Hi James

I'm feeling better thanks. I find if I'm feeling overwhelmed it is intense while it lasts, but it then goes away.

I am a bit nervous I think. I have also been chatting to her too long without meeting her, so I think I've kind of moved on in my mind. I kind of feel like I am not ready for dating and want to back away from it too. I just don't know what to say to the person.

LC

Yeah me too. Usually if I can sleep (unlikely) or just play on the computer, I'll be not great, but not terrible.

Mhmm, it's a bit awkward eh :/ Could you just tell her you're not ready? I mean, the other thing might be simply to meet up and see what happens. I guess we don't know, but it could just be your defence mechanism kicking in rather than actually not having anything to say. So I guess it's like challenging yourself, but only you can tell if you're challenging yourself too much or not enough I guess. Did your psych have anything to say before?

James

Hello

i am struggling with my recent diagnosis of bpd and mdd. I was in psych ward for 3 Weeks and have come out feeling not much different. Still no hope at all for a future. And very confused. Diagnosed and what now? Can you have successful relationships with bpd? How does it affect my kids? Have I screwed their whole world up by my erratic behaviour? Feeling disillusioned hopeless and tired.

Hi James

I found a way to postpone things and so if I don't meet up with her it's ok now I won't feel guilty. i sort of didn't want to keep it hanging!

Yeah I'm freaking out a bit about the thing I can't disclose on here. I know that sounds very mysterious. I want to share it, but I can't. I have fallen into some old habits and ways of thinking, but I'm trying to keep things together. A date would be the last thing I need right now. My psychologist basically said meet up with people with a view just to get to know them and maybe not 'date' as such and my psychiatrist was like no, don't do that. It kind of has put me off a bit as well. I know you don't have to agree with your treating team, but I feel that is maybe a sign to focus on things like friendships at the moment first. Coming to grips with sexuality and dating is a bit hard when you haven't got the basics worked out!

LC

Hi Dottibluebell

It is always a bit tough when you get home from hospital.

BPD is a complex diagnosis but certainly one that can be managed and there are programs out there which do minimise symptoms with psychological support. You can definitely have relationships with BPD but you sort have to watch out for things like idealisation and emotional reactivity which can harm relationships.

The programs include dialectical behavioural therapy which teaches skills such as mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness. The modules target various BPD traits and help minimise the degree it impacts on your life.

The other option is schema therapy which can be delivered in a group or individual setting. This also targets coping patterns and behaviours and is helpful for BPD.

Hope that helps

LC

Hi Dottibluebell

It sounds like you are having a tough time. I don't have children, but I can imagine it would be really hard to be away from them.

If you feel like you need to be in hospital, I recommend you ring intake and see if there is a bed. It will keep you safe and may help you feel better. It might be worth ringing Lifeline or Beyondblue for some advice too.

Hope that helps.

LC

Hey LC, ah that's confusing that your two doctors are saying different things. And yeah, maybe friendships first. I'm really put off dating again. It's so hard and disheartening to try and find people who are similar to me and I'm noticing just how much I change and mould myself. But I also don't feel like I want more friends - I just want one really super good friend. Blah. I'm a bit stuck. It's like I need to put an ad out there to say, I'm looking for a best friend - dating optional or down the line. But no one responds to those, haha.

I hope you're doing okay to start this week off.

Hey dottiebluebell,

Ah that's pretty tough with the additional responsibility of your kids. Is anyone else able to help take a bit of the load for you? I mean, if you want to take care of your kids you also need to take care of yourself first!

James

I don't mean to be blunt, but if you're not coping, it will be very hard to help your children as well. I'm not sure what issues they're struggling with, but the ideal situation is if someone else can help them out while you also work on your own difficulties. Of course, if they have no one else, then that can be a bit tricky.

Do you have a psychologist or other mental health professionals helping you out at the moment? If so, have you raised this worry with them?

James

My worries have been raised several times. I ended up making a pack with myself to work on my issues when the kids got to adults. It's just not working. My walls are crumbling in rapidly. I dont expect anyone to fix the situation. It's really hppeless. I have accepted that now. It's trying to accept being an isolated soul parent that's hard. I don't have the back ip when things turn crappy.

Sorry for the doom and gloom I am really over it.

Hi James

The thread has been moved to 'long term support over the journey'! I had a tiny freakout worrying that all the stuff we have written was gone when I couldn't find it under its normal heading.

In terms of dating, I decided I'm not up to it because I ended up self-harming on the weekend and was feeling really overwhelmed and vulnerable about other matters the day afterwards. I sort of feel if that's how I react to things, then a relationship is going to make me really unsettled and unstable. So just for now I'll take a step back.

I hear what you say about gaining a best friend - would be awesome. It seems really hard to find someone who fits the best friend and relationship material classes. I think it's so easy to try and change to fit in with them. Will see what happens. I haven't heard back from the girl since I messaged her, so I think it is a dead end. But I sort of feel relieved.

Anyway off to play Civs :)

LC

Hey it's okay. That's why we're here.

So what've your doctors said in the past and are you still seeing them?

It's hard being a sole parent. Do you mind if I ask how old your kids are?

James

Hi Dottibluebell

It sounds like you're in a tough situation and you are managing the best you can while looking after your children. That's really commendable. I really admire your resilience.

As this thread is only viewed by a small group of people, it might be worth making a separate thread so that you can get lots more responses and you might find others who have gone through the same things as you. You are of course welcome to post here too :)

I also am interested to know whether you are still obtaining professional support that you can reach out to. An option you could explore is if you have private health insurance is to also have a community outreach worker come visit you once a week. They are an option for when you need some additional support but want to stay out of hospital.

