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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

Topic: Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

  1. blondguy
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    24 February 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello Elizabeth

    No worries at all, and no response is expected

    please be gentle to yourself

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

  2. Elizabeth CP
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    25 February 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Thank you Shell for your kind words. You said So many things seem worse when we are tired. That has been a huge issue. Being tired makes it much harder to do anything which makes me feel useless because I can't do anything. This made me more depressed.


    Croix Thank you I hope you had a good break. I do hope I get the break in April. I caught my foot on something which pulled it the wrong way. Stupid but that is what happened I'm getting used to the bed but sleep remains an issue. We have been using the ceiling fan but I find it distracting but better than being hot.
    The psychiatrist has given me a time later this week. Will be interesting to see what happens particularly discussing the failed attempt of medication.
    I hope my daughter gets the job and moves back to Australia. I miss her.


    Paul
    Thank you
    I'm doing a bit better. I spent a couple of days at a friends which gave me a break. Not ideal because of issues with her husband but better than nothing.
    I don't feel strong at the moment.
    I saw the psychologist re exposure therapy today & had a helpful session. Lots of things I need to work on I was told today to schedule pleasurable activities and do them even if I don't get any pleasure . I didn't realise the lack of pleasure is due to the depression not the activity

  3. Elizabeth CP
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    28 February 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I finally saw my psychiatrist after a VERY long break. When I see him he is really good but the gaps between appointments is not good. I told him about my unsuccessful attempt at ADs. He was fine with me stopping under the circumstances. He seemed to think my tiredness was normal given the circumstances. He encouraged me to use sleeping tablets when needed. He knows I don't overuse them. I need to keep doing the exposure therapy with the psych he referred me to. This is going to take ages given how bad I've become after this summer..

    I have been forced to accept that I am seriously unwell and I need to get more practical help to take some of the pressure off me. I'. meeting with someone in a couple of weeks to come up with a plan and this councillor will meet with me & some other people to help me come up with a plan. It is hard because I feel I should be able to do it myself but I get caught up with so many things and then have no time for the less urgent including sourcing help. I'm normally organised but my thinking seems to be impaired due to my tiredness so simple things become too hard. I hope I can find a way to get back in control of my life before I am tipped over the edge

  4. Guest_1055
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    28 February 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I think it sounds quite wise actually to get some practical help.

    Can understand about the tiredness too. As when I get like that (I am pretty sure my tiredness would not be has high as yours) my brain gets muddled. Thoughts become a mess and all over the place. I cannot think rationally much either.

    You will get there Elizabeth, you will get there.

  5. Croix
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    29 February 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I'd agree "I'm normally organised but my thinking seems to be impaired" and this is no surprise, in fact the manner in which you have held on is amazing.

    Nervelessness your recognition of your state is a blessing, and to be prepared to find and accept help marvelous. It is no reflection on you, but on circumstances.

    I like the way your psychiatrist reacted and he is right about the sleeping tablets. Incidentally I finally found one that does not make me feel lodgy the next day, so if one does not work please ask for alternatives.

    I also like the fact your councilor will be there with the group designing your assistance. Takes the pressure off you.

    You will get back you know, and there will be no "tipping". After all this time I've faith in you and know with the correct help you will head back towards being yourself

    Croix

  6. Guest_1055
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    29 February 2020 in reply to Croix
    Just saying hi to you Croix. No reply is needed to me or anything. Just wanted to say hi is all
  7. Elizabeth CP
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    1 March 2020 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix, I have been using tablets for over a year now. I only use them when needed. My psych encourages me to use them more than I do. He knows I don't abuse them so he is happy to prescribe them to me. sometimes I feel still foggy in the morning but this happens more if I haven't had long enough sleep or are really bad so more likely me than the meds.

    It is scary asking for help. I wonder what people will think. If I'm asking for too much. Having support asking for help will at least mean I have a back up to help.

