Blue, sorry your LM had a bad night. Depression would easily set in during those times, plus the worry, while you are away at work, not to mention the obvious, lack of sleep.

Life can be so hard. You really don’t t know what is going on in people’s lives, when you superficially pass them each day.

Yes Blue, bitten by the old Theology bug. Living what you preach seems more outdated than the theology, unfortunately. Change is slower in some areas, especially when they are right. I guess that kind of attitude doesn’t need to change. Anyway, it’s done now, or at least, I am.

I had a specialist appointment yesterday, much better than the last. A change in meds, physio, then possibly surgery, but nor for some time. Sometimes, just getting things moving is helpful, being heard. Pain being taken seriously is helpful.

Oh, still in the frosty mornings and window clearing.❄️❄️ We are past the halfway mark now. Signs of spring should be popping up everywhere. That’s helpful and hopeful. 🌸🌹🌺

Leaving a nice warm hotty Blue. A warm coffee, and the warmest wishes. Take care.

Dear Blue and Wilma~

All I can do is sympathize. Blue I hope your LM is better and you got some rest. It is incredibly worrying when the one you love has physical downturns when already fragile. I'm sure however you give him better than he could possibly hope for in every way.

Plus having puffballs bouncing around would cheer anyone.

I hope you can work something out with your house problems. Can you Telehealth for a different script?

Wilma, I am trusty sorry your church has no heart. If it is any consolation people have come right here to this form having been ostracized for having a kidney transplant, for being gay, for -well unfortunately the list goes on.

Nobody could read your posts and know you do not have a good heart and deserve better. Although I left religion in my teens I don't know if I was right - I have no path to wisdom. If you beleive in a god, then that is between you and god, not though a pack of bigots standing in the way.

I'm please to hear the specialist visit was a little more hopeful.

I'm leaving you each a cup (lukewarm) of Caterer's Blend™, ☕️☕️, it will help lend you perspective :)

Croix

Dear Blue and Wilma~

I hope you are both OK,

You have been silent since my offer of a cup of java, probably too horrified to speak. OK, OK how about Hacienda La Esmeralda served with while linen in antique Spode at 185° (unless you take cream of course)?

Croix

Croix, lol. At the moment, any coffee is fine. ☕️☕️☕️

Going through a dry spell. Lights are out etc. very much appreciate your understanding in your previous post, just processing the situation, which my brain is struggling to process. Nothing is adding up. The fog will eventually clear. People saying one thing, then doing the opposite creates chaos. Anyway, I’ve never understood the human race. Stick with animals is my motto.

Leaving a coffee for you Croix☕️☕️☕️ And one for Blue. ☕️☕️☕️

Thanks, Wilma. It wasn't even one of his worse turns, but everything just hit me and lack of sleep made it rather worse.

That's true. Best not to make assumptions, really.

I understand. From the days when Mum used to drag me to church I definitely sensed a lot of people wanted to look pious from the outside and were really just self-righteous pricks. Pity for the handful that were genuine, really. You deserve better treatment than you got, I don't think I could put it better than Croix did - I emphatically agree.

Really glad to hear you've made some headway with a specialist. You're right, it is important to have your pain taken seriously, and to be heard. Doctors are often surprisingly poor at that. Hoping for improvement for your situation.

Yep, still good and frosty. There are more wattles flowering, though, and some almond trees are starting to join in. Bring on Spring.

Hotty is always welcome. Leaving a cup of tea this time Wilma, as much as I wanted to make coffee, it's not the best idea right before bed. Kind thoughts to you and your loyal companion.

Hey there Croix,

Yes, he is doing better, and I got some rest the following day. It is worrying when these things happen. Even though I know it wasn't a serious turn - this one was a fairly normal occurrence with him - no decent person wants to see their partner suffer. I do the best I can for him. According to how he responds to me, I'm doing something right.

Puffballs definitely provide good cheer. Sir Pecks is on the back of my chair now, having an enthusiastic sing (*tweet tweet tweet, SKRAARK!*).

Some progress with the house problems, my partner's dad has got the taps and the back door working properly again. Heaps more to do, but having some basic things functioning again makes a difference to our mental space and ability to tackle other stuff.

Telehealth is probably an option. Admittedly if there's one job I loathe and procrastinate with more than any other, it's making phone calls. Hate 'em. I'll get to it eventually.

Sorry to have worried you, just haven't had the focus to manage having someone over fixing things around work and all the extra clutter in the place as we get my partner's things moved in has really given me sensory overload. It's been hard to sit quiet and do stuff like answer messages with my tranquil space filling up with stuff.

