Thank you Shell for your beautiful present. It is a real talent to chose the right gift for someone. Unfortunately not one of my talents!!! I love the book of photos of Switzerland. I imagine it has some stories in it perhaps about the history or the people living there or other interesting information to inspire me & help me imagine myself there. I have never been able to make nice shortbread so I really appreciate the homemade shortbread. I am sure it is delicious. I will share my homemade mincepies with you. My kids think they are nicer than any from the shops as I make my own fruit mince. I'll also give you a scoop of my special Christmas icecream I made yesterday using the recipe my mum got when I was about 13.

I am sending a special hug to you and lots of good wishes for Christmas & the new year.

Thanks Croix, I replied earlier but it disappeared. The list of things I did was spread over several days & I had help moving bricks. I've wrapped most presents Waiting for an email reply from my son to find out who all the presents he had delivered here are for then will wrap & label them. I have most things organised as far as I can. Tomorrow will be hectic & my house & garden will end up a disaster zone but it will start tidy except the spare bedroom study & my room. They got pushed to the bottom of the list along with my son's present. I realised I had no way to finish it before Christmas so I'll work on it after. My son is in the UK so I can't get anything to him on time.

My husband was invited to carol singing at a person from church's house last night. We went. It was nice. I hadn't done anything Christmassy apart from the rush to get ready. The person running it arranged things beautifully so it felt relaxing. I've never spoken to him before but he was lovely. I found myself talking to the men rather than the woman. I don't feel as if I have much in common with the other wives.

I will take a sleeping tablet tonight so I can sleep so I'm not overtired. My leg is still keeping me awake.

I hope you & anyone else reading has a lovely day tomorrow

Dear Elizabeth, with a Christmas wave to Shell~

By the time I compiled that list I suspected it would be totally out of date as you would have done heaps more, which of course you have.

Going to the carols sounds really great, just the thing to take your mind of the everyday. As a lad I had a good voice and sung at may concerts and of course carols. It was a delight. Unfortunately my voice broke and then went awry. I sound like Lee Marvin singing 'Wandering Star', not a pretty sound. So no more carols except quietly in the back row:)

Worrying about rooms not being ready and a mess afterwards does not sound all that productive. It will sort out.

I hope you get a good rest and have a great day - even with some silliness and fun if possible (You too Shell)

Croix.

Thanks Croix, I meant my comments re rooms not being tidy as a positive, I chose to focus on the essential The rooms not tidied will get done later but don't get used at Christmas. My singing is terrible so I avoid it at all costs but it was nice to listen to others sing carols &just silently mouth the words so I didn't spoil it with my voice.

Today I need to wash up the dishes which got left yesterday. My son washed up a lot & put other stuff in the dishwasher but dessert was served later. I left it so I could get to my brothers place at a reasonable time.

The food turned out well. The meat cooked perfectly & my son carved it.Happy with my new oven. I was showing my kids my new oven & cupboards & pointing out how pleased I was with the way I filled the gaps. That is not something I find easy. One DIL then said well since you are pointing out what a good job you did this could have been done better & pointed out what she thought I should have done better. Typical She is a perfectionist. At least she said after that she only noticed because I pointed out what I had done,

As I said my house did end up a disaster zone but it won't take too long to clear up. I had 7 grandkids under 7 yesterday so there would be something wrong if the place stayed perfect. The weather was perfect yesterday so I could use my oven without it getting too hot & we could eat outside which limits the mess. We then come inside to open presents back outside for desert & then playing with water. Then dried everyone & out to the local park so my grandson could show off his new bike. He rode to our place with his dad. Unfortunately one grandson was unwell. He wanted to join in everything but couldn't. I promised him I would go to the lake with him as soon as he recovers. I general the day was good except for a couple of melt downs from tired kids & one DIL getting upset over something. Had to stop other DIL giving unwanted advice but managed to smooth things over. Spoke to my 2 children in England My dtr is spending Christmas with her brother & family so that was nice

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm very pleased it all went well. Ah the washing up, it breeds when you are not looking:)

I'm sure you did an excellent job on the stove and cupboards, what a pity your DIL has no social skills, still I'd imagine pointing out her shortcomings would be counterproductive even if justified - pity.

Kids do get tired and upset, I guess it is all part of the celebration. Pity adults get upset too, kinda takes a bit of the gloss off it all.

It's great to be able to catch up with your family in the UK, I remember when one had to book the international call a month in advance! (and then take out a mortgage). Now just Skype away.

I had a pretty good time, though my wife had too much cooking to do, but had planned carefully to spread the load. I wash up after each time as I'm entertainer whilst the cook is busy.

