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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    19 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    My daughter and M's son were extremely close but had a fallout cos my daughter is dating his son's friend and his son forbade it. A few weeks ago the boys were hanging out and doing some not good things. the Bf told my daughter that M's son was also participating. I mentioned it to M who says he knew about it but his son did not do anything as he always says he wouldn't despite all his friends doing it. I asked M if he thought his son would tell him if he did participate, he said yes. M has always said that this son is like his mother and would probably cheat on his partner (which his friends also believe he is doing as he is behaving stupidly lately). M asked what i thought. i told him i don't know and i see no reason for his friends to lie about what M's son has been doing. We also no that M like to live in denial, his wife cheated on him several times and one affair for 5 years and M was oblivious. Anyway, my daughter was annoyed that i told M but i pointed out that even though they no longer talk i still have a duty of care. If something were to happen, and his son ended up in hospital, i would feel awful for knowing what he may be doing and not telling M. At least this way i know i have made him aware of what might be going on. I hope m would do the same for me but I'm not sure he would. His attitude is to keep out of things. I might need to bring this up as turning a blind eye, sweeping under the carpet etc is not always a good thing, especially where the safety of our kids is concerned.

    I'm really good at creating situations in my mind that may not even happen. Tonight M is going to his son's graduation and ex wife will be there. Will be an interesting night as she is still bitter and M wants to bury the hatchet. I can picture M at the even and sis messaging him, stirring the pot cos we know she likes to have a dig now and then. this aggravates me. Hopefully she will let M enjoy the graduation of his son without interferring and sending her stupid text messages. She seriously needs to move on herself, which I have told M but of course he lets it go.

    I guess i'm a little worn out this week

    cmf x

  2. CMF
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    21 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Have anxiety again. My teenage d has it really bad. She finished her exams last week and is at a loss. Missing school, her teachers, her friends, playing music. I have anxiety cos there are so many expenses coming up. I keep reminding myself that I work full time now. I'm in a much better situation than I was years ago where lived to the very cent each week.i need to remember that while there are expenses now once paid I'll catchup again . it's just the cycle. I just keep going over and over things, bills, car service, Christmas...I'm always scared I'll run out of money but that is my past life. Single mum. Not working. I'm in a much better place now. Need to remember that. I'm very blessed to have what I have, the Universe has looked after me when I've put things out there.

    Just want the anxiety to go away.

    Cmf x

  3. quirkywords
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    21 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I find worrying about bills seems to be with some of us for life. now I am no longer working I worry about things.

    I think as long as it does not unduly worry you , making sure bills are paid is a good thing.

    I had an ex partner who spent all his money on drink and my money on expensive restaurants with his friends and then said I worried too much when people would ring up demanding he paid his bills.

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  4. CMF
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    23 November 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks Quirky,

    My ex used to leave all his bills to the last minute or just pay them all late ie let them accumulate for months then have a heap to pay. I just don't get it.

    I had a couple of appointments booked this week but I cancelled one for now as I had anxiety and knew I couldn't do everything. We an also return to the office now. It will be staggered so I've requested from next week or later. I'm a little nervous about that too.

    Seeing my teenage daughter with anxiety is breaking my heart. We went to the Dr yesterday and will get some counselling for her. Dr said it's very common for kids to go through this when they finish year 12.

    I really hope 2022 brings us some normality and routine.

    Cmf x

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  5. randomx
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    23 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm

    your ex sounds like the old me in the bill department. But l've tried really hard this last 12mths to turn a new leaf , first time in my life l've been on top of the bills.

    Sorry about your daughter , believe me l know all too well and much much more. My d has slipped back into depression and anxiety, so much has happened for her, poor thing, it's so hard and heartbreaking isn't it. But yeah , same as yours in the regard of what to do which has been going on 19mths for her now.Unfortunately that's only part of things but lt's huge for her nonetheless. She won't see anyone either anymore , not for that or the other issues, but she's put so much pressure on herself with the career side of things.l'm starting to wonder just what they do to them at school these days with them coming out of it like this it's just terrible.

    We keep saying , well anything we can think of actually but mainly that it doesn't matter. She can always just get some work and when something comes later on she can lool at course then , or never. You can train and study at any age now and a lot of people have no idea on a direction as yet when we leave school. l wish she'd just take the pressure of herself and not worry.

