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Topic: Battling the booze

  1. Sally66
    Sally66 avatar
    6 posts
    21 April 2017
    Reading all of your posts i realize i am not mad...as my ex.BF said...i had a couple of drunken moments and used to text him...just wanted him to talk and understand me..obviously he didn't want to...i think I will feel better when i put this relationship in the past. Alcohol....makes things worse...
  2. geoff
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    22 April 2017 in reply to Sally66
    hello Sally, we all have had times when we want our partners/spouse to listen to what we want to say, but so often they don't want to listen simply because they blame the alcohol, well maybe so, but you are drinking to try and make your situation feel better and that happens so many times because at the moment you seem to be in pain.
    If your ex b/friend has no time for you then it's best to forget about him, because you don't want to be emotionally abused by him, this only creates more problems for you, but I feel as though you want to talk with us.
    Alcohol does make situations worse, but we are not here to judge you only want to help you. Geoff.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Moonstruck
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    3877 posts
    22 April 2017 in reply to geoff

    I just need to vent and get this out- if you can bear with me - sorry.

    I've had a turbulent past 3 weeks, making hard decisions, developing bad back and leg pain, physios, loneliness, missing people, work that I have started to loathe (giving up this year I hope, if I can survive financially) concern about sons, sick sister -not wanting to get out of bed - and in the past, I would get through all this by having a DRINK!

    It seems so easy.....just open a bottle of wine...no-one would know. Sit in a quiet bar so I can think and calm down and order a simple BEER! People do it all the time, nothing new about that! No one would look strangely at me, or criticise, they would smile and I would feel BETTER! I KNOW I would. It is so tempting and I haven't given in to it for 4 YEARS!! It is getting the better of me, the desire is getting strong just now.....even though I am an intelligent person, and know quite well the medical condition I recently got checked at Brisbane Hospital Specialists, which I do twice a year....Plus the surgical procedure I underwent last week.....stemmed from the damage done to my body by ALCOHOL!

    I know all this! But I also know that a drink would make me FEEL BETTER NOW! .....What will I do? Should I ring the AA hotline and speak to someone? Is there someone I can talk to?

  4. Kazzl
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    22 April 2017 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hoya Moon - sorry to hear you're struggling again hun. Insidious thing isn't it. I think your idea of calling the AA helpline is a good one. I've never called them so can't say what it's like, but I know the helpline's staffed by volunteers who have all come through alcoholism, so it's peer support (the best kind in my opinion).

    The number is 1300 222 222 and I understand it's a 24 hour service. If you do call them I'd be interested to hear how it goes.

    Y'know, sometimes when we're craving, we end up fixated on the fact that we're craving. It's not so much that we want a drink, we just want the craving to stop bothering us. If we decide to have a drink because we want to feel better, it often doesn't make us feel better, because the craving is still there - in a way having a drink just feeds the craving rather than satisfies it. And the desire for one turns into a need for many. Does that make sense?

    So maybe it's not the alcohol itself that's the problem but the desire for it. How do you make the craving go away? There a few things you can try that we've mentioned here before. There's urge surfing (Google) where you deliberately don't try to ignore the craving, you just sit with it, examine it, and eventually let it pass.

    Or there's the 10 minute rule where you tell yourself you can have a drink in 10 minutes time and during that 10 minutes busy yourself with something else. If the craving is still there in 10 minutes, do it again. Eventually it will pass.

    Another one is to eat - anything you want - until you're really full, even over full. We're less like to want alcohol if we feel physically uncomfortable from eating lots.

    Hope that helps lovely - you can get through this. You have before, and you can now.

    Much love to you

    Kaz

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Sally66
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    6 posts
    22 April 2017 in reply to geoff
    Thankyou Geoff...i loose my top if i drnk too much. I think i bottle up my emotions and then expode with the alcohol. I hate when this happens..it's not me..i hate this behavior..
  6. Kazzl
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    22 April 2017 in reply to Sally66

    Hi Sally and welcome!

    I understand what you mean - I used to suppress anger and frustration, just to get through the day, then come night time I'd drink and turn into the bitch from hell. Everything that was upsetting me became magnified and the more I drank the angrier I became.

    That was bad enough in itself but I also used to black out. I'd still be conscious, and screaming abuse, but I would have no memory of it the next day. I would wake up not knowing what I'd said or done or who I had offended (usually my then husband).

    I never want to go back to that. I can assure you you don't need it in your life hun.

    Quitting booze is a very individual decision, and a very very hard decision. Some people manage to get control of their drinking and continue to drink moderately so it's not affecting their lives. Others like me can't. For me it's all or nothing.

    No matter what you want to do Sally, even if it's just to talk things through, we're here to support you, and we never judge. I hope you stay with us.