Croix

Thanks Croix. Glad you had a good Christmas. I remember the only contact we had with my family in the UK was by letter, I was an adult before my parents had a phone & even then calls to England were so expensive.

The perfectionist DIL is very good in most things so I can cope with her odd inappropriate comment. She is willing to help or when more appropriate allow my son to help even if it means waiting longer for him to do things she needs. She is an excellent mother & wife so I'm happy to have her as a DIL. Unfortunately can't say the same about the other DIL.

I've tidied the house & caught up with the dishes. It was superficial mess from unwrapping presents etc. Eating outside saves having sticky floors to clean!!

Today has been a lazy day. Too hot to do much.

Well I guess one out of two DILs isn't that bad, I've been extremely lucky, both my DILs have been lovely people. Mind you they had had a bit of an education. I remember the first one when newly introduced sat in the front room with me and when the talk moved around to pets confided in me that 'some people have their pets inside'. I had to smile as our two dogs were peeping round the doorway from the kitchen at her.

I'm glad you had a lazy day.

Croix

Croix

Thankyou so much for the mince pies Elizabeth , I am imagining their scent. Mmm . Appreciate your special icecream and hug as well. Hug back to you.

Smile and waving back at you Croix.

Shell xx

PS... Ah I am so glad you like the book and shortbread too and you are welcome.

Me xx

I am looking for some inspiration. I have been pushing myself too hard over the last week & a half on some renovations. This has taken much longer than I expected. Result is I'm exhausted & every muscle aches. I have not been sleeping well thinking/worrying/planning what needs to be done & worrying how to manage. Plus the aching body has made it hard to relax. Frequent headaches also not helping. My house looks like a disaster because I had to move everything out of the kitchen.

My psych suggested that i go out tomorrow & do something relaxing. Trying to relax at home is impossible until I get everything back in order which I can't do effectively until my floors are dry. I need to find something relaxing to recover so I can be effective when I put everything back.

What suggestions have others got. When I have a break I often go for long walks which I enjoy but I think I'm too tired to do this.

Dear Elizabeth~

It comes as a real surprise you have exhausted yourself:)

I think I remember you had done some photography. Now I've no idea what sort of environment you live in, and bearing in mind you are not able to walk far why not see which animals - domestic or wild - you can take characteristic images of?

Engrossing and something to look back on. Even if all you have to look at is an neighbour's most unlovely dog capturing it in print might be fun

Croix

Thanks for your suggestion. Yes it is a surprise that I exhausted myself. Certainly not my normal behaviour!!!! I'm not an animal person so I'll skip the animal photos but perhaps looking for interesting plants or something.

I hadn't realised how much some of my behaviours & feelings stem from my upbringing. My session yesterday with the psych was very emotional as I remembered some things from that time which were quite upsetting & are obviously still influencing me. My problem is working out what things are really helping me & what am I doing just as a reaction to previous events & are unhelpful.

Just an update. I needed to finish the floor today as it was too late to do the last coat of varnish last night.

I decided to sleep in & just get up when I woke rather than pushing myself to finish sooner. This meant we didn't leave home until close to lunch time. For a change I didn't attempt to pack a picnic lunch thus reducing the pressure. At the moment my house is a disaster zone making even simple tasks harder than normal.

I decided not to take my camera but my interpretation of Croix's suggestion was to slow down & concentrate on something pleasurable to keep my mind off negative feelings. Using this principal I went to a lovely park in the Dandenongs. Not too far & lots of shady trees so cooler & pleasant to explore. We walked down the steps to the lake stopping on the way to look at some plants & point out interesting shapes or textures to my husband (he is blind) At the lake rather than trying to explore as much as possible I sat on a seat in the shade & spent time trying to focus on what I could see & feel including the leaves ovehanging the path gently brushing against my legs. I watched the reflections i the water noticing the more intense colours of the reflection compared to the original trees. We didn't spend a long time & I certainly didn't break any records for my walking but it was a nice break. Tomorrow I will visit my daughter & grandkids. Friday I will start putting everything back in my kitchen & getting my house back in order. My aim for these two days is to get a break so I can be effective on Friday. I am trying to focus on that goal to stop myself worrying about living in a mess

Dear Elizabeth~

to slow down & concentrate on something pleasurable to keep my mind off negative feelings

Well, your account was almost poetic and showed a great deal of restraint - and sense if I might say so. Hopefully a technique you will resort to again. I've found it amazing how this sort of behavior really tones down my anxiety.

