And l'm really sorry that things haven't worked out.
But for her to say it's her or your own child , l just mean what , yaknow , or to turn on your actual wedding day, after a 12mth charade, or to put you and your child through the stuff she has when it's your time together , how in the hell is your child suppose to cope with that she shouldn't even be around it, let alone cope with it, and then all the other stuff, the everyday.
l'm really glad you are sadly giving up on it .tbh . you know , ok , she has problems , but is it right that you and your child spend your life dealing with it living with it ??? Me , l don't think so.
l went through divorce , and then met ex gf. We were together 2 yrs. Both the highest times of my life but also mind bending destructive head spinning times too. l could never know for sure if she was bpd , certainly partly , but she would never see anyone, she'd eat broken glass first believe me.
l remember saying your words to her a few months in , baby you don't see you , you don't see what you do and say, and later too . Amazing reading your stuff , twisting , eggshells, misinterpretations,the simplest things. we were long distance, only together 1/3 of the time, so mountains of messaging and the knots she'd get us into, 1 letter could start a war, one word or a sentence, hooly dooly the things she could turn a sentence into..
Via phone from day one she was fantastic , same in person ,so smart, so witty , so fun, bold , but we were only ever together 2 weeks a time but it was a bit scary wondering if this messaging thing would come out in person later, like yours. but it was a hard sitch to , frustrationing and some real bad let downs, visits falling through, stuff . l just couldn't know.
l did a lot of reading, spoke to people, one guy had beat his head against the wall 15yrs with his wife, but had to leave. saw somewhere it was common for the partner of a bpd person , to end up on the couch., and l believe.
Sadly we split in the end , not only that side of it but many obstacles, distance and all and l've since met someone else , none of that stuff , yet we're amazingly similar in many other good ways to me and ex gf. But the difference is also just mind boggling.
Best of luck with everything, you can only do what you think is right for you and your daughter.