    Cheers

    Kaz

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Sally66
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    6 posts
    23 April 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Thank you for the replys..it really does help knowing are there people out there who care. Managed to go to work today even though i feel horrible inside. Had a cry at work in private...i have fought with depression for years but have managed to get on with it..bust the last few years the anxiety kicked in...such an unsettling feeling..physically and mentally..not going to give in...have to make some positive changes..

  8. geoff
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    23 April 2017 in reply to Sally66
    hello Sally and Moon I will also reply to your comment, but when you first want to stop your drinking, you have full intentions that you will, but then there comes two problems and these are so powerful to try and forget about, one is the starting time when you usually start, maybe instead of drinking at 1 pm you sneak in a quick one at 12.30 just to get you through until 1, nobody will notice will they, and the other problem is as soon as something goes wrong, you say 'b*****r it' I need a drink straight away, then how much strength do these have, more than taking a shower, changing your clothes, getting a hair cut or even eating, none of these matter as long as I can have a drink.
    Hide the time, have a boxing bag in the garage, fill the frig with bottles of fizzy soft drinks, scull a couple of glasses of tonic water, or maybe an orange drink and make sure your belly feels as though it's full, and once you look at the time of day it's 2 hours pasted your drinking time so you can then get through the night.


    and Moon, this is a never ending feeling that maybe with you for a long time, and although I can drink socially if I am asked if I want to have a drink at 11 am I say NO, because if I do then the next few hours would have been lost.
    If you feel as though you are at breaking point and need a drink, contact your sponsor from AA, someone who has been assigned to help you through these times, remember these sponsors have been through exactly what you are now struggling with, not once, not twice but many times over their time in giving up, they know exactly how you are feeling and even some will come around to visit you, that's what happens in the country.
    The thought that a drink will cure how you feel is something we have learnt, but we haven't learnt that after a dozen drinks the problem is still there.
    Good for both of you to come and tell us. Geoff.
    2 people found this helpful
  9. ringoringo83
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    5 posts
    23 April 2017 in reply to Sally66

    Hey guys,

    been going well! I have had a few beers here and there but have definitely cut down a hell of a lot and haven't gotten drunk. I feel amazing and clear headed. I'm still dealing with the other side of things but it's getting there. I'm aware of the beast inside me, wanting to get messed up and as drunk as possible but I'm taming it for now.

    Sally - hope you're doing ok, I think we have are on the same page in some ways. It's a tough journey, I have pressure at home to stop drinking all together but I am also being realistic at this time. Hope everyone is doing ok and thanks so much for the words Geoff, really means a lot to me. I keep thinking about what you said whenever I have a beer and it helps me a lot. Kazzl, you have also been amazing. It's funny how a few people I don't know at all can effect my life so much.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Kazzl
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    23 April 2017 in reply to ringoringo83

    Hiya ringoringo - I am thrilled to read your post! You are going really well. Feels good doesn't it. And if you feel better about yourself, others will feel better about you too. Keep going mate. And thanks so much for dropping in to keep us updated. That means a lot. See you again soon I hope.

    Hi Sally - hope you're OK. I can see a determination there to make some changes. Here to help you hun. Feel free to ask any questions or vent or whatever you want.

    Cheers

    Kaz

    1 person found this helpful
  11. geoff
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    26 May 2017 in reply to ringoringo83
    hello to all who have posted, I thought I would keep this post going since it's been almost a month since anyone has posted a comment. Geoff.
  12. dueb
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    127 posts
    26 May 2017 in reply to geoff

    hi geoff

    im still drinking and smoking but not as bad as before,i have got moor understanding of the relation ship with bad habits and mental illness,i spend now most of my spare time in the shed on the tools with a project in mind.

  13. geoff
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    27 May 2017 in reply to dueb
    hello Dueb, that's for replying, but can I ask you a question, and only answer if you want to, but spending time in your shed could lead to temptation, especially if you're had a tough day, that's what always happened to me.Geoff.
  14. dueb
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    127 posts
    29 May 2017 in reply to geoff
    yes!but only if i give up in building what i think is true.
  15. monkey_magic
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    8 July 2017 in reply to dueb
    Time to get real, not be in my dream world. I've abused prescription medication. I've abused alcohol.
  16. monkey_magic
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    9 July 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    But ima going to be OK.... I just wanted it off my chest

  17. dueb
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    127 posts
    10 July 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    at the moment im up and down,one day drink and smoke less another drink and smoke moor,i think i have to master how too keep the less and slowly reduce the daily intake from there.any suggestions?and i wish you are all keeping good.

