Thanks Croix & Dools,

I try to smile without showing my teeth in photos but when everyone is pressuring me to smile I become very self conscious & my attempt of a smile looks more like a grimace. A dentist suggested 2 options to make my tooth look better but one is very temporary & requires several sessions of painful work which doesn't seem worth it. The other is extremely expensive but the result could fail in the future leaving me worse off.

I suggested my sister comes to my place to go through photos so she can scan any she wants. This would be nice for both of us as the photos she wants are ones from our childhood so would be nice to share memories. Unfortunately nothing is decided until my brother decides what he wants to do & my sister wants to fit in with her husband & son. Her daughter arrives Friday making it even harder to find time.

I did get some time yesterday with her & her husband as my SIL was sick & my brother working. We couldn't go until the afternoon when her husband was free. I need to be grateful for what I get

Hi Elizabeth,

Yes, dental work can be very expensive! Working in child care I was devastated to see the condition of some young children's teeth, then I saw the parents giving kids Coke at about the age of 2. Some of the kids only had half teeth left as they had already rotted away.

I can see your point about trying to have time alone with your sister. Can you just go and pick her up and whisk her away? Or would that cause too many issues once you returned her again? Maybe I shouldn't make suggestions like that!

My sister brought out a lot of old family photos I had never seen before at her birthday recently. We all had such a great laugh over some of them.

Hope you do manage to find some time alone! Cheers from Dools

It is not just the expense of dental treatment I have Ended up with long term pain in my jaw from opening it wide enough for dental work to be done.

I rang yesterday to invite my sister around to go through photos as there wasn't much planned. It never happened as she went shopping with my SIL instead. Nobody confirmed the arrangements for today. When I asked earlier I was just given nonsensical answers. I sent a text to my brother last night saying I assumed I wasn't involved in today's plans. They were out last night so ringing wasn't appropriate.

I am finding it too painful trying to be involved when I feel isolated. I'm not well at the moment which is not helping. I went to the GP the other night & go back next week to check if the medications have cleared the infection.

Hi Elizabeth,

It does sound like you are strolling at the moment. If you do not chase the family up, am I to assume that they will not call you to find out what you would like to do? If that is the case, than I can imagine how much that would hurt.

Could it be that they are all so busy they don't really acknowledge your desires? Some people need to have things spelt out clearly to them.

Hope you are soon feeling better physically as well. Not being well does not help when you have other issues to deal with too.

Cheers to you from Dools

My sister rings each day after it is decided what they are doing to let me know the plans. Yesterday they went to pick up her daughter from the airport & were going to visit the places we grew up on the way home. There was no point in me going as most of the time I would just be on my own in my car trying to follow. Everyone else would be with my sister in my brothers van. Based on Wednesdays experience they would drive everywhere rather than exploring by foot. Later they went back to my brothers but I felt like I would be in the way. I feel very isolated in large groups when everyone else is talking an enjoying each others company. I know I'm not helping but I don't feel up to trying to change things. Sorry I need to close as I'm just making myself feel worse thinking about it.

Dear Elizabeth~

It's now a couple of days after your last post. May I ask if things have improved? Feeling excluded, even inadvertently, is a horrible feeling. Particularly as this visit is a special event.

I'm glad your sister was staying in touch on the phone, sometimes in families the more boisterous ones do take over.

So what are you doing to keep busy and cheer yourself up? Does your husband understand the problem?

Croix

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm dropping by to say "HI" as well and hope you are okay.

This afternoon I went and spent some time with the sheep. I am really going to miss them when they go home again to their own farm!

There are 4 lambs now, they are so very cute when they frolic and race around. Sometimes they are tired and the lambs cuddle up next to each other, that is sweet.

Hope you have had some nice moments today!

Cheers from Dools

Thank you Croix & Dools for your caring thoughts. Glad you enjoyed the sheep Dools. Yesterday I visited my daughter instead of going to lunch with everyone. They were going somewhere I felt was expensive (my SIL's choice) & I wanted to see my dtr & grandkids. My dtr is 9 mths pregnant so unable to do much or travel far enough to join in with us in case she goes into labour & is stuck on her own or with the kids.

