep on our 5 acres to help eat the grass. Two of them had lambs while here. I so loved to go and watch them frolic about. They were so cute!

    This year we have a couple of rams and wethers, so no chance of lambs!

    Hope that hip soon heals! Cheers for now,

    Best wishes and kind regards from Mrs. Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello again Mrs. Dools,I wrote an extension to my last post shortly after but must have missed the "Airforce" admin closing times by nano seconds as it hasn't appeared yet😜I just wanted to express some feelings of mine, quite passionate from a military point of view,on your comments regrading your discussion with the Vietnam Vet at your local service.I reflected just how niaive,uncompassionate & generally misunderstood society was back then & how disresepectfully treated those returning, those lucky enough to return were treated.The "Dirty War" it aptly named.The atrocities,disturbing visions and acts witnessed by those servicemen I cannot even fathom.But to return as "Baby Killers" or lower class people who have just returned from a "holiday" disgusts me.PTSD was never heard of or to talk about such mental troubles was taboo.The silent killer & really since then,& to be honest it probably goes back even further than just the Vietnam War,what have we learnt?More US service people have died since returning from operations than killed on the battlefield,I am not aware of how numbers reflect from an ADF point of view,but that fact alone is horrific.I am seeing slowly 'the times they are a changing' sweep broadly across society in promoting awareness of mental health-I guess I can really comment particularly what I have seen during my time in the military,but notwithstanding this we have a long way to go.I, ashamed as I am to admit it,am guilty of this-just look at the title of this thread-says it all really.Mental issues is still a stereo typical sign of weakness,I'm so pleased to see campaigns being run now by macho football stars and sports men & women alike stating it is OK to speak out-that mental illness is not a dirty word or something to be ashamed of.Sure if I was not nearly killed by an IED during CT operations only to go on & see big tough men execute,in cold blood children,I might be fine in life-blissfully unaware of this BB organisation or the need for it.Education is in this area is critical.We are seeing it in the military now and it is taken very seriously.But,as I as getting to earlier in this post, it is the vets previous to my generation that my heart bleeds for.They got nothing, absolutely nothing only ridicule and persecution for being in a place no one really had heard of,fighting a fight most did not join by choice.Sure, even I have had tomatoes thrown at me and heckled baby killer whilst in uniform,not a particularly nice (continued)

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  8. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    (Continued) feeling,particularly after what I'd endured that particular deployment.More ironically our unit actually saved a mother & baby during child berth onboard our vessel.The engineers without even being asked went away & constructed a cot & change table for this particular mother & baby to use whilst we remained at sea.So to be called a baby killer-hurts, a lot.So far from the truth of what we service people actually do out there.Is it thanks I am asking for,no not really,just a little respect or general public understanding that yes whilst I elected to serve and wear my countries name on my shoulders does not make me any less human than the next person.Anyway probably enough of that rant,like I mentioned though I am quite passionate about the public's treatment of ex & current service people,& I guess you know full well how I feel about Vietnam Vets through this post.Just got your post regarding your lambs!No idea what happened to my post in between...maybe their actually is an "Airforce" person moderating & placed mine in file named the shredder.I agree just how healing gardens can be,my wife's department really,but secretly I get a lot out of the "whole growth & earthly experience". We to have planted trees to remember loved ones lost, some far to early. A special place to go to reflect, remember-& over time as it grows so does the healing inside of me. Thank you for your kind word regarding my physical healing.I should be an old hand at this whole hip replacement by now,considering this is my second at the age under 40!Having 3 children under the age of 7 (7,4,2) doesn't make dad's recovery easy though...partly myself to blame as I always go at things like a bull at a gate & just want to be a dad and bend down & play & lift or be the horse to ride-all things I vaguely recall my surgeon saying things NOT to be doing for several months.Yes,I can reorder the safely placed clasp,no hurry this end but I will want them to see &understand what their dad did &sacrificed,&hopefully they will be proud.At the moment they see their dad a little sad most of the time & hobbling around on crutches,icing his leg,unable to play &truly connect-which saddens me the most really.Not all doom &gloom though,my poker face has got better over time in hiding all forms of pain around my children.My fight continues for them to see their true happy healthy dad soon enough.I truly feel for you Mrs. Doors life can be so unfair to the best of people,you are one of them.😇❤️NBM

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  9. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Just Sara