    regards tony

  18. geoff
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    11 July 2017 in reply to dueb
    hello Tony and Guest, been a little while since this post has been active, but please it has come back.
    We can have a drink, then have too much, but probably enjoying yourself until the next morning then guilt sets in and possibly a hangover, so you tell yourself you won't do the same today, but as the time approaches when you usually start drinking can you stop this temptation, and if not then you're an alcoholic, the same principle applies when you abuse prescription medication as well smoking, all of these are highly addictive and have the drawing power over you to continue on with them.
    The strength to stop any of these will require a mind committed to help yourself, remove yourself from people who will tempt you to 'just have one more drink, ask you if you a cigarette to spare or go doctor hunting for prescription medication'.
    You can socialise with these people once you are determined to quit, where an answer 'no thanks' will suffice, and it's never easy to quit by yourself, you need encouragement by being in a group.
    One day is a plus for you, because you have to break your routine, the one which you're been doing for years. Geoff.
  19. Moonstruck
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    3877 posts
    12 July 2017 in reply to geoff

    Just checking in Geoff. I'm still on the "alcohol removed" boring old chardonnay and champagne.....been thru the hardest, most awful, grief and loss situation in past two months (and another just happened now sending me spiralling into sadness).......I still didn't have a drink. How can this be? How did this happen over the past 4 years? I am still who I am, still hurt as much, it's still as easy to get (actually have some in the cupboard, obvious well past its use by date now...ugh)......I cannot fathom how I have managed to do this?

    Perhaps a call from specialist in Brisbane saying according to latest tests I am "stable and quite well" (at least in the grog damaged department, lets not talk about my head) and the only thing that could set me back, make me ill again....is if I go back to alcohol? But it's the only thing that "makes me feel better" in a situation where I am now. I said "if I have a glass of wine, I am not going to drop down dead right there am I?"

    No I am not....so why can't I have a couple? is it because the next night I will think "Oh well it didn't kill me last night, I can have a couple again tonight?" Is that what would happen do you think? Until I am back to having wine every night of the week?? Would my body start craving it again?...just having a vent here Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  20. geoff
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    14 July 2017 in reply to Moonstruck
    hi Moonstruck, to understand what alcohol can do to a person is very powerful, it's an addiction, something that we rely on to 'make us feel better', so one drink leads onto another and then another until you're intoxicated, it has a drawing power to want more, whereas some people can stop after one drink, others can't, they become hypnotised to believe that just one more drink will make them feel better, until the next morning when their head is stuck down the toilet, their head throbs and know that just one drink will be the hair of the dog, and when this happens you're an alcoholic.
    You were really strong not to have a drink, especially after what has happened, which I'm really sorry about, but if you did decide to go back to it then it would only take you back to square one, which means that your health will deteroite much quicker, and probably be worse off.
    If you have a drink then next day/night feel as though one drink didn't hurt me so I'll have two today, then day after three or four until it's back to where you were worse off.
    I only drink socially and I don't saying that I'm good at doing this, but I don't need to drink like I used to do, my depression has gone, and like you I have medical problems if I drink all day, most likely have a seizure and grand mal fits are not what anybody would want to go through, so I now know when it's time to stop and stay awake.
    We know the temptation is so easy to fall back into, but you have shown your strength Moonstruck, so please hang in there. My best Geoff.
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Phoenix09
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    8 posts
    24 August 2017 in reply to geoff

    Moonstruck thank you for directing me to this page.

    This is my 4th day at home drinking, feeling hung over and drinking more to not feel hung over. Not eating then vomiting up alcohol.

    Its like I want to continue punishing myself. I have thoughts that it's easier if I'm not around so my partner and children don't need to put up with someone like me.

  22. geoff
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    24 August 2017 in reply to Phoenix09
    hi Phoenix, I have replied to your own thread, but if you could read some of these success stories maybe of some help, and I will keep on eye out for both threads. Geoff.
  23. JayT
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    2 posts
    17 September 2017
    Hello Kazzl, I have just joined the forum and read your helpful posts. I am trying to beat the booz - it is hard as I have drunk all my life (I am 63). I realise I have to stop and know that I use it as a crutch which started when I was young and needed to combat shyness. Since then, I have used it to relief stress, sadness and even boredom. I had a real setback last night and feel embarrassed and ashamed. Just have to put it behind me and try again. I would love to drink in moderation but think it is not possible. I need to quit. I would welcome any tips. Thanks JayT
  24. white knight
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    18 September 2017 in reply to JayT

    Hi JayT, welcome

    Im afraid Kaz hasnt posted here in a while but Ill try to get someone appropriate to reply.

