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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

Topic: Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

  1. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    19 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Having a bad day, today. I guess that's the thing about having good days; you start to feel okay, and on the other side you suddenly get blindsided. Nothing so much as not hearing a great deal from anyone for much of the day. Got to feeling isolated and rejected. By the time my efforts to connect with anyone bore any fruit, that sense had really taken hold, and I'm failing to shake it, even with slightly belated words of love and support from my other half.

    I write this with a great cynicism at the idea anyone will read it, but it's my thread and my thoughts so I'm posting them anyway. Even one of my birds gave me a solid peck to the face, so they aren't reducing that sense of rejection any, stupid though that may sound. I don't know. I just feel lonely and crap and really ****ing sad, and I'm fed up with it.

  2. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    19 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey Blue, no wonder I hadnt seen anything on your thread recently, you havent been posting much lately have you? And I think the other major contributor to your thread has not been too well lately either, so she has not been responding here either.

    I'm really sorry you are feeling sad, lonely, isolated and rejected. Thats never easy to deal with. And you're right, this is your thread and you can write anything you want, whatever you feel, whenever you like. Oh dear, even the ultimate insult from one of your beloved birds. Probably more a dig at you to try and cheer up a bit, rather than a sign of rejection though I suspect. And no, it doesnt sound silly. When you are feeling down, every little thing (even unrelated things) just seems to reinforce that feeling of rejection.

    Are you back to work again tomorrow? Perhaps being out of routine this weekend, ie not working for a change, has thrown you into a bit of a loop.

    I know you are not into any sport, being a self confessed nerd, but do you go to any exercise classes, or go walking occasionally, anything like that? Besides being good for you, it also gets you out of the house and seeing other people. I would help with your feelings of isolation and loneliness. And if sport or exercise is not an option for you - what about any hobby groups, book clubs, movie groups?

    Hopefully you start to feel better soon Blue. And I'm sorry I cannot be of any real assistance.

    Sherie xx

  3. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    19 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    I haven't posted much here, no. I have still been talking to Joelle, just not on this particular thread, and she's been very supportive though as you say, she hasn't been well. Even so, I'm just not holding up well, today. As I mentioned in the Café, my ex was bothering me last night. Normally I might weather out the sense of rejection okay on a day like this, but I guess hearing from him stirred up stuff from when we were together. Though I know it wasn't his intent, no-one has ever made me feel rejected quite as thoroughly as he did. Not hearing much from anyone for a goodly part of today kick-started something, and I guess the influence of old wounds finished the job.

    You're right that any little thing can reinforce it when I'm feeling bad. My wee bird is always a bit feisty, but turned it up a notch, today. I have a scratch on my nose and a puffy cut below my eye now. When I'm feeling rubbish, I prefer not to have lasting evidence of a bad moment like that.

    Fortunately, I'm not working tomorrow. I should do something useful. Vaguely considered going for a walk today, just didn't feel up to it. Guess I've kind of been feeding the mood, and being a bit self-defeating. (I do very much enjoy walking, though now it's getting a tad dark and cold; there's always my exercise bike, I suppose.) Nerd yes, but it's the whole sport culture I don't have an affinity for, not exercise in itself.

    Don't discount your ability to be of assistance. The vast majority of the time, when I am struggling with my depression, what I need most is to know I'm not forgotten or invisible. You are a great help to many of us here, reminding us someone is paying attention.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    19 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Does your ex live near you, and when you say he was bothering you - by visiting or phoning? Is there any reason why he is still bothering you - does he not have a life of his own? How long since you and the ex parted ways?

    Gee your feisty little bird did some damage then. Did I read somewhere that you are an old farm girl, from the bush someplace? I dont get the impression that you are currently living in the country however. Do you miss the country life? I do, I've spent most of my life living in the bush. And even now, we live on 3 acres 11kms out of town. Not the same as on the farm, but at least we have some space around us. And heaps of bird life, which I do love. Especially the kookaburras, magpies, willy wagtails, many varieties of parrots, and the tiny little robins who are just adorable. Actually had a really large parrot come right up to us the other day when hubby and I were sitting in the sun on our back deck. We overlook a large fish pond and the parrot came up looking at us and then made his way over, sat on the side of the fishpond (its like a little rowing boat) and had a big drink. All the time watching us. He was only about 10 feet away, but seemed really tame. I wondered if he may have been an escaped pet. And then the following day he was there again. That was a few days ago though, and I havent seen him back again.