    Hello Sara,I been replying to Mrs. Dools,however please read all those words & feelings I have towards her as equal toward you.I have a funny feeling all my posts over the last 24hrs are all out of sync,as Im yet to see a couple I wrote before the last one here.Hopefully they sync with a timeline that makes sense.I'm not sure what you mean by my thread becoming legendary and then some,but I do hope it has had a positive impact on others-as it certainly has with me.Would you believe my first available appointment with my new psych isn't until Feb next year?I understand they triage their clients,so I must respect there are those out there doing it way tougher than me.Still,on the positive side gives me more time to get my body cherry ripe before then.I see my surgeon tomorrow regarding this muscle tear issue,just praying no further surgery will be required-not sure my body nor mind or spirit could handle that requirement right now.Still,being the gentlemen farmer I am,I am lucky enough to be able to at least rest,with my wife staying home & running the house until we know the verdict.By gentlemen farmer,the term could not be any closer to the truth.I have a 60SQM putting green in one of paddocks!So an Officer and a Gentlemen (farmer)really-without the Richard Geer looks sadly.I do get told I'm a dead ringer for Billy Zane all the time(whoever the hell he is-poor bugger).So golf is out for a while & my sand bunker has turned into a Tonka truck construction site!So everything is sort of put on pause,in limbo-which I don't really like.I hate having things out of my control especially when I know there is so much that needs doing!I don't do patience well as you can probably tell by now.My fault I am laid up like I am now,went too hard at recovery-despite the professional warnings from surgeon to wife.Oh well,gives me a chance to connect back with you guys for a bit.Come tomorrow after a stern talk from my surgeon I may have to be on my very best behaviour & actually do as I am told-so I might be off BB for a while on my next phase of recovery-just praying the words surgery or hip revision are not spoken during tomorrow's visit.Other than that I'm well as can be,fighting the fight which is draining.Not everything is a"Pantene"solution-I fully get Rachel Hunter's learned words of wisdom,but I did have my heart set on a speedier hip recovery and earlier psych appointment.Here's hoping at least the new meds help with my recent triggers.Hope this finds you well.❤️NB

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  10. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Just Sara
    Hello Sara, further to my last (as we Navy people pipe on 1MC), on a lighter side, now this is probably the pain killers talking...but regarding the Officer and a Gentleman (farmer) reference and the Billy Zane comment. Well, for the first time ever I just googled his name! Guess what, I still have never heard of him, but the results say he's some movie producer or something, but the pictures that came up...again could be the drugs but with a little more hair, and by that I mean just a little, yep I can see why people have been saying it. We sort of share the same dress sense in the photos I had come up on my simple Billy Zane search... So there you go, am I man enough?, pffffft I look like Billy Zane for crying out loud!!! His name sounds a bit wacky though, just like the submariner come CT Intel operator in me I guess - wacky enough to choose those as careers I guess, look where it's got me?!? Should have chosen making movies instead, but then I would not have met all the wonderful people I now know in my life including you! Hope this makes you smile, I hadn't for a while until I thought why not Google this Zane dude.... Off to grab more ice for my leg - oh, how well I would fit in with that look in zip code 90210! Hope you are well ❤️NBM
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  11. Just Sara
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    Just Sara avatar
    3398 posts
    22 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Ha ha aha he he he...ah ha ha ha...

    You absolutely cracked me up Navy Man! Those pain killers must be atomic strength! Ah ha ha ha...

    I hope you took in some much needed oxygen during previous posts...lol I was breathing for you in between giggles while reading. BTW...they seem to be in sequence too.

    Legendary thread...hmm...as you can see, there are 70 entries to date; that's no mean feat. Then there's the quality of posts from all concerned, which incidentally bought out some revealing stuff from us. (CC's) The subject matter is kind'a unique and specific too. (opening doors for others) Your speedy progress and recovery from some pretty mind blowing PTSD and physical injuries. Then there's you...open, honest..sometimes brutally, kind, relevant, pragmatic, philosophical, heroic, a great dad/husband and a Billy Zane look-a-like ta boot! Need I say more?

    (BTW...Google Billy Zane movie; 'The Phantom' 1996. [A play on the old cartoon strip] for a look-see at his early years as an actor)

    When you put all these together, it's not hard to understand why we've warmed to you and this thread.

    Your complements have not gone unnoticed either NM. Thankyou for your kind hearted, generous sentiments and gratitude. It's accepted with pleasure.

    It's nice to hear you've been doing the doing as Farmer Joe and all round great Dad. Your wife sounds like a keeper too, she must be run off her feet with 3 little one's and you at the hop-a-long helm. (That's about the closest I can get to a navy reference lol) So buckle down the britches and man the tackle keel (uh oh...there I go) for some hard work ahead me harpy's. Giggling he hee...

    Loved the chat..still giggling...

    Sara xo

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  12. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    23 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Hey Navy Guy,

    You have been busy with all your posts! Hope the appointment went well for you and there are no more operations on the horizon!

