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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling well enough at last to find my voice again

Topic: Feeling well enough at last to find my voice again

  1. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    27 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hello Quercus

    So pleased you had a better day. Yes, moderation. Sounds so easy until you find yourself sucked in to something and not realising what the time is. Like reading a book that is so enthralling you feel you cannot put it down. I would put BB more in that category than in the drugs/alcohol/gambling type of addictions.

    I can see you care very deeply about others and this can have an effect on you. In many ways it is better for you to 'work' on BB than in face to face situations as you can wait to answer if you feel unwell etc. I know it gives satisfaction to help but as I said, it's good to leave threads when you are feeling tired or upset.

    Had my test results yesterday. No nasties I am happy to say. A high inflammation reading which accounts for the aches and pains. Nothing about why this started. Pain is beginning to subside for which I am heartily thankful. I can now get up from a chair without screaming (maybe that's an exaggeration), dress and undress also without moaning and carry out those normal actions of life we take for granted, albeit more slowly. Getting old is not for the faint hearted.

    Good news about your reduced work hours. I think you will find this a benefit.

    My garden is nice. Nothing to enter into a competition but restful. I sit outside and read quite often but often end up simply 'being' in the garden. I think this where and why I got the inspiration to re-landscape. I asked my gardener yesterday to relocate a Sacred Bamboo from a pot to the garden bed. Well he did but to the wrong bed. I'm a bit cross because he suggested putting it where it is and I said that I wanted it elsewhere. Will get my grandson to move it later. I cannot dig holes yet.

    I am loving this cooler weather. Makes me feel more alive. Summer leaves me feeling like a plant that is not watered, droopy and bent over.

    Mary

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  2. Quercus
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    27 April 2017 in reply to White Rose

    Hi Mary,

    Glad to hear the pain is easing a bit. I don't think you're exaggerating at all (having been there myself a lot). As soon as your movement is restricted eveything takes more effort. It's exhausting in every way. I'm nervous about getting older (if my joints are stuffed at 32 what will 90 be like? We tend to live long in my family). I try not to dwell on it.

    Arrgh how frustrating for you about the garden. You must be itching to get out there and get your hands dirty 😊 hopefully you're able to soon!

    Have you tried a TENS machine at all? I rented one for my first labor and it was pretty good for pain relief I'm thinking of buying one for my knees when I can afford it. Might be worth renting one to see if it helps you.

    Yes I feel better taking action about work. I'm going to slowly start looking elsewhere too long term this is not a good place for me to work especially with my meds compromising my immune system. At least I can walk properly now 😊

    We've had a very dry and warm autumn so far. Hopefully the rains come eventually! Totally agree with you about the heat. My garden at the block is mostly trees (especially big shady trees) just to try keep it cooler. Plus they cope better in the dry. I have three Moreton Bay Figs that are doing beautifully maybe my grandkids will one day live to see my garden how it exists in my mind 😊

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  3. Croix
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    27 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Dear Quercus~

    Have you thought of hiring a TENS yourself just to see if it will be effective on the knees? I've not had that much luck with them, buts that's spine, not knees - which are a bit different as everyone knows, but then again so is labor:)

    People being 'addicted' to on-line. Sure it happens. The person finds on-line seems to fill all their needs, ease, interaction with others, maybe some self-esteem, control, occupation, entertainment in a way. Happens to kids too with on-line games for somewhat similar reasons.

    I guess it can be somewhat difficult to separate a necessary retreat from addiction. Perhaps the answer lies in what ends up being important long-term, a very limited sheltered experience or real-life and the people around you. I suppose for me it is a balance (with real the most important by far, though I would hate to loose the Forum).

    I see lots and lots who are here virtually 24/7 for quite a while, then peter out and go.

    One test I know of is if you are checking every couple of minutes whenever awake. If so time to back off. Dunno if that is any help. My impression is you have a balanced approach - what do you think?

    And now for something completely different. A very long time ago (the 60's) I went though Singapore and did the tourist thing. Saw a most fantastical gully full of concrete dragons, monsters and warriors. The most -umm - 'remarkable' thing I've ever seen in the way of landscaping - all concrete (including the figures). Your previous post reminded me, it was called 'The Tiger Balm Gardens'.