    Ahh, I'm glad you are not totally opposed to all sport. Merely the culture of sport. (-: We are very different in that respect. I guess I have grown up spending more time in male company, and I am very comfortable and happy discussing just about any sport. Have you got lots of good places to go walking around your place?

    Blue, you're never forgotten or invisible around here you know. But perhaps because you always seem so upbeat and on top of things we are not aware when you are having a tough time of things. (-:

    Offering you a big hug, and hoping you will feel better tomorrow and able to enjoy another day off.

    Sherie xx

  5. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    19 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    It was just text messages from the ex. I haven't wanted to block his number as he doesn't message often and it's usually to ask about the birds (we raised four together, and now each have two of them with us), but I think I'll have to. E-mail is one thing, as I can check it at my leisure, but texts come whether I want them or not. We parted ways over a year ago, but he isn't doing a good job of letting go, though he knows I have someone else in my life now.

    Yeah, my wee one has a strong little beak. And you're right, I started out as a farm girl, and moved to the city in my teens. I do miss the farm and the beaches sometimes, but certainly not the small town and the small-minded people. Overall I prefer it here, though wish I had a little more space. The birdlife around me is surprisingly diverse and active, even for the urban environment, and I've seen most of the species you mentioned near my place. Did I tell you about the willy wagtails that nested in my yard? They were adorable. Do you know what kind of parrot visited you? He sounds lovely.

    You're not the only one who has spent a lot of time in male company. Just for me it was nerds, not sporty types. Being from a small town put me off sport culture because it was something I was never interested in or good at, and pretty much all the locals thought about, which made for a very alienated Blue. Thankfully I have a good and quite large park not too far from my place (and even a decent pair of hiking boots and wet-weather gear for cold winter days). I see a few birds there I don't get around home, so I enjoy it when I go there.

    You're right, I guess I do project being on top of things most of the time. I'm in my element when it comes to giving advice and propping up others on the other threads, so my own troubles don't show so much. And I'm bad at showing vulnerability. Always been the strong one, and all that. Letting people know I'm not doing so well is still a bit of a process for me, even here. I've spent a lot of my life not being supported or sometimes even believed when I've needed help emotionally, so there's a bit of de-programming to do in my responses to stress. Thank you for listening, and taking the time to talk to me. And the hug, of course. :)

    1 person found this helpful
  6. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9224 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi Blues,

    Well I found your thread and got up to speed a little on your story, hope you don't mind. I too had feelings in the past that no one was looking t my threads but then realised I wasn't posting so I guess if we are not posting our thread gets moved down the line. Sorry you;ve been feeling so down. I can relate to how you are feeling, you feel ok an then a message or contact from someone can stir up things from the past that made us feel not so good. Triggers. I noticed this comment by you "Though I know it wasn't his intent, no-one has ever made me feel rejected quite as thoroughly as he did.". It made me realise this is how my little ones dad makes me feel. we try and take the little one out together for lunch etc like we did yesterday but I end up sitting quietly, not really enjoying myself, feeling sad and lonely, especially when I see other couples or families that are leading normal lives, like normal people, not all messed up like mine.

    I see your point about trying to keep it light in the café. I failed miserably in that department a few weeks ago when I was venting, then realised I was doing so because my feeling and emotions were getting on top of me so I started a new thread an resurrected an old one which helped. I felt bad for bringing negativity into the café, having said that theres nothing wrong with going in there and letting anyone know youre having a hard time too and having someone offer you a nice cuppa and a bikkie or some hot soup. afterall, that's what its all about.

    are you working today? do you enjoy your job, is it a bit of an outlet for you?

    cmf

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to CMF

    You funny thing, why would I mind? I appreciate you taking the time to read my tale and respond. I know my thread goes down the pile when I haven't posted, it's more that when I do post, it goes to the top, then I check back and watch it slide down again, hour after hour, day after day. That can be pretty disheartening. I've been reminded that I do put out an air of being on top of things in general, and I think that's a significant contributing factor. Guess I should be mindful to let you guys in the Café know in future when I'm having a bad day, before I get to feeling too wretched.