    Just had an idea! Do you have a goat? You could hook up a cart to the goat and it could race you around your farm. That would be so excellent. You might even be able to learn to play golf from the cart, maybe you could switch to polo for a while!

    You might want to line the cart with an old mattress or hay so you don't bounce around too much and jolt that hip.

    Just think of all the fun the children would have as well.

    I've been thinking of getting a goat to help me out with all of this weeding! Do you think if we bought a young goat we could train it up to not eat the roses? That would be good.

    I'm just raving a bit here. Didn't get much sleep last night due to helping out at the CFS station while the crew were attending a vehicle accident, car v truck! Home at 1.00 a.m. and little sleep after that.

    Okay, over and out for now, cheers from Mrs. Dools

  13. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    23 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Hey there Mrs.Dools,sounds like very busy and tiring night for you.My advice grab a nap when you can,put off everything else(unless life threatening)& curl up somewhere warm with a book on the basics of seamanship navigation...you'll be asleep in no time!What a great idea with the goat,although I had a goat when I was a young boy-it ate my favourite sneakers and my Action Man figure(scuba diving kit and all)! Not so sure I go down that alley again, as I loved that Action Man...We've halter trained our cows, so I'm thinking they might be the best solution for your golf buggy idea-a brilliant one at that. Hmmm,I am a man of many talents,however goat whisperer is not one of them...Unless you can tether the little critter with chew proof rope,I would suggest having a goat as your lawn mower would place your beautiful roses in a clear & present danger!We had some poddy lambs for a while,but as they grew they would get into and eat anything that they could access.They'd eat the rubber seals around the car doors as we would be getting our kids in or out of their car seats!Strongly recommend a well behaved beast like a John Deere(knitted out fully with weed sprayer wand & tank)...Appointment went well,thank you for asking.Trying some new nerve blocker drug to help with the muscle spasms & associated pain-happy to hear no further surgery at this stage,which is music to my ears.So it's now more hurry up and wait for this little black duck.On a more serious note,I have just started a new thread(not sure if I should have as it probably might have fitted in along with this one)regarding PTSD triggers. I haven't checked replies yet,but would dearly love both you & Sara,if she reads this,to have a look and pass on your well respected advice.I was ticking along ok until yesterday & have true concerns of things worsening between now and my lengthy wait to see my psychiatrist for the first time.Anyway,so great to hear from you,I hope you do get some well deserved rest and have a lovely rest of the day.I'm off to ice my hip& leg yet again and study up on the art of goat whispering on your behalf! much love and warm kind wishes ❤️NBM
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  14. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    25 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Hi Navy Guy,

    You mentioned the goat ate your toys. My sister's dog chewed one leg and half the head off my teddy! I was not at all impressed. I tried to sew up my teddy and still have him. I called him Charles. Ha. Ha.

    The dog and I did not see eye to eye at all. Mum would suggest I took the dog walking with me. I managed to get the dog across the road and then it would just sit there and turn her head back to home. She would not budge until I turned for home again.

    A friend had a goat on a non edible chain stacked in the garden. The goat used to run back and forth pulling at the chain until the stake came out of the ground! A goat could be a challenge! Ha. Ha.

    The chooks aren't too well, they seem to be getting some kind of disease. We had one put down now another is looking quite ill. Poor darlings.

    At least the cat is thriving! She is an indoor cat so can't eat any of the wildlife. She is so fat I don't think she would be able to catch anything anyway! Ha. Ha.

    Your other thread is going well too. Hope the hip is doing okay.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

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  15. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    26 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools, great to hear from you as always!No good to hear about the chooks..what are the symptoms?My wife is very good with chickens as we have quite a few.She would love to help you if she can,unless you have already asked your vet.Adding some garlic powder to their water I know was one remedy that helped fix a lot of our issues or there is some special concentrate stuff that comes in a bottle-the name escapes me but I will find out for you for sure.If they are egg bound,then that is a whole different kettle of fish-very time consuming & not the cleanlest way to fix..Happy to help though as I hate to see or hear of anything suffering.The hip is coming along alright now,just appears I have suffered some nerve damage to several major muscles.Just trying to get the dose right on this new nerve blocking drug & she should be apples & I can crack on with rehab as planned.About to check in on my other thread,but have found the deep breathing & mind over matter excerises help a little with the triggers & I have not yelled at the kids since.I will reiterate on that thread that my term "lashing out" at the kids was a verbal thing,not physical (ie violent),as I am really concerned I upset another member who replied early on in the thread.I don't have a mean bone in my body & I certainly would never ever harm my children or any other children in any way from any of my triggers-they are (my triggers) all about worrying about their safety and protecting them.It is a beautiful day here as I look out my bedroom window while icing my leg.We have a total of 4 new calves now,with 8 more expected soon.Dexter calves would be no bigger than a Jack Russel when born-just with longer legs,they are the most adorable little things & their mum's don't mind us getting up close and patting or even lifting them up sometimes.I love Spring,as I am sure you do with what I can only imagine is a beautiful garden you must have.We are still in the "building" phase of ours,but we have managed to lay all the reticulation & look forward to choosing our plants wisely and then planting out.We live in a harsh climate,heat to severe frost and snow.That said it's God's country to us &we love it here very much even with the long commute that goes with it..just makes coming home that bit more special.Thanks again for finding the time to write,I am doing my best to remain chipper around the kids but it is hard.Pain,emotional &physical is draining to hide,I have a lot of both at the moment.❤️NB