Sunday We went out to my parents grave & their old home. My brother stayed home so I could fit in the car with my sister. After church she came back to my place on her own & had tea & we scanned & copied family photos for her. I even found my old journal which I'd written a lot about my parents life( some of the information I'd forgotten) & also our childhood. She scanned it so she could have a copy. The time went fast but it was nice to have time together. I'd really struggled Saturday morning & walked out from a family gathering. My sister is away for a couple of days & returns tomorrow night. We'll meet in the city This time they're going by train rather than car.I've been quite sick but starting to feel a bit better. Still need to catch up on sleep as I spent quite a few nights with little or no sleep due to my illness

Hello Elizabeth,

It is wonderful you had some time with your sister. How was it going through all the old photos and the memories? I know when I do that with my sisters it can stir up so many emotions in me!

I hope all goes well for your daughter! I was talking to a lady recently whose baby was due any moment, she didn't seem to concerned at all, so hope your daughter is just as relaxed!

Sorry to read you have not been feeling well. A lack of sleep does not help either. Lately I have been wearing ear plugs, I am surprised at how improved my sleep is. I know I have always been a light sleeper, hadn't realised how much noise interferes with my sleep.

Maybe ear plugs are not an option for you if you need to listen out for your husband. Hope you find a way to catch up on your sleep!

Cheers to you from Dools

Our bedroom is quiet except when my husband is unwell & coughing in which case I need to be aware so I can assist even if just making suggestions to raise the head of the bed up to reduce the risk of choking so ear plugs would not help me. Light & heat are more disrupting but not an issue at the moment. I've had sinusitis so lying down increases the stuffed up nose & difficulty breathing plus sore throat kept me awake. I tried cold & flu tablets but they made me worse. The photos were of my parents & their family & some from our childhood but from happy times. I had good parents so home life was good. My problems occured due to bullying at school or on the way to school. I never told my parents so they never had the chance to help.

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm really pleased you had time with your daughter and also that your brother was thoughtful enough to let you go in the car which sounds as if it led to a visit by your sister. I guess she must value your memorizes to take a copy of your journal.

Amazing what comes back when one rereads writing from early on. It sounds as if you had a most unpleasant time, sadly there is always some sort of bully in every school, the luck is not to run into them I suppose. Trying to look on the bright side your experiences will make you competent to act or advise if your grandkids ever are in that position.

Like Mrs D I hope your daughter gets though it OK. I remember being with my wife and learned not to let her hold my hand, giving birth must lend extra strength to the grip!

Hope the cold dissapears

Croix

Hi Elizabeth,

Hope the sinusitis clears up. I've had that almost continuously since we moved to this area. Some weeks I just give up trying to breathe through my nose at all and my head continually feels like it is going to explode! Not much seems to help clear mine up either, not even an operation! All I ended up with was a sore nose after the surgery.

My husband and I had a lovely day yesterday in the city. We went out to lunch, enjoying Yum Cha and saw a painting exhibition at the Art Gallery.

My only concern for the day was my husband's driving! It was a little too exhilarating for my liking!

All the best to you from Dools

Well I'm still waiting for a call from my daughter. I know she will ring once the baby is born & I spoke to her yesterday when she asked me to babysit next week when she takes one of the children to the hospital for tests. Now the due date has come & gone I don't want to be rubbing salt into a wound ringing to check on her when she is anxious to have the baby ASAP.

The sinus infection is gone but the GP prescribed further medication for the inflammation in my sinuses which remains. Hopefully that works & I can be clear of stuffy nose soon. Today we went by train to the city. We decided to split into 2 groups as her husband wanted to see very different things to her son who is autistic. It wasn't what I would have planned normally for a day in the city but it worked & gave me time with my sister & her son was happy as we went where he wanted.

Only 2 more days left. Unsure what is on tomorrow but I'm babysitting a grandson which limits me

We met with someone to get things organised for the NDIS but I got an email from someone saying the plan is incorrect so needs to be fixed before services can be paid for. Nt what we need!!!

Hi Elizabeth,

Has the baby arrived yet? I hope all is going well/has gone well.

I also hope you are able to sort out the NDIS matter.

Are you saying that your sister is about due to leave again or maybe she has already. I know after I have had visitors or been extra busy with people, it can feel a little "strange" when they all leave! Hope you can have things in place to help the return to normal to go well.

