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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. randomx
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    13 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    l know your just feeling like absolute crap as well, so the things that would normally grate at us anyway, grate even worse , but at the same time those grates are still very legit nonetheless and it must be hard to watch for sure.

    Weird how some people are just totally comfortable having mums and sis's still fussing around over them and in their face at that age isn't it. l couldn't personally. l have a sis here 30mins away , that's nothing for this area the rest are 4hrs away so it's like she's next door. She's actually offered her support and if l opened the door she'd be here in a flash. She basically has a good heart that one but l haven't been around her in 20yrs, she use to be 4hrs away too. l could actually really really use some help and support right now especially with daughter things , a tiny bit like m and his kids, sis, l suppose. But l just can't open that door and have her that much in my life. The few times people have been around or offered in those ways, for me it's like l have to choose. Bc 1 l don't like being helped from outsiders and 2 l don't like opening that door bc it might not close and l like my space, l'm also a bit weird about them being too close and in my life again,l'm very private.

    Weird how you have other people like m for example, that are just 120% comfortable with their people just in their face and life and doing all this stuff for them , isn't it. l've never had much help or excepted any the few times it has been there , it was always just me and gf , or me and ex w tackling our private world together , or me totally alone like now. But it's still hard for me to open that door. M on the other hand, just laps it up. l suppose there's nothing wrong with that except that your more like me and m is more like m.

    Big hug.

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  2. randomx
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    13 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    How are you feeling physically btw , do you have many symptoms?

  3. CMF
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    13 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Thx rx,

    I love how you understand. I must clarify, he is capable of being I dependant & his mum is so NON INTRUSIVE but he has these people to do stuff.

    Yeah, you & me same same 🙂

    I'm ok, still tired & headaches but no body aches anymore. Been doing stuff around the house.

    Sis tested positive today.

    Hope you're OK. I know you're done with your situation. I hear you my friend.

    Big iso hugs

    Cmf x

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  4. quirkywords
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    13 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    hope you were able to get some shopping delivered. There is little on our shelves inn my town anyway.
    Most here are waiting to get it.
    it us funny how life has changed so much .

    I appreciate your honesty in telling me how you feel and your symptoms.

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  5. CMF
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    14 January 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Feel like I'm checking out again. We are out of ISO tomorrow, M & I on annual leave but now sis is positive so I still can't go to his house. He has a new toy, so I wonder if he will even want to do anything together next week?

    What a waste

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  6. quirkywords
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    14 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    what had you and M planned to do for your leave before covid.?

    I am sure if you are both well he will want to do things together next week.

    Maybe you are feeling a bit run down. I hope you and M have special time together.

  7. CMF
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    14 January 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Well he mentioned day trip to the beach seeing as we didn't plan to go away (thank goodness). Also it's been ahot week so we were going to go over for swims.

    We'll see. He'll be busy I'm sure. I am still tired & rundown. Been stuck on a hothouse with a bored 8yo for a week. He wouldn't understand that. Oblivious as Never had to do it.

    This is my struggle. We are so different. Both in iso This week. I'm struggling with the heat, he has a pool. I'm watching TV alone at night, he has sis. I had trouble getting food, he had his mum to shop for them. I'm bored,he buys a new toy.

    Don't know how long I can keep going with all these differences.

  8. CMF
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    14 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    It's ok for the one who has it all. But hard for someone struggling.

    I don't know if being good, honest people is enough.

    Maybe you do need things in common to be truly happy?
    I don't know?


  9. CMF
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    14 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    You are right Quirky,

    I am rundown & tired as I've not had much appetite this week. It's not M"s fault he has a caring family & a pool both of which he shares with me &wants me to be a part of. He bought the new toy but probably with money he wod have spent for us all to go away, which we didn't do. We always go out for beautiful lunches on Sundays. We spoke tonight, he said I could bring little miss for a swim tomorrow,we can stay outside & not mix with his sis. I'd rather not risk it unnecessarily. Sunday we are going for a drive to where we would have gone away and next week he wants to take Little Miss to the beach as weather warms up again. He said he'll see me tomorrow arvo. I hadn't asked him to dinner/sleepover so I like that he was just planning to come over anyway.