  16. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10934 posts
    27 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Dear Navy Blue,

    You mentioned in your post to Mrs Dools that you were concerned about upsetting another member when you talked about lashing out. I did reply in detail early on in that thread to your post, hoping to partially ease your mind by talking about my experiences.

    If it was me you were referring to then there are no worries as at all. On the contrary I've found all your posts, including the more graphic descriptions of your experiences and determination to overcome combined with your obvious caring to have been encouraging to me personally and feel that your frank and detailed posts to be a very positive contribution to all.

    If you were not referring to me then all I can say is that it is very hard In these forums to judge the effect of what one is saying as unlike a face to face conversation there are no clues as to a person's state other than the actual words they write down in response, no facial expressions, tone of voice etc. Combine this with a delay on replies and it is possible in this environment full of people who have suffered that some may misunderstand or react unexpectedly.

    Either way please continue, I really hope you find your interactions with the members here are of benefit and that your physical ailments recover quickly.

    Again my very best wishes

    Croix

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  17. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    27 November 2016 in reply to Croix

    Hi Navy Guy and Croix,

    It is very easy for the written word to be taken in a way that was not at all intended. Even a slip of the key can change a word completely.

    Once I told a friend that I was so tired I crashed into the bed when I arrived home. Her daughter asked me if I hurt myself when I crashed into the bed.

    Same as lashing out, it can be verbally or physically. Many words have a double meaning.

    If there have been any misunderstandings any where in the forums, it is good if people can sort them out.

    We all have our own experiences, personalities, expectations and so on. What is acceptable to some will not be right for someone else. We are all individuals, that is what makes this community great! Different ideas, points of view and a variety of possible solutions, all help make the world go around.

    Everyone has something to contribute, if they write only a couple of words or use up their whole 2500charactors!

    I for one am very thankful that I can read and write! Life would be quite different without those skills.

    Communication is important too.

    Cheerio for now from Mrs. Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  18. JustKat
    JustKat avatar
    1 posts
    27 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    First I would just like to say to everyone involved in this thread that I am so happy to see how you all support and help each other, I am deeply touched by this. I found this thread while I was doing research for my essay regarding Stigma in Mental Health (I am a Nursing Student) and this thread is just wonderful to read after reading so much about negative attitudes and instead get to see the fantastic support.

    To Navy Man: I must say that from the beginning of this thread until now it feels like your confidence have grown (not saying that you may still have a long way to go) with the support from others which I am glad to see? What you are saying remind me so much about my boyfriend. He suffers from depression secondary to a rare autoimmune physical disease. When he gets down he too does not feel like he is man enough and it does not matter what I say, he does not believe that I am being truthful. However, if I didn't love him so much and considered him to be the man for me, sick or not sick, I would have been long gone but I am still here and will stay. He sometimes try to "hide" away from me when he is at his worst because he does not want me to see him like that, he thinks that I will stop loving him, that will never be a reason for me not loving him though. We are very open with each other though and talk about absolutely everything and I think that has helped us so much to get through the rough patches.

    I would also like to comment in you apologising for your troubles not being as bad as others and that it is pathetic. What you have gone through and what you feel now is not pathetic in any way. I suffer from severe PMDD and for no reason what so ever I can get aggressive or depressed and this happens on routine every month. I have many days where I can't get out of bed or be around people at all. And I have no legit reason at all to feel that way other than that my hormones are out of whack but I still feel it as powerful as a loved one just died. What I am trying to say is that what you feel is never pathetic and you should never compare your reasons for feeling something to someone else. We all have different experiences, we all have different coping mechanisms and some are more open than others and some have easier to access the health care and support they need. And for my last 160 words I would just like to say that recovery is a journey rather than a destination and you are already on that journey and I wish you all the best!