  8. Croix
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    2 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    "is scary asking for help. I wonder what people will think. If I'm asking for too much"

    Um.

    Yes it is scary to reach a stage where you are no longer as self-reliant as you were, that seems a reflection on self and a shortcoming -it's not though, simply adapting sensibly to changing circumstances.

    Apart from the fact who cares what unspecified strangers think anyone who know you will be well aware you are far more likely to ask for too litle. That's one reason I'm pleased you councilor will be with you.

    I put off getting a disabled parking sticker for far too long because on a good day I could walk further than the required maximum. My Doctor pointed out it was my worst day I had to take into account. Many tend to fall into that trap (not that I'm thinking of anyone in particular:)

    Croix

  9. Guest_1055
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    3 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hey Elizabeth and Hey Croix

    I wonder if you feel like there is something out of your control by accepting and even asking for help? And that is what scares you. Might be...

  10. Elizabeth CP
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    4 March 2020 in reply to Guest_1055
    I have had some negative experiences. One time my GP insisted I get home help because I was very sick. I had a young baby at the time. The cleaner spent the whole time cleaning the kitchen giving the impression she thought it was disgusting. She brought towels & other items implying mine weren't good enough. I ended up feeling very embarrassed. Another time afer hubby became blind we needed help to get the house ready to sell. I told someone I needed the help but each time they arranged to come & discuss it they cancelled. In the end I was told I couldn't get help because I had 5 children. Noone checked why my kids couldn't help. One moved interstate at that time. Another lived 3 hours away. My daughter had to move so she needed help herself as she had a new baby & toddler. One wouldn't help & the other was busy as he'd just moved back to Australia & was trying to get his house fixed so he could move back. It had been rented while he was away but left in a bad state. This has left me very wary of asking for help because of the fear of judgement.
  11. Doolhof
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    6 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth and All Reading here,

    It has been some time since I have been on the forum so I have not read a lot of what has been happening lately for people.

    Elizabeth, I did pick up that you are really struggling at present and that you have found strategies that have not helped in the past are not helping so much now.

    I've been seeing a lady recently and she has tossed most of my ideas about mental health on their heads.

    She is encouraging me to continue on with good things even though I don't think they are working as sub consciously they are.

    I told her I had a massive panic attack at home the other day and drove away in a horrid state. She congratulated me and told me I had done a massive thing as I had taken myself away from the situation that was escalating how I was feeling.

    What I thought of as running away and made me feel useless as I ended up crying in the car for hours, she hailed as being healing and restorative!

    It maybe that you can't just get in your car and drive away. Are there ways in your mind you can stop all those negative thoughts for a moment and picture something beautiful. Even if it is fleeting, it is a start.

    I am learning to picture a STOP sign in my mind which I will then follow with a peaceful scene.

    Deep breaths help me too.

    All the best, cheers from Doolhof

  12. Elizabeth CP
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    17 March 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks Dools I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier but we have been overseas!!! Not ideal time but trip was planned ages ago before my husband got sick & Corona virus emerged. Things went well until duststorm affected husband leaving him coughing & triggering other issues. Arrived back yesterday but now husband being checked in hospital just in case. I felt much better away from Australia-heat & fire risk but now stressed about my husband & trying to pick up the pieces of my life while in isolation so plans shredded once again.
  13. Elizabeth CP
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    20 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    The plans I made earlier to get help so I could recover have not worked out. Someone was trying to organise for me to have a get away with other carers to have a complete break but that will no longer happen. I'm very unsure if I can get the help I need around the house to get on top of things because of all the restrictions due to the virus. My daughter had applied for work back here but even if she's offered a job she won't be able to fly home. My sister was going to visit next week but cancelled because she can't get here. She never took out Australian citizenship before moving to the US to get married so Australia is closed to her.