    There was absolutely no reason I posted this chunk of trivia except, as I say, I was reminded by your use of the unguent and talk of gardens.

    It sounds a pretty good plan about your work. I hope you get to see your garden as it is in your mind's eye.

    Croix

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  4. blondguy
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    27 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Quercus

    My humble apologies for being slack and not posting on your inspirational thread

    I dont think you have an issue with your voice anymore :-)

    You have done so well after reading through your thread

    Thankyou so very much for your valued experience and input elsewhere

    Just saying hello (and well done to you) :-)

    my kindest

    Paul

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  5. Quercus
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    28 April 2017 in reply to blondguy

    I'm sorry to ignore your posts Croix and Paul (I appreciate them a lot and will reply when I'm in a better mindset).

    I'm really upset at the moment. I put the kids down for a nap and just burst into tears. Deep breath. Thoughts keep going in circles.

    We've been talking about avoiding triggers and whether the forums are a good thing for me. Generally I think they are. I try to be very careful what I write. I remind myself that I'm not a medical professional and I'm careful.

    But this morning I checked my threads while I was waiting for the kid's brekkie to cook and there was a reply. I've upset someone.

    He's angry and hurt. I feel absolutely hideous even though I've apologised. And sick to my stomach. And triggered by being lashed out at. And panicked because I have to work tonight in a crowd of people who will also be angry and frustrated (noone likes queues especially at 1am).

    I'm overreacting I know. I put the phone away for a long while and came back with a clearer mind only to see another negative comment on another thread. And now I'm dwelling and teary again because this has been a really helpful place for me and I just want to feel safe here.

    Thanks for letting me get this out. I need to pull myself back together. Time for a cup of tea and some music. A date with Jon Bellion as my husband would say....

  6. Croix
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    28 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Dear Quercus~

    I really feel for you, you had the very best of motives, and came up with suggestions that would normally have been both appropriate and welcomed. In this instance something went wrong. Frankly there is nothing you could have done different.

    Please don't let it put you off giving your advice to others, its both needed and good. Unfortunately there is no real way to know how someone will react. Also I think your response was both measured and still caring.

    If it was me I'd have a rest from that thread , but that's just me, you do whatever you are comfortable with, but remember there is never any obligation (other than self-imposed:) to do anything here.

    Any particular Bellion?

    Croix

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  7. Quercus
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    28 April 2017 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix,

    I need to pull myself together. If hubby comes home and I'm upset like this it will reinforce his worry and he'll say I need to stay off the forums all together.

    Not his choice to make but I don't want the conflict.

    Your reassurance and advice are always sound and appreciated. Thank you.

    Today is a "human" day I think. And probably "eyes to the sky". Righto Mr. Bellion ease my mind 😊

    Thanks Croix

  8. CMF
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    28 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Quercus,

    Sorry you had a negative reaction i agree with Croix, maybe take a break from that thread. You have apologised, leave it at that. It's bound to happen here and of course with reading we do not know the tone that was intended and words can be easily misread and tone misinterpreted. I did the same remember, felt really upset by a comment that i know wa all good intentions. It just caught me off guard and i think the words used, although not bad words, triggered a negative memory as when i think about it i can picture a particular scenario.

    I find your posts and comments very heartfelt and sincere. I truly appreciate that i have gotten to know you. you are very valued here and always have the best of intentions.

    cmf x

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  9. james1
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    28 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Quercus,

    I just wanted to reassure you that you said nothing wrong. I think we can all become a bit impatient and frustrated when under the control of our mental illness and that's what happened there. Lashing out is a reflection of our own struggles, not of those trying to help us out.

    Anyway,

    I'm glad you've expressed yourself so well here and still feel like the forums can be of help to you.

    James

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  10. White Rose
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    28 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hello Quercus

    Moreton Bay Figs eh. We needed our grandparents to plant them for us to see how beautiful and majestic they are. But just think, you are leaving a legacy to the world.