I won't lie, that Caterer's Blend sounds pretty gnarly. I'll happily take you up on the Hacienda La Esmeralda, though. ;)

Blue.

Blue, fitting your partners stuff into your place will take time, it’s another one of life’s stresses, that you just don’t need,

I don’t know if you are on a long work stretch, but if you are, I hope it’s going ok enough.

I had a giggle at you pious pricks Blue, I call them spiritual snobs. But they are welcome to their pretend world, mine is too real for them . I just hope I stand beside one or two in heaven, that I really will enjoy. And it would really get up their nose.

Anyway, now I know. Time to move on.

I have a physio appointment this afternoon. I was expecting to wait months, so I’m very surprised. Things are moving.

Its very early. We have a thick white frost outside at the moment. A cold start, but sunny days follow.

I think I saw a high heading your way on the weather map. I hope so. One more month, and it’s spring. I hope the wattle and almond blossom are looking hopeful.

Leaving a coffee Blue ☕️☕️ Heading to the kettle for my second.

Yeah, I'm not enjoying that part of it. Had planned to tackle some of the clutter over the last few days but no, sprained my damn thumb and have barely been able to dress myself let alone do that. Now the long stretch is about to begin, I can expect another two weeks before I get another crack at it, and the mess will just sit there making me very damn unhappy.

Spiritual snobs also works. They do seem to live in a pretend world, don't they? In any case, only worth bringing people into your life that add value to it. Leave out the ones that don't, they're not worth your time.

Glad to hear about the physio, a pleasant surprise that things are moving somewhat more quickly this time.

Yes, frosty mornings, warmer days. Got to see some sun today and sit out in it. More wattles and almonds flowering every day, a few cherry trees now, too. Spring isn't too far away.

Thanks Wilma, coffee is always welcome. Sending an electric blanket your way, great little inventions, those.

Dear Blue, plus a wave to Wilma (incidentally I thought you swore off posting til the 30th, maybe I misunderstood, nice to see you anyway)~

Blue you were talking of the problem about gettng your LM's effects sorted due to your thumb and your unhappiness with you not being able to fix it all. That reminded me of something.

Due to my physical limitations my partner does more of the physical things around the house. For example the wood fire that Sumo Cat and I enjoy every evening is down to her, lugging in the logs. There are many things like that.

It is difficult not to feel guilt at times, even trying to present her with a welcome morning cuppa (yes you can probably guess which brand:) when she is still in bed can leave a trail of spilled coffee on the floor needing to be wiped.

I'm not pretending I'm helpless or have no strengths, plus there are some things I assist with she cannot do (mail merge is an example) nevertheless guilt can creep in, unjustified as usual.

The one thing that wipe it away is the smile that breaks out when she comes home and sees me or vice versa. That wipes away all thoughts except "she is glad to see me".

A wonderful cure for guilt.

Perhaps I'm being presumptuous or misunderstand the situation but I wonder if your LM, who can be ill and not 100% may feel somethng akin to me at times.

So I thought I'd mention the cure just in case. (I'd expect you know it already.)

Just as a passing thought - difficulty dressing may have an up-side on occasions.

Wilma: I wonder if you will be granted your wish and stand beside those empty cruel people in heaven, it may be their places are not as assured as you assume.

Croix

Hey there Croix,

It does sound like you have a similar dynamic in your household to that which is in mine. There are things each of us can do, and things one or the other can't. My unhappiness with my thumb (which I have now supplemented with back and knee pain, having tripped over a bloody power cord) is largely because I can't stand clutter and I want it put away. He doesn't like it either, but is a lot less able to fix it.

You're right that he does get to feeling guilty, and often needs reminding I don't see him as a burden. You're also right that coming home to him and feeling wanted and welcome does a lot to resolve whatever frustrations we may have.

I couldn't help but chuckle at your perspective on getting dressed. Quite true. :)

Blue.

Blue, i’m Sorry you have sprained your thumb. It’s amazing how much you realise the need for such a small part of our anatomy. It must make work extra hard.

Having to leave the sorting is annoying, but, like most things, it will happen eventually, once you are healed.

What led me back to church Blue, was reading a book that scared the 💩out of me. I’ll be careful from now on, on both accounts. It just sets you back a bit, or a lot. It’s done now, and I’m wiser.😬😬 I guess living through levels of hell here on this planet, releases most fears of the eternal stuff. Gotta find a positive somewhere.😈😈

I’ve had a day of trying to put up kitchen net curtains. Not as simple as it looks, specially with hands that don’t work like they used to. They look good, and give me some privacy.

