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Forums / Long term support over the journey / DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

Topic: DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

  1. PamelaR
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools

    Yes, it's a beautiful day outside. Enjoy your 'chats', lunch and your walk. I've got a load of washing to hang out soon.

    Glad you are cheered up a little :)

    ❤️PamelaR

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  2. Chloe_M
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    14 May 2018 in reply to PamelaR

    Hi everyone,

    how are we going today? Are we fighting or embracing our depression, or is the black dog sleeping today?

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  3. Doolhof
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hi Chloe and All,

    I had that darn cat called Anxiety wrapped around my head for a while today and the Black dog was nipping at my heels. I decided I didn't really want the attention of either today so I have been trying to work out what to do about accepting and removing them.

    My husband has gone out for the day with his mate. I have been for a walk, spent some time in the garden, started reading another self help book with some good tips in it that I have been writing down, had a snooze and will soon start to cook dinner.

    I've decided there is no point in stressing about the work load of study I have in front of me, as I tried to alleviate the problem by asking for some of the module to be released early but the Employment lady won't do that for me. I will only be able to do what I can do when it is released.

    So I could get myself all frustrated and stressed again, or I can relax now and try hard not to get stressed next week!

    I have another Beginners Pilates tonight so will see how that goes.

    Cheers all from Dools

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  4. Chloe_M
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools,

    Pilates tomorrow sounds good, nothing better than a good workout haha.

    i found that singing is a good way to make the depression go away. I was singing before hand, and earlier with my friends band. It felt good.

    chloe 😄🤗hugs

  5. startingnew
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    i do love your psotive can do attitude. your entitiled to bad days too of course but you seem to bounce back well and its rather inspiring to be truthful.

    i hope your module is released early but if it isnt just do the best you can, thats all you can do and ask for extensions if you need as well.

    hoping your enjoying your Pilates

    hugs xoxox

  6. demonblaster
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Doolsy this is concerning me, the expectations are too high and they are aware of your MH & physical and that your super hero cape is in the dry cleaners?

    If you wanted to go this path I imagine there'd be a complaint or help (not that your getting any results there either) place and it causing you so much anxiety is too much on your health both ways. If your BP (Blood pressure) is up there's another reason and to need more time. In your situation there are extenuating circumstances. There I've finished 😆

    You know what Pammy (hey darls 🤗) said isn't such a bad idea, of course you probs want to pass fair enough but is this worth busting your pooh foo valve for. Do you have to do this course? I have been reading but might have forgotten soz.

    Ohh chooky they didn't ask you to go 😐

    Doolsy I love your spirit, no matter how much dung 😄 gets thrown at you, you just keep on keeping on...so on that note lovey...keep on keeping on...😁 you're very cared for and loved here 🤗

    Let us know how your BP goes, good waiting till you settle and best not after excercise either 🌹

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  7. Doolhof
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    14 May 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello lovely caring people,

    How does that song go "I get knocked down, but I get up again!" That is what I am trying to do! DB I tried talking to the employment lady. She just would not release the work early for me to do.

    I actually drove to the local office of this employment group, crying as I entered, sat in a chair blubbering that much I made no sense and asked the lady there if she could help me. As I am not her client, she was unable to do anything other than phone my employment lady so I could talk to her again. Still no changes were made to accommodate me.

    If I was the one to discontinue the course, I would have my Government income supplement stopped. So I need to go get that cape out of the dry cleaners and soldier on! All I can do is what I can do. If I am late handing in stuff, I tried to rectify the issue. I can't do anymore than that.

    Okay, enough of that subject! Today is a different day!

    The guys are both still asleep after telling me last night they were going to be up early for a good start to do more things today. They had a huge day yesterday and did not get home until 9.00 p.m.

    The Pilates class was very painful, so I guess that means it was working muscles and doing some good in the long run! The physio told me she was very impressed with my range of movement considering my injuries, so I am very pleased I do stretching at home as well.

