Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Also it's a dress up party, Movie theme. M's son is paying & organising it all. Over dinner I learnt there would be prizes for best dressed as M & sis discussed it with him. So it's also annoying for me to be sitting at dinner with them all & having no idea what's going while M & sis talk about it. I know his son's planned it all but talk about feeling left out from the whole thing. Wouldn't be surprised is M & wifey dress up as a couple from a movie.

    How nice I can "drop in" if I want.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to CMF
    So much for being "family". Clearly if it's anything to do with his boys it's him & wifey, not him & me.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    7 May 2022

    Oh God , and then more stuff on Sunday , though you are a mum so l suppose well.

    Funny , before l came here l answered youts over on mine and said yeah it's too early to say but l was also gonna say l don't think new mans gonna like it all very much either and then l was gonna say he sounds like he might be more like you to, but l didn't , but he does.

    The jacket , l wouldn't be at all comfy using words like that with a sister, and l'm no stick in the mud, but it's just weird. Anyway see your point with the sons party and fair enough and yeah , wonder if you'll end up hearing about them dressing up , on Sunday. Might be lucky your not going seeing that'd push you over the edge.

    Anywayyyy, new man sound like a nice bloke , dunno how he's gonna handle all her crap though once he gets to know her. But yeah l figured m tones down at yours and alone , he is more the other way but whether it matters is a real more real time together thing to see l suppose.

    Good luck with the wkend anyway eh, big hug. Although your getting more hugs at least than me at the moment , maybe l take the hug hugs back haha.

    rx

  4. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Well here's a hug for you.

    My d said sis is dressing up,M told me he's not. Who knows, maybe he'd rather be here with me?

    Will be interesting to see if she walks all over new man, esp if he's like me.

    M's always had a happy, bubbly personality. I wonder if I'm too boring for him? We were both yawning in the car on the way to the party last week lol. He did say he's only going tonight so they're not helping themselves to drinks & getting too drunk. Also, It's in his schools' hall so there is a level of responsibility there on his part. His sons' friends can do stupid stuff.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Funny thing is, if it had been handled differently I might have gone. If he'd told me what was happening when it was planned months ago, rather than finding out THEIR plans when my d got an invite...

    Don't think he can understand that I'm ok being home alone. When he heard my son was also not hone he said 'well, If you wanna come past for a bit, say hello, have a drink( I don't drink)".... not sure also if he gets it yet that I don't wanna hang with him & wifey. I've actually told him this, yet I do it & it becomes all about them & I stand there like an add on.

    Yeah...no thanks. I'd rather do housework.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Come to think of it RX. It's wifey that gets the goodnight kisses, not me.

    So I sit here again questioning everything.

    It's a shame I didn't know about the bday till my daughter hot invited. Even then, I had to mention it to him.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14284 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I agree with you, I would rather be alone at times.
    I am sure M will understand.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    7 May 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks Quirky,

    If can't be told about it I don't see why I should make an effort to "drop in & say hi". It's not close by, it's a cold night, little miss & I are tired. I don't need to watch a bunch of 20 year olds drink themselves stupid with my 9year old.

    I was excluded from the plan so I'll exclude myself from the party. He's got wifey there, no need for me.

  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    7 May 2022

    Haaa , thanks for the hug , l'll take it.

    Have you got a son to ? Anyway , my guess is m will love it , he's so into social , wifey there, what more could he want. Nope he still doesn't quite get it l see it all the time. He's a bit better and sort of repeats your sentiments parrot fashion, but it doesn't really click, and he'd have to be blind not to see the change in you, buttttt, he still doesn't quite put it all together. But oh well let em at it . And wifey and kisses eh, to me that's weird l'd never peck any of my sisters, cheek l mean , buttt, l dunno.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  10. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    8 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Oh yeah. According to wifey she can't sleep if she doesn't get a goodnight kiss from M. She may have said that for a joke but it's still creepy to even say it loud.

    I didn't get any photos of our kids dressed up so he has learnt that if they're having fun they doesn't involve me not to rub it in. My d says he keeps asking if I wanna drop in cos he wants me there. The way I see it if he really wanted me there I would have known about it from him not my d & not asked if I thought I might wanna pop in.

    Mother's day. Going to mass with his mum then back to their place. Great. Wonder if he & sis will be talking & laughing about it?

