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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    21 October 2021 in reply to BballJ

    Remember you Jay?

    Of course I do. An old friend & a dear one. I do think of you and wonder how you're going.

    How are you?

  2. BballJ
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    21 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    Probably easier to stick to one thread to catch up - I am well, so much has changed since I was last on here, outside of the COVID pandemic of course. I think last time I was in here I was speaking about my relationship (Toxic one) but so much has changed since - Currently in a great job with a great company (Moved twice in the last two years) and in a new happy relationship, I used last year to really focus on myself and get my mental health in order and met a nice girl this year and been going strong for 6 months now. Currently in a semi anxious state as I await some test results so health anxiety seems to have kicked in, in the past month or so but other than that, I am doing good.

    How are you and how is everything in your world :)

    My best,

    Jay

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  3. CMF
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    22 October 2021 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    I'm so happy for you. New job, new girl...I'm glad you took time to focus on you. Health anxiety...I'd be the same.

    I've been with my 'new partner 3 years now. He was mt first love over 30 years ago. It's going great. I have ups & downs with the relationship but he really tries to understand my anxiety and make adjustments to help. I can be really open with my feelings about things .

    Kids are well. Son in uni, Daughter in yr 12 and little miss grade 3. Work is good, started a new role in January and been working from home most of it.

    I guess things have improved for both of us.

    Cmf x

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  4. quirkywords
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    22 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi Jay and CMF,

    It is good to see things improving for both of you. Welcome back Jay.

    CMF I like the way you always are so honest and try to reflect on the ups and downs of relationships.

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  5. CMF
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    23 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks Quirky,

    M had a few friends over today for a catch up now we are out of lockdown. He asked to pop over also. Was nice arvo, sis was there but they were talking about something I knew nothing about. Annoying. Then the subject turned to passports. Sis told M that when 'THEY' renew their passports they need to get international ones for his boys. So here we go again. Her stepping in, them organising things and me not included.

    Guess she does still rule the roost. Gotta do what the boss says.

  6. CMF
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    23 October 2021 in reply to CMF
    I've known all along they want to take his boys overseas to see his dad's hometown & visit relatives,but to think 3 years on & I still have to hear it from his sis' mouth and they're maybe talking about it without me knowing anything...feels like 3 steps backwards.
  7. randomx
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    23 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi Jay , good to see you again and to hear things have all taken such a nice turn for you. Sure many will remember your help and care around the place l know l do. All the best. rx.

    Hiya cm . sorry to hear those feelings arising again but it's very understandable and no one could blame you. l suppose every couple do things and move along differently but l'd think you should well and truly be by far the bigger thing in m's life after all this time.

    He's a strange one.

    rx

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  8. CMF
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    23 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Yeah. I could be jumping the gun but you don't organise to renew passports for no reason. Clearly they've had discussions. I can't and don't want to go with them but I also don't want to be with someone with whom I have no similar interests. Down the track he wants to travel and go on cruises. I don't. He knows that. So what happens? He said it's his sis' idea to sell their townhouse and him stay in his house cos everything's there and it us bigger. He said down the track I could move in with him, we can relax by the pool. I don't like pools that much. It's a nice plan but what if I don't want to live there? I know it's all talk at the moment but I feel he's hoping I'll change my mind on things, like travel.

    I see hurdles. Don't know if he realises I'm not just gonna do what he wants, not on big decisions like travel and where to live. What happens when that times comes?

    I know you feel you've wasted years rx. I could be too. I feel myself stepping back again. Withdrawing.

    Cmf x

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  9. randomx
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    24 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Yeah l often wonder about things in common you two are pretty different for sure. Not to say that we need to be clones of ea other but there are basics for me like feeling the same way about big things and life , lifestyle in general, who we are and stuff.

    Unfortunately with m he is very different to you so although he tries to make changes, he does have to try to do them bc it just doesn't come naturally and so the other ways are still always there and bouncing back.

    l wouldn't wanna travel either. l'm actually setting up my 4wd atm for camping and trips and locally l'm kinda looking forward to taking off a bit but OS, yeah same for me zero interest couldn't do it. His place nah , couldn't see you feeling at home there sorry to say.