    Yes Chloe, singing and dancing does make a person feel so much better. I even feel my spirits lifted watching other people doing these things. Some people at Church have beautiful singing voices, I enjoy listening to them.

    SN, yes I do understand that every day can not be filled with bliss and that unpleasant moments and horrid days come and go. Some days they just don't go quick enough! Ha. Ha.

    I'm going to ask my husband if I can join them with today's outing.

    Cheers all from Dools

  8. quirkywords
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Doolhof

    i follow this thread even though I don't post much.

    I can sense your frustration in your last post and hope that cape from the dry cleaners has super powers. You seem to have endless patience at times but you don't sssm to get many breaks.

    Alas I have no wise or cheery words or even comforting ones.

    I do know you will keep plodding on and posting and while that may not help you it does reassure me in your tenacity and faith in tomorrow.

    Quirkywords

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  9. Chloe_M
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    16 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Dools,

    Pilates does hurt haha, it is probably working muscles you didn't know existed! I used to do pilates for dancing, but it was school sport and it changed.

    Singing yes, I love listening to people sing and singing myself. My friend writes her own songs and I sing them. Its fun! We spend lunch in the library sometimes and write and i quietly do scales and play around with the arrangements of lyrics and notes. She plays piano. Singing is such a release. I love it almost as much as dancing (and drama/acting of course!)

    Hope today was a better day for all!

    Chloe

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  10. Doolhof
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    16 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hi Quirky, Chloe and All,

    I'm not going to be around for a few days after Friday, than when I do get back I will have 80 hours of study to do in a day before the next module is released! Hey. Piece of cake. I've got this! I've decided cape or no cape, I can't perform miracles!

    I'm trying really hard not to think negatively towards the employment lady who was unwilling to make life easier by releasing the study material a few days earlier!

    We had some glorious sunshine today so I managed to get some loads of washing done, run my husband around to a few places and will pick him up later tonight.

    Have had a restful kind of day after a rather lousy beginning, who knew tears were so plentiful!

    I've even made a lasagne for tomorrow night's dinner with friend's joining us so I can go to the Pain Clinic and not have to rush home to get things ready.

    I'll try to pop on to the forum when I can.

    Thanks all for the wonderful encouragement and connection! Cheers from Dools

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  11. Ggrand
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    16 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Dools,

    You can only do your best and that should be good enough for anyone. Is your unemployment lady just signaling you out, or is it all her clients?.

    Yesterday here was a beautiful day as well, looks like today will be the same.. I sat outside looking at what's left of my garden and done the gardening in my mind...

    Today looks like it's going to be a nice day as well..I hope you enjoy today..

    Lasagna, yummy one of my favourites...Thats a good idea, about making it a day earlier...I think the flavours go through everything when it's cooked the day before...

    I hope the pain clinic is helping you to manage your pain...I'm sorry that you have so much pain.. 🌹.Is the pain clinic helping at all?

    I hope your day is a good day and you find some time to enjoy it..

    Kind thoughts,

    Grandy..

  12. Doolhof
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    16 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy and All,

    Cooking the lasagne a day before does help with the flavour I agree, it was also a time factor issue. Today after the pain clinic I will be able to at least start some of my study and not have to fuss about dinner as it is already done.

    I'm not sure about the pain clinic. I don't know what I expected. Last week I drove for 1 hour to attend the educational session, the Dr. present read all the slide material off the screen that we were presented with as a print out. After 45 minutes that was that, he had answered all the questions , he had raced through the presentation skipping some of the slides and we were told the session was over. Then I had an hour's drive home again.

    This morning I have to drop the cat off at the cattery that is in the direction of the Pain Clinic so it won't be a total waste of a trip!

    I'm just getting frustrated with so much at the moment. I need to find some kind of control button.

    Sorry to read about your garden Grandy. I do so hope you get some rain in your area soon! It can be disheartening to watch things die and struggle to cope.

