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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    30 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Thanks Quirky & rx,

    I wrote down what I wanted to express. I didn't show M last night as we were havng such a lovely night I didn't want to ruin the mood. Today we all went to Mass for the anniversary of his dad's passing. When he greeted sis with a kiss it was like he hadn't seen her for a week. Same greeting I get. His aunt came to mass & his sis made a point of telling him the aunt was going back to their house for coffee. M told them we wouldn't be there as we were going to the cemetery then lunch& a movie. Lunch was lovely. At the end I thought him I wrote down what I wanted to express to his sister & asked him to read it. He said it was well written & very fair. I asked what I should do with it & if he would be comfortable speaking to her.he said yes then asked if I wanted her to go to her room whenever I went over or should he tell her to move our. I was a bit surprised & said of course not. Just need breathing space but he got up go pay, clearly uncomfortable. I felt the mood change and became uneasy in the movie. In the car I told him not to say anything cos I could see it made him uncomfortable. He got annoyed & snapped at me saying he would. I asked if he was scared of upsetting her. He was. Told him so he's more worried about her being upset than me. He said no but that his sis would get offended & go to her room when I'm there. Told him I knew that would be the reaction & if it were me I'd be open minded & look at the situation. I got upset & told him not to do it. That as always I put others' happiness 1st, that her reaction would be extreme as my requext& how I worked it is fair & reasonable. He agreed, beautifully written but knows her reaction. I pointed out that they call her boss & she is cos she controls everything. He said we need to find a solution & told him I'm the only one trying to think of one. The only other solution is I just don't go there if she us home. This is also extreme & would upset me. I wonder if this would bother him as much as 'the boss' getting upset & going to her room. I told him we'll leave it to The Universe & have positive thoughts.

  2. CMF
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    30 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    this is what I wrote...thoughts?

    When M & I reconnected I made a promise to him & myself that I'd always be open & honest. None of the bs of our past relationships. We've been talking about things as I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed & stifled & think it's important if I can be open with you too. I don't want to create awkwardness but I want to honest. M & I have been together nearly 3 & 1/2 years & we're both blessed to have reconnected so easily & be embraced by each other's families. As you know, with all our kids & work we don't have the freedom to see each other whenever we want. We don't get to sleep over whenever we want , see each other during the week , enjoy a tv show together or cook & enjoy a meal together . Little things in a relationship we can take for granted. I feel that whenever I come over M & I never have any space or time alone to just talk & catch up., have a coffee relax etc. I love the one on one chats I have with you. I really do. We see each other as sisters & I'll always be here if you need but I feel M & I never have that face to face one on one time unless we actually go out & leave the house lol. I'd really love if I could come over & not feel like there are 3 of us in the relationship, or like I'm a guest visiting a couple.. I know you don't intentionally crowd us. I know you're sociable and don't want to appear rude if you don't sit & chat. I know you love having me over & I enjoy seeing you too, but after 3 & 1/2 years I reslised I 've never really been able to spend time with M in his home, and feel at home as a partner should. Obviously I don't expect you to leave the house or not talk if I'm there 😄 but It will be a while before M & I can be together more often & more easily, and we're ok with that, but I'm feeling a little crowded these days & hope we can have a little bit of space now & then. I was on my own for 5 years before M came back into my life, so I guess I really want to be able to be with him as a couple at times. I want M & I to keep growing as a couple, and I know you want happiness for us, just as we want the same for you xo.

  3. randomx
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    31 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm .

    Well , m's gonna be nervous l think that's pretty cert . This is probably as confronting as he's ever been near to in his life being the master rug sweeper that he is ,,,, and with the boss no less.

    For me in the past and with some very tricky very sticky people situation , l've been too heavy handed and it's hit the fan but admittedly some people need a brick it seems bc they just don't get it or take the hint.

    Your situation here hmmm, l really hope you and m can come up with some way of tackling it. The letter l have no clue and l don't know sis but l suppose m would be the best judge of do's and don't with her and their situation.

    Keep us posted eh.

    rx

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  4. CMF
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    1 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Thx rx,

    Yeah. I'll hold off for now.. I felt better just getting it off chest & M reading it. I hope he realised how serious I am.

    I'm going to manifest her meeting someone/ moving out. I keep focussing on her being there. Time to flip it.