    Nice hug. rx

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  10. CMF
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    24 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well I cleared things up. There is no talk of travel, as we can't. Sis mentioned the boys getting international passports so they can travel later on. M said his sis & bf would travel and thinks his boys will visit the hometown on their own, although he would like to take them . He has an Uncle he'd like to see but may not be able to. He said if the uncle passed away he'd def want to go to the funeral. I asked about us all going away this summer. His mum is not up for it & it's really expensive, but he asked if I wanted to. Said his sis & bf would probably go away. He suggested we could go away for Easter. I'm happy hex was thinking about US, & not and sis . I brought up vax/anti Vax and what if I really was against it, where would it leave us. He said he would respect my wishes and we'd stay together and work around it. He wouldn't break up over it.

    Wow, I think I let my over-active mind make up too much stuff.

    Maybe things are moving forward and away from sis.

  11. randomx
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    24 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ahh cm cm ,

    Ya see this is what l love about you and m stuff , we can come back another day and it's all just fixed itself haha. Wish mine would do that hey.

    He's come a longgggg way hasn't he. You can see he still struggles getting it through to himself but he sorta gets there one way or other.

    rx

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  12. CMF
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    24 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    You know what? I think I'm always just looking for negatives. That's why it fixes itself cos the issues aren't always there. My overthinking mind creates them. We had a great day. Beautiful lunch at a winery with a beautiful view. Great conversation. Open discussion. I was surprised when he said he'd still be with me if I was strongly anti Vax, even if it meant wr couldn't go out for drives and lunches. Wow. I just thought it would mean the end of us. His kitchen is still so tidy. Yhe fact he did that for me speaks volumes. He said he's really fussy about it now. I think he's really hoping I'll move in eventually,lots of room. We did talk about travel today. He wants us to visit my parents home town in Italy one day & wants to take Little Miss to see it and where her dad's parents are from.

    This commitment I feel is full on. Maybe all my honesty re how I feel has really sunk in?

    Yeah. I don't know.

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  13. randomx
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    24 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Haaa ya see , there it goes again.

    Pretty cool really . My gf won't get vaxed either. The only side it worries me about is for her health really but if we were to keep going no way it'd mean splitting up over it . So are you vaxed or getting vaxed , or not? l wasn't going to for a long time there but l changed my mind haha and in the end thought to hell with it.

    Anywayyyy, yep he's in it for the long haul differences or not so that's pretty damn nice cm.

    rx

  14. CMF
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    25 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Yeah I didn't want to but'm fully vaxed now. I have to so I can work in the office plus my son begged me to so wr can have our lives back. My kids have suffered enough. I also did it for our relationship. I couldn't do that to M,not get vaxed, cos I know he likes going to wineries & Sunday drives and I want to go shopping and sit in cafes.

    So yeah. I'm vaxed & feel better for doing it.

  15. CMF
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    29 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Had dinner at M's tonight. His son was a little down as he couldn't go away or go out this weekend due to exams/study. I think M didn't want him to feel alone. Dinner was nice, sis & bf were there. I saw another side of bf I didn't like. He is a bit of a stirrer but also a bit of a jerk I thought. I mentioned that from 6pm tonight we don't have to wear masks outdoors. He laughed and said he'd never worn one anyway. I was a little surprised. He's been putting everyone at risk. I knew he'd had friends over last month who got drunk and slept there but I didn't know he was so blatantly ignoring the rules. He's fully vaxed bur doesn't matter. He's posted things on social media re vaxing to stir people up & it caused some tension amongst sis' friends. Sis got quite peeved at him for continuing to stir her about her Vax. She told him that's He's gone too far now and needs to stop. Wow. Now that he's all comfy and settled in the family I find him quite annoying. He gets hayfever and constantly makes a snorting noise to clear his throat. It's revolting and constant. I also thought when M stayed over last Friday sis was at her bf's house. Turns out she was home later, so still don't know if M stays here only if she's home with them. Now he can cycle properley with a group and weather proving, will that change his mind on sleeping here? He was organising his ride tonight, where to meet etc. It may not, but interesting times ahead.