    Husband isn't well but can't see a doctor. He's already been tested for the virus & showed no infection. Visit to his specialist has to take place on skype not in person. He has an appointment for a procedure in May but we were told it may be cancelled due to virus & pressure on hospitals. Unsure how things will go and how I'll cope

  14. mocha delight
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    20 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP
    Hi Elizabeth I think all this drama is effecting us all in some way or other that’s for sure. Like today I was supposed to have a appointment with my gp burnt I got word yesterday it was changed to a phone appointment. That is after a week today of being on a antidepressant for the first time ever (well a one weeks trail of half a antidepressant of the lowest dosage of it you can be on that is) but from tomorrow as per her instructions I’m going to a full tablet. Then I’ll see how I go before I have another phone appointment in a weeks time. So it’s effecting everyone but I hope things start improving sooner rather then later and I hope your husband can get the procedure he needs and that things improve for you to. And if you ever need to chat I’m here for you ok 🤗
  15. blondguy
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    21 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth

    Good on you both for taking the time out for some R&R overseas!! That is great news :-) Its a relief to know that your husband was doing well prior to going overseas

    have a good weekend

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  16. Croix
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    22 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    Worry, frustration and shifting goalposts as the virus becomes more common are so hard to deal with.

    What can I say?, Well your huband is unbelievably lucky to have a partner that loves and cares as you do, and I'm sure if there is a way to get help then for either of you you will find it.

    I'm sorry about your sister, sometimes it is hard to predict what might be needed.

    Inside all these tragedies if you found something you held dear from your past and wished to relate it to relive the mind I'd be delighted to listen, even swap.

    Croix

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  17. Elizabeth CP
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    23 March 2020 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix Paul & Mocha, I think any benefit from the break is undone now!!! Sorry Croix I am too stressed to think of anything positive. Spent today on the phone to get advice but just pushed from one organisation to the next. Ended up ringing the police!!! At least he was a human and prepared to provide advice based on common sense instead of worrying about the letter of the law. We currently have no water or working toilets after my husband tried to fix the leaking toilet unsuccessfully. Being in isolation not supposed to go to the shop to buy part or to let anyone into the house to fix it. Police agreed that it was ok to allow someone in under the circumstances but have to remain in a different room.

    My husband is sick but we can't wash our hands or dishes etc.

    Supposed to see the psychiatrist on Wed but can't find out if it can be done remotely.

    Sorry I just feel hopeless with normal supports all withdrawn.

  18. Elizabeth CP
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    23 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP
    Currently feel I'd be better off with the virus then I'd either recover & be immune or die and not have to worry!!!
  19. Croix
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    23 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    That was a most unfortunate attempt. I guess it is a question now of finding someone to fix the plumbing, I'm glad the police were realistic.

    Croix

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  20. Ggrand
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    23 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello Elizabeth..🤗...and Croix..🤗.

    I read your last post and got teary...Please be gentle on you..If I could I would give you a caring hug from my heart...

    You’ve been doing it hard for so long and wish I could say something that would help you..

    The water in my town is not really drinkable..the council says it is, but it destroys kettles in a month because of all the scale it produces...What I do is I take 12 litre bottle to the next town..35 kilometres away..then fill them and when I get home I put them onto one of those water dispensers that you find in a Drs surgeries...I use this to drink or cook with...I understand that you haven’t got running water for showers etc...that would be so difficult to manage...If you have a 4litre plus container. Maybe a park near by or a neighbour can fill it for you..to at least have water for hot drinks, and maybe your dishes etc..until the repairman can come and fix it for you...

    I am also in isolation, as so many other people are..and am finding it hard..without my volunteer work and my mental health supporter coming to visit me...It’s going to be hard dear Elizabeth, but it is do able..please believe that..

    Have you heard of sleep stories...they are very relaxing and calming to listen to while your laying down trying to sleep..the stories are gentle, as well as the reader has a soft calming voice...it helps the mind to rest from negativity for a while...and before sleep I think that’s what is important for a restful sleep..Maybe Elizabeth do you think you could that a try..I think you will enjoy them..