    I'd say your ex and mine are pretty different people, but there are some parallels in how they made us feel. It hurts when you're so connected to someone and doing your best, and it isn't reciprocated, especially when they're telling you it is. Much the same happened with the ex before him, too. They were always willing to stay, but never willing to make the effort to connect and actually be happy together. Too many people are willing to forgo communication and effort merely for the familiar status quo. That isn't living at all.

    My current partner is the complete opposite of that, he is excellent with communication and makes a considerable effort. But there are days he gets distracted and doesn't see my messages for some while, and having had my ex triggering things I went straight to feeling isolated and rejected yesterday, like nothing had changed, even though I knew better. My other half called to reassure me as soon as he knew I was having a bad day, which helped somewhat, though it takes a while even with help to rid myself of that malaise once it gets started. Still feeling pretty rubbish, to be honest.

    I don't think anyone minded you venting in the Café, but I'm had you started another thread, to be able to go into it more. Sorry I haven't visited your threads, I didn't think I had much to contribute I hadn't already in the Café.

    Not working, today. I may go for a walk later, as Sherie suggested. I have a love/hate relationship with my job. I'm in two departments, Fruit which I enjoy, Deli which I do not. My duties are fine, but upper management make bad decisions leaving many of us doing the work of three people, often not anything to do with our own jobs but someone else's. The hours are horrid and extremely disruptive but too few to live on comfortably. The staff are pretty good. It's better than being on welfare. Just.

    Thanks for listening.

    Blue.

  8. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues
    *glad you started another thread, not "had". Bloody auto-correct.
  9. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9224 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey there,

    how does your current partner feel about your ex still contacting you? Does he know that he is struggling to move on? My little one's dad had an ex who was desperate to get back together with him. his mother told her she could go an sleepover whenever he wanted as they were very good friends an he told me that she did sleepover because that's just what they did. he told me this after 6 months of seeing each other and only becasue they were moving house to jus 2 streets away from me. he said to me will bump into each other, don't be a stranger. so I'm seeing a guy whose ex is going to sleep over t his house and I'm going to bump into them on the st cos we live near each other! to top it off, when she used call him he used to tell me to be quiet so she wouldn't know he was with someone cos he didn't want her to feel hurt as she really liked him..but f I bumped into them I should say hi! He didnt want her to know he had moved on. So I wonder how he was going to explain who I was? I mean he used to sleep at my place on weekends was I to pretend I was no one? Hmmmm, yeah feeling pretty rejected but cant believe I put up with it. I feel so so stupid looking back on it now hahaha. I did tell him she would not move on if he kept 'being there' for her as she ran to him for everything. How could she possibly move on if he wouln't cut the string?

    Blocking your exes calls sounds harsh but if its been a year and he cant let go, even though he knows you have someone else, and this is making you feel upset because of what it stirs up maybe you should. He needs to move on, and he cant if you keep in contact, and I think you deserve it too. I don't think you are being fair to yourself because of the way it makes you feel, even if unintentional.

    Your new partner sounds great, lucky you. you deserve happiness and to live for 'now'. Depression is living in the past, you need to move forward...

    cmf x

  10. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to CMF

    My other half knows the ex contacts me sometimes. Naturally he doesn't care for it, or the negative effect it has at times. As I may have mentioned, I only allow contact because we each have two of the birds we raised. They're like children to both of us, so we ask each other occasionally how they are. Usually that's all there is to the conversation, hence not having blocked the number (and also to block it, it has to be saved in my phone, and I deleted it). I don't answer when the ex calls (which is infrequent in any case), only by text about the birds, or if I think he needs a reminder to back off and that I am in a relationship. My partner is very much my priority, both he and the ex know that on no uncertain terms.

