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Forums / Long term support over the journey / DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

Topic: DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

  1. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    18 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Good Morning Everyone,

    I'm going to try and get myself organised and schedule in a walk this morning before I go off to my volunteering role.

    I'm working hard on cutting off the negative thoughts before they become too much of an issue to handle.

    It's a bit like when you see someone you don't want to run into on a street, so you cross to the other side to avoid them. I am trying to do that with my thoughts. I know the negatives are there, I accept that, I am just trying to side track them a little so they are not the only thing I see!

    Right. Got to organise my morning so I have time for a walk!

    Cheers all from Dools

    5 people found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    19 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello everyone ,waves to Grandy, Mrs Dools and everyone reading.

    Mrs Dools,

    I hope you had a big walk and got everything organised yesterday.

    I find the idea of avoiding negative thoughts like avoiding people you don’t want to see interesting. When I used to try avoid someone in the street I would end up seeing them somewhere later on so I found I owuls just smile say hello and move on.

    If only I could talk to my negative thoughts with a smile and a see you later !

    I would like a vest that repels all negative thoughts and comments by others instead of me being an emotional sponge to anything negative!!!

    I will think on how to find a repellant vest!

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  3. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    20 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and All,

    When you find one of those repellent vests, can you get me one as well please!

    I've not been feeling well physically or mentally recently. My Dr doesn't seem to know what is going on. He did send me to a specialist who had a student with him. He left the rom and told me the student could work out what the issue was. The student had no idea. The specialist returned, told me to come back in September and at the desk I was charged $150.00.

    I could have saved myself that money and asked the cleaner what she thought!

    The last psychologist I was seeing told me he doesn't believe in Christianity and sometimes that is the only thing that holds me together. He was really dumping on it badly, then told me when he was depressed he would go to the city and perve on young girls. Then he told me I need to help myself.

    I cancelled my next appointment with him.

    Yesterday I was in the garden and felt totally overwhelmed by everything that needs doing there. We have at least 6 tall gum trees that died over summer, one keeps dropping branches in the drive way. I have asked my husband if he can use the chainsaw and help me remove that tree at least.

    I might have to learn how to use the chain saw myself as it just isn't happening and I don't have any money to pay anyone to do it for me.

    I'm feeling frustrated by so many things right now! I need to find a way to let things go. If I don't I might explode!

    Cheers all from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  4. Ggrand
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    20 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Dearest Mrs Dools🌷...and all...

    I was upset and very saddened by reading your post...A specialist leaving you in the hands of his student...and the psychologist..putting Christianity down and stating to you he went perving on girls...shows what kind of man he is...they are both doing the wrong thing by you and others and should be reported to the medical tribunal....I’m sorry if I sound mean...buts it’s just so wrong...They are not giving you their help and the help and there duty of care is non existent....They shouldn’t be allowed to treat anyone like that....

    Im sorry you felt over whelmed yesterday in the garden... 5 acres is a lot to care for.....Please Mrs Dools..don’t try to chain saw it down....I had a big tree fall on my other property and a couple of dead ones...I can’t chain saw..I put a sign out front saying ‘free wood” must chain saw and remove...only cost is a trailer load to be left...It worked...the tree got removed..they got wood and so did I....Maybe something you could try?...

    Mrs Dools..sweety...feeling frustrated is a horrible feeling..release it all here if you feel to...were here for you...or maybe if you can..walk out your front/back door..take a bottle of water with you..and have a gentle slow walk on your property..find some where pretty..then just sit down maybe under a tree and try to relax.,,I know that’s hard to do..but please try precious lady...take some time for you...Your important...Everything else can wait...be gentle and kind to you....You matter to me and to so very many more here...🌷💜🤗..

    Sending you some love and very caring hugs dear friend🤗💜..

    Grandy..

    3 people found this helpful
  5. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    20 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs dools, Grandy and everyone,

    Mrs Dools,

    Like Grandy I am so annoyed that the two psychologists treated you so unprofessionally.

    I think that is why I have not tried many counsellors or psychologists.

    I am sorry you feel so frustrated and as soon as I work out how to make my repellent vest you sill be the first to get one!!

    Sending peaceful thoughts

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    21 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Grandy, Quirky and all,

    I'm thinking I'm a little burnt out so need to find ways to recharge the batteries!

    Cheers for now from Dools

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  7. Ggrand
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    21 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Just sitting quietly next to you Mrs Dools and holding your hand with love..reassurance...and care....please take your time dear friend...and look after yourself the very best you can....I hope you are feeling better very soon..