    Please look after you...the best you can...you are a very courageous, strong and beautiful person...

    Sending you my care, love and hugs 🌈💜🤗..

    Grandy...

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  21. Elizabeth CP
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    25 March 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Ended up getting son to come around and make temporary fix to toilet so water could be switched on. Today plumber came & fixed toilet properly & he found a leaky pipe under house which he fixed. It was strange having someone in the house but not being allowed nearby. At least I now don't have to worry about the sound of water leaking constantly.

    Today had psych appointment. Tried video conference but ended up asking for him to ring as the video conference kept dropping out. I guess the extra demand on the internet is causing congestion. It wasn't a great experience with all the interruptions.

    Yesterday had an appointment by phone with husband's specialist. Appointment very late as he had trouble getting through. He was using the wrong number. Advice given was to avoid hospital at all costs because of the risk of husband picking up virus in hospital as well as likelihood of inadequate care. Plan to review if surgery would help reduce risks shelved until virus is over. While i know the specialist was giving the best advice he could in the current circumstances it left me with little hope & ongoing worry about what to do if my husband gets worse.

    I know my family care about us & people from church have rung to see if we need anything but no one can provide the support I need since they can't come into the house.

    Initially I was doing OK accepting 14 days isolation and looking forward to the end but now I've lost hope and my mood has nose dived . I don't have emotional strength to keep going it doesn't seem worth while

  22. Ggrand
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    25 March 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello zest Elizabeth...🤗..

    It was really heartwarming to hear that you have people that care about you...and I’m happy for you that your plumbing has been fixed...That a couple of positives for you..

    I hope so much that your husband doesn’t heat worse and had to go to hospital, but if he does does worse, please call the ambulance, I’m sure all the hospitals have isolated the COVID-19 patients..as they have been told too...and going in by ambulance he would be safer going straight into an emergency bed instead of sitting in the waiting room..

    Elizabeth, it’s been so hard for you sweety, but you must try as hard as you can to look after you as well, both physical and mental health...To keep being able to support your hubby and most importantly you..

    I have lost my home support care, and it’s hard to talk over the phone...by doing this we are in a way helping the support workers to not be out and about too much...

    I read your last sentence as it reflects how mentally tired you are...I believe in you..I believe you do have the strength to get through this...Right now, with this virus and the effects it’s having on our lives is very hard to comprehend. It’s not going stay here for long..it will go away...it is worth it Elizabeth..to keep trying...to keep fighting..to keep caring, to keep your hope alive...Hope is a beautiful yet very powerful thing to keep hold of Elizabeth..It never leaves us..it might hide for a while...while we are in despair..but it’s still their, and it only takes a very tiny positive thought, or a little belief in yourself..to start it growing stronger..Please believe in you..have faith in you..you are one very amazing person Elizabeth..I wish you could believe that...because it’s true..

    Please stay safe, strong, and look after you..

    Care, love and warm comforting hugs..🌈💜🤗.

    Grandy...

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  23. Elizabeth CP
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    28 March 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Thanks Grandy. Husband's specialist has told us to avoid going to hospital if at all possible because risks are too great of getting sicker in hospital & because the health system is under so much stress he is very unlikely to get the care he needs. As long as this pandemic lasts the GP is unable to see my husband in person so no chance of getting his chest checked without going to hospital. This is a huge stress knowing I don't have the backup of doctors who understand and we trust. I have cancelled carers coming to the house as the risk outweighs the benefit. I am looking into finding increased help with garden & I need to find a cleaner willing to do heavy cleaning rather than just routine vacuuming etc. Unsure where to find that but I need to keep the place including decking etc really clean & tidy to decrease risks of illnesses including hayfever from dust etc . He can no longer attend activities he previously enjoyed so it is more important than ever for me to set up things he can do safely in the shed & garden but I'll need the time to supervise him to keep him safe. I'm trying to get my head around what changes I need to do to help him to have some quality of life while remaining as fit & healthy as possible.