    Cmf x

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  5. randomx
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    1 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ahh cm .

    l suppose it's worth a shot , l find it so mentally draining though myself l've been doing it 6mths with my situation and to no avail whatsoever so far. And l have a pretty powerful mind , things happen, but in this , nothing. Maybe you'll have more luck . l wonder if your connected to her, even if she doesn't know it or feel it , things can still be going on underneath and happen.

    l'm absolutely amazed she hasn't at least caught by now on let alone feel it tbh.

    rx 00

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  6. Tess2
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    3 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF,

    i cant imagine how frustrated you Re, as I am extremely frustrated just reading your posts.

    it seems to me, after a lot of reflection that the sister is not the problem, it is him. He and she are fine, but you aren’t. You need to reflect, which I am sure that you do, on how long to keep pursuing this relationship.

    i think you are focussing on trivia too. That fact that they kiss hello and goodbye or goodnight is not a problem, many do and it is not sexual, just what they have done since children but in light of how you feel about her presence it has become blown up in your mind.

    i also think you are putting him in a difficult position by expecting him to talk to her about the problems that you see. I think that you need to, with perhaps the three of you together?

    i really feel for you and how you must be feeling, but this feels like you are keeping yourself in an unhealthy situation.

    love Tess

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  7. CMF
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    4 February 2022 in reply to Tess2

    Hi Tess,

    You make very valid points. Yes. I probably blow up the kissing thing. However her comments don't help, just confirm she's not in a hurry to leave. Also, yes, I am putting him in a difficult position, & yes it may be up to me to talk to her. The 3 of us is a good idea, she may realise he supports me. Maybe I'll just not go there unless it's an occasion. If we can't remove her I'll remove myself. I wonder...if she met someone & moved out & they split would she feel the need to move back? I'm not sure she really wants to settle down.

    rx, not sure if we connect. I'm not sure she wants to settle down. Too comfy. Also her living in that environment tells The Universe she has what she wants. If she moved into her own house she'd be showing she's single, ready to meet someone. Surely if you want to meet someone you'd rather be in your own place, not having a new guy come to a house where you live with your brother & his kids? It's a novelty at first but surely a guy who's serious about her wants to be with her in her space, not her brother's.

    So if she meets a guy it'll be the 3rd one to be sleeping there in 3 years. Does M really need different guys in his home, sleeping there. She's a single woman, guys should be sleeping at her place, in private. Hopefully the next guy will be awake to the weirdness of the situation & will want to be with her, not her, her bro & his kids.

    Cmf x

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  8. randomx
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    4 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm

    The kissing thing is true people do whatever they do, not my thing for sure butttt. l don't know if it'd bother me if gf was like that with a brother on it's own but if the brother was as bigger part of her life as sis is m's, it'd be icing on the cake.

    Personally and this is just me but me , l'd think it's m's place to just show sis with actions no need for awkward talks, that he likes his time and space with you. if he did that sis would see it and start allowing you two some privacy here and there.

    Just thoughts.

    rx

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  9. CMF
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    5 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Good point rx.

    M is away this weekend so he slept over last night. I asked what his boys were doing. They were out. I k ow sis was away for the day. No idea about the night but I guess if she was home she'd be on her own. I know it's nice but I was a little happy to hear his boys were out & M with me. He's been quite affectionate, telling & showing me he lives me. Sis' name comes up now & then as it will.

    Anyway, good to see she's getting out & about. I guess when I go there I should be all lovely dovey to him so she gets the hint, rather than switching off.

    Cmf x

  10. randomx
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    5 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    You might think your situation is limited and this and that atm but a few simple nights together like that sounds like a dream to me in mine these days let me tell ya, l wish.

    l get the clamping up it's a lot to ask alone but if he's helping and showing himself to , think it'll be on it's way.

    rx o

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  11. CMF
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    6 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Thanks rx

    I wish happiness for you. I really do. I think you should make the trip. Something is better then nothing...right?

    Cmg x

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  12. CMF
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    6 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Well. Sis found out today that the bf/ex bf was seeing someone else. She didn't want to call M as he is away so she called me. We chatted about it for a bit, the red flags, things she wasn't comfortable with in the relationship. She admitted she didn't love him. It was like 2 friends chatting, it was nice she was comfortable calling me in M's absence. I told her there were things I didn't like about him but that's me,not my place to interfere but she wishes I had said something esp as the woman who did my card reading was spot on about him. The woman who does her readings was wrong so I told sis to ask me next time. She also commented M is oblivious, he thinks everyone is nice. She said she used to warn him about his ex wife too but he was oblivious to things. I had to agree lol.

    Anyway, she's on a date tonight. M doesn't know about it. She met guy on line & they've been talking all week. He sounds more on her level ie has his own house & boats. Now that the truth came out about the ex she's moving on, going out, no guilt that it's so soon.

    Wow, maybe things will change? Maybe we will be like good friends/sisters ? She.called me cos M not around so I guess she values me/my thoughts. I'm so glad I told M not to say anything about how I was feeling. I told him we'll leave it to The Universe. Good thoughts, positive vibes. I've been manifesting for her.

    Maybe we are connected?Maybe it's working?