    I'm sorry you went through all that with your ex. The level of contact he had with his former partner was way over the top and inappropriate, encouraging her feelings for him and utterly disrespecting you. I'm doubly sorry that you're stuck with any level of contact with him because of the child you share. Sounds like he does a number on you every time you're around him. Is there a way to reduce the amount of direct interaction you have with him?

    The thing with my ex is that I hear nothing for months and get on with things, largely forgetting about the idea he may contact me. Then something triggers him (he also suffers depression) and he turns up again with a sad reminiscence or to get mad at me. As I said, I deleted his number so it isn't blocked. Most of the time it isn't a consideration and I never initiate contact so I'm hardly encouraging him. Nor am I entirely sweet and diplomatic with him when he pushes his luck with anything beyond bird talk (I'm sure you've figured out I can be pretty blunt).

    My partner is indeed an amazing person, I know I'm very lucky to have him. Thanks for your encouragement there. As for my depression... Most of it these days is kicked off by sleep deprivation far more so than the ex. My work and the situation with my neighbour are intollerable. Finally got the relationships side of my life in good order, and instantly work went to hell so I have no money and no sleep. It's like there always has to be collossal failure on one side or the other so I can't get enough stamina back to get it all working reasonably well at once. It's not so much living in the past as triggers being amplified by my inability to have a stable present. I'm just so exhausted.

  11. Lost Girl
    Lost Girl  avatar
    2696 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi Blues,

    I had a good shot at reading your thread from where I last left off but I drowned in text in the last few pages....I will come back to them.

    Something you said earlier really resonates with me. I always had make friends...groups of them that were all nerdy and you coukd just hang out, play games, watch nerdy stuff...have a drink when we got to that age and it was so easy. I had a couple of girlfriends who accepted me for being a nerd. We used to go out - I love dancing... but things have changed.

    I moved away from my big group of nerds, had kids. I have made friends with lots of Mums, they are nice but only 1 nerd in the whole bunch and she is a token nerd.... seems to pick up on the fads but isn't into the games and paraphernalia etc that kinda follows naturally. At least it's something. Even my bookclub friends are not into any oi f the things that really stimulate my mind and excite my soul the way scifi fantasy does. Luckily my hubby is a complete nerd...I am lucky that way.

    A lady pointed out to me that my daughter hangs out with all the boys, typically a year or 2 older. She seemed concerned....I figure she is just nerding out like her Mum.

    I am enjoying your company Blues even though I can't be as chatty as I'd like and my literary skills have plumpeted which is another frustration.

    I wish I had something helpful to say to help with how you're feeling right now but I don't.

    Here for you though xx

  12. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7657 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi there dear Blue

    I don't know what to say really except that I care about you.

    In kindness

    Shell xx

  13. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Guest_1055

    What more needs to be said, Shelley? You don't have to have all the answers. I still appreciate your kindness. Thank you.

    Carol, I wouldn't worry about keeping up with the mountains of text in my thread: I'm a verbose creature, and can hardly keep up with my own prattling.​ ;)

    Your tale sounds so familiar. I tried joining a writing club at one stage, years ago. Same deal as your book club, there just wasn't anyone who appreciated the nerdy stuff. I do have one female friend who enjoys gaming and anime, so she's part way there. Token nerd, as you say. The other women around me aren't really nerdy, and sadly I don't get to see my brother or my bestie nearly often enough. Thankfully though, I share your luck in having a completely nerdy partner. We watch Star Trek together, play D&D, bandy about Red Dwarf quotes and the like. Time with him is very satisfying.

    It does seem likely your daughter is following in your footsteps. Boys are fun to hang out with.

    I don't know why you don't think you have anything helpful to say. It may not be directly related to my low mood, but talking nerdy with someone who gets it is always a good boost for me. I enjoy your company, too. :)

    Blue.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11402 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    "Smithers....who is that Bluguru?"