    💖🤗...

    Grandy..🌹🦜🦘🐓🦉

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    21 July 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy, Quirky and All,

    After Church today, I decided to get a little more done in the garden. First I just sat in the sun for a while to warm myself up.

    My husband is out today so lunch was toast. Out in the garden I found a sunny spot under the fruit trees. I was very surprised to see three lady birds!

    I felt like I was out there for hours! Tried to enjoy the luscious green colour of the grass growing beneath the fruit trees! I like the colour green...but all that green is a bit ridiculous when I want it all pulled up! Ha.Ha.

    Came inside for a nice soak in the bath, that should do the muscles some good.

    Trying to look for the positives. I keep telling myself my friends would love to have my issues seeing as they no longer have a place of their own to live! It would help if I could be more thankful for what I do have!

    Guess that is depression and stress though, it sucks the joy out of us at times.

    Cheers all from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    21 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs Dools, Grandy and everyone reading,

    Your description of your garden sounds inviting.

    I think when depressed we know that we should b ethankful but that tricky deoression

    makes even the greenest grass look grey.

    How do we tame depression so we can see the truth?

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    21 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    When we arrived at this place, there was not a weed in sight. The previous owners had "nuked" the place! Weeds didn't grow for about a year!

    I knew that couldn't last! I dreaded the thought of looking after this garden from the beginning. My husband told me it was my job!

    I need to remind myself that it is a beautiful garden. The birds like all the trees and creepy crawlies live under the bushes. Different times of the year there are flowers.

    The seasons all show their own side in the garden.

    I could embrace the refreshing green of the garden, it means we have had rain, so many places have not had rain for years!

    When I look at our huge garden through depressed, stressed and overwhelmed eyes it is a burden.

    If I look at it with eyes of curiosity and thankfulness, I see the different shades of colours everywhere, the beauty of a rose, the details of a tiny lady bird, hear the sound of bird song, see rain drops on a leaf and so much more.

    Maybe I need to look at the weeds I have managed to pull up and be thankful for my abilities, not look at the other 2 1/2 acres that need attention!

    Maybe I can borrow a well trained goat!

    Cheers all from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi All,

    My husband phoned me yesterday to say his boss texted him to say he is now working two days a week instead of 5, can he please leave the van at work, which means I have to drive 20 kilometres to pick him up after work. He does not know if this is a permanent thing or a temporary one.

    The uncertainty of an income threw me. I need to let go of feeling like I need to be in control of situations or at least to be able to understand changes happen all the time...ready or not.

    So I went for a walk. It was very windy and I had to lean into the wind to make headway down the road. It helped me to feel more alive in a way. The wind was cold.

    I was thankful for the recent rains that have allowed the grass to grow, otherwise I would have been walking in a dust storm.

    Returning home I felt a little invigorated. I wasted the rest of the day though ruminating over negatives!

    Hopefully today I will be able to move on. I will be at one of my volunteering roles today so hopefully I will not be a bag of misery! At least I will have people to be with and talk to.

    I need to put into practice the things I know that work to make me feel better about life! It is not always easy to do that though.

    Cheers all from Dools

    4 people found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs Dools,

    I really like the way you write so descriptively.

    These words are so true :

    “When I look at our huge garden through depressed, stressed and overwhelmed eyes it is a burden.
    If I look at it with eyes of curiosity and thankfulness, I see the different shades of colours everywhere, the beauty of a rose, the details of a tiny lady bird, hear the sound of bird song, see rain drops on a leaf and so much more.”

    I think that the skill is to remember which eyes we are using to see with.

    I think we need to be in control because so much of our emotions seem out of our control.

    Knowing what to do is one thing but actually having the ability to follow it through is another.

    I hope your insights here help you as much as they inspire me and others reading.

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  13. Doolhof
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    23 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and All.

    Thanks again for your kind words Quirky.

    This morning I decided I was going to try really hard to make the most of the day.

    In my mind I had my day planned for volunteering in the home for the elderly, but right from the beginning those plans changed, so I tried to tell myself to just make the most of it all.

    By not feeling so out of control and stressed about stuff out of my control, I enjoyed the day and even introduced myself to a resident I had not met previously. We had a good chat, sort of. She was very deaf, so we had two different conversations happening!

    When I was leaving she told me she had enjoyed our talk, so I will see her again next week.

    I was really thrilled when one of the staff used my name and asked if she could make me a cup of coffee while she was doing afternoon tea for the residents. It really made my day!