    If I were dating someone like the bf...we'd be done. Laughing & thinking it's funny not wearing a mask all this time. Staying at M's, risking getting Covid & infecting others and us. M knows how I feel about rule breakers. I made it clear what I thought about their selfishness. M just agreed with me and all along the bf was one of them. Guess I was right not to go there during lockdown, but still he could have infected M and in turn M could have infected us and his school etc. M was furious with a dad at school who refused to wear a mask yet bf did the same thing. Guess he just can't stand up to his sis and tell her but he can be peeved off at others. Sis works in healthcare too. How irresponsible of them.

    Yeah, bf bit too cocky for my liking. Don't think sis has much patience for him either.

  16. CMF
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    30 October 2021 in reply to CMF
    Maybe true colours coming out like the cards said.
  17. CMF
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    30 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Also, M didn't suggest swapping our sleepover to Saturday night.

    Wonder why? Still feeling the need to 'protect' his 18yo son? Sis maybe not home tonight to babysit?

    No idea but I feel my mood shifting again.

    Also... I was talking to M at the table after dinner. Quiet conversation re my little miss, not for all ears but I could feel sis staring and listening. Really had nothing to do with her but she has to have her nose in everything.

  18. quirkywords
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    30 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I enjoy reading or well expressed thoughts.
    I sometimes feel I have L plates on in my relationship even though I have had a few.

    Sometimes we think we know are partner and all is well and then they can say or do something and one starts to overthink.

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  19. CMF
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    30 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Iam overthinking. I was in a grumpy mood today and i'm really emotional tonight. M did nothing wrong. I think his son would have been home alone studying so only fair he stayed with him. Keep him on track too as he procrastinate. He has 2 exams Monday. I was moody with little miss in supermarket today for no reason. I watched Mamma Mia 2 on TV tonight. Love that movie and just cried my eyes out.

    No idea what's wrong with me. Just really emotional.

    Cmf x

  20. quirkywords
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    31 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I can understand and relate to being emotional. Someone says something neutral I take it personally and then feel I am overreacting.

    I know I am emotional and sensitive and that makes have much empathy.

    I think you are juggling so much and working so hard so no wonder you are emotional.

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  21. CMF
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    31 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Yes. It is hard when we feel emotional.

    We had a lovely day today. Nice drive & lunch. Great conversation. I brought up sis' bf's comment about not wearing a mask. I started by telling M the bf had upset me. M was shocked and I could tell he was concerned I had felt upset. I told him what happened and that I felt his behaviour was disrespectful, selfish & didn't care about potentially infecting others. It was the way he laughed about not wearing a mask. M agreed. Also mentioned that I didn't like how he upset sis by stirring her up. M agreed he is a big stirrer and goes to far. Doesn't know when to stop. Told M that I just saw another side of the bf that I didn't expect. I also apologised for feeling that way but M said no apology needed. I felt that he sees it too, but it's up to sis to sort it out. It's her bf. I find the bf too much at home which is fine if it's just him & sis but it's M's home too. They seem to have a relationship where they pick at each other. Not long ago I was upset at how sis made fun of him. I guess if they're happy like that it's their business. I worry it may turn to disrespect. Glad M & I aren't like that.

    Anyway, more open, honest conversation which is good.