    "its one of your intellects in section G7 sir"

    Paulxx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Haha, you're getting a lot of mileage out of that. Just found your comment in the Café. A good chuckle is never wasted. :)
  16. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11402 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues
    It was a gamble as you have been in the seventh circle of hell (a dark place) I just wanted to let you know that the care factor is well and truly there for you Bluguru....Paulx
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Much appreciated, Paul. I didn't do a good job of coming back to reality after that magical evening with my love, but I'm finding my feet again today. All of you guys have been a big help.
  18. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Oh no .......... I just wrote a long (max characters) response to you Blue, and it crashed. Grrrrrr ..........

    I am really sorry, but I dont feel up to replicating it now. Oh dear. Sigh. Just another thing to add to a bad day.

    Briefly, I'm pretty sure the bird who visited me last week was a male King Parrot. And yes I have read about the willy wagtails you had in your back yard. They are such lively little birds with so much character, arent they? And I do love how they like to look at themselves in mirrors - like car side mirrors. I can sit and watch them all day, they are just gorgeous.

    Enough for now, after spending ages to write the lost post. I just want you to know that like everyone else here I care about you a great deal and I'm sorry you have not been getting the attention from us that you so richly deserve. Dont keep your distress to yourself next time, okay. Promise?

    Gotta go now. Hope you are feeling less exhausted and up to work again tomorrow. I'm working tomorrow too, but need to be home a bit earlier than I usually would, around 1pm. Hubby has a 1.30pm medical appointment and we are sharing a car most of the week by the looks of things.

    Sherie xx

  19. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    20 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    Oh dear, I hate losing a long post. You put so much thought into it, then (*poof*) it disappears. Grr. I can seldom muster the energy to replicate those, either. I try and highlight and copy my posts regularly these days so I don't lose too much if something goes awry.

    I looked up king parrots, they're such a vibrant colour. I haven't seen too much of willy wagtails playing with mirrors, but they sure have plenty of personality. I love watching their little dance. Especially the young ones, learning how to do it. So cute and funny. It's usually magpie larks I see at mirrors, vehemently attacking their reflections.

    Duly noted about keeping my troubles to myself too much. It's a hard habit to break, but I'll do my best not to overdo it with that. Promise. Thank you - and everyone - for caring.

    Short shift tomorrow, so not too worried even if I'm still tired. Seeing Sis after, so I'm looking forward to that. Hope your hubby doesn't grumble at you too much while you're sharing a car. You deserve some kindness instead.

    Blue.

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    20 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Yes thats true. Actually I used to lose posts regularly, and it would take ages and ages for some posts to accept. But I think they must have done some work on the website a month or more ago, and its been much better lately. I used to copy my long posts before 'posting' in case it got lost, or 'poof' into cyberspace as you say. (-: But as it has all been working perfectly lately I got out of the habit of doing it. May have to start again.

    Yes I know about the magpie larks, we have lots of them also. They come and play against our windows, pecking and kicking and putting dirty footprints all over our windows. They do seem to like reflections. I've seen them doing it to some large glaced pots on our deck as well.

    I trust your short shift at work tomorrow goes well.

    Sherie xx

  21. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    21 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    The magpie larks don't come too close in to my house. Sounds like they're having a great time at yours, though. Didn't get an awful lot of sleep last night, but my shift went okay, and lunch with my sister after was great. Later shift tomorrow, so hopefully I can catch up a bit on sleep. Hope you're doing okay today.

    Blue.

  22. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    21 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Evening Blue. Those little magpie larks are pesky little fellows, always throwing themselves at our windows in their eagerness to see themselves I think. (-:

    So pleased to hear that you enjoyed some time with your sister this afternoon. Are you close in age? I used to be really close to my sister who is 15 months older than me. But we grew apart after I started to become more independent, and she could no longer get her way all the time. She is quite a domineering personality, and everything has to be her way, or no way. So I would not say that we are exactly close any more, which is really quite sad. I wish we were. Although she also lives 7 hours drive away, so we are not close in distance now either.

    She is feuding with my brother who is going through a really tough time right now, and she wont even talk to him. And she rarely checks in on my elderly parents who she lives near. Seems so unfair just when both my parents and my brother and his remaining family really could use a bit of TLC and understanding. My younger brother was involved in a bad car accident last year (10 months ago tomorrow) in which his 11yo daugher (my only neice) was killed and he suffered a broken neck. Still recovering, and not in a good place still. So I am not impressed with my sister at the moment. Family squabbles can be very distressing at times.