    Weird isn't , some don't have a clue or care , others get like this, really sad.

    rx

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  6. CMF
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    28 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Omg,had alovely weekend with M but he said something last night that triggered me badly. It brought back something from over 20 years ago. He doesn't know and didn't mean it but I've been anxious all day. I know it will pass but I feel so sick. Isn't to return to the office tomorrow. I hope some normal routine helps.

    Cmf x

  7. CMF
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    11 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Incomming rant. I'm very tired haha.

    Had another nice evening with M last night. Him, me 2 of our kids, dinner at his...but he just kept mentioning his sis. She picked up a gift for him, she ordered a new Kettle for them, she took his son out for dinner and the renovation show we were watching had a house exactly like hers (had to hear this about 5 times). OMG ,sis,sis, sis. I'm starting to wonder if he can do anything for himself lol. She bought us tickets to a show for Xmas. I asked where it was as I wanted to book dinner. He said he'd ask sis as she knows where everything is. Told him no. He had the tickets with the address,look it up yourself. To top it off, I usually wait for him to call at night cos when I call he's busy. It got late Thursdsy night and I hadn't heard from him so I called. He was still at work cleaning up as they had graduation. He hadn't told me so back into the habit of forgetting to tell me stuff, even though we talk every night. It's no big deal but if he's knows it will be a late one would be nice to tell me. I'm sure I'm worthy of late, I am his partner...or is sis the partner?

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  8. CMF
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    15 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Feeling annoyed. Last Saturday M was sleeping over when he got a call to say his son had been in a motorbike accident on a friend's farm and was taken to hospital with a fractured pelvis. M had to leave and we cancelled our Sunday plans as we waited to hear if he could come home or needed surgery. He needed surgery. Last night we were on the phone butas I was taking I could hear him saying yep, yep and trying to hurry me. He wanted to go watch some TV and relax. He messaged me this evening to say his son was home soi called on my way home. He was helping his son shower but we spoke till I realised he wasn't listening. He said he had to go help his son out of the shower. This is fine, I have no issue with it but would have been nice if he called back later. I feel I'm always pushed aside when he's busy but when hes6with me he has time for others. I feel he's too busy for me lately. We have a movie concert this Saturday. I won't bother asking if he's staying over as I'm sure he'll want to go home for his son.

    Lucky he has is wifey sis to help out.

  9. quirkywords
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    16 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I have just caught up on your posts and a lot is happening. I hope Ms son is recovering.
    i can see why M wants to help his son but hurrying your call up so he can watch tv is not respectful.

  10. CMF
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    16 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    I guess we take the good with bad. Today our kids received their ATAR. My daughter did extremely well, his son not so well. M had tears of joy for my daughter, he was so happy. He and his son came over to celebrate. He picked up a cake and couldn't stop praising my daughter.He is always happy for others. I felt sad for his son but M did sit him down and explain he can feel upset and angry but needs to take responsibility for his results. He procrastinated and avoided study, it was very stressful for M. It was nice they came over to celebrate. Tomorrow M is looking after little miss for me. He does have a generous heart.

    Cmf x

  11. CMF
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    17 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    We went to a street party on M's Street tonight, happens to be a client of sis. I didn't realise we were going for a BBQ, though we were popping in later. So nice to be with hubby & wife, listening to her saying how lucky they are to all live together, telling M THEY need to organise physio for his son cos of course she's the fill in mum now and stating that she has to drive his son ti his gf's for lunch Sunday. I couldn't wait to leave so the happy couple/family could enjoy together? M & I have something on tomorrow night but he's not sleeping over cos on Sunday they have an annual Xmas bike ride which is fine. He then mentioned it may rain but he needs to be home to look after his son. So I'm confused, is he looking after his son or going for a bike ride? If he's able to go for a ride who's looking after his son? Isn't sis driving the son to his gf's for lunch as she stated?

    Which is it and where do I fit in?