    JK

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    28 November 2016 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix, thank you for your post and adressing my concerns. I won't name names as to whom I thought I'd upset or distressed but I am glad to hear you find my honest yet sometimes maybe too brutally honest posts helpful - as I am hoping all people who read that thread do. You and I seem to share a lot in common in what are/were going through and I find reading your posts easy to understand the underlying message and therefore can connect and reason with your implied message. I will continue to write, and hopefully with the trigger warning now attached to the thread (my misunderstanding not to have added it in the first place) others will find use out of the post as apposed to distress. Please keep throwing your penny's worth is,as you say, as I for one am very grateful for you sharing your insights-it makes me feel human again instead of the selfconcious monster I often feel. Thank you again for making the time to value add to all my posts to date and I look forward to hearing from you again soon, cheers NB
    1 person found this helpful
  20. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    28 November 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Hello again Mrs Dools, where would this forum be without your wise words of wisdom and continued valuable insights? I for one would still be that black sheep lost in the wilderness that is the world. You are so right as was Croix to point out that words in text can be misread or misunderstood - as I feared mine were in my other thread. I will need to carefully chose my words from now on as I certainly have no intention of causing harm, distress or hurt to anyone on such a caring and compassionate forum. I worry a lot, too much my wife would say - I carry the world of worries on my shoulders - probably not healthy for me, but that is who I am. I care for everyone, animals included. Speaking of which Kilverm was the liquid I was talking about for your chooks...again, I don't know the symptoms yet but if you'd like to let me know (to take another weight of worry off my shoulders) I am hoping to help in some way. My recovery, like everyone's I guess, both physical and mentally has been having its up and downs of late. I'm partly to blame, for instance stopping to help,a dear old lady change her flat tyre on the way home from seeing my physio. I think I just about covered all the don't do these movements or actions - as strictly directed by my surgeon and physio - during this deed, but this is who I am. Tyre changed, she was grateful for my help - I am now suffering a bit physically - but I couldn't have just driven by, not in my nature. On another PTSD note, I am going to have my wife sit down with the kids at an appropriate time and have her explain that dad's unwell. To avoid confusion to the relation of unwell not meaning my hip do you or any other readers have any suggestions as how best to phrase/describe this side of unwellness to a 7 and 4 year old? Tipping my 2 year old will just suggest a bandaid, so best probably not have the same talk with her..maybe the same with my 4 year old son - although he is quite switched on and has the vocabulary of a 6 year old, just like his older sister has been assessed as having the vocabulary of a 9 year old. Just not sure what to say that they will,understand - dads brain is sick? No good, they'll worry... Any help in how my wife should phrase it without all the grim details would be warmly welcomed. I hope this post finds you well Mrs Dools and has also been helpful to other readers that my previous wording on posts have never intentionally meant to cause any harm. Much love to you and to all ❤️NB
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    28 November 2016 in reply to JustKat
    Well a'hoy there JK, welcome to my thread and might I add what a breath of fresh air it was to read your post. I would like to mention before I forget - that the health system (particularly mental health) will be a better place having you in it. Secondly, your boyfriend is a very lucky man to have you by his side. Thirdly, thank you for kind words and I understand now trauma is trauma, none can be compared between people - as we are all different as individuals and with that goes the whole spectrum of emotional coping mechanisms. If I can assist in your essay, as a case study so to speak, I am more than willing, just ask away - I will not find any of your questions invasive and I am now in a good space to talk/write openly and freely about all aspects of my condition. I also have another thread in the PTSD section worth reading into as well - it's regarding trigger management and may also be of use to your essay. I wish you all the best in your studies, my sister is a mental health nurse and she is married to a psychiatrist, so I have plenty of support from the home front, albeit ethically I cannot and am not being treated by her husband - we live interstate anyway... You sound like a caring, compassionate individual ready to make an impact in a medical field that I feel so strongly about. In my humble opinion it needs so much more funding and resources made available for not only research but for treatment, promoting education to the general public in awareness of the illness and its effects and with that then comes prevention along with a holistic understanding by those affected with the illness and those affected by seeing or living with loved ones or friends with the illness. Let me know how the study goes and like I said I am more than happy to provide you with my personal perspective on PTSD if it will be at all helpful in your further studies. Thanks again for sharing your caringand supportive words and your own story and I look forward to hearing from you again soon. ❤️NB
    1 person found this helpful
  22. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10934 posts
    28 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Dear Navy Blue,
    Thanks for replying, I was worried I’d made things harder for you. I’ll follow your invitation and stick my two pennies’ worth in again as my experiences do indeed seem to largely parallel yours, though a lot longer ago.