    So you are lucky that you get along well with your sister. Are your parents still around Blue? I dont recall you mentioning them.

    I'm okay Blue, thankyou. Its been a tough day, but I am getting through. I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight.

    Sherie xx

  23. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    21 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    I find the magpie larks pretty entertaining. They'll harass the magpies, even though they're twice as big. Noisy miners are like that, too. Little, but they sure are feisty. :)

    I think I read a bit about your siblings on your thread at one stage. It sucks that your family is splintered like that. Forgive my bluntness, but it sounds like your sister is a bit of a brat. I'm sorry your brother is suffering so much. I hope you get to talk to him regularly.

    I am lucky with my siblings. They are both older than me, my sister by just shy of six years, brother by three. I have always been close with my brother. Sis was a different story. Aside from being a bit older, she's quite different in personality to my brother and I, and (unbeknowst to us as children) bipolar. Added to that our parents divorced when we were young and the three of us were split up, she being further isolated from us. She left home with a young fellow she became involved with not too long after my brother and I were able to join her with Mum, and we didn't see a lot of each other for years. Eventually I was all grown up and working and driving and all that, and able to see her more often, and we slowly got closer again. In recent years we've been seeing each other frequently, lately having a weekly lunch date to watch Game of Thrones together. A roundabout path, but we got there in the end.

    My father lives a long way away on the farm I grew up on. We talk a bit and write to each other periodically. I'm the only one of his kids that really talks to him much (I elaborated a bit on my parents in my thread Growing up cold in Relationship and family issues), and I understand their reasons. To be honest, I couldn't describe him as a nice man, I've just learned to accept there will never really be any depth to the relationship. Mum, on the other hand, I am close to though she drives me nuts. Also she's a lot closer to visit, physically. Most of us are in the same city.

    I did see a bit about your day either in your thread or the Café. Sounds pretty full-on, though it's good they're fast-tracking your husband's treatment. I have only been browsing the other threads and not replying much of today because I'm running on a couple of hours' sleep and literally starting to nod off at my computer. Think I'll head to bed and address the other threads tomorrow. Thanks for checking in on me. Zzzzzz. (*faceplants on keyboard*)

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    23 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi Blue, its a couple of days since I last spoke to you. Sorry about that, been pretty busy.

    So how are you feeling today, or should I say tonight as its almost 12.30am? I hope you have been getting enough sleep again lately and that your ex has not been texting any more.

    Like you, I have always been close to my brother (he is 4 yrs younger than me), and we are still close. And it must be nice to have become close to your sister again, after being somewhat distant for a time. I am pretty close to both my Mum and Dad, and they are still together and still living independently in their own little cottage in a country town. Not sure for how much longer though, as they both have fairly major health issues.

    I guess you have been back to full swing of work. I hope it has been treating you okay. I will catch up with you again sometime soon. Sorry I have been neglecting you a bit the past few days, I have had a fair bit on my plate. Hopefully things will settle down a bit after tomorrow. I have been thinking of you though. (-:

    Sherie xx

  25. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    23 June 2016 in reply to Missing user

    Hi Sherie, don't worry, I know you've had a lot to deal with lately. No, I haven't heard any more from the ex. He kind of pops up for a day or two and disappears again. Hopefully this is the last time, if not, I'll have to block his number. I can't have texts popping up from an ex whenever. If he wants to know about the birds, e-mail is sufficient.

    I'm glad you have good relationships with your brother and your parents, though it sucks they're all struggling with their health. You can talk about what's up with your sister if you want to (and not if you don't). I am very happy to be close to my sister again. We're very different in some ways, but love a good chat about philosophical things, and we share a few nerdy interests and a love of animals. Her cat is cute as.

    I've been working a bit, and getting a reasonable amount of sleep. My manager is doing what he can to get me on afternoon shifts where possible. Been getting in some good, quality time with my man, too, which has made me very happy. And I'd have to say you're doing a great job of keeping up with everybody considering how much you have to deal with at the moment. I'm pretty impressed. Look after yourself, and give Holly a pat for me. :)

    Blue.

