Hey. I'm glad, no matter how slowly, that you are coming out of the fog. What's that saying? "If you can't fly then run, can't run then walk, can't walk then crawl. Just keep moving forward." Quotes may not have been appropriate in a guess but...easier to discern.
I've been in this fog for more than a month now. I have these moments where I feel, yes, I am coming out. Dare I say it, I feel good at those times. Then...bang. Fallen. And I've fallen a lot both physically and emotionally and the emotional fall is much harder to stand up from. It feels like trying to jump with a very short tether to the ground.
No, I agree, analyzing how we got here, how this occurred helps me to recognize where in the future I could potentially get back to this place. I'm essentially replaying last year, this year, and I put things in place, a counsellor etc. Once I sort out insurance, I will get psychologist, because from my experience, they are more helpful than psyciatrists. Resolving the past though...I'm not sure how, apart from accepting that these things happened to me. In relation to my parents, I have changed the way I interact with them, and they seem to hate it. So while I have changed and asked them to change, there's no respect for me to do so. They love me but they do not respect me, and I would much rather have their respect. They are not my go to for being loved. I agree also, that I should validate my depression, and in doing so validate myself. This happens about 40% of the time, which is a lott bigger than just 1.5 years ago.
Haha, I have thought that myself, about wanting to be a robot essentially. Just logic, no emotion. And you realise you are a slave to emotion and logic is a choice.
All thee coping mechanisms and plans that I have, they have all been suggestions because I never had the right coping tools. Mine were harmful to myself. And any given time of depression, I always question if I have to find the right permutation of techniques to feel better or, if my depression just let me feel better. Like, we're walking around, and under all the bad emotions, we actually feel good, and arbitrarily, that cloud comes down and lifts. Because, I can't figure out something that always works. The reasons why have been there but, when you run out of those and still feel it...I just don't know.