  11. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    8 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Party was low key. M quite affectionate. Arm around me at mass. Lovely morning tea at theirs. Sis' latest..."I'm not a mum but I brought these boys up last few years ". Someone at the party said "thanks Mr &Mrs.. " again sis told them I'm not their mum but I've but have been last couple of years.

    Sick. Tell me my 'wifey' name is not right. She wanted to step in as wifey & mum & she did.

  12. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    8 May 2022

    Ahh yeah , l don't think it's ever like that, l think he'd usually love you to stay, or come along , or whatever. And yeah , he knows where to lay low and not rub anything in these days.lt's funny to watch , he takes the chicken way out sometimes and doesn't tell you things, like the party.

    ps, never know, it might be good practice for her and new man haha, has he got kids ? lf not maybe he wants them.

    rx

  13. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    8 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    If people mistake them for a married couple that's just wrong in my eyes. Brother & sis giving off a married couple vibe is creepy. M told me today I'm a good judge of character. A woman we both know left her husband. M grew up with her & said she's great, really cool. My older kids went to school with hers. I found her obnoxious, rude, dressed inappropriately at times etc. M was surprised. We found out today she'd been cheating on her husband. M's right. I am agood judge of character like I am with sis. She knew exactly why she wanted to move in, today her words proved it & I was right. Just like I was right about her ex. I asked M if anything came up for him in the card reading she had. He said only that he needs to make alot of career decisions which he does as he's planning to move on from his job later this year.

  14. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    8 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    He doesn't have kids. They want them.

    Sis also spoke not very nicely about M's sons gf today & about another girl who's not very nice to my daughter. When I told M how I felt about this girl he said I was too harsh & she's not that bad. When sis spoke about her today he said nothing. He also said nothing when she bagged his son's gf yet when I commented on something I heard a strange woman say today he told me not to judge. So sis can make whatever comments she wants about people but I get pulled up. If he doesn't like me saying g things he can't like her saying it & she'd be commenting alot cos she lives there.

    Controlling , that's all she is.

  15. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    8 May 2022

    l know . but eh l try to find some positive things to say about her as your usually already in the doldrums enough , and m too.

    lf you'd rather l can just slap you with the lot haha.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Haha, if you like.

    I wish I didn't get these negative thoughts all the time about not wanting to be with him & making things not what they really are etc. When I feel like that, then I see him, he's just so happy & loving. Clearly it's just me being overly negative. Then again, we never know what he's thinking but he is always positive.

    My mind runs away with me & over exaggerates things. Wish I could stop this. Always happens when I'm stressed or we've had no proper time together.

  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    9 May 2022

    Yeah l know so nah, we don't wanna make you feel even worse right. Funny how he's always so happy and loving , l know but he's a lucky man really l mean it would be a nice way to be right , see no evil here no evil haha- or turn the other way and just go on being happy. Not a bad way to be really. They're the luckier person really, don't you think.

    Weird you know , when you say that though, gf is actually like that in person mostly, wouldn't think so from my thread l know. But when she's up there and dealing with all her crap and alone and frustrated she just starts spinning. Down here and together though in person she's actually really fun and perky, has a real positive happy way about her.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    I cried on the way to work. I chatted to my manager about it as i just needed to talk. She agrees it's creepy esp that people think they're married. She agrees there needs to be a point where she moves on, like now.

    I feel so sad. I see her control & walk all over him & he's like a puppet Just smiling & agreeing with everything. She knows he's a yes man & people pleaser & takes advantage of him. She couldn't control her boyfriends but now she has M to be her puppet.

    It makes me sick.

  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    9 May 2022

    Damn, so my positive spin didn't work eh, bugger. Yep it is a weird one alright and tbh, they shouldn't need to be separated as in her moving away for him to be focusing on you and you two. He should've already been showing that yrs ago whether she's around or not.He still just isn't connecting the dots though

    rx

  20. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    10 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    He does focus on me & us. He talks about living together at times. I don't cos till she's gone I don't see it, just him & me. It's the thing of them living this happy family life. He's admitted she won't move till she has a man. I wonder what he'll do when she does? He doesn't like being alone. Funny thing, he doesn't like people who behave like her ie social media addicts, can't be alone, go from one relationship to another. He doesn't see or won't admit that's how she is or see her real motives. Guess it's part of not being able to stand up to her or acknowledge I'm right..