    In the meantime I wouldnt be beating yourself up about it, being ashamed is enough self hurt. I presume you feel its a set back but one step back is ok if you take two steps forward

    Cheers

    Tony WK

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  25. geoff
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    18 September 2017 in reply to JayT
    hello JayT, I'm pleased you have found this thread, it's been going for a long time and always will.
    Alcohol is legal we all now that, but what it can do is become an addiction, need to rely on it in difficult situations, use it as an escape mechanism and when we are in a stressful situation help us to get through something we didn't particularly want to do.
    I'm sorry that you had to face this set back whether it came to you or whether it was dropped on your lap doesn't really matter, because the same result could happen, and to put it behind you is not as simple as just saying it, I hope you can, but is a similar situation going to happen again, or are there going to be any repercussions from it now or in the future, that's a decision you will need to make, again I hope it does and if so then you have the strength needed to stop drinking.
    If you can have one or two drinks and then stop, then you that's drinking in moderation, however if one drinks spurs you on to keep drinking then you won't be able to drink in moderation not unless you have a medical problem, knowing that too much won't be good for your body.
    If you go to your doctor they can prescribe a particular medication which will stop any urge to drink, in other words you won't feel like drinking, and even if you do have a drink you won't get any buzz, but this will only work if you really want to stop, if not then it's a waste of time and money.
    The time when you wanted to start drinking and it's usually a set time, then have a big glass of fizzy drink and something to eat, this will help you get over any desire, but don't forget you're taking this medication.
    Please come back to me, there must be a million questions you want to ask. Geoff.
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  26. Moonstruck
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    3877 posts
    18 September 2017 in reply to geoff

    "need to rely on it in difficult situations, use it as an escape mechanism and when we are in a stressful situation help us to get through something we didn't particularly want to do."

    Geoff my old friend, it's been a while and what has happened to Kazz...I hope she is OK? I had to reply to your quote above....sounds good to me. (LOL)

    .."escape mechanism, when in stressful situation, help us get thru something"....yep, good old grog will do that for me..no wonder I relied on it so much. Forgive my light heartedness....but yes the damn thing can be such a deceptive "friend and lover"can't it. It helped me with all the above, and then ended up nearly Killing me...the bastard! I nearly posted the other day actually...I felt so down, confused and agitated, plus a dose of bad cough, sore throat etc....and I thought Oh Please...just a glass of wine? Is that too much to ask??

    No, I didn't...of course. But it's like an old love song...occasionally it keeps coming on the radio and I think "remember when? those were the days"......Oh well, I may still get agitated and down...but hey...I'm ALIVE!

  27. white knight
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    18 September 2017 in reply to JayT

    hi moonstruck

    also like cigareetes, been 32 years for me and occasionally??

    Good to see you fight on ms...

    Tony WK

  28. geoff
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    19 September 2017 in reply to Moonstruck
    hi Moonstruck, Kaz has left the site due to her other workload commitments, so we hope this thread does stay open. Geoff.
  29. JayT
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    19 September 2017 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff, Thanks so much for your reply. It is always great to know that others are around who understand your story and have been in similar situations. I am starting new routines at times when I would normally have a drink and am really determined to kick the habit; I know that I am an all or nothing person so I do not think drinking in moderation is going to be an option. You start off with the best of intentions and then creep back to where you were. It is very hard in the circles I move in - we live in a wine growing area and there is nothing more pleasurable than spending a sunny afternoon having a few wines with friends. When you decide to stop, you realise how much our society revolves around drinking. Anyway, I am feeling positive and so let's hope I can do it - thanks for advice about getting medication. All the best to you and thanks again, JayT

  30. geoff
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    20 September 2017 in reply to JayT
    hi JayT, thanks so much for getting back to me, I really appreciate it, but more so that you are determined you want to stop, perhaps I can tell you a true story that has happened to many people I knew.
    When I was part-owner and then manager of another hotel there were the old regulars who needed to drink everyday, so they were lined up outside the hotel waiting for me to open the doors, and they had been drinking all their life, whether they were young or old, but came in and sat in their usual bar stool with their hands shaking and could hardly hold the pot they had just bought, so I ask them if they wanted a straw, that was out of the question, and after 2 pots their hands stopped shaking.
    Nowadays I see them walking about the streets, so I ask them where do they drink these days, most of them say they don't drink anymore, simply because their doctor said 'well it's a life or death situation for you' so they've given up, lost weight and look so much better.
    It was a big decision for them but they did it.
    Where you live and how the temptation is so desiring to have one drink, but then leads onto 2 more and so on, so abstention maybe your only choice.
    During my depression where I self medicated with alcohol I managed to abstain several times, and just told people it's my 'doctors orders, your health won't tolerate anymore', but now I only socially drink, that's all I want to do, because of my health, plus if I have too much I certainly never want to have another seizure, and I have the worse type, 'grand mal'.
    Can I say that don't worry if you stop but then break and start drinking again, I call this just having a hiccup, you will stop again.
    Please keep me informed, I'm really interested in how you go. Geoff.

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