    Bursting into tears is part of depression. Doesn't help when you are in public but it's OK at home. The usual ups and downs of life become matters of life and death when we are depressed. Last week I got into a panic about whether to go and get my hair cut or phone the plumber who had just 'repaired' my toilet because it had stopped working again. Because I was already upset and hurting I think my brain went into shut down and making a decision was impossible. Silly I know, but that can be the reality. Take deep breath and move. By the way, I had my hair cut before phoning the plumber. It would have been more sensible to have done it the other way round.

    I have used a TENS machine before on physio advice. It was when I had tennis elbow and it was helpful. It was small enough to take to work and use. I'm giving this a few more days then I will ask the physio about TENS. It is a great idea. GP has also said if my shoulder does not heal soon she will send me for a cortisone shot. Oh joyful.

    I'm so sad you are upset. It is an occupational hazard and as someone has said, reading messages is nothing like listening. I don't know which thread you are talking about but it doesn't matter. It happens sometimes and really it is no one's fault. If you start remembering something unpleasant, stop for a moment and allow the thought to end, then say it's OK, that has passed and I need to carry on. (or words to that effect).

    Telling yourself you are over reacting does not usually help because you are beating yourself up again. I know you have no intention of harming anyone in any way. You do need to forgive yourself.

    There is a thread written by Dr Kim, Staying well/Taking things the wrong way (on the forums and in life Take a look at it and take comfort because this is how we operate.

    Have a quiet weekend with the family. If you feel like writing that's great, but don't push yourself. Leave the posts that trick you into the SFD brain (read Dr Kim) and talk to others.

    Mary

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  11. blondguy
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    29 April 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Quercus

    You are a valued member of the forums and depression can be a pain of a roller coaster ride to be on where the lows are concerned.

    There is no need to reply to my or anyone else's post at all :-)

    You have a busy thread here and with a 'tired mind' it can be very hard to reply let alone even read posts :-)

    I just wanted to say have a restful weekend Quercus

    be gentle with yourself

    Paulx

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  12. Quercus
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    30 April 2017 in reply to blondguy

    My goodness! Look at the explosion of kindness in the last posts! Shouldn't surprise me though there are so many genuine and kind people on here.

    I am sincerely thankful for all of the support and comments they've all been helpful.

    James: you put my mind at ease I appreciate it.

    Paul: Thank you for reminding me there is no pressure to respond and for taking the time to find my thread and write to me.

    CMF: kind words and support even amongst your own worries! I was sad to hear your ex let down your little one again today. Hope you aren't too upset.

    Croix: Totally right as usual I did need a break. I looked at the tiger balm gardens on google... Strangest thing I've seen in a while! I'd love to go to Singapore though too bad I'm terrible at getting on a plane.

    Mary: I took your advice (it's always solid 😊) and spent the weekend in my gardens. One day by myself at my block and the other a family day planting flowers and cleaning up. Apart from the most enormous bruise I have ever seen (on my butt no less haha... I tripped on a rock) it was exactly what I needed. Feeling much more stable now. Just checking... How are you holding up? I'm not a big fan of the injections... I find they numb the pain and I end up moving the joint too much and end up making it worse long term. But I suppose anything is better than pain. Thinking of you Mary.

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  13. Quercus
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    1 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Aaaaaaarrrrrgh! Need to vent. My feral children are driving me insane! Anyone want a 2 year old and a 3 year old? They're free to a good home. Just be warned they will trash your house and run around screaming all bloody day. Oh and they don't have day naps anymore so it begins at 6am and goes till 7pm. Hmmm.... No takers? Funny that.

    Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Ah crap I'd better go the house is quiet that usually means there is shampoo on the floor.

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  14. White Rose
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    1 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hello Quercus

    I shouldn't laugh at your problems with your children but I'm looking back to at least 40 years. My children were the same. And yes, I would have given them away at times. Not sure if I have told you this before, but when they got out of hand and driving me nuts I would walk away. Only as far as the bedroom then sit down and get my breath back. They got the message. It gave me time to settle myself a little, think about what I wanted them to do and then stroll back.

    Every mom knows that when the house goes quiet the children are doing something naughty. At least you can keep tabs on them from a distance.