  12. CMF
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    17 December 2021 in reply to CMF
    Also, sis was telling someone about how SHE built a townhouse behind her house and the plan is that she will build where their Mum's house is and M's boys could have a place each (hers and the townhouse). Funny thing is, M told me the plan was to sell the townhouse payback his sis and she'd move. Looks like she has other plans and as always organising their lives.
  13. CMF
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    17 December 2021 in reply to CMF
    Well I've messaged to clear up the confusion but no response so I guess hubby & wifey are still at the street gathering. To make it more interesting, my teenage D and M's son are invited to my D's bf's tomorrow night. M & I hVe tickets to a show that sis bought us for Xmas so my D isn't going to the bf's cos she's looking after little miss but M's son is going, so who is looking after the other son? It's all so confusing and complicated. Guess I was a fool to think things had changed. I don't want to be with someone who relies so heavily on his sis. Helping family is one thing but he has admitted he relies on her alot for opinions etc. Some things never change.
  14. CMF
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    18 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Well I cleared things up and don't know why I'm always looking for negatives in M and trying to sabotage us. He didn't stay over as he has an early ride in the morning and needed to pick up his boys from a gathering tonight and help his son to bed etc after his surgery. At dinner I told him I had come home a little anxious and agitated after the street party, he had noticed I wasn't myself and apologised for the miscommunication in not telling me it was a BBQ. I told what what I heard his sis saying about M' boys having one of her houses each,which contradicts what he said about selling townhouse they jointly own, not just hers.M said it's the 1st he's heard of that plan and reminded me to ignore what I hear his sis saying to people. She has a habit of telling people things that are not actually happening. He also said he thinks she'll move back to her house soon as she was telling someone how she wanted to fix up her fireplace and has mentioned to someone else she wants to have a baby. M didn't know about this so I wonder if it's true or all talk like everything else? Anyway, we had a beautiful night, great dinner, show was fantastic and we reconnected thru conversation I felt. It's Bern stressful week for him with his son's accident & surgery. Tonight was relaxing and his love is so obvious. Mind runs away with me but I'm glad I can tell him when it does and he doesn't judge but tries to underdtand and reassures me.

    Cmf x

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  15. randomx
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    19 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    That's the spirit cm.

    Have a nice night.

    rx

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  16. CMF
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    22 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Tell me things will get better. My 18yo daughter is falling apart. Last week she received an outstanding ATAR, mid 90's. Yesterday she broke up with her bf of 6 months. He is a lovely guy but suffers anxiety/depression. My d suffers anxiety and understands him but she was feeling the relationship was causing her more anxiety than happiness. She has tried to be happy in the relationship but she just isn't. She is distraught that she has hurt him and doesn't want his family to think badly of her (they won't) as she was close with them. Tonight she visited her grandfather on her dad's side. He was put into palliative care today on morphine and doesn't have much time left. This on top of the breakup, she is devastated. She is going g for her licence Friday, said if she doesn't get it she's gonna lose it. She also has a trial for a job Friday arvo. I know that light comes out of darkness. When things end new things come to us. Ihate seeing her so distraught. Please tell me good things are coming.

    Cmf x

  17. randomx
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    23 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ahhh , it's so hard cm. Wish they'd just stay away from the boys tbh but ha, like that's gonna happen.

    rx

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  18. CMF
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    24 December 2021 in reply to randomx
    Well my daughter didn't pass her driving test today. She's hit rock bottom but at least opening up and talking to me now. She actually smiled tonight. Was an interesting night. Xmas eve dinner at M's. Sis' bf not there, I didn't ask why. His boys don't know about the break up between my D and their mate so after dinner my daughter avoided them and I sat with her. Shes worried they'll turn on her like they did when they started dating. It wasn't very nice. There is a particular song I love by a particular singer. I cry everytime I hear it.i have shown M on YouTube several times, he knows it makes me cry. He's seen it & knows it is an all time favourite of mine. At dinner we were talking about this singer and sis commented that she saw him sing this particular song on TV and it almost made her cry so she had to show M. She made a point of this. M didn't react, just said yeah. It was odd & a little awkward like she was copying me/my reaction and saying she showed M when I'm actually the one who showed him quite a while ago. I also noticed she made a dessert tonight very similar to one I took last year, even served it almost identical. Again, weird, like copying me. A female friend of M's sons seems to be trying very hard to be part of their family as her best friend is dating M's son. Few weeks ago she managed to organise a pool party at M' house for her bday. She bought presents for all of them. Even wifey/sis. She is 20 & for M she bought a soap in the shape of Jesus. It read 'with every stroke wash your sins away '. I found it totally inappropriate for a 20 year old girl to give this to a 52 year old man. If a 20 year old boy/friend of my kids bought that for me, I'd be quite embarrassed. My daughter asked if I ever felt anxious at M's cos you never know who'll just walk in or what they'll do. She is right. Really not my scene.
  19. randomx
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    25 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm , just wondering around , bc l'm so busy tonight, not, saw your thread. Sorry about your d , man it is actually pretty hard these days my d had to go for it twice too. Hope she picks up. Wouldn't worry about the friend, she's only 20 , u realize how young that is when you have your own. She was probably just trying to be nice.