    I hate that my moods make me think negatively of a man who loves me, spoils me & wants me to be a part of his world. Why do I find it hard to just accept the good?

    So grateful I can speak openly here, no judgement. It allows me to process my thoughts & feelings. Poor M. Lucky he doesn't hear every little thing I overthink 😔

  10. randomx
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    14 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Haaa , love it , all fixed , there ya go .

    Sorry things have been so crapola . Know all about it but eh , it might even be good you'll get a sis break.

    Have a good one.

    rx

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  11. CMF
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    16 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    So it appears sis' may have been cheating. Not nice.

    M& I went for a nice drive today. Lovely day but still low on energy after having Covid.

    I have Sunday night anxiety. Feel like crap tbh.

    Cmf x

  12. CMF
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    18 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    So the cheating bf is def gone. Wiped off all her social media too, like he never existed. Now all her posts are about her covid positive and what's happening at 'resort ______' (their surname). Pics of the pool, of M trimming trees. Reminders she tested positive.

    She's never leaving. Great.

  13. randomx
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    18 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    looks like we're both on hold forever, check out my latest.

    So who cheated , the bf or sis ? Not that it matters l suppose still the same problem. lt's bloody weird you know but do you ever notice how some people in life just will not go away.

    rx

  14. CMF
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    19 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    The bf was according to his friends. Sis is now working on another body building comp so I guess kids is off the cards. She'll be 42 in a couple of months. Wonder if she'll jump into another relationship like she did with this one? I had told M there were qualities I didn't like about this one, plus what came out in the card reading. All correct. I saw the red flags. M agrees & was surprised.

    Told M I'd drop in today. I'll be watching her behaviour,the moment she steps out of line or intrudes M is gonna know about it. I'll ask if we're back to old behaviours & I just won't go there again.

    What a drainer

    Cmf x

  15. randomx
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    19 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Damn eh , sorry cm yeah it must drain the hell out of you and your relationship and yet it ridiculous you even have to deal with any of it really. Suppose it was all a life saver back in the day for m but nowww !

  16. CMF
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    19 January 2022 in reply to randomx
    Yeah. Went over today, sitting outside with M chatting while she was training. She came out & just interrupted to start telling me about her friend ,& covid. She mentioned 3 times her head wanted to explode with covid. She went inside then came back, caught the end of a conversation & asked what we were talking about. M then told me to sit inside with him while he made lunch, we then sat & watched tennis. She kept quiet. I notice every social media post has to include She has covid. Cleaning up with Covid, training with Covid, online shopping with covid. We get it. She has covid. We had covid. WE KNOW.
  17. CMF
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    19 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Forgot to mention. She didn't give me a kiss hello cos she's got covid and mentioned that they (her & M) haven't been kissing. I know they kiss goodmorning, goodnight, hello but is it that big a deal she has to mention it.

    I guess she misses it. Creepy.

  18. randomx
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    21 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    40s going on 16. Kissing brothers and sisters weird , that just doesn't feel right to me but l suppose it might be normal if they're close l don't know. l do hug a few of my sisters now and then or they hug me really, I don't really like it though.

    Have a good wkend eh .

    rx

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  19. CMF
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    22 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    When sis got home today M's son said 'the boss is home. Chatted with sis today re bf. She's done, doesn't miss him. Not sure he has else someone else. They were planning to move in together end of last year I think, have kids. M of course never mentioned anything to me. She lent the bf $20 000 for his car. Waiting to get it back. He was clingy & trying to be on her level but he just couldn't with her successful business & flashy car. She offered to lend M money for his new car, thank God he refused. Again, M never told me this.

    Icing on the creepy cake...when we left I gave sis a kiss goodbye. She said to me she told M he had to kiss her goodnight few nights ago so she could sleep properly. She said they haven't been kissing each other since we've had Covid. This is too creepy for me. She may be joking but I know they kiss goodnight. So she needs/misses a kiss goodnight from her brother. When will she ever move out? She mentioned she's not rushing into another relationship. She needs someone on her level financially & successfully. M's good friends came over today for a swim. His friend asked if M & I would move in together or wait till little miss was older. I said no, no living together yet. It's a 10 year plan. How can we even think anything about us when his sis won't move on from living with him? Maybe I would like a kiss goodnight every night? Her comment to me, her brother's gf, was so stupid. She needs a kiss goodnight so she can sleep. What is she & what am I then? I'm alone every night while they watch shows together and kiss each other goodnight.