    Cheers to you, back again next week! From Dools

  13. Doolhof
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    22 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi All,

    I am back for our weekend away. Part of me thinks it was a total disaster because my husband just wanted me to drive him and his mates around and be a free taxi service and not join them in their activities. He thought it was perfectly fine for me to drop him off, pick him up and to be totally alone the rest of the time.

    I did try to make the most of it. I wandered around the town we were in. Booked myself on a river cruise, found some lovely walks along the river, read a book, and tried to not be extremely depressed and annoyed.

    One day I told him I would drop him off but not pick him up at 1.00 a.m. He then complained about the cost of the taxi.

    He makes it so easy for me to hate him and for me to feel so totally inadequate and worthless.

    Life sucks. I am really sick of trying to pick myself up only to feel like I'm being kicked in the guts over and over again. I know my attitude is not at all healthy right now so I need to do something about it before it starts to devour me!

    Cheers all from Dools

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  14. Tams20
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    22 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools,

    I just wanted to pick out one thing that you wrote in your post: I wandered around the town we were in. Booked myself on a river cruise, found some lovely walks along the river, read a book

    I think that sounds like a fabulous break! I would be very happy with that. My husband can annoy me too and because of that I often enjoy time away from him, for the peace and quiet and to be myself. I think your weekend sounds like a success, even with the taxi-driving commitments!

    Tams

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  15. Doolhof
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    22 May 2018 in reply to Tams20

    Hi Tams,

    Thanks. I know you are right. I did try to make the most of it. Being told I was not invited to join them really hurt.

    Being left alone when I was already feeling depressed was difficult.

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  16. startingnew
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    27 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs D

    How are you holding up? How are your studies going?

    Hoping that black dogs keeping away!

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  17. Doolhof
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    28 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    I feel like the black dog has brought around his mangy dog pack to attack me lately! Really struggling to keep on going to be honest.

    Have come down with a horrid cold/flu as well so feel like something the cat dragged in!

    Apart from both those things, I guess am doing oaky and should be thankful I am still here! Some days I just want to run away or do worse.

    None of the study has been marked yet and I started 3 months ago. I have had to make 6 choices for 120 hours of work experience...in an industry that has stuffed my back up and I had to quit working in due to injury!

    Wonder who pays for my medical expenses if my back issues are exacerbated during the work experience?

    I'm not very positive today SN! At least it is sunny outside so might go and sit in a sheltered spot for a while.

    Cheers to you from Dools

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  18. startingnew
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    28 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs D

    You poor bugger! Let me help you shoo some of those away. Chuck a few bones out thatll keep em occupied for a while and hopefully give you some time to breathe.

    You dont have to be positive all the time and after reading your post i am not surprised!

    Soups, hot showers, lemon and honey drinks are good for cold and heat packs for aches and pain too. Do you have a vapourisor you could put some oil in to help clear your sinuses abit? I also heard putting vicks vaporub on the soles of your feet with socks over the top as your going to bed helps with the coughing too.

    Oh lovely your post concerns me abit when you said sometimes you want to do worse i just want to check and make sure your safe. Do you have the helpline numbers just in case? I care very much about you and your wellbeing too so want to make sure your at least safe

    Oh geez! Work experience with your back pains! Im no sure how that will work tbh and i worry itll make it worse. Is there a way you could take another path besides being really hands on with the patients or more so the lifting side of things?

    I am hoping there was at least one good moment in your day. Sending hugs and love and well wishes xoxo ❤🌻

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  19. startingnew
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    28 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Just wanted to let you know i have written a long post up but its not here.

    I did just want to check on your safety though. A few little things in your post have concerned me abit... so are you safe? Do you have the helpline numbers just in case?

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  20. Doolhof
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    29 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    Thank you precious. I really appreciate your kind words and your care. Means a lot to me.

    I've not heard of Vics on the feet before. Might try that tonight.