    How did you go with Dr Kim's post? I thought it was very good. You still haven't told me about your avatar. Is it a fox or cat?

    My various pains are starting to get better. Still have some bad pain but for shorter periods. Also less tired which is a bonus. Haven't posted much because I've had some rough days. I received an email this morning said I had a traffic infringement and should pay a fine of $89. At first it looked very official and I was very upset. I went to my meditation group's discussion morning and when I returned I suddenly realised the email was a scam. Very ticked off about it. I wonder how they get people's email addresses. It really upset me.

    I'm not managing too well at the moment. Feeling very flat and listless. Because of the pain I cannot knit or sew and that is so frustrating. Too tired to go out very often. I will be going for another check up at the hospital soon. It's really good how we get a five year follow up after cancer.

    Sad about the bruise. Can you sit down? What a great weekend, getting back to nature. I managed to water the garden yesterday which felt good. I think I may go back to writing poetry if I can find the inspiration. I find though that you need to start doing it and then the inspiration arrives.

    Mary

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  15. Quercus
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    1 May 2017 in reply to White Rose

    Hi Mary,

    I'm glad you got a laugh out of my post 😊 your writing sounds a bit different today (flat which makes sense given how you said you've been feeling). I'm sorry you aren't able to knit or sew at the moment. It's very hard when your movement is restricted. Do you find massage helps at all? I can't stand it myself but I used to give my Grandma and Grandad hand massages when their hands were sore.

    I haven't got to the post you recommended yet. I went and saw my friend and her 3 day old baby. So beautiful and tiny (and I was so glad I'm done and never have to do that again). My two have just given up their day sleeps and I'm really struggling with the lack of time to myself, havent quite worked out how to get through the days yet. Either we're out and about or theyre screaming and fighting and trashing the house. I'm a bit burnt out but I'll find a balance somehow.

    My picture is a fox. I know I shouldn't but I love foxes. Once I saw a girl walking a fox on a harness and she stopped and let my kids have a pat. It was such a lovely creature.

    Oh and I heard about that scam on the radio. They warned against opening the link which apparently shows you a photo of the offence but actually does something to let them access information of your computer. You didn't open anything did you?

    Oh for goodness sake. Now she's fallen off the couch. Cue the screeching. Take care Mary and I hope you feel a bit better soon.

  16. White Rose
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    1 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Quercus, you are amazing. You picked out my flat feeling (and I know I told you) but that simply shows how tuned you are to other people. Thank you for replying so quickly.

    I like foxes and wolves, though I haven't patted a wolf before. I like embroidering them because they are such lovely creatures. No I didn't open the spam link. I actually phoned my local police station who said delete it (good idea) but said I could report it to the police. So I went onto the website called ACORN, Australian Cybercrime Online Reporting Network and reported it. Ruined my morning though because I could not think what I had done. I think that is a real menace to get emails like that.

    A three-day old baby is a beautiful thing. I love to cuddle them and get all clucky. It's highly unlikely any of my children will present me with more grandchildren and totally inconceivable (?) that I will have another. Maybe a great grandchild? The best part of course is being able to give them back to their moms and go home to a peaceful house.

    I haven't tried a massage and I think It would make me nervous. I think my physio is working tomorrow so I will try and score an appointment with him. I will also ask about the TENS and massage.

    I don't know if you are interested in philosophy. My meditation group met this morning for our discussion morning. The person hosting the morning picks the topic and we have talked about a huge range of topics. Today we were asked why man feels the need for an external spiritual being. Actually it was fascinating where the talk went. We discussed that man appears to be the only being on Earth that has this need, that for thousands of years this need has been expressed in art of various kinds, and that it has given us standards of living. Yes I know the last one is controversial but in general it's true. We felt it was also part of man's urge to know and explore, discover other lands on Earth, see what is under the sea and what is in space. Of course we have made up stories about these places for millennia but the question still has not been answered. Maybe some things we will never know.

    It was good meeting up with people and chatting. It certainly got me away from my own dismal thoughts. I like to listen to John Denver and ABBA when I'm at home.