    1 person found this helpful
  26. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    blondguy avatar
    11402 posts
    23 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    "Smithers....who is that surfie blondguy duude person"?

    "Ah..he's one one of your gastropods from section 7G sir"

    'I've never heard of him before'......

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    23 June 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Ah, that old chestnut. Couldn't help but chuckle. :)
  28. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11402 posts
    25 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey Bluguru, thanks for being there on the other thread about bi-polar. She has revived her small dog twice (to keep the 16 year old jack russell x alive and is thanking everyone on FB for their praise and sympathy where keeping her dog alive for her.

    I am a long term dog rescue guy who never keeps any dog alive for my own self gratification. I find this deeply disturbing and weird. FB is full of prompts for recognition and compliments from 'friends'. She has also deleted/edited any posts on FB to 'gently' remind her that it may be time for 'doggie heaven' as they care for the dogs well being and pain levels.

    She has no anxiety and travel into Melbourne without a problem. She can also walk 3 kilometers down the beach and back again to her car without an anxious thought ( I cant) She is physically fit and there is no reason for her to be on sickness benefits that we are aware of.

    The only mega clue I give is how happy she was when she was taken off 'Newstart' and put on the sickness pension. She was elated that she never had to report for work anymore. Just like you or me winning tattslotto.

    She said that he understood my old severe anxiety attacks as she has the 'same thing' with bad illusions and colors that really upset her (not anxiety as per my experience) Its driving the fragmented bits of this family nuts.

    I should post a new thread which I can but it would zeroed back to me...but I still might do it.....Paulx

  29. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    26 June 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hey, Paul. Sounds to me a lot less like bipolar and more like what I've read of psychopathy. That said, sociopathy is similar and I'm not certain of the difference. More research to be done. Defining features of both are a lack of empathy and remorse, and a strong tendency toward manipulative and sometimes reckless behaviours. The possible Centrelink fraud and definitely what you said elsewhere about not bringing your dad meals when she said she was doing so are good examples of empathy and remorse being absent. Most sociopaths and psychopaths don't exhibit the sort of extreme stuff attributed to them in movies.

    My experience with and understanding of bipolar don't come close to fitting what you've said thus far, to be honest. There isn't good impulse control in someone with bipolar during a manic phase, and they also experience significant lows as we depressive types do. Conversely, your sister's behaviour sounds like it's calculated and ongoing, self-serving but not necessarily out of her control.

    If you want to get to the bottom of it, maybe make a log of the behaviours from her that disturb you. A thread, online research, maybe probe any professional people you see re mental health.

    Blue.

  30. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    26 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    It's been another rubbish day for me. Some frustration to start it, but that was kind of amusing to begin with. I sometimes let the elder of my birds stay out of his cage overnight, because he mostly just snuggles up and sleeps. Last night he managed to unlock my phone (which unlocks much more easily than it should) and put it on flight mode, so my four alarms were silenced. So, I could either lose an hour's pay or stay back an hour. Being dirt poor, and my manager having things he wanted me to do, I stayed back. What I didn't know was my other half had made plans tonight that didn't allow for me showing up an hour late for the little window of time we had planned together.

    My manager is leaving for another job very soon. He's uncommonly good, and has been doing all he can to shuffle me onto afternoon shifts where possible, which probably won't happen with the next one. Meanwhile, I hear the temporary replacement (because there's no way the company would actually have an idea who to give us after a month or so of knowing they have to do something about it) is going to be someone I've worked with before and do not like. Also the neighbour situation remains unchanged in spite of my efforts. End result, both my work and my home are environments that suck.

    With those stresses in mind, and having worked a very long shift (over half of which was in a department I hate), seeing my other half after work was the little island of something that doesn't suck that I really needed today. I got all of ten minutes with him, taking him home on my break. Better than nothing at all, but that just really took the wind out of my sails, today. Though I slept last night (a little too long, with some help from my little bird) I still feel so exhausted and utterly, utterly crap.

    /end rant

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