Hello Carol D, and a warm welcome to you.
Firstly please don't feel disgusted in yourself because there are many reasons why people drink alcohol and to suffer from depression at such an early age is the possibility why you have, but you're not the only person who feels this way.
Actually, Kazzl has not been on the forums for quite a while now, she took up another job I'm sorry to say, and this thread hasn't been active for over a year now but pleased you have reactivated it.
Whatever type of anxiety you have such as social and/or generalized anxiety, then it's possible to turn to alcohol as a way of self-medicating to cope with your stress and become dependent on alcohol, but once you stop then there are changes that occur after drinking which can explain why alcohol causes your anxiety.
The trouble is you believe that drinking helps you with your anxiety and that's where the problem begins, so hangovers can trigger anxiety attacks.
Feelings of paranoia that something bad must have happened because of how bad you feel, plus your body has to recover so you're in a withdrawal stage, headaches, mouth dry, think as though you've said something to embarrass yourself or verbally hurt another person, dehydration, poor judgement, moody and the list goes on.
You might be unable to differentiate the anxiety caused by your drinking from the anxiety you had in the first place.
If you suffer from anxiety it maybe possible for you to learn how to cope with stress without alcohol being present, I know that's not easy but may need to be done under a controlled situation, if this is possible.
What maybe best is to write down the stress, your anxiety and other problems on a piece of paper so you can then take this to a doctor/psychologist and found out the trigger points that are the cause for your drinking.
I feel sorry for you because you are not alone, not only in drinking but also finding solutions to your anxiety because they change every day.
Hope to hear back from you.