    So you reckon wifey's ripping you off eh, funny just the other day l was thinking about what's that saying forget it exactly l think it's imitation is the greatest form of flattery or soemthing like that but so there you go. Deep down wifey might actually admire you.

    Have nice day hey, merry Christmas.

    rx

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  20. CMF
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    25 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    Merry Christmas. I can't sleep. Yeah, the friend is trying to be nice/funny. I just don't like her in general, bit of a snake. After M's son's 18th she told my D's bf he could sleep at her place and no one needed to know. I hear what your saying re sis too but the comment about the song, how it almost made her cry ,& she had to show M...I dunno. His reaction was weird, like it didn't happen. I feel like he told her my reaction and she tried to make it hers, which is sad...always about her & him. Anyway...another weird thing, the gifts sis gave only had her name on them, not her ,& bf but he's still on the scene. She told everyone the tickets she bought us for the show were from her,not them. I don't get it.

    Who knows. I'm feeling down and out cos of my D. I really hope things pick up for her. Her & bf sent a few messages tonight which was nice. She loves him heaps but the relationship just wasn't right for her at this stage of her life.

  21. quirkywords
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    25 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    So much has been happening in your ads life and yours, Do you think when sad things happen around Christmas it just seems even worse.

    Congratulations on your Ds results.

    Sis reaction to the song could be a coincidence but if not it seems a bit strange.

    I hope you get to be with people you can relax with today and not worry too much.

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  22. randomx
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    25 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Haa yeah , figured soma that was going on with her too just thinking the present was just a nothing thing or maybe humor though, we'll hope. Funny , went through a lot of that back in the day with my d and her friends they loved staying on mine but one or two were always stamping their territory at our place to the others. Funny wittle creatures with a couple of evil ones thrown in.

    No doubt about it wifey's a very strange one with m , God like you need her bs though it's ridiculous . So hard with your d , mine to believe me , l know. Went through very similar with mine and her ex bf although she never did quite love him one of the bigger problems but sadly it all blew up in a really bad bad way in the end. Thk God they seem to have broken ties now. So it's nice they're still on good terms though hope it helps your d through , things will pick up. Takes time doesn't it sadly we wish we could just make life all better for them l know.

    rx

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  23. CMF
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    25 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Thanks Quirky & rx,

    Well there is always something. We went to M's tonight, sis' bf not there again. She's going interstate tomorrow alone for a few days, trip postponed due to Covid. Asked M where bf is and he said they're having some issues. Explains why his name wasn't on gifts. His female house mate moved out recently & he's been weird ever since. Apparently he's been depressed, getting therapy. He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life & misses his family overseas. He's telling sis they'll talk each day but he doesn't. He's keeping her in the dark & told friends they're over. Sis spoke to the ex housemate and she told sis to move on forget him & go interstate & have fun cos he's a typical particular type of guy. After dinner last night sis & M's boys went to his house to see if he was ok but didn't go in. Sis didn't sleep all night. He was meant to go visit close friends who live down the beach and didn't go. I reminded M when I had the card reading the woman said the bf wasn't completely being himself & his true colours would come out. She said he'd push to live together but who knows. All I know is if they break up she'll never move out till she meets a guy to live with. Why would she move back into her house on her own when she has an instant family with M? I've seen things in the bf I didn't like, & M knows. His family is o/s & his 20 yr old daughter. What If he decides to go back? Sis is almost 42 & wants kids. I feel for her, I really do but I know this will impact M & I if she keeps living there indefinitely, especially after last night's behaviour. Maybe she does admire me and considers me family but I don't want a relationship of 3 all the time. The hubby/wifey 2 kids set up is creepy.