    I’m pretty sure you know all this intellectually anyway, but hearing it from others may help you ‘believe’.

    As far as seeing yourself as being the one doing a lot of taking in your marriage: I definitely did, my wife was a nurse, worked, looked after our child and looked after me, and she did indeed have to ‘walk on eggshells’ too.

    At the time I felt extremely guilty and a great burden on the family. That combined with my confused mental state meant that I considered all sorts of inadvisable actions.

    It was not an easy life for my wife. I ran her ragged and there’s no denying she was hard pressed. However I am now absolutely certain she loved and treasured me throughout and felt useful and competent and able to take the load on her shoulders.

    She repeatedly told me this both then and later on throughout our time together - I do confess I only sort of half believed her until very much later.

    Then the boot was on the other foot. I looked after her during her prolonged illness and I can truthfully say she was never a burden - actually this time it was she who was worrying about being one. I may have been hard pressed in my turn but we were facing something together as a unit and I found it was both a release and great help to me to look after her.

    I was going to stop here then I got to thinking about the ‘self-conscious monster’ thing – you do yourself a great injustice. I found mental anguish hurts worse than anything and being the victim of an injury of that magnitude (either physical or mental) means you simply have no choice but have it dominate your life and thoughts until healing occurs. It may be very different from your normal way of thinking but it's both natural and to be expected.

    My best wishes to you, your family and all,

    Croix


  23. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 November 2016 in reply to Croix

    Hi Everyone,

    My brain seems a bit tired today, so I will just write to you all together. My Dr. has me on a new medication to help with a physical ailment. One side effect is tiredness the other is nausea. ( I am loosing a little weight so that is a good thing!)

    Back to words, Navy Guy, depending on how some people are on a particular day, no matter what words you use, they can be offended by them due to their mental health issues. Well meaning words/actions/communication can easily be misconstrued.

    I sent my Mum a letter with beautiful parrots on the paper. Mum sent an abusive letter back stating how dare I send her paper with birds on it when the birds were eating the fruit off their fruit trees! To me Mum's comments were totally irrational, to Mum they were legitimate.

    Guess what I am trying to say, is we all just need to be ourselves on the forum. Yes, we can watch our P's and Q's, but someone may still be offended regardless.

    The main thing to me is that we can help and support each other. We can learn from each other, share what works or what we are struggling with, and to realise it does not matter how large or small an issue may seem, they are all issues.

    My mind has gone blank! Time for a coffee!

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  24. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 November 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Hi Navy Guy,

    Regarding the chooks. One hen had a very swollen crop that was full of "water". Contacting an on line vet and Dr. Google, I discovered that the crop can become clogged especially if the hen eats long grass. The remedy was to help the hen to vomit out the water, give her apple cider vinegar in her water and something else I have already forgotten the name of injected into her mouth.

    I think the chook had problems at the other end as well. Maybe she was egg bound. Needless to say, the poor darling progressively became worse. As I mentioned earlier, taking the chook to a vet is not an option as far as my husband is concerned.

    A bit more background on that, we were moving house once, unknown to me, my husband took my cat and had her put to sleep as he did not want her in the new house!

    He didn't like my canaries so gave them to his mate. He made such a fuss about them, it was easier to let them go.

    One time I was so ill, I asked my husband to take me to the Dr. He suggested I had a shower and a cup of tea. I phoned my sister. She took me to the hospital. I was so dehydrated, I was vomiting bile and was placed on a drip for 4 days.

    I believe my husband has some kind of Asperger's as well as his mental health issues of depression and goodness knows what else.

    Back to the chook, my husband wouldn't even go down to look at the chook or offer any suggestions. The poor dear was miserable one morning, so I called a friend who helped dispatch of the chook.

    The second one I didn't even realise she was so ill. I had noticed she wasn't eating as much as usual. When I picked her up she was all skin and bones and just hung there. I tried to encourage her to eat, but nothing seemed to work. So sadly she has been saved from suffering any further as well.

    I don't think I will be getting any more pets in a hurry!

    The last two chooks look healthy enough for now.

    Rest in peace dear chooky la las.