    So yes, I need to be aware of the thoughts I am listening to and the eyes I am looking at life with.

    Cheers to you Quirky and to all. From Dools

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  14. quirkywords
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    4 August 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello everyone,

    Mrs Dools,

    I am wondering how you have been going. If you are not wanting to post that is fine I just wanted to say hello to everyone struggling, fighting and embracing depression.

    I find I have been quite tired lately and that makes me more impatient at times.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Doolhof
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    4 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    How lovely of you to drop by! Sorry to read you have been tired and you feel impatient because of it. Sometimes when I am tired I get angry...so maybe impatient is a little easier for other5s to cope with! Not sure.

    I'm doing reasonably well thanks Quirky. I'm trying hard not to let issues overtake me and drown me in negatives!

    Not always an easy thing to do.

    Our weather has been very mild so I have been doing some weeding. I keep trying to appreciate what I have achieved without looking at the very daunting amount of weeds that are in the 2 1/2 acre garden. I tell myself the weeds will make good mulch!

    The soil here is so dry it is like powder and we are supposed to be in winter!

    Here in S.A. we have an art exhibition in many parts of the state for the month of August, so I am looking forward to seeing some of the exhibitions.

    Hope you get some decent sleep Quirky!

    Cheers to you and all reading from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  16. demonblaster
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    5 August 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi dear Doolsy and your lovely friends and readers ☺

    Think I'm caught up. Did in patches. Doolsy I know there's no pressure here to post but I did have some little guilts not being here for regs that I support but I assure you I care deeply about you and want you to be ok. Also comforting that others are around too.

    I can't believe the incredibly rotten luck you're having trying to get onto professional help and good at that! Crikey I agree with Grandy the bad ones esp your most recent mutt needs reporting.

    Surely you're well and truly due for some decent help. I know but can't remember what the go for you was and if psychologists do skype? I know psychiatrists do.
    Hun if you documented your apalling treatment and availability and forward it to ? I wonder if as a result but stick with it darl you might get some proper deserved care. Could maybe talk to an advocate for MH. Spoke to one a few mths ago think they may be able to help you come to think if not they might know where you can if you're up to that sometime.

    Said it before and mean it Doolsy I admire very much your ability to see the positives and humour in situations.

    Good idea looking at what you've achieved, its easy for us to ignore our achievements.

    Where you live sounds so baron but there sounds also like some nice places and scenery esp on your walks with your sister.

    Have you seen the sheep lately. So nice hearing that ☺

    Hope your foots holding better for you and physical health. Is the heart still partying hard?

    Ok so this particular flower ⚘ is different to a similar special one I gave you before which lives on.
    This one if you plant it somewhere reasonably flat... maybe under a tree hun then virtually of course 😆 throw a table and chairs next to it... in 8 days and 3.2 minutes you won't believe your eyes 👀😲
    There'll be a circle of them in all different colours gracefully standing strong and tall ready for picking around the table and chairs that are for all your friends to come and have a cuppa yarn and giggle with you. Oh they take a wee bit longer but do regrow.

    Hey loved hearing about the poor deaf lady you spoke to at the nursing home. Beautiful Dools you have a lovely heart.

    Look after yourself hun 🤗 and every one ☺

    🌱New Beginnings start within.

    3 people found this helpful
  17. Doolhof
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    6 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi Deebi,

    Thanks for dropping by. I am doing reasonably well at present. It is lovely to not feel like I am fighting through each day just to reach bedtime. I'm trying to see the positives and not dwell on the negatives so much. Finding ways to accept those horrid thoughts and not allow them to grow can be tricky at times.

    In the past Deebi I have written letters of complaint only to receive replies that seem to totally dismiss I have had an issue, so I don't bother with that anymore.

    At present I have no plans to seek any assistance. That is just me. I do realise that for many people assistance, care and the provisions made by mental health services is very valuable and productive. There are wonderful psychiatrists and psychologists out there.

    Thanks for the special flower! The wattle is out early this year and looks so pretty, especially if you really look closely at the amazing flower. It is like a pom pom.

    I went for a walk yesterday along an old dirt track. It was far enough away from the highway for me not to hear the traffic. I could hear the birds singing and the wind rustling the tree tops. It was lovely. There were sheep grazing in one of the paddocks.

    Today I will be at the home for the elderly again. I went to visit a couple of people last week but they were sleeping, so I left them to it.

    I like to help out with the craft in the morning. The 2 volunteers who do that are a great laugh and everyone there seems to enjoy themselves.

    Hope you are doing okay Deebi!