    Hey guess what! Late yesterday afternoon I received a very generic response from the online study organisation saying I have satisfactorily passed all of my modules so far. You either get satisfactory or unsatisfactory.

    The work placement does not begin until I have completed the second semester of study. I won't know until I get a placement what is expected. My Dr was horrified when I told him so at least he will be supportive and may be able to write a report stipulating what I can safely do work wise and note restrictions as well.

    The black dog and his mates have been snarling a little today, but mainly sleeping in the shadows!

    Yesterday I did sit out in the sun for a while so that was nice. Last night we had an amazing thunderstorm that went on for ages.

    Today I have been trying to be more accepting of how I am feeling.

    I have a fist full of numbers to ring thanks. Sometimes it is just making the call that is the problem for me!

    Thanks again for caring and for checking up on me! Hope you are doing okay!

    Hugs to you from Dools

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  21. startingnew
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    30 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Mrs D

    I hope the vicks works. Mum told me about it and now the whole family does and helps so i hope it helps you too.

    Oooh yay! Congrats on passing all the modules youve done so far even if its a generic response. Keep up the great work!

    Oh im glad your gp is on board and will help you with certificates etc for your work capabilities. That must be a relief for you.

    Im glad they are in shadows today and leaving you alone abit more. Your sounding abit brighter which is good to read ❤

    Ok that is good you have those numbers it can be really hard to pick up the phone cant it but we are all here cheering you on and supporting you

    I hope today is a good one for you and theres some more of those peaceful moments. Hugs xox

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  22. Doolhof
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    31 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    Mental health really can be like a rollercoaster ride!

    Thankfully today it has been more up than down. I attended the pain clinic and tried really hard to have a different attitude when attending, one that was more positive without being so judgemental and discrediting of the information being presented.

    I caught up with a girl friend after and we always have a wonderful open conversation about what is going on in our lives.

    On the way home I had to pick up an order for my husband from a business. It took three people before the order was handed over to me. A simple pick up was turning into a bit of a fiasco, so I stood there, did some deep breathing and let the three people sort out the hassle.

    I was very pleased with myself and one of the guys carried the parcel out to the car for me as well which was lovely. I thanked him very much for his help.

    So today was a good day!

    Hope you are doing okay.

    Cheers from Dools

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  23. LuLu.
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    31 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools

    I was wondering how you were feeling. I read your first post and was hoping you were feeling a little lighter.

    I haven’t been here for a while so I suppose I am reaching out again to listen to others words and thoughts.

    Have you ever felt that you just don’t really care about what happens to you? I feel like that. I just don’t really feel. I guess I am wondering if living is an option for me rather than just existing.

    Hoping you are not in the depths of the black hole. But if you are sending you a big hug

    lulu

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  24. Doolhof
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    31 May 2018 in reply to LuLu.

    Hi lulu,

    Thanks for your hello and kind words. Sometimes I do feel like it does not take much to topple me over these days, like I have expended all of my energy and strength and there is nothing left.

    My psych is telling me to accept the depression, maybe I am just not accepting it in the right manner as when I do it makes me sometimes feel defeated. Like it is here again so what is the point!

    In all honesty I have not found staying alive to be so bloody hard as I do right now.

    I need to go and find more acceptance, determination to change things, desire, energy, enthusiasm and strength to keep going.

    Sorry to read you are doing it tough right now as well. It is difficult when we reach the point where even "feeling" seems to be beyond reach and just existing seems to be the only answer for now.

    Guess we need to remind ourselves, that with some effort, some acceptance, some whatever we can get through these moments, one breathe at a time.

    Our minds are very powerful. I know what will help, but having so much trouble implementing those ideas, strategies and actions that I know are beneficial.

    Wishing you a brighter day lulu!

    Cheers from Dools

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  25. startingnew
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    1 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Im so glad the day was better for you. Your doing alot to help yourself. Its really good to read.

    Are you finding the pain clinic helpful?

    Lol ive had those fiascos for deliveries too. I just stand there and wait too they soon sort thenselves out.