    Cmf x

  22. CMF
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    2 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    We had a pool day at M"s today. I've had bad anxiety last 2 days. M's friend has a new gf who also cycles & from what M keeps telling me she is amazing. They were there when we arrived. I've met her twice now and get a weird vibe from her. She clearly likes being with the boys talking about cycling. Her and M's friend were sitting together, I was nearby with little miss. M was near me & I started to talk to him about work. He seemed like he didn't want to talk to just me cos he had others there. I've felt this before. M then sat with them. The 3 of them chatting,me the odd one out as usual. I moved away and just sat looking at my phone. Obviously they have lots in common. M even noticed her new cycling shoes. More people arrived, sis' friends. I chatted with one about school as our kids go to school together & I could feel & see sis watching & listening. My anxiety started to kick in bit later & I again moved away . I wanted to go. When we left M walked us out & I told him about how anxious I was and why. I really felt like throwing up. He was understanding,reassuring & comforting. He did make me feel better. We were chatting for a while when surprise, surprise sis comes out to throw rubbish out. I could be wrong but I felt she was checking up on us to see why we were taking so long. She stood at the bin the whole time until I drove off then walked back with M. As I said, could be wrong,but it doesn't take that long to throw rubbish out, she just hung around at the bin. I'm sure she asked what was going on & M filled her in. She does the same when his boys are on the phone with their mother cos they put her on speaker. Sis listens in then reports back to M.

    Nice day but not a great day.

    Cmf x

  23. randomx
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    2 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ahhh cm , you've got your house though , that's huge.

    Funny reading the other one , one things pretty clear from that sis's stuff is def' sis's stuff. No way she suddenly needed to take rubbish out and the way she stood around .

    Very odd sis that one.

    rx

  24. CMF
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    8 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Bit anxious lately.

    Very annoying 😔

  25. CMF
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    17 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Could be wrong as I often am. M hasn't slept over last few weeks as his son had vce exams. He knew if he wasn't home son would play games all night. He's finished now and has graduation this Friday. M has also been cycling Sunday mornings with his friend & his new gf. As his son has finished and graduation is Friday night I asked M if he wanted to come over Saturday night. He paused and checked the weather. I can't help feeling he checked the weather to see if it was good enough to go cycling with his mates Sunday morning (apparently it raining). He cycles Saturday too and more now we're out of lockdown & into spring. He always hesitates if it's a Saturday sleepover. I asked why he had to check the weather, he said just to see what it's doing but it was right after I suggested coming over. I wasn't suggesting a picnic. Maybe he was checking so we could think about what to do Sunday?

    Anyway, I'll have to ask. If 3rd wheeling with his mate & new amazing gf is more important then so be it.

    Cmf x

  26. CMF
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    17 November 2021 in reply to CMF
    I was wrong. I had told M we need to celebrate our kids finishing school one night. He thought I wanted to do this on Saturday and was checking the weather to see if we could go out. He didn't think I meant to sleep over but we cleared it up and he is.
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  27. randomx
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    17 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    l wonder if m and sis talk about their relationships , l wonder what sis is thinking about your 3rd wheel.

    Such a shame you don't feel more at home with his people him being such a people person. But it's also very understandable yet another miss amazing getting on your nerves . Well she must be single anyway if she's hangin out with a male bike group so she might not be all that amazing between the lines.

    ex

  28. CMF
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    17 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    I hardly know the girl. She is M's friends gf. Don't know if he and sis talk about it. I don't think so.

    Having a bad week. Lots of training for work for a system that has now been put on hold till next year when we will be busy & trying to learn it. Such a let down. People I work with who are just lazy & incompetent. Colleague whom I feel is trying to hold me back. Still working from home. I'm so agitated. It has been cold & raining so much. 2 nice days then rain, rain, rain. Feel like nothing good is happening.

  29. randomx
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    17 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Oh right well at least she's spoken for then haha.

    Sounds nearly as bad as my wk, mth , 3mths actually. l haer ya believe me , feel lik l'll crack up if l'm not careful. nf this weather , l know , thank Gods we at least got a nice few now , can't believe it almost summer. Hope you can find some relief from everything and hope you can let it all out with m . l'm so missing that support .

    2 days to go , soon soon.

    rx

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  30. CMF
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    19 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Yeah, been a crazy week & I'm getting cranky with M...just cos I do. I'm trying to be aware of it though as he hasn't done anything wrong.

    TGIF

    CMF X

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