I’m guessing you are in the middle of your long work stretch. I hope it’s going ok enough.

My girl is chewing on a pug ear as we speak. One of her favs. All is quiet.

Pat for birdies, hi for LM, and a piping hot coffee coming your way . ☕️☕️

Croix, I will be delighted to rub shoulders with the elect. No, it wasn’t me saying I wasn’t posting till after the 30th. I couldn’t keep quiet for that long. Take care of yourself. ☕️☕️

Thanks, Wilma. It's been a damn nuisance. I know thumbs are useful, but you're right that you get a whole new perspective on just how useful when you can't use one. It's just a bit stiff now, so not too bad at work. It very helpfully stopped me doing anything I wanted to on my days off, though. Typical.

It's the eventually that irks me. So much in my life is delayed because of money or logistics and various other factors - doing a bit of grunt work around home to make the environment more livable is the one thing I can generally do without needing help or having to wait much. This is doing my head in.

Oh dear, what kind of book gave you such a fright? (If you don't mind me asking.) Yes, a setback, and one from which you can learn. The problem with contemplating the eternal is it's all conjecture, there's no knowing what is true and what isn't until we get there. My thought is it's best to live well according to one's conscience and what will be will be.

Nice. I have lace curtains up in my house (everywhere except the kitchen, couldn't get the right length and I'm not much of a seamstress for resolving that). One of the first things I did when I moved in was replace all the curtains and blinds, makes quite a difference to the feel of a place. Sorry your hands are making it difficult to hang them, though.

Yes, into the long stretch now. It's been a very busy week-end and I'm exhausted. Boss keeps prematurely wandering off with my helpers. Not happy about that - all well and good the shopping is done, but who takes it out when I'm on break? Oh. Me, huh? Bugger the break, then. Any wonder my back is cactus by the time I finish every day.

Cheers for the coffee, very much in the mood for one after that shift. Puffballs send a song. Hot chocolate coming your way, and another pig's ear for your loyal companion.

Blue, I’m pleased your thumb is healing. Very annoying all the hindrance it causes.

I’m wondering if your long stretch is over, and you have some off time at home. Maybe a sprained thumb allows for some needed rest. Imposed rest. I hope you can still manage a few computer games.

The book was given to me for Christmas, and pretty much gave the eternal lost message. I don’t know why it affected me so fearfully, I think that has some past roots coming to the surface. I bought some pruning tools from Bunnings, so I’m doing a good job of tearing them out now. 👍👍👍

Bummer about your boss taking you helping hands, and expecting you to work through your break, it’s a tough employment Blue.

Pink blossom, it’s budding everywhere. 🌸🌸🌸 Also some bulbs coming through the ground now. I have some spinach and silver beets in, plus mulch. Ready for summer in the front.

Its going to be a quiet day here today. I did an inside clean yesterday. It feels good, as it was chaos this time yesterday.

The big bug is looking very scary in parts of our country. No end in sight. It’s a tough year.

I’m leaving a hot chocolate this morning Blue. Take care. 💙💙☕️☕️☕️

Thanks. Yeah, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with things getting in the way of making any progress with jobs at home.

Not quite done with the long stretch. Thumb is mostly okay at this point, I'm quite sick of imposed rest, it's too hard to relax knowing the few things I could have done in the time I had have been forbidden, that the mess continues piling up around me with no chance of doing a damn thing about it. It is wearing away the piffling bit of peace of mind I had. I hate my Goddamn job and everything it takes from me (after all, where else would I have hurt myself?).

A trigger, then. Something you have recognised for what it is, and started trying to weed out. Have you spoken with your counsellor about it?

Yeah, I'm sick of that happening, and I'm sick of everything else about work. I'd be glad never to lay eyes on the place again, at this point.

Bloosoms and bulbs and vegetables are good. I'm glad you're getting some enjoyment in nature, it's very important. Glad also you got some cleaning done. It really does help get your head right, and it's exactly the sort of thing I want to be doing for myself.

Yeah, Victoria is a mess, and the Victorians are constantly buggering off into other states with or without consent, making it worse for everyone. Not impressed.

Hot chocolate sounds good. Kind thoughts and a hot water bottle to you.

I hate what your job does to you Blue. I know there are no answers, bills need paying, and food on the table. It’s unfair.

I’m glad your thumb is feeling better, hopefully, it stays that way.