    Hoping today was a good one for you too. Its was rather cold and windy here so was inside most of the day plus yukky headaches not dissapearing so was just home today.

    Sending hugs and positive vibes your way ❤

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  26. demonblaster
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    1 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey dear Doolsy and other lovely people ☺

    Hun thankyou for your kindness popping in to see me other day 🤗

    I've been thinking a lot of you lately and want you to know I listen to you and boy do I hear you about implementing strategies I've learnt from you and other good people here. One you've mentioned that I'm slowly doing is a list or notes on the tablet so I can refer to when my heads in the darks and cant think constructively.

    Also I was wondering if you might be able to through the library get some free basic computer learning courses or there's some interactive ones I think on line too.

    Hey congrats on passing, wow you pushed through. What a champ. You must feel so relieved. I too am concerned about your physical health and glad your Docs on board.

    I love your positive Dools you and your humour. Think you're an amazing strong lady 🌹

    I'm off soon with a new group to maccas, was given a big Mac voucher which is lovely.

    Birdies singing there merry melodies and the suns shining, its a beautiful day in paradise.

    Hope your days are brighter good people 🤗

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  27. Doolhof
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    2 June 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB SN and All,

    This morning I wrote down heaps of stuff in my notebook. I was not able to stick tot he usual CBT formula as I just couldn't get my head around that. I did write out the stuff that is messing with my thoughts then wrote down what was actually true and realistic.

    Our minds certainly tell us stories and create stuff don't they!

    The pain clinic is going well, a physio who gave us a talk was very enlightening about pain, the mind, memories of pain and the state of life we were in when the pain first occurred in relationship to where we are at now.

    I hope to explore this further.

    As I still have a horrid cold I have been using a face mask while I am out. It felt a little weird having a massage with a face mask on! Saved me coughing and spreading germs around. It is nice to share...but not germs!

    Hey DB, I'd love to have more time to chat with everyone on the forum, that just isn't possible. Sometimes I feel lead to post in different places. Hope you bounce back okay too!

    Next week is the last week of the education part of the pain clinic. I am not really sure how the next bit works in relation to connecting with various people like a psychologist, pain doctor and physio.

    I will be starting the second semester of my study as well. The employment lady seemed very surprised I didn't have any revision to do, so guess I must have gone well then! Congratulations to me!

    The sun is shining here so I might spend a little time outside after I have done a little cleaning.

    Cheers to you all from Dools

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  28. demonblaster
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    2 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Definately congratulations to you.

    Good sounds like you're getting something outta pain clinic.

    Very true our minds certainly throw a spanner in the works. Thanks Doolsy I feel like me again now and had a big sleep sarvo too.

    Care 🤗🐧

  29. startingnew
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    3 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Well done on doing that writing activity. If you cant grasp the concept of the cbt version altering to how you understand it can be just as beneficial. Sounds like it mightve been for you.

    Im glad the pain clinic is going well. I hope you can explore that topic some more. Perhaps if its not something the group wants to explore you could see about a private session if they offer that... maybe the next session will be explaining how it works for linking with people. Im sure your not the only one wondering how it works.

    Hugs for your cold. I hope you start to feel better soon.

    That is awesome about your studies! Congrats and i hope you continue to do well (and you get help if/when you need it!)

    Hopeing todays a good one for you. Xox 💌🌻

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  30. Ggrand
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    Ggrand avatar
    9851 posts
    3 June 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello Dools,

    Sometimes it hard to even write things out when we're struggling so hard, well done for being able to do that.

    I was going to ask you about the pain clinic and if you/we can manage pain without pain relief and if it's possible,

    I hope your cold is getting better, it has been a horrible year for colds this year and even the common cold seems to be lasting longer..

    Congratulations on passing your assignments..I hope you do just as well in the next assignment..

    I hope the rest of your weekend is good..

    kind thoughts,

    Grandy.. xx

    1 person found this helpful

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