LC

Hey LC, small question I hope you don't mind (but no worries if you do): do you keep in contact with your exes and do you want to?

I really want to and I think it's just because I want to stay friends, but I could just be tricking myself. Trouble is they don't want to keep in contact with me, haha.

And if you don't, what's your reason for not wanting to?

James

Hi James

I am good friends with someone I dated and see for coffee every so often and another I actively avoid whenever I see them.

I think it depends on the circumstances! I know that isn't particularly helpful.

LC

Hi James

I'm in tears because my psychologist said she didn't think I was depressed at the moment (counterintuitive I know). I'm also feeling really happy with her and aware how far I've come since I started seeing her. She has made a huge difference to my life. Its a bit overwhelming!

LC

Hey LC,

That's wonderful :) I know you said you really like this psych too and she seems so thoughtful especially with the doggy.

I'm super happy for you! I'm going to a meet up and we're making origami today. it should be fun.

James

Hi James

Thanks - you're a really good help too. I really like this forum.

Sounds pretty fun! I have joined a few meet ups, but haven't gone to one yet. How was it?

The thing that I don't want to say here went well. So that's put me at ease a bit. It tested me but I got through it :)

I just deleted Tinder and Her because I need a bit of a break from it. I feel like it's the right call. I just need to work on other things first.

LC

Hey LC,

It was awesome! I'd definitely recommend checking out some meet ups for your hobbies. It's fun to meet like minded people even if you don't necessarily end up as friends. Just a nice way to do your hobbies while socialising as well. We were making all these different things out of origami and helping each other out, so it was a real team effort. We made a two piece japanese kimono type thing, some flowers and some animals. :) The next one is a board games one, but I've also got a rock climbing one this arvo. That would make it 3 this week, haha. I've done so much socialising.

I'm happy about how That Which Must Not Be Named went ;)

Ah yeah...I was about to delete and then I started talking to someone and I didn't delete in the end :/ Set me up for even more disappointment, haha, but I can't seem to bring myself to just stop. I was reading about what they unofficially call a "Favourite Person" in online BPD circles. Have you heard of it? I think I'm definitely just running around frantically looking for a new Favourite Person right now!

So what kind of hobbies do you enjoy? And would you want to join a meet up for that?

James

Hi James

All sounds fairly fun! I've joined the rock climbing group, but a bit anxious because I haven't done much before. I've joined a queer group which seems to do pretty much every activity imaginable - walking, bars, nightclubs, bubble soccer etc And book club.

I haven't heard of that concept but I looked it up. I am unsure whether I experience it with relationships but I don't feel like I need to find a Favourite Person at the moment. It seems you are really keen to find someone at the moment which keeps bringing you back to dating. I think the only way it's possible to manage things better is to test things out.

Anyway bed time for me!

Night

I'm listening to Punk to Pop on Spotify. It's the most amusing collection of covers. I'd recommend if you don't mind punk/metal/metalcore.

LC

Hey LC

Ah don't worry, there's always newbies. Are you going to Hardrock (melbourne right?)? We had some melbourne people who mentioned that's where they went when they just started.

Oh the queer group sounds amaaazing. There's a couple of book clubs that I've joined...I just need to actually read one of the books haha.

Punk to pop? Is that one of the radio stations? haha. I like certain metal, usually the more lyrical ones. I quite like metallica and ended up going to their concert in sydney twice haha.

I've been listening to the Hamilton musical soundtrack repeatedly. It's got amazing lyric and story writing. Have you heard of the musical? It's only in the US at the moment.

James

Hi James

I'm going to be a bit mysterious about where I'm from, although I'm not from Sydney! I'm just wary about posting too personalised stuff. Ive probably posted too much already!

Hamilton is great. I love musicals. One of my favourite recent ones is Next to Normal about mental illness. I recommend looking up the album or watching a clip on YouTube. When I first got sick I watched it and I can relate to lots of the scenes. Have you heard of it?

Its actually called Punk Goes Pop. I got it wrong. 6 albums with like Of Mice and Men singing pop songs!

Hope you're having a good weekend!

LC

Oh I haven't heard of that one. I'll listen to it :)

I went to so many meet up groups over the weekend. I'm all socialed out haha. I signed up to another one tonight which is at a bar with lots of people...I don't think I'll go. I hate having lots of people around. I just prefer small groups...

Oh cool. Sounds like you are keeping yourself busy :)

I've got a pub crawl this weekend for someone's birthday which shows pretty impressive organisational skills! drink deals etc!

LC

Aha I haven't done one of them in a while. The grads at my work ran a couple of "floor crawls" :P We have free drinks on Fridays and so we went from floor to floor, drinking all the good stuff and leaving the rest for others, hahaha.

But I'm actually more of a scotch drinker and it's too expensive to buy in pubs :( Lol, scotch...classic depression :P

I've had a crazy roller coaster of the last few days.

I got my results and did really well so was happy.

I then had a set back where I found out my application had been rejected. Was so distressed in public but had just left my psychologist so could go back and she helped me immensely while my dad came to pick me up.

and then today everything fell into place in terms of accommodation for next year in a really good spot :) so I'm ecstatic.

My moods are pretty crazy - so reactive to good and bad things!

Congratulations on your results :) I remember you started really early on your assignment so that's a result well deserved I think!

Oh what's your application for (if you can say)? That sucks. I hope things come back together for it.

Awesome. It sounds like such a rocky few days haha. But hey, up and down is better than just down eh? Exhausting though...

Aw thanks.

My psychiatrist describes me as very reactive, so I often on a rollercoaster of emotions. It makes things very exhausting for me! And the different states are really intense.

Application is the thing which is too personal and identifying to post. I'm feeling better about it now.

Hope you are having a good week..

LC