Pudding is great...might get me some more.
Distance is definitely the safest for me, but it won't happen for a year max (I hope). So, I'm trying to stay sane and safe in the mean time...though it seems to get harder every day.
I know I'm hard on myself...I don't know how to stop, I don't know if I want to because it's the thing that pushes me to keep trying for things that I want, and on good days, I can achieve a lot. But, with the forgiveness...I don't know how to forgive self abuse in all the forms they took, because each time it was a choice (though it felt like I didn't have any). I let it get out of control. The counter argument is that my brain didn't develop proper coping mechanisms, culminating in that behaviours, or the depression did it, which means I don't have control. Which one is worse? You know?
I'm sorry you went through that as well, but I'm glad your siblings don't thinkin that way. And the fact that you have accomplished things in spite of the discrimination, it's a testament to your character nd perseverance. Things that can help to remember when you feel depressed. I'm sorry that your sister feels stuck though. You're a good sis to encourage her.
My brother comes to my aid sometimes, but he doesn't treat me as his equal, which is why I couldn't handle it. Actually, after formally leaving Aus last year,I visited in Jan, that's when the slippery slope of depression started up again this year, because I thought I was doing okay before this point. The day we landed (because we went back to the homeland for Christmas and I went back to Aus with the bro), he sighed this huge sigh of relief saying he as so glad he didn't have to deal with the parents anymore, and that set it off. Just the thought of it for another year brought me so down. Then I realised that except for the three friends that I ended up with after filtering it down through the years, everyone else there who knew the both us; family and family friends, they all knew me in relation to him. Like I wasn't even my own person. Even at my cousin's wedding, she met her husband at a party that we both held. And in that ceremony he was the only one mentioned, his party at his house when they met. That hurt. They met again at his dad's party, and then at his mum's party. Etc. I felt like I didn't exist. And now that I'm here and don't know anyone, I'm practically confirming it everyday.
My counsellor is sick and couldn't chat, and I needed it. Always the bad timing.