    Cmf x

  13. CMF
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    6 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Interesting that she didn't tell M about the guy. Maybe she'll realise that she needs her own space to meet someone?

    Cmf x

  14. randomx
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    6 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    She's funny and tbh l still go with what l've thought for a long time. She's not a bad person as such and l don't think she's intentionally been so annoying. l kind of relate tbh bc some of my sisters are a little bit similar and my ex was always getting pissed off but really they didn't mean anything. l'm glad nothings been said it really could've backfired, time is doing it's thing and ya never know you may well end up close.

    But anyway , there ya go eh with the bf, always wondered and scratched my head about those two but here we go. Never know , she might nail something good and all your problems will be over haha.

    rx

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  15. CMF
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    7 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    Yeah, I know deep down she's not a bad person but I do feel she needs to meet the right guy to move on from her bro.

    I see it also frustrates her that M can be oblivious. I told M no matter how I feel about things I'll always be here for his sis. I told her that last night, that she can always come to me. She was so grateful. Funny that, at times I feel M isn't supportive cos he's not comfy with tears, she must feel that too.

    Maybe we are starting to connect as 'sisters '? I'd really like that. M goes away for a weekend & all these things open up. As I said (maybe on my other thread) living with him & his boys is sending the wrong message to the Universe. M goes away & look what happens, she's out on a date with someone on her level feeling hopeful & positive. Here I am thinking she's our roadblock. Clearly M is hers too. The Universe is responding to what they're putting out. She needs to be in her space for the right guy to come into her life.

    Cmf x

  16. CMF
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    7 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Now I know why the timing was the way it was. M & I reconnected just before sis moved in because if it was after she moved in she would have been blocking us.

    Again, the timing of The Universe.

  17. randomx
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    7 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ah l thought she'd been there awhile before you came along.

    Anyway yeah , m would frustrate anyone l've seen his ways right through he cracks me up . like l use to say to ya , it'll all depend on how much patience you've got. But he'd def' rather just not even know, not even hear about anything . Can't blame him with sis though , she's a problem child in that way, some of mine are like that too and it's not that l don't see their crap , l just don't wanna know. They're mature ages women, like sis , their lifes their own and l've got no interest in fixing sister problems or nurse maiding them, got enough real problems of my own with the real women in my life.

    Although it sounds like m only has one to worry about, and she lives with him and cares a lot about him. l have 6 and they're all over the country and they're only interested in themselves anyway. lt'd be nice to have just one like m , and to know that she actually cares and is there for him. That l could bother with , as pain in the arse as she is haha but eh, he doesn't even think so or notice anyway so l don't suppose it even matters to him.

    rx

  18. CMF
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    7 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Omg. So he agrees that if she lived in her own place she'd have a better chance of meeting someone & be more motivated to cos she'd be lonely. Said he realised this ages ago. So why doesn't he talk to her about that? He agrees she's too comfortable. Doesn't he want to see her happy with a guy & kids like she wants? Tbh, I think he likes the company.

  19. randomx
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    7 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Of course , he loves living with sis sorry . But eh , now that you two are progressing he might even be thinking about that these days instead.

    Why doesn't he tell her what you said though like l was saying, l couldn't be bothered even touching that with one of my sisters, don't blame him. But hey the house is half hers to right , saying that to her it'd be like he was trying to get her out as well.

  20. CMF
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    7 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    I told him he should tell her as a way of helping her to meet someone. Create a space for the right man to come into her life. I asked of he knew that why hadn't he said something? Don't they talk about it? He said he could but no they don't really.

    He could? That's new. Anyway, the date she had last night was a lovely guy a gentleman. If things progress hopefully they'll both want space. Surely a guy who is serious about her doesn't want her brother around. I can't be the only one who finds it off putting

    On a positive, I hope sis & I have connected a but more although now M is back I feel it's gone. I hope by mentioning it again with M he realises he can't sweep it aside forever.

    Cmf

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  21. randomx
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    7 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Haaa, l'm not m but like l said, l wouldn't.

    But your right of course it'd help her but eh she doesn't seem to be having much trouble anyway really. Fist the first one then the next now and now new dates already, she doesn't let the grass grow that's for sure.

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  22. BballJ
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    8 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    Hi also to quirkywords & randomx :)

    Great to read your messages since I was on here in October. I am glad I left a good impression on everyone that they remember me, I think I will be coming back to the forums more frequently now so looking forward to catching up more regularly.

    CMF - I am glad to read all the kids were well and you are in a new relationship of 3 years and also started a new job. I nearly fell over when you said little miss was in grade 3 - how time flies.

    How has the new year started for you?

    Love to hear how randomx and quirkywords are doing too :)

    My best to you all,

    Jay

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  23. CMF
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    9 February 2022 in reply to BballJ

    Hey rx,

    Funny thing is when I have issues with a work colleague M tells me I need to do/ say something to show how the behaviour upsets me. How is that different to sis' behaviour upsetting me?