    Cheers to you and to all reading from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
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    6 August 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello everyone reading,

    I think maybe impatience leads to anger . When. m depressed I don’t think I have the energy for anger or when I am tired but I get impatient with myself and others very quickly nad they can see that as anger but I don’t.

    There are a few educational art shows on tv and I have been watching them and learning. I also have a huge bookshelf of art books for sale in my shop which I browse through. I don’t have the artists way of viewing things but I try to appreciate .

    tell me about the exhibition, we have sculpture by the sea and a few river art exhibitions down my way.

    you sound a bit brighter but of course things can change but I admire the way you keep trying and you always help others.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    7 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    For the month of August, people all over South Australia have the opportunity to have their art work shown in various places, small towns and in the city. It is called the SALA festival. You can be a claimed artist, a beginner, school student or a person from aged care exhibiting.

    I didn't end up seeing much art the other day! I arrived at the first venue I intended to visit only to have my husband phone to say he was ready to be picked up as he had finished work early.

    Next week I will try again on a day when I don't have to pick my husband up!

    Today we are going for a drive...my husband told me later he has all these places he wants to go to in order to try different beers so he needs me to drive him! It is not so much a day out together, but a beer trip for him! I am going to try to make the most of it or else I will be feeling resentful and angry!

    Hopefully the hotels and pubs he wants to visit do coffee! Then again, there are only so many coffees you can drink in a day!

    While we are out, he spends most of the time mucking about on his phone! Maybe I will find someone else at these places to talk with!

    I really do feel like the house keeper, chauffer and gardener more than a wife 90 percent of the time! Only thing is that I don't get paid!

    Oh dear. I am starting to feel depressed. Time to change my thoughts!

    It is trying to rain, so that will be wonderful for the garden!

    Cheers from Dools

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  20. Guest_1055
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    24 September 2019
    Just letting you know Mrs D, that you popped into my thoughts today. Hope you are doing ok
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  21. Doolhof
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    25 September 2019 in reply to Guest_1055

    Hi Shelley,

    Thanks. I'm not doing okay at all right now.

    Not sure how to change things.

    Dools

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  22. demonblaster
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    25 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Dear Doolsy hi everyone ☺

    I've been wondering quite often and particularly lately how you're going Doolsy.

    Not so good hun by the sounds.

    🤗 A long caring warm hug.

    If you'd like to talk Doolsy you have a lot of people that care very much about you myself included.

    You're an incredibly strong lady which is tested so often in these hard times. Lean on us darl.

    Thoughts and care ⚘

    2 people found this helpful
  23. quirkywords
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    25 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi everyone,

    Dools this thread says depression fight it or embrace it, but are they the only choices,?

    Maybe I think that some of the things that need to change are not in your control.

    I am sorry you are not doing so well and I know you keep trying different things and it must be tiring.

    Take care

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  24. Ggrand
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    25 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs Dools🌷..

    Im sorry that you’re not doing okay...I wish so much that you are doing okay...

    If it’s okay lovely lady..I also would like to to give you a long caring hug..to let you know how much loved and cared you you are by so many beautiful people....here and r/l...

    Be strong Mrs Dools...and as Deebi said sweety...”Lean On us” and take hold of our hands..Were all reaching out to you with open arms and hearts...as you have done for us so many times...

    Kind thoughts precious lady....and some warm caring hugs..🤗🤗..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  25. Guest_1055
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    28 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs D, hello DB, Grandy, Quirky

    Struggling a bit myself so it's a challenge to know what to say. You do sound like you are feeling sort of stuck there.

    I care about you, just wanted you to know that.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    29 September 2019 in reply to Guest_1055

    Hi dear Shelley, Grandy, DB and Quirky,

    Really feeling weighted down with depression and a sense of nothingness.

    Reality does not feel like it exists, not the kind of reality I want to live in anyway.

    Disconnection and shutting down. That seems to be my days at present.

    Trying to encourage myself to get ready for Church.

    Thanks all for your kind words and encouragement, I do appreciate it very much.

    Cheers from Mrs. D.

    2 people found this helpful
  27. demonblaster
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    29 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Dear Doolsy ⚘

    It really is a terrible way to be isnt it you poor lady you do it hard so often. My heart goes out to you.

    Good for you pushing through for church.

    That's one of several things I admire about you Doolsy you keep on doing and do so many things to pull tnrough and cope.

    Do you think maybe a look through your positives journal might bring some light.

    Hun you don't have to talk but I'm popping the kettle on and pulling up a seat in your garden which I have no doubt many more of your friends will join.