    Cmf x

  24. CMF
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    25 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    I also never liked the way she made fun of his broken English text messages. She also had a go at him once and got quite angry cos he takes a joke too far.

    Nothing can ever be easy

  25. randomx
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    25 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Yeah take it from me with my gf , that's no way to be about his English and pretty just low quite frankly. But he's issues are no wonder then, daughter and all on top of it, shame. Like him or not it's a huge huge deal moving OS without them no wonder he's depressed. So instant with them and m though too wasn't it l dunno, that often spells fizzle later on too unfortunately doesn't it.

    lt's a damn for you and m though l know, you'll have to dream up a plan b eh. Feelings and worries are very understandable cm, hoping something comes through.

    rx

  26. Moonstruck
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    26 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey CMF.......I forgot to wish you a Merry Christmas...if we are still doing that sort of thing considering how dramatically our world has changed over the past 2 years.....are you still putting up with that sister person in your relationship? Surely she has disappeared somehow into the vast blue yonder by now? I've lost track of all my old pals on here...been sort of awol the past couple of years.....well who hasn't?

    this covid crap has just about, almost, done me in.! Will the old Moonstruck ever shine so brightly again? Have a sister free 2022!

  27. CMF
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    26 December 2021 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi Moon my dear friend,

    Yes, Merry Christmas.i am still putting up with stuff but she is having a difficult time with her bf so I'm reaching out to help. I'm glad you posted to me as you are a dear friend & I'm sad to hear how the Covid crap has affected you. Always here if you need x

    Rx, sis msgd me today to apologise for not socialising yesterday as she felt she was rude. She filled me in on the bf. I assured her she wasn't rude & I thought she was just tired ( I actually preferred it). So it appears when I'm there she feels the need to socialise whilst I prefer the privacy. Good to know this . anyway I offered my support and checked in on her tonight as I know M won't lol. She's interstate a few days. She's heard from bf, he's depressed and broken down. I offered to reach out to him also as long as I wasn't interfering and she was happy with that so I did. I doubt he'll respond. Regardless how I feel about her in relation to M & I indeed to support her in this situation as M's not good at this. I've also offered to check in on my D's ex bf. She was shocked that I'd be happy to chat and check in on him. They plan to exchange Xmas gifts so we'll see if he seems open to a chat.

    Wow it's usually me feeling lost & alone yet here I am with I need or could ever want. Guess I'm pretty lucky.

    Cmf x

  28. CMF
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    28 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Well I must just be really popular in M's household. Sis is interstate at the moment. Dropped on for a coffee today & his son hung around us the whole time. At first he was making lunch,but when he was done he hung around us, listening to our conversation & wanting to know who/what we were talking about. Give me a break already. He is a lovely boy &very close to M but he likes to talk to people like they're dumb and make comments about things he knows nothing about in an authorative way. He even walked us out with M. He just would not give is 5 mind alone. On Christmas day we all went to mass & he tried to squeeze into the end of the pew next to M. M had to tell him to sit at the other end where there was a spot for him. I've never noticed him to be like this, he usually says hi and goes back to his room/ games.today he left little miss in there on her own and stayed with us. So sick of someone ALWAYS listening to our conversations. With him you need to tell him who/what/where. It's so draining.

    Cmf x

  29. randomx
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    29 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ahh what a classic , sorry know it bugged ya , you've got yourself a sis fill in , how old is he anyway ? Maybe he was just trying to be a part of things for you two in his own way.

    Do you guys go to Mass. Haven't been to mass since l was about 10 , but if l see a great looking old church somewhere l've gone in and sat for awhile now and then.

    rx

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  30. CMF
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    29 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    He's 18, an old soul so likes to hang with the adults. Unfortunately, sometimes I want to tell M things that I don't want everyone to know about. Sis got back tonight. No word from the bf except he wants to spend NYE alone. Not looking good for her.

    Yep, she's never gonna move out. The instant hubby & 2 kids is too good.

    Cmf

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