    Hi Jay,

    It's nice to hear you may be coming back, but I hope you are doing well. You must let me know if you start a new thread. Year started a bit bumpy. I got Covid, I lost my temper of my partner's sis being a little intrusive, but otherwise all OK. Little Miss in grade 4, older daughter going to Uni & my son working a couple of jobs . I'm finally back in the office after working from home for so long.

    How have you been Jay?

    Cmf

  24. BballJ
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    9 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    No plans to start a new thread just yet as I just want to come back on and speak to people and just get a bit more entrenched in the forums again as I have missed them.

    I just got over a bout of COVID as well this past week, not the most amazing thing to go through, especially when you live alone (my biggest problem is I work from home and have for 2 years so being in isolation at home is the worst because you use going out to the gym or partners house or seeing friends as almost an escape from your work environment. How did your covid battle go?

    I understand what you are saying about your partners sister being intrusive and it's funny how our partners have different solutions for different problems - I.E tells you to speak up at work if something bothers you but you can't if it is his family member, just sounds like he is protective of her or a bit in denial about her being intrusive, have you managed to work through it?

    My best,

    Jay

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  25. CMF
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    10 February 2022 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay,

    Yes working from home, then being told you can't leave home is very isolating.

    I've been manifesting for the sis to find a man & happiness. To move out, into her own space. Well she went on a date last Sunday, been on the phone with him a fair bit & tonight gone to his house. She's told M not to wait up, she may sleep there. Wow...after 1 date lol. Apparently he is great, has his own house, a big boat...I have a good feeling this might be the one :-)

    Cmf

  26. CMF
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    10 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    In fact, M was shocked when she said she may not come home. Guess she's serious this time about moving on with her life.

    I knew she wasn't sure about the other one. She still needed the security of her brother around. With this one she's jumping straight in. 1 date, already jumping into bed lol. Hopefully he too will want her to move on from her bro. The last one has a housemate so I guess her living with M didn't bother him. This one has his own house so may not he comfy sleeping over at M's with him & the kids there, especially if he's used to his own space.

    Come on Universe. Work your magic!

  27. randomx
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    10 February 2022 in reply to CMF

    Oh Jezuz , straight into the sack , nice , not. People amaze me these days, oh well.

    But ha ha , listen to you eh you've got her moving out and in already , bloody funny , your putting ti out there alright. l've been doing that 6mths now, nothing, damn it.

    Ps , Gday there Jay , nice to see you.

    rx

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  28. CMF
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    11 February 2022 in reply to randomx
    It was a sleepover 😵
  29. CMF
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    11 February 2022 in reply to randomx
    She may have been straight into the sack with the other one too. She met him pretty quickly & they were meeting in parks during the day apparently cos we were in lockdown but he didn't care about rules. The other one was sleeping at their place within a month.. I'm sure wasn't the first time. Although she didn't stay overnight at his straight away so this one must be good. Overnight stay after 4 days & 1 date 😄
  30. CMF
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    11 February 2022 in reply to CMF
    The energy has shifted again. Anxiety, can't breathe. Little miss &I went to M's for dinner. Just us & sis. He went to get dinner & I asked about the new man. After sleeping there last night she said 'one step at a time '. M told a story at dinner but kept looking at sis so I switched off. She then said they were jokingly wishing for another lockdown so THEY could catch up on episodes of a TV show they watch. I feel myself falling back down the hole. He did ignore her when she interrupted him telling me something. I said I'd be more affectionate etc around her but I just can't do it. As soon as 3 of us there I feel blocked, my energy draining. At one point they were both on their phones, her getting msgs about her ex, him getting a bday invite from his friend's gf. Half hour later he got another to say obviously I was also invited. I asked why I would think I wasn't? Of course he defended her even though he agreed he wouldn't send a later msg to his friend saying the gf was invited.i must have been an afterthought, he still defender the friend's gf & asked what I was upset about now. Sis got little miss to help with a puzzle. I went to join M on the couch to find him sitting in a spot where I couldn't sit next to him. Weird. Why wouldn't we sit together like a couple? Maybe cos we're not a couple when there are 3 of us. Sis came to join us talking about her man. Her & M talking across me. She sat on couch with us so little miss & i left. 3's a crowd. I thought I should get out of their way. Maybe they can catch up on their tv show.Clearly there is a bad energy when 3 of us there. It gives me anxiety & I shut down. I think I won't going in future. I hope he sees how different i am when its just us, not 3 of us. Her presence is too dominant, even if she does nothing wrong. I feel myself being drained. I wanna be able to have dinner & chat with him, not him & her, the couple.

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