I understand the need to get things around home in some kind of working order, it’s important mentally as well as physically. And how it plays on your mind, when you can’t get it done. Have you had any time in nature at all ? I remember you used to go for nature walks to find a bit of peace. That might be impossible at the moment though, with work and an unwell partner. But might be worth a thought.

Yes, counsellor and I have been talking this through from the beginning. She never dampens any of my adventures, but always softens the fall. She doesn’t have any belief personally, but respects those held by others. I have been puzzled by that, as she is the most spiritual person I know. Her roots are respect and kindness. What more do we need !😈😈

I had a Drs appointment yesterday, and had a bit of time before it. I actually looked for a coffee plunger, but didn’t find one. At least I remembered this time. I’ll find one some day.

I think our days are warming up Blue, 15 today. ☀️☀️ Still frosty mornings though.

I hope your long stretch is over Blue. I’m even hoping for the weekend off for you. Dropping off a coffee and hotty, just in case You nights are still freezing. ☕️☕️

Oh Blue, I’m a bit stuck as what to say. This is huge. It’s a wonder you even managed a reply, Thankyou for that.

Just do what you can, no need to reply at all. I will drop off some ☕️☕️ and 💕💕

I will be thinking of you both Blue. I know this is a really stressful time. Please take care. 💙

Oh no Blue, mother in law problems.💙💙

You are right, this isn’t what you need right now. But she should be thinking of his needs more than her own at the moment. You are the one he needs right now Blue, and you need him.

Thank goodness for technology ( sometimes). I really hope this works itself out Blue. In the meantime, lots of 💕💕☕️☕️ Incoming.

Yeah it sucks. I mean, she said herself he insisted on getting me up here no matter what, that wasn't so I could rattle around a hotel subject to her selfish whims. That said, she did back off today and not try to get in the way of me seeing him, albeit carrying on about how wonderful and magnanimous she was. What a vile human being she is showing herself to be. Anyway, he's still stable and doing as well as one can after being popped open and having his innards rearranged. They let me hold his hand and comb his hair. The staff have been really supportive and good. I will be very grateful when he is awake again and able to assert his own will. I miss him so much.

Blue, this is such a hard time for you. Waiting, hoping.

I’m so pleased you got to hold his hand and comb him hair today, for both of you. He needs you there , you need to be there.

I really hope he wakes up soon, and he can say what he wants.

Take care of yourself as best you can Blue. Incoming strong coffee ☕️☕️☕️💙💙💙

Yes, very hard.

Thanks. He opened his eyes a couple of times while I was there, but he wasn't lucid. Maybe a couple more days before he is. They say he could be delirious for a time when he wakes. Not a fun time.

I managed to get some groceries and do some cooking yesterday. Wasn't very patient with it, but knew food was necessary. Looking after myself as best I can, though I did drop the ball on that for a day or two. Could hear my partner telling me off for it.

Hope life is treating you okay, Wilma. Maybe some progress with pain treatment? Kind thoughts to you and your furry friend.

Blue, I’ll bet you can’t wait to see your partner open his eyes. Such massive surgery. Absolutely mind blowing stuff. Every stage will have its anticipation no doubt. I’m guessing, months of rehab, once he is able. Learning all the basics again.

I’m pleased you managed some cooking, even though it was tricky. Some slip ups will happen, you are dealing with enormous stress. You are wise.

Regarding pain relief. I seem to be getting more since doing the daily physio exercises. I go back next week, so I’ll ask if that’s normal. I really don’t need any extras. It’s making me cranky and very impatient. I’m normally very patient, but I’m changing. Not for the best.

Anyway Blue, I hope you are managing to sleep.

We had snow overnight. Everywhere was covered with a few inches of beautiful white snow. Cold, but memorable, very memorable. ⛄️⛄️❄️❄️❄️

Leaving a strong coffee ☕️☕️And lots of 💙💙💙

It's happened, Wilma. He is awake and lucid, and no more breathing tube. Of course he is in a lot of pain, that's incredibly hard to see. He's able to talk, though, and he knows who he is, and who I am. It's a good sign for his brain function after all this. He was able to tell me he loves me before I left. Admittedly that helped a lot.

Yes, months of rehab ahead, he will have to relearn his own body. No more blue fingers and getting out of breath just putting his socks on.

Thanks. Still don't feel like cooking, but I can hear him telling me off for not looking after myself.

Sounds like the physio exercises are a bit much for you. Maybe they can tailor a programme that helps without creating so much pain.

Sleep is a bit hit and miss. Might do a little better with that tonight having got to this turning point for my partner. Got WiFi in the accommodation too, so I can watch something to relax.