    My mood is still very up & down. I really miss spending time with grandkids.

  24. Elizabeth CP
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    4 April 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Sorry I'm feeling very negative. The compulsory 14 day isolation has finished in time for the country lockdown so can't do much. I have plenty of things needing doing at home but I feel trapped with no escape. Things I was working on putting in place to give me a break from caring & to allow me to recover from my MH issues are no longer available. This week I've struggled after finding out my dtr has lost her job in the UK. I worry about her being there with no work so isolated & with rapidly escalating pandemic with lots of deaths & no signs of any improvement. one son has been hospitalised due to severe MH issues. It is bad enough normally but now with so many restrictions re visits it is terrible. We can't see him and he can see his kids.Lack of motivation & feelings of guilt & increased anxiety seem to be getting worse. Unsure how to turn things around.

  25. Guest_1055
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    4 April 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Just nodding my head and listening to you Elizabeth. I don't know what to say really.

    Hey how about some virtual flowers. Here is a bunch of them for you. Can you imagine smelling them. Ah.. just beautiful.

  26. Elizabeth CP
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    5 April 2020 in reply to Guest_1055
    Thanks Shell for your flowers. I noticed a bush at the front was crowded by another bush which needed to be trimmed back. 2 days ago I noticed the nice bush is covered by flowers & the smothering bush is nearly gone. Don't know who did it but your virtual flowers have just turned into beautiful real white flowers. When I see them I think of you and your kind thoughts,
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  27. Croix
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    5 April 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth (with a wave to Shelll)~

    Shelll has the right idea, when the big things loom and there is no obvious fix then little things can do a disproportionate amount of good. Appreciating the flowers sounds awful like "stop and smell the roses" :)

    I am allowed to go to the riverbank for exercise, if the temp does not get too low, and watched platypus 2 days ago, motoring along, diving and resurfacing. A glimpse of something else can be so soothing

    Croix

  28. Elizabeth CP
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    10 April 2020 in reply to Croix

    I try to focus on the positive but my mind keeps going in a downward spiral. Instead of feeling like Easter today has just felt like another day to force myself to do things needing doing. I started by writing a list last night of what I should do today including relaxing pleasant things (My psych's recommendation to keep on track rather than spiralling down) I started with the practical things including changing sheets as it was a nice day and then painting pickets for my fence & gate I'm getting fixed. This took far longer than I anticipated & the sunshine disappeared & it started raining so I had to rush to move the drying pickets under cover & then get them out to finish. I felt exhausted to start with but have got worse through the day. Even when I've stopped between coats or for rain I've been too tired to do much and have the pressure to finish the job hanging over me. A cool change with bad weather is forecast so today was the only day to finish the task.

    I am struggling knowing my daughter is in England in the current situation Easter isalways spent camping with the extended family & my sister was coming from the US to join us. Of cause that was cancelled. It dosn't feel like Easter without family. We would spend time reading the Easter story with our kids & now grandkids and Easter Sunday if we couldn't get to church we would have a special service as a family reading scriptures and sharing our thoughts on what Easter means to us. This was a really special tradition. It just feels like any other day this year.

  29. Guest_1055
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    11 April 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Wondered if all your family could all met up through that Zoom app. I know it would not be the same but it could be fun and like a mini adventure.

    Even a story you could pass on to future grandchildren.

    Even your daughter in England may like it.

    And I am glad you liked the bunch of virtual flowers I gave to you Elizabeth.

    Wave back to you Croix

  30. Elizabeth CP
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    11 April 2020 in reply to Guest_1055
    My son arranged to speak to us & my daughters family on Skype. It was OK but the grandkids are too energetic so they don't stay in front of the computer so you only see glimpses of them & they don't want to sit still & talk. Certainly not the same as being with them. I speak to my daughter in England on skype but without video.

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