Hope your week goes well.

Cheers from Dools

The baby is stubborn. Due date has come & gone. My daughter & hsb have been doing rough steep walks to try to speed things up.My sister left yesterday morning. I have a lot to catch up on now. I'm not sure how I'm going.

Dear Elizabeth~

I guess you won't know how you are until that stubborn baby arrives. In the meantime is there really that much you have to attend to at the moment?

By and large how do you think your sister's visit went?

Croix

I am feeling under a lot of pressure at the moment. Things I would normally have done several weeks ago have been left undone but really need attending to. The combination of my sisters visit & my reaction to the arrangements or lack of them as well as being sick while she was here added to the pressure. Even whan I went back for the follow up visit to the GP I felt like a hypochondriac wasting his time only to be prescribed more medication because of the remaining inflammation in my sinuses. At least I can now lie down without feeling like I'm suffocating. I have always loved & respected my brother & I was concerned because he was so stressed with good reason. His wife was very unwell for most of my sisters visit so that left me feeling guilty about my level of frustration with him & very conflicted in dealing with the situation.

Looking back it wasn't an ideal visit. I didn't get much time to really connect with my sister but we had some nice times. I need to catch up on sleep as I'm still tired from my recent illness & trying to fit in with plans.for the visit.

I'm hoping the baby will arrive tonight & waiting to see if I'm needed. I'm supposed to babysit my son's son tomorrow just to complicate things. Today was spent taking my husband to a specialist in the city which was a drama as my husband was only contacted yesterday but was unsure who to see & what his specialty was so took ages to track down where to go once we arrived at the hospital. Worked out OK in the end & he is prioritising follow up tests which may lead to treatment which could improve his quality of life. I need to follow up on NDIS to get the help my husband needs

Apart from that there are things I need to do in the house & garden

Hi Elizabeth,

It sounds like there is a lot for you to do at your place and there has been a lot on as well with your sister's visit, the baby making everyone wait, Drs appointments and other family members not being well.

Sometimes it can feel like we would like to be in 3 places at once but just don't have the energy for where we are at right now.

Hope you manage to get things sorted out and find a little quiet time for yourself as well.

Cheers from Dools

The baby finally arrived stubborn to the end. He was stuck making delivery challenging. Thank goodness for good midwives. I saw my grandson & was there to see my SIL bring in the older sons to see their new brother. They were VERY excited & asked lots of questions re the process of getting the baby out & why is mummy still fat!!! They have all chosen presents for the baby & are looking forward to giving the baby his presents. There is something very honest about children as they say what they think without worrying if it is socially appropriate. I will need to visit my dtr when I can to help so that will add to my list.

Dear Elizabeth~

Argh! I've just discovered the Internet ate my last post to you yesterday - vanished without a trace:( It's a real pity as it was a doozy, answered all problems in effective detail, whilst being blessedly brief - and amusing too.

Frustrating I can't recall what I said :(

I'm glad the baby has arrived an all is well. I agree about kids, it is refreshing (sometimes) without the veneer.

Have you had a chance to catch up on sleep as yet? I echo Mrs D's hope you manage some quiet time for you.

Croix

I fell half asleep this afternoon. I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open but still was aware of what was happening around me. I've tried to sleep in when I could but don't seem to be able to catch up on lost sleep. I've used sleeping tablets a couple of days because I was having trouble sleeping. Hopefully that will improve over the next week or two.

Sorry about the missing post. I'm sure it was just what I needed with excellent advice & plenty of humour Croix!!!

Hello Elizabeth..

I do read along a lot but don't post much.. I really do admire your strength and determination..

I heard your a grand mummy again....Congratulations I really hope you enjoy your new grandson....

Im wishing you all the best as well as your family....

Children..I love them, they are honest and speak only what's in there heart..I wish that...ok,..we need to grow up ,but I wish the innocence of our inner child stayed with us..what a better world and how much nicer would people be then...

Hi Croix, Dools, and everyone else..

Good Night and I'm wishing you all peace and light for tomorrow and onwards..

Grandy...

Thank you Grandy, I appreciated your kind words. I hope you are doing better.