    So I'm a good judge of character. Remember the girl I didn't like cos she was not nice to my daughter etc? The one sis criticised & he said nothing but i was told I'm too harsh? She split with her bf & is upset. M said if only he could tell her she needs to look at herself & her behaviour. He admitted she's not right & a bit crazy. WELL...I told him! He defended her when I didn't like her, said she was ok etc. Even after she was nasty to her ex bf mum. Now he agrees she's not nice. Thanks for being on my side...NOT. He such a people pleaser he defends anyone I don't like but I end up being right. I'm a good judge of character & I know sis' character.

  21. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    10 May 2022

    But you see it's all that kinda stuff l've been talking about.

    Anyway, is new man around much lately or more so or , does he come to any of this family stuff yet ? Wonder what he thinks of their thing , he might not even know yet. Although she probably talks about m enough for him to figure it out by now even if he isn't.

  22. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    10 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    He knows. Slept there couple of times. She seems to his more as he lives alone...funny that. He does shift work & seems to go hunting/fishing alot. If she lives with him wonder if she'll like that, being alone or will she run back to M's when new man is away? Or try to control him? She needs someone she can control.

    He hasn't been to any family do's yet. Think he was away fishing etc. Will be interesting to see how that plays out.

  23. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    10 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Am j wrong to be sick of her being there? Am I wrong to think it's creepy that people think their nsrried? Am I wrong to want privacy to talk to him when I'm there? Am I wrong to think enough is enough? Am I wrong to feel he has 2 'relationships' going...tge family one with her & the gf one with me? Am I wrong to feel tired of it & upset?

  24. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14284 posts
    12 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Maybe the question should not be am I wrong to … but

    maybe how do I feel about his sister affecting our relationship,

    how do I feel @bout M who seems oblivious to how I feel about his sis,

    how long will I feel frustrated if things don’t change.

    Just my humble opinion which you may not agree with.

    CMF , yiu write about sis a lot so it is apparent it is something that concerns you .

    1 person found this helpful
  25. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    13 May 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky

    I like the way you re phrased the questions. Thank you. Yes, all I write about is her. He knows how it makes me feel but the way he sees it she'll move on eventually so let it go. She owns half the house, he feels indebted so can't say anything, she knows it & loves to control.

    I'm really concious of us having uninterrupted time together. Little miss' dad will be living across town for next month or 2 till he can move into his house in our area & I thought he may not have little miss on Sundays. This would mean she'd be with us. M doesn't mind this, he accepts this as she's my daughter. I can't accept things with dis cos she's a 42yo woman with her own house & now a new man. Anyway, little miss' dad said he'll still be picking her up Sunday's.

    Last night our kids went out with friends so I suggested M come over for dinner. He grabbed some burgers & he little miss & I had dinner. I thought he'd leave after dinner but he stayed after little miss went to bed which was nice. Apparently sis was really sick at home with the flu. Tonight we have something on with our kids but nothing else this weekend thank goodness as the last 2 have been full on busy.

    Cmf x

  26. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    13 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Had dinner at M's tonight. Over dinner sis mentioned twice about when she moves back into her house. WOW. Is she actually thinking about it? Maybe new man has made her realise living with her brother is too much. Maybe she wants space & privacy with new man like they have at his place.

    Gee I hope it happens soon.

  27. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    14 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Maybe her reading did reveal more than she told us. Maybe it did reveal she needs to move on? It is odd that she'd want to buy new furniture to suit her house. Why wouldn't she use the furniture she has & wait till she lives with her man to buy new stuff? Her house doesn't have room for his boats & cars.

    Oh well. Who knows? Could be all talk again but interesting it came up after her reading.

  28. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9139 posts
    15 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    I have many negative thoughts about M & I. I get annoyed at little things & big things but this weekend he proved how amazing he is. I've had anxiety over something & i told him today. He put my mind st ease straight away & cleared my anxiety. I felt the weight lift& relief wssh over me. I had little miss with me today & thought we'd do something low key but we still went to a nice winery for lunch. I wanted to pay but he wouldn't let me. He helped her with homework & was just his generous self.

    I'm so lucky. Just need to control the negative thoughts...& pray sis moves on soon.

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up