    From Mrs. Dools

  25. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    1 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Dear Mrs Dools, I am rather gobsmacked & disturbed at your above post,particularly regarding you cat & your requierment to be clearly hospitalised to go unforeseen by your husband.None of my business I know,but upsetting to me all the same.Not sure if I mentioned it to you in previous posts but yes cider vinegar & a solution called Kilverm has assisted us in many a chook ailment.I have written in some detail as I usually do with my entire 2500 characters in my other thread about what is going on with me/us as a family.Not all positive sadly.That said a close family friend to my wife arrived yesterday to stay for 5 days.It was unannounced to me,but I think my wife organised it more for her help and sanity-which I'm truly hoping might give my wife & I the time needed together to work through some things or say some things that obviously need to be said (without the constant interruption of "dad can you fix my music box, it's broken and I need it working right now",or "mum, I can't find my favourite t-shirt,I can't go on living without it,please can you find it..."I think you get what I mean.I guess the feelings of anger and resentment I am seeing/feeling from my wife toward me and sending me back further into my shell,the shell that took me six years to come out if before.I know communication is the key but I have run out of explanations regarding PTSD and its effects on me.I'm sure my wife is quite sick of hearing these PTSD excuses I kept harping on about.I need her to read up on the effects of PTSD and what it can do to people and how it can cause them to act.She has only heard brief quips about it from our counselling sessions-does anyone know a great website that explains PTSD to a carers point of view?Even if I can forward her a link (she loves reading),this would help me out of the hurt locker I found myself in once again.I have tried searching,some sites are ok,but I'm hoping there is one out there that sums it all up clearly and concisely so she can better understand exactly what I'm battling everyday.Any links to websites or suggested books-she loves borrowing from the library would be greatly appreciated.Off to rest,I have never felt this tired in my life,not even when I was doing 20 hour days work on deployment go figure???I hope this email finds you well and I look forward to hearing from you again soon. Oh,before I forget I have not heard from Sara Conor in a while,I do hope she is ok.If you know how to message her,please send my regards.❤️NB

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    1 December 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Hi Navy Guy,

    Sorry to read that life is not so rosy in your home right now. Hopefully the guest will be just the ticket for all of you. It can be surprising what a fresh face about the place can be like!

    Mental health issues are hard enough for the person suffering from it to understand, let alone bystanders. Both my husband and I have depression and other issues. I try to be supportive of his problems, but he is not always able to cope or comprehend when I am suffering.

    Maybe your wife is a little frustrated because she can't fix you.

    Each of us come to a point where we are just tired and exhausted and don't feel like we can cope any more. Maybe your wife is feeling drained by everything and just doesn't have the capacity to be her usual self right now.

    When both people in a partnership are struggling, there is no one there to help prop you up.

    Is there something special you can organise or do for your wife that will provide her with an element of happiness and thankfulness. I'm not sure what, hopefully you can think of something.

    Are there family members close by who could look after the children so you two can have a date?

    Is it possible to hire a cleaner even if it is once a month to do the heavier stuff around the house?

    I personally have trouble with finding info on Google. I have no idea why you get something like Volcanoes coming up on the screen when you are looking for cat breeds. It does my head in sometimes! Ha. Ha. I'm not able to suggest any site on PTSD at the moment.

    Does your library have a computer link up system? Somehow my husband can request books through the net and the library lets him know when the book is in. Your library might have a similar system.

    Regarding Sara, I will leave try to contact her and send on your message.

    This time of year can be very busy/horrid/hectic/crazy for lots of people. Hopefully Sara is not unwell, just busy.

    This is all a bit disjointed tonight. The old brain box is tired! Ha. Ha.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  27. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    2 December 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    HI Navy Guy,

    I checked out Google. There are a few good sites available to help parents talk tot heir children at PTSD. One was even linked to Veterans.

    I'm sure you will find some beneficial information there.

    Just a quick message for now.

    Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Just Sara
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    Just Sara avatar
    3398 posts
    3 December 2016 in reply to Navy Blue

    Hi again Navy Man;

    I'm still here, though not up to par I guess.

    I would like to explain something to you I only just realised. It's an honest account of why I haven't spent time posting to you.

    In my last reply above somewhere, I responded to the humour in your words. It was a relief and pleasure to write back with laughter as my backdrop. But when you next posted, you didn't acknowledge me due to being extremely upset and discouraged.

    This isn't a bad thing; for me though, the emotional investment I put into you and your plight, took a lot out of me personally. It's a learning curve to be honest. The tears and heartfelt support I gave came from a place so real, I didn't know how to deal with it.

    Please don't take this personally; my role as peer supporter comes with many challenges. Learning about boundaries is of course a major factor necessary for my own survival to continue being the best I can be. As an individual, helping others brings value and worth. Your first post touched me so deeply. I did what I could to be the person you needed to pull you thru.

    The humour I spoke of and the knowledge of it's value to PTSD sufferers, makes it difficult sometimes when my efforts just don't seem enough. I started a thread this week to encourage people to share funny events in their lives. The thread died; it disappointed me and unknowingly gave me a reality check re this site and its meaning to me. What I've been trying to promote, is about me needing laughter to treat my own PTSD.