Hi Elizabeth,

Congratulations to you and to the family! Yes, children do say the darndest things at times! I like the boy who asked Mum to take the baby back to the hospital and ask for a quieter one in return!

Hope you do manage to find some of that much needed rest!

I was talking to a grandmother whose son became a father late in life to a younger woman, she wants to be an active Granny but she is finding it tiring. Guess all she can do is what she can manage. Maybe if cuddling the baby is the best she can do some days, that will be extremely worth while!

All the best to you Elizabeth.

Cheers from Dools

Re you grandmother/ friend Children are very adaptable. They can appreciate people no matter what their limitations. I remember visiting my grandkids after breaking my ankle. I couldn't run after the kids like normal. Instead they would run back & forward standing close enough for me to touch them with the crutches. They had a ball running back & forth dodging the crutches & laughing when caught. They also brought their toys to me to play with them.

My mum was in a wheelchair but my kids found she was fun telling them stories & silly rhymes. Later when she lived with us & my kids were older they loved spending time with her & doing wheelies with the wheelchair when she wasn't in it.

Your friend should find plenty of opportunities to enjoy being a grandmother no matter what her age or health is.

I ended up very ill Saturday night & Sunday. I'm feeling a bit better but still tire quickly so can't do much so much for catching up on things!!!

I'm struggling a bit. The long period of stress & sickness seems to have caught up. I need to find a way to move forward without overdoing things.

I saw the dentist yesterday. Unfortunately I became upset discussing options re my front tooth which I'm very embarrassed about as it looks ugly. I ended up deciding to leave it as I feel like I'll still look ugly so it is a waste of time & money trying to fix it. Discussions like that seem to trigger very negative thoughts re my self worth.

I'm struggling to move forward. I'm still very tired but unsure how much I should be pushing myself so I feel like I'm doing something. I feel like I'm wasting time

Dear Elizabeth CP,

I hope your feeling better. I just wanted to respond to you because I'm personally going through a lot of the issues you are going through right now: and it meant a lot to me that I'm not alone. We all get physically sick some time or another but with mental health on top it can feel like there is no end to feeling down.

Only 3 days ago I meet with a specialist, booked my colonoscopy and gastroscopy, found out I was likely to have Inflammatory Bowel Disease and/or Celiacs Disease- and hit a moody low point. The possibility of a cureless lifelong disease known to deepen depression was overwhelming. But eventually I got the perspective that 1. I am in good hands with doctors, 2. They will figure out what it is and I will get treatment, 3. Tests could come back and say it is the easiest curable thing out there and I'll all good in no time.

I hope some positivity can rub off on you, you'll get through this. Your symptoms seems worse than mine- but I think our situations and our genuine worries are aligned. Just remember you are in good hands and have support in the Beyond Blue community. BirdIbis

Thank you Birdibis, Good luck with the tests you are having. I hope you are able to find out what is wrong & how to manage it. Your attitude is good & hopefully you can hold onto those positive thoughts to get you through this difficult time.

I have recently have had more short term illnesses leaving me tired rather than a major problem like you. Although my husband is well at the moment there are signs of ongoing deterioration which I find upsetting particularly after his serious illness in April May.

Yesterday I visited my dtr & new grandson. My dtr needed to see the GP urgently so my hsb & I were left to babysit the 4 kids. Unfortunately the baby became very upset soon after she left & then the others needed food so it ended up being rather stressful. It meant we couldn't return home til later than planned but at least the GP . was able to identify the problem & commenced treatment which was needed urgently so I was glad I could help her.

Today I did a few chores around the house but still struggling to motivate myself to do as much as I need to do.

Dear Elizabeth~

As usual now I'm back on deck I can't resist putting in my 2¢'s worth in:)

Firstly I think that feeling one looks good can be brought about in stages, and one stage is most definitely teeth. Having a flashy fang in front may not be an instant fix to all your feelings but I would think it is part of the building process. One day you will walk along feeling just fine and the dentistry will have contributed, as will the clothes and lots of other things.

It sounds to me as if you are doing what you need to. While chores around the house and other things can be important, letting your daughter get to the doctor and obtain treatment seems exactly the sort of thing that takes priority, and even if very draining is worthwhile.

It was good your husband got a chance to help

Croix