    Holding your hand and sending in a hug warmth and light.

    I care very deeply about you dear lady.

    Thanks for letting us know where you're at. Anytime hun always listening and your friend.

    🤗☺🤝

    3 people found this helpful
  28. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9851 posts
    30 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Dearest Mrs Dools,

    It saddened me to hear that your not doing at all well..

    I like Deebi’s suggestion of reading your positive diary...by reading it, It could hopefully give you some strength in knowing that you do have some positives in your life..

    Depression isn’t a natural part of us..it’s something that finds different people and tries to take over their thoughts and mind... it in a way turns us against us...it feeds of our negativity and grows stronger...as hard as it is to try to overcome our depressive thoughts...We can do it..by fighting back with positive thoughts and denying our depression time to grow and take over us..

    We need to take our mind elsewhere..some different...Just little things, maybe sweeping the floor with music playing and challenging ourselves to sweep it, looking at each stroke and see how much dirt, dust etc we have collected, noticing how much brighter the floor looks...or sitting outside with paper and pen, counting the trees you see, counting the birds that listening to the songs of birds and write down how many different ones you hear...how many butterflies are flittering around that you see...Just simple little things, to help us re engage the positives that have temporarily left us....

    I have wind chimes hanging from my veranda, when the breeze blows on them, I listen to the delicate sounds they make..so peaceful..do you have any wind chimes hanging up around your house or trees....

    Its hard Mrs Dools...to force ourselves to do things when we are in a deep depression...But if we can and by doing it mindfully...It hopefully at times can help us to start taking control of our mind..bit by bit...

    Depression wants us to do nothing but think of it...I know your stronger then your depression, you probably don’t think so at the moment...but you are.. Please dear mrs Dools...believe in yourself..like we all do...Your inspiration to us, your beautiful words to us, your kindness and care to us..is who you really are..and I want to thank you for the beautiful person you are..

    Kind thoughts...love and hugs...dear precious lady..💖🤗.

    Grandy..🌱🕊..

    3 people found this helpful
  29. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7653 posts
    30 September 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs D, hello DB, Grandy, Quirky.

    I am sharing this with you in hope it helps Mrs D. It is a text message that I wrote to my sister about a week ago and her reply to me.

    Her reply to me was this:

    I understand. Sometimes in life we do feel all of the things you described and it can feel very awful but at those times we need to dig our heels in because none of those things come out of what God has given us....from whats the real you. They all come from our flesh and the evil one. You need to start confessing the very opposite.....thank you Lord that I am loved so deeply, thank you that you have given me new life...a life without fear and shame. Thank you that I am forgiven and cleansed. That I am pure in your sight. Thank you that I am beautiful in your eyes. Thank you that I no longer have to be oppressed by anything not even my own feelings. Thank you that you have set me free. I praise you and worship you because you are so amazing. Just keep going. Everything opposite to what you stated. While you do this with words it will help your heart to submit to God. That is all it is just submitting to God...and that will resist the devil. He will soon grow tired of oppressing you with all these lies if each time he speaks it causes you to turn to God in worship and praise and confession of truth. Not to mention how much your walk with God will improve. It takes more effort to go Satans way...its exhausting. You actually have all you need to turn these bad times into times of strengthening.

    I love you. Its truth that sets us free. But we have to apply it.

    I will post what I wrote in my text to her. The above is her reply to me.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    1 October 2019 in reply to Guest_1055

    Dear Shelley, Grandy and DB,

    Thank you so much for all your very kind words, thoughts and care. You have all provided me with some wonderful ideas, challenges even and positivity.

    I will re-read what you have all written here later today and will make notes in my journal reminding myself of all the things I can do to help myself. You have all offered me so much. Thank you.

    Part of my depressive episode this time was triggered by medication for reducing blood pressure. Unfortunately, it seems that being predisposed to mental health issues and having a Coeliac gut that does not process chemicals well caused me to have a rapid decline in mental health.

    This has happened previously with different prescription medications. I find this kind of medication induced depression harder to overcome. I do also realise once the depression has been triggered, the downward spiral takes a bit to come out of again.

    I was doing reasonably well before this last lot of medication. I just need to keep going and build myself up again.

    Once again dear precious ladies, I appreciate all you have written and will copy out your words of encouragement. Thanks. Shelley, I really appreciate what you wrote too, thanks for sharing your sister's reply. I needed to read those words too!

    Wishing you all peace and hope. Thank you so much. Hugs from Mrs. Dools

    2 people found this helpful

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