Knowing what is helpful and what is a reaction would be very hard, hopefully your psych will have some insight.

Croix

Croix I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier. I appreciate your encouraging comments. I debate whether I should give up on the forums. I'm unsure if it helps or keeps me dwelling in my problems. I seem to be unable to move forward as I seem to be stuck in the same vicious circle doing the same things with the same result. Attempts to change or do something positive seem to fail & I fall back on the same unhelpful reactions. constant tiredness is really affecting me. Everything takes longer & I need more breaks & then struggle to motivate myself to get back to things I need to do. Then I am too worked up to sleep spending hours worrying about what I need to do so I wake up exhausted.

I'm not good with pressure. I react badly when people try to pressure me. Recently I attempted to remove the kitchen floor tiles & the varnished the floor to match the adjoining living area. The tiles were cracked so needed removing. My husband insisted this task was done before anything else in the kitchen but turned out even harder & longer than I expected leaving me sore & exhausted & overwhelmed so sleep was worse than normal. My body is feeling better but tiredness & difficulty sleeping is still a major issue. I'm not happy with the results which is affecting me causing feelings of failure & incompetence. This week I suggested going away camping & hiking to have a break. Unfortunately it has taken too long getting the house back in order.Living in a mess triggers depression & anxiety. This has been a long time issue. Summer also triggers PTSD symptoms particularly hot or high fire danger days.

My husband was excited about the plans to go away & I was doing it for his benefit. The problem came with him suggesting leaving early & each time we spoke he wanted to get started earlier & earlier in the days we were walking. This lefty me feeling pressured & unable to cope with thoughts or getting ready on time. Last ight I decided I couldn't cope & attempts to explain the problem to my husband left me feeling guilty & a falure as I can't get him to understand the impact of his expectations. I feel annoyed that he can just expect me to fit in with him while he can just sit back & relax while I do everything. This makes me feel worse as it isn't his fault that he can't help much. Last night I was awake most of the night as my mind wouldn't shut up. Why can't I just relax & do things without worrying about possible conseuences. I seem to be making things worse.

Oh Elizabeth you sound stressed and perhaps being too hard on yourself. Please don't whip yourself. Please don't.

Are you able to think of anything that normally helps you physically feel calm and at rest? Your insides seemed to be in such a quick rush. Maybe ditch any refined sugars if you have been eating any. Imagine you are on that beautiful grassy mountain in Switzerland, just simply enjoying the invigorating fresh breezes you feel on your face. Or just go to that lake you sometimes go to and float on your back.

Maybe your body is really trying to get your attention by saying it needs to find some rest or something.

Many hugs

shell

I continue to struggle to find a balance doing work round the house etc so I feel like I'm being successful/useful & relaxing. Fatigue is an issue & attempts to get my sleeping on track seem to have limited success.

A huge issue is the heat. I have noticed that I avoid going out when it is hot & because I close the blinds to keep the heat out it is dark & dreary. This darkness & staying inside leads to more depression & difficulty motivating myself to do anything interesting & trouble sleeping.I feel trapped. I don't know if others feel this way. I am trying to find some things to do over the next couple of days while it is hot. Today I did a walk on the way home from an appointment for my husband before it got too hot. This evening we swam in a nearby lake. I felt better. Hopefully I can find something tomorrow which works for me.

Hello Elizabeth,

I just found your thread. Is it ok if I come and try to support you as well as the wonderful people you have supporting you.

I can relate to you not coping with the heat, I'm exactly the same, I shut blinds doors etc, but I read somewhere that we need at least 15 minutes of sunlight per day, which does something to our chemicals which helps us for sleeping.

Elizabeth, have you tried internet jigsaw puzzles, Alphabetty, scrabble, solitaire on your phone or ipad. I do these when I'm not to sad or in to deep, because they are mind changing games, you need to have your mind completely on these games to play. The brain can only think one thought at a time, so when playing these games your mind is totally involved in the game. Just a thought.

The swim in the lake sounds really refreshing, I'm pleased you felt better after the swim. I haven't had a swim in so long, I might have forgotten how to swim.

Sleeping for me is hard at the moment, I usually meditate first, then put on soft music with luck I fall asleep during the music. There are a few apps for meditation, I use mostly, insight timer, I like it and the music switches itself when finished.

Kindness only.

