Sorry Paul & Shell I'm not able to explain things properly.
The suggestions my psych has made make sense but the restrictions are making them difficult to follow.
The real issue is I feel life isn't worth living so doing anything to help myself seems pointless. I don't know how to change my thinking.
Things I'm supposed to do
Breathing techniques. When I'm really bad I can't use them.Although I've suffered from anxiety for some time I've never experienced the extreme reactions to minor things & sometimes nothing. Yesterday just getting breakfast for my husband & myself left me so stressed I couldn't cope.
I have been advised to go to a place on my own to just escape. It needs to be somewhere away from other people so parking beside the road doesn't work. The place I identified as suitable is about 7 km from home. Even though I have a letter emailed to me by my psych to give permission the guilt I feel driving there is really bad. Once I'm there it is helpful but I'm struggling to get back there.
My psych also recommended me visiting my daughter to get a complete break from home & my caring role & stresses. Once again the guilt of 'breaking' the lockdown makes it hard to do. I also need to explain to my daughter why I'm coming because I can't just visit to socialise.
Another problem is that I have a number of things I need help with including a fence which blew down last week in a storm, leaking gutters (They leak on my decking over outdoor furniture which I can't move) so I need a plumber & my back security door lock has jammed so I had to remove it from the hinges to get out the door. Without being able to get tradesmen to help due to the restrictions means I feel useless as I can't fix anything. There are a few other things I need help with. This is making me feel really useless & even less motivated
I get told to focus on what I can do but my mind just thinks of all I can't do.
I'm catastrophising thinking I'll never get back to normal. so nothing is worth doing