    My life goes on; I don't post about my issues much anymore because my support to others has taken priority. I was originally like you, and this I feel drew me towards you. This weekend I'm taking time for me, to lick my wounds after some family problems of my own and to re-evaluate my role here.

    I'd like to add, I feel a little like your wife. I say this with all due respect. As peer supporters, we give our all to assist people to help themselves back to health. Sometimes, as with me, this can take its toll. Your wife wants to see she has 'achieved' as your carer, wife and mother of your kids. Wanting so badly to help you heal and watch you over and again fall down, is distressing and can break spirits.

    Carers need help too. There are support groups and resources available so she can have time off to remember who she is as an individual...so important!

    I hope my honesty is appreciated and understood...Sara xo

  29. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    3 December 2016 in reply to Just Sara
    Hi Sara, thank you for writing back & for your honesty.I am so sorry if I have in any way caused you any form of hurt or regression,it was never my intention-& I am feeling ill at the thought of causing you any further pain or distress.Humour is my wall or guard that I put up to hide my true emotions at times,something I guess I have become complacent in employing at times when maybe I shouldn't.I need you to realise just how amazing your help to me was & continued to be.I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for your first and continued posts to me.I fully understand & can appreciate how you & your role here as a carer to so many must take its toll,considering you to have your own fight and continued healing process.I feel terrible to hear that you feel you invested too much into me & that now as a result you need to take a step back and reevaluate your role.I feel like that selfish little child,no matter how much attention is thrown their way,or how much love is given-they always seem to need or want more,taking & not giving anything back.You are gifted with such inner strength and an incredible,almost instinctive,understanding and empathy towards other sufferers,this site would be lost without you.Your words of support, encouragement & your ability to get across the message that you are listening with your heart are unique qualities-something of which you should be very proud of.I get how the time you invest in others must take its toll.I need you to know,you helped me more than any of my feeble words can even begin to explain.Please take the much needed time out to recharge & get your self back again.If I don't hear from you again,I will understand,it will hurt,but I will understand all the same.Please take care,you will always remain in my thoughts & heart. My gratitude for your selfless personal time invested in assisting my individual case has no boundaries-I am just so sorry it has sapped your strength & energy reducing you to how you are feeling now.This is not a guilt fuelled post designed to make you feel worse,rather an attempt (probably a poor one) to make you feel validated & appreciated for everything that you are as a person and do as a carer.I hope everything regarding your personal situation works out for the best & that you can find that flicker of a flame which burns happiness deep in your heart.I know that with your proven strength & willingness to fight you will reignite that flame to an inferno once more.Please take care ❤️NB
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Navy Blue
    Navy Blue avatar
    63 posts
    3 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Hi Mrs. Dools, thank you for your consistent replies and help. My wife and I managed to find a plethora of useful information on PTSD online and even discovered that my treatment can covered by DVA - something I guess that I had never considered or had never thought would be possible. So a real positive win there. We have also spoken at length about trying to explain my condition to our children and thought it might be too confusing for them considering their ages. We will focus on reinforcing our unconditional love to them and at moments of my triggers,outbursts or general sadness we have promised to make sure a simple explanation is made and hugs and love is shown toward them immediately,giving reassurance it has nothing to do with them.On a much sadder note,I feel I have somehow hurt Sara.Without trying to put guilts on,I feel so low at the moment about myself,just at the thought of doing so to such a loving and caring individual.I still don't quite understand from her post where I went wrong,but if I could take back whatever I did or failed to do,I would do so in a heartbeat.I am not sure how close you two are but I beg of you to sincerely apologise to her from me and let her know if there is anything I can do to repair or undo the hurt - I am more than ready and willing to do so.I need to reassure her that my healing continues to progress and that has so much to so with her. I did slip backward shortly after we shared some much needed humour together,but this is not her fault nor do I want her to feel responsible or that she has failed me in anyway. I hope she can find her inner peace again, as I have only words of gratitude toward her and the time and emotional input she & all carers on this website sacrifice. A thankless job I can imagine at times & one that does not always travel the happy highway. Then there is the individual carer themselves,giving, giving & giving more.I can only guess the emotional impact of this along with putting aside their self needs for healing & assistance comes at a huge internal cost.Please ensure she gets the required carers support that BB or other similar organisations can provide her with & that she does take enough time out to focus on herself-not on selfish,needy individuals like me.I might take a break from posting too, as I feel I am not helping others just causing more hurt than good.I will touch base maybe again after seeing my psychiatrist in Feb next year. Good luck with the chooks & the garden! Much ❤️NBxx
    1 person found this helpful

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