Karen

Hello Elizabeth,

I admire anyone that can do suduko, I remember when it was first introduced I had a go, lol I can do a 9 cubed game any more cubes nope, I can't get my head around it,

I feel guilty that I haven't read through your thread as yet, I can't concentrate atm, but I will try tonight to read through,

Tony WhiteKnight has given me a few really good distraction music I love the Leo Rojas musi, and also Maharji sunset one, I use them a lot when I'm really sad, maybe you can try them. Of a night I use insight timer, both guided meditation and music, there hundreds on that app to choose different ones nightly.

I have run across a few of your posts and I find you have a lot of good suggestions and you are so kind and gentle with your words, and your suggestions have helped me. Thank you for that.🌺.

know that I do care for you Elizabeth, please be kind and thoughtful to yourself,

kindness only,

Karen.

Elizabeth,

I too have just found this thread.

Elizabeth I enjoy your posts on my thread no other thread as they are always so thoughtful.

I find I can't cope with any extremes of temperature either too hot or too cold. The humidity gets to me and makes me irritable and exhausted. Elizabeth do you wake up fresh or exhausted. I am not good in the mornings as I wake ups very tired.

Quirky

Thanks Quirky & Karen I have been struggling for some time with fatigue. I struggle to sleep properly & when overtired it is worse. When it is hot I really struggle to sleep. Hot weather also triggers some PTSD symptoms. I was caught in a bushfire as a child. At the time I was home from school with severe sunburn so I am overanxious about getting burnt. Smothering myself in sunscreen isn't enough I cover up totally when outside which means I get hot & just the feeling of the sun on my clothes makes me anxious.

When younger I was a morning person & really miss this.

Hello Elizabeth,

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I dislike the summer heat and its humidity makes it hard to sleep.

Your walk sounds breathtaking, I enjoyed reading about it and it's made me wanting to go on a walk like your one. This is something you can do for yourself when feeling overly stressed, it's a good way to unwind, I love nature it's relaxing.

I was just wondering if maybe a tv in your bedroom might distract your mind, you can put the tv on timer so it switches off automatically, or listen to a radio, When I listen to music while trying to shut my thoughts up I try to do it mindfully by picking out and listening to one of the instruments that's playing then just listen to that instrument.

Maybe taking an umbrella with you if the suns to hot on your clothes/skin, I've seen a lot of people doing this, not sure if that helps or not but can maybe help with the sun exposure. Does the winter sun also makes you anxious ?

Im hoping you get some restful and peaceful sleep tonight.

Kindness only

Karen.

Elizabeth,

I have never been a morning person and seem to have been tired since I started having children over 35 years ago!

I have not slept well for years and wake up tired after having vivid dreams. Do you dream?

Quirky

Dear Elizabeth~

I've been off for a little while and am just catching up on your thread. Hopefully the weather will be a bit cooler now. Like you I cannot abide hot nights.

I read your thoughts about remaining on the forum and have a couple of my own. If you were on here all day every day then I might agree that - for you, not necessarily anybody else - it might be counter productive, giving too much emphasis to the difficulties you face. But that is not the case, you are on-line infrequently and while you might fill us in on your current status you also get our reactions, which can give perspective you might gloss over if on your own.

For example if I remember correctly you do not have an air conditioner in your bedroom due to other peoples' wishes. You walk more that you can really deal with - because of other peoples' wishes. (Yes, I know what your answer will be:)

My second thought is that this whole place is here to help, not just you and me, but the silent majority who only read and never post. Your thread is an example people can take courage from

Croix

Thanks Croix & Hi Pamela. It is good to hear from you Croix. I hope you were having a nice break or holiday & not being unwell. I feel as though I don't fit in I don't have the same difficulties as others & haven't had to endure some of the terrible things some people have experienced.

I need to get back to walking daily for my own health but weather & other conflicting activities are getting in the way. The air conditioner is an issue as I only have an inefficient airconditioner ducted to the whole house. I avoid using it because I don't like wasting money & using it at night seems a waste since I'm cooling the whole house not just the bedroom. I know it sounds silly but I really struggle to spend money unnecessarily. While this is useful in enabling me to manage financially even on a low income or pension as we are on now it does cause problems when it stops me from doing things which would help.

Hello Elizabeth, Croix, Pam, Quirky,

Elizabeth can I just say that, your struggles are real everyone has different struggles and please believe me when I say yours are real, and your in need of support.

Just curious, as I always am, is it possible to block the vents in the other rooms to stop the flow into them?

Do you enjoy walking, it's supposed to help with mindfulness as well, by looking at and taking in your surroundings, like your other post you wrote, your walk sounded so peaceful, that's what got me wanting to try walking, that alone is proof that you are helping others, Thank you.

Be kind and gentle to yourself.

Kindness only,

Karen..(Grandy).