    What do I do? Speak up again? Tell him I find it creepy? Inappropriate? Ask what the he'll I am? Whete is this going? He's got best of both worlds. 'Wifey ' in the house, me in the bed & a Sunday date.

    What do I do? Am I over reacting? I want a relationship with my partner, not my partner & his sister. I don't even know how to tell him? What do I say? He wants me to be a part of his life & family but I don't want to be a part of this creepy thing they have going. It makes me sick to the stomach. I don't even want to see him tomorrow. He may as well stay home by the pool with his wife/sis.

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  20. CMF
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    22 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    She admitted the last 3 years of her previous relationship she'd had enough. That 4 years was when she moved in with M.

    If I told him I can't do another few years of this what would he say? He'd say it won't be years, it won't always be like this ad he's told me in the past. He doesn't respect how I feel cos he's under his sis' control.

    I feel so sick. I don't know what to say or do. Her breaking up with her bf changes everything. EVERYTHING.

    i want to tell him now, tonight, that I just can't do this anymore. He's got everything he wants, always gets what he wants. What about me?

    I understand siblings being close but they are joined at the hip. Her tiny bikinis around him, the kisses trying to bail him out financially all the time, owning him pretty much.

    I want to know why he doesn't think I'm important enough to know these things. Probably cos he knows I wouldn't approve. I don't know how to start the conversation. Maybe I'll ask if he's happy & ask why he's happy? What makes him happy? Ask if he thinks this is normal ( he's admitted it isn't). I could ask 'what now? Now that sis & bf broke up, what now,? I'm 'in a relationship yet alone. When hers fail she has M to fill the void.

    Oh God I don't know what to do.

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  21. randomx
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    22 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm.

    Well at least you've had a sociable day and gotten out and to be around m , and found out some gos. l was suppose to go away camping but changed my mind with the heat so tonight cruizing my forums is the highlight haha , oh , and watching the tennis haha. l will push myself over to the beach tomorrow though and that pool sounds bloody beautiful, damn shame that sis comes with the deal.

    lt's not you your not weird , l think most gf's would have a problem with their whatever it is. And that kiss goodnight thing, having a pile of sisters myself , l nearly threw up tbh, it just does not sound right , creepy creepy. l know there's nothing more to it although she is in love with him , but it still does. Same with the bikinis l'd have to leave if one of my sisters was hanging around in that.

    Damn the bf thing eh , if only, so close. Trouble is , there's really nothing wrong with m's life and he gets along with his sister some do l suppose, so be it. But when it's on this level and interfering with your relationship and seemingly above it sometimes, too much. The thing l was saying one thing so special about gf and l is that we live and view most things big things and life the same . And her success level thing , there's lots of other levels too and m's is that he's really sociable and close to his family to be it too close to that one but nonetheless he doesn't really have any problem with any of it at all. So he's level is so different to yours , mine to by a mile , and sis creepy, well to us anyway, but even that doesn't seem to even faze him.

    l dunno what you can say at this stage , you've been saying for 3yrs and as soon as your backs turned it's all just still there, bc that's his level, it's just him and really , he has no problem with any of it. Damn tricky one for ya .

    Good luck tomorrow.

    big hugs. rx

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  22. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    I don't wanna do Sunday. Not only does sis' bf owe her money, she lent him her dad's tools which haven't been returned & he has a key to their house. She jumped from an 11 year relationship into this, gave him money, house keys & thinks their 15 months is a long time. If 15 months is a long time, what about my 3 & 1/2 years with M & her being involved the whole time? She's certainly not good at choosing her men. I know M would not even bat an eyelid about what she gave her ex. I tell M everything, he tells me nothing. Even in the past I've found out things from sis before him.

    I may need to tell him that I don't feel I'm very important to him. Well certainly not as important as cycling, keeping fit or bowing down to his sis. All the nice lunches in the world do not make up for not caring about my feelings.

    He wants his cake & eat it too, maybe he'll wear it instead & sis can clean it off for him.