Have heard there's a cold snap going across the country. Hasn't reached me here yet, but it's about to turn cold tomorrow. The snow sounds lovely.

Appreciating the flow of coffee. :) Sending a hot water bottle and a scarf, Wilma. Sounds like you need them!

OMG Blue, I feel so excited for you right now. I know this is just the beginning of a long and painful journey for both of you, but it’s a really good start. It’s a second chance. Medicine is amazing isn’t it.

I hope you got some sleep last night. Wifi will definitely help. I’m imagining you are exhausted right now.

The exercises are already very light, but I got back next week, so I can ask a few questions then. It might be normal to experience this, but I wasn’t planning on adding to my pain levels.

Yes, it’s cold here, that’s for sure. ⛄️⛄️❄️❄️It feels like we’ve had an extra cold winter this year, frosts most days, heavy frosts.

Only weeks till spring now Blue. Heading out today with counsellor to buy some ferns for part of my back yard. A very shady area, so ferns should do well there.

Its starting to take shape here now. Curtains and plants make all the difference.

Leaving a coffee, not such a strong one today Blue. Lots of warm wishes to you both. Take care. Stay warm.💙💙

Thanks, Wilma. It's a big milestone, having him awake and in his right mind. A huge comfort. It is extraordinary what they have achieved, that he is alive and can potentially thrive with someone else's heart and lungs.

I did get some sleep, and being able to watch a show beforehand was good. Definitely very exhausted. As much as this situation sucks, there's something to be said for stepping back from obligations at home for my own sake as well as my partner's.

I would think some pain with exercises is probably normal, though obviously you need to balance the level of pain with how much benefit you get from them. Hopefully the next appointment gives you some answers.

Sounds pretty intense over there. My neck of the woods has had a fairly mild Winter (though even that is too cold for my comfort). Not sure if I told you all the medical stuff I'd happening interstate, so we don't have the comforts of home through this, either. What we do have is similarly mild weather. Cool change has come, it's wet but not too cold.

Happy that you're getting some ferns, Wilma, they should be a pleasant addition to your home. Do you have an outdoor chair so you can sit and relax in the yard, to quietly enjoy them? Anyway, sounds like you're settling in nicely, much happier in your environment. That's important.

Cheers for the coffee, appreciated as always. Kind thoughts to you and your loyal companion.

Blue, I would imagine exhaustion is putting it mildly. It must have been very intense waiting. It’s a risk with any operation, but the extent of your partners op is enormous.

I do stand in awe of the skills and progress in some medical fields. Definitely life saving.

You would have to step back from normal responsibilities Blue, Sorry you don’t have the comforts of home though, they would help.

I’m guessing each day is small steps with recovery. Every step counts, and is celebrated.

This might change the course of your future together Blue. Endless opportunities to look forward to. Who knows ?

Yes, I will ask some questions next week. The pain might be a ‘ normal’ part of physio.

I didn’t end up getting ferns Blue. The garden man was so helpful. I have small natives and shrubby grass. They are frost and drought resilient, they attract birds and butterflies and bees. All my kind of friends.

I do have a few chairs out there, and a table that will go out eventually. It’s a work in progress, and I am enjoying it. I never sit in the sun, always shade, full sun isn’t something I have ever enjoyed.

I’m glad it’s not too cold where you are, that’s something. Any blossom yet ? Do you have any parks where you could enjoy a bit of the outdoors ?

I think I’ll leave a hot chocolate today Blue, a comfort kind of drink. Take care where you can. So pleased you got some sleep. ☕️☕️

Not much energy to talk today, Wilma. I can say that things continue to improve for my lovely man, but he is in a huge amount of pain. It's very hard and draining to see him hurting. I have to remind us both that this part is short term, there are better days ahead.

Hardy native plants are good, especially if they bring wildlife to your garden. The right friends.

Yes, plenty of blossoms the weather is mild and there is plenty of water. Green and flowers everywhere.

Hot choc is welcome. Relax time for ol' Blue, I need some rest. Enjoy your garden time, Wilma. I bet furry friend likes it, too.

Dear Blue (wiht a wave to Wilma)~

The better days have started, to wake up and this time being lucid is an enormous relief, the distress of a loved one waking disoriented is intense. Although the logical part of the brain puts it down to the anesthetic, it is nevertheless a huge worry.

Can I suggest one of the best thing s you can do for your LM is to take extra good care of yourself? He will not be immune to worry about you.

I have lots of unexpected snow around and am quite happy to 'sit in the garden' from inside my living room in front of the wood fire.

Croix