  23. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Her perfect match is someone like him- successful, kissy kiss,lijes nice cars, had money,fit & his perfect match is someone like her, independent, successful, has money, into fitness, likes fast cars-but needs to be older & not posting everything on social media . Her ex was not at her level & I've said before I'm not at M's. So they live together, perfect matches and I'm here to sleep with.

    The thing is, I don't even know if want to live with him cos I'm watching him in a relationship with her & don't know what I am. I also don't know what it's like to be with just him. Too many lines crossed here.

    I haven't slept, I feel sick. I need a 'single ' man not a man 'owned' by another woman. She oversteps the line in every way, being the woman in his life, his home, his kids life, all cos she doesn't have it herself, but she's set herself up so she does have it, cos she always gets what she wants. Somehow, so does he.

  24. randomx
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ahhh cm.

    lt's a bloody tough one , you were almost rid of her, so close.l really hear you with all the holding things back too that'd drive me crazy.

  25. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to randomx
    Sadly I think he's the roadblock in my life. I need another reading done. Tge first was pretty accurate
  26. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    She is the roadblock, the barrier. All 6ft 3 of her blocking our relationship, stopping us really being a couple. Infiltrating everything. She moved in and took over his house, his family, his life and he just let's her control everything. She controls the kids, him,when/if we have time alone. She always rocks up and ruins it. She pulls the strings, he's the puppet, I'm the sidekick.

    I feel stuck, stagnant, down, anxious, don't care and he is completely oblivious.

  27. Matchy69
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF
    Hi CMF I am sorry you have tested positive and hope you are ok.
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  28. randomx
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ah cm cm , what are we gonna do . Unfortunately he is too bc he's just on that level and seems as happy as a lark, Some people are also just happy too with someone else just taking over and looking after things and he's also a bit that way as well. Such a shame it's stopping everything that should be you and him with yours you'd be a huge full couple part of each others world and households by now. But unfortunately he's just all dandy with all that too unless your on his case.

  29. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Hi Matchy, thank you for your kind thoughts. I am feeling better.

    Rx, I hardly spoke today then he asked why I thought the bf did a back flip then I told him she'll be loving there forever then I let loose. Told him everything I feel again that the kissing is creepy. That she gives us no space. That his ' relationship ' is with her cos they do everything we should be doing. Only thing they don't do is sleep together. I asked how he thinks it makes me feel, that he enjoys everything witj someone else not me? He kept asking how we can fix it. Told him it's been 3 &1/2 years, & it'll be another 5 now...if I'm still around. Told him she's too comfy, she's got him, the kids, company yet I'm alone. He agreed with it all & I asked if he even wants what I want or is he happy to keep living with her & have me on the side? Told him she controls it all, that I don't know how long I can keep doing this. It's his house too yet we don't get to enjoy it alone. She would have been relaxing by the pool today. We should have that luxury too but we don't.

    I don't know if I can do it anymore. He thought she'd move in with bf this year & agreed it would be good for us but I told him we are now back to where we started. We have alot of great things going but her presence overshadows everything. His last thoughts were how do we get her out, find a man for her. Told him it'll be years & I might not be around. I asked why the Universe created this roadblock, right from the start. Why?

    I just can't do it. If this is the life he wants, it's not for me.

  30. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Told him I don't think he cares. He said he cares that it upsets me but I feel he doesn't care that we have no time alone at his house. It affects me/us. We can't have a normal relationship with her around. He said she considers me a sister but it's creepy to hear about all the kisses. Kisses I don't get. He said I'm focusing on 1 negative aspect but it is always there, in everything we do. Also asked if he realises how much he mentions her. It is always she did this, she did that, she went here, she said this. Told him when his friend asked if we'd live together I was close to replying 'yeah, when he divorces his sister ' cos it will be like a divorce. Settle the finances, him get the house back, her move out. Told him I can't see what 'we' are with her there. They're like a married couple with 2 kids& I'm the weekend play date. He agreed, I fear that he thinks it's ok. He said 2nd time round in 50's with kids this is what it's like. No, it isn't. Second time round, in 50's with kids doesn't involve sis stepping in as a wife/ mother. I don't know anyone who has a situation like this.

    I can't do it. I may as well be alone cos I am anyway.

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