    Mary

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  17. Quercus
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    1 May 2017 in reply to White Rose

    Hi Mary,

    Haha I like that my quick reply helped you especially when I popped online for a bit to stop myself yelling at my ferals 😄. So we helped eachother!

    You're so right about handing the baby back to mum. Part of my mind was celebrating that I don't have to change another nappy (at least until I'm a grandma).

    Your meditation group sounds great! Having appointments that get you out of the house (and too busy to dwell on things) are always helpful I find. I don't have a group like that yet am waiting till we move to the block (there is a gardening club in town).

    I really hope the physio can give you something to help. I found it was almost impossible to explain how significantly chronic pain affects depression. Unless you've lived it yourself it's hard to truly understand.

    Maybe you can ask your daughter to help with massage if it's uncomfortable to ask the physio. I remember my Grandad giving me this blank look when I asked him for his hands one day, like it was something he'd never considered doing. But it helped him (well he said so anyway...could have just been too polite haha).

    I would love to study reflexology I think there is a lot of validity to the ideas. The idea makes me laugh though. I don't like touching people or being touched so I'd end up being my family's personal reflexologist and that would be it 😊

    ABBA is great! I have very fond memories of my Mum and a song about a ballerina called Nina. Hope the music is bringing you some joy too.

  18. Quercus
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    2 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Damn this anxiety. I'm tempted to ring and cancel my appointment (I won't).

    Only half an hour and then I get in the car and go. And open the can of worms even further. My tummy feels like I've swallowed a bucket of acid.

    Got a call saying the address has changed. It's thrown me. I don't like changes. I've googled where I have to drive. Found the easiest way to drive there. Ah damn. Breathe.

  19. Quercus
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    2 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    What a waste of time. Now I have an acid tummy and am teary to boot. $200 for half an hour and he just wanted to change my meds. Why would I risk changing the meds when they're keeping the obsessive suicidal thoughts at bay?

    I start psychotherapy once a week as of next week. God how are we going to afford this? I'm not worth it.

  20. Croix
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    2 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Dear Quercus~

    God how are we going to afford this? I'm not worth it -umm

    I've often thought about the problem of expensive medical treatment, from the relatively small costs (such as having an MRI) up to full blown hospitalization, or treatments worth $500 each week and so on. I tend to have had these thoughts just after opening the mail:)

    There is a real temptation to skimp, to say that's an outrageous price, no way can I justify it, junior has to go to uni, the rent needs paying, whatever.

    Then again the most precious thing in the world is a human being, it has no price, and really no personal sacrifice is too much to keep a loved one going in health for a long, happy and productive life (hopefully with a generous portion of love thrown in).

    I know there is some doubt around the edges - some grey areas. Does one bankrupt oneself to give a new hip to a very elderly relative with dementia, perhaps - I wouldn't. Do I sell the house to give my wife extended hospitalization? - Yes, & I have been close to doing just that.

    I also know it can be hard to tell if such spending will be effective - eg if the heart transplant will be rejected, or the therapy work.

    All I can do is speak for myself, I would never hesitate to spend on necessary health measures, and if there is a small doubt about efficacy I'd ignore it and go ahead anyway. 50% doubt? Well I'd probably still say yes - I hope so. Applies to offspring, spouse and even self.

    I know all this is a simplification and I'm not in your circumstances, I'm trying to say you are worth the $xxx per session, its not even a question.

    Croix (Who looks forward to meeting you fit and well in the Official Receiver's Office :0)

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  21. Quercus
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    2 May 2017 in reply to Croix

    Haha 😄 Ah Croix thank you. I had to google what is the Official Receiver's Office but once I worked it out I laughed so bloody hard. Yep will probably end up bankrupt so I'll see you there 😊.

    I'm pulling myself together. Next week I'll get to start the journey. It's only a week. I've been waiting a very long time to be ready to get this off my chest so today was just a disappointment I think.

    The clouds are lifting a bit. This forum is a Godsend. I picked up my phone and found a thread of another member going through an similar experience. And another member introduced me to the wheel of power and control. I've never heard of this. It explained so much and justified a lot of the feelings I still struggle with.

    And then you pop by with more words I needed to hear. Thank you. Any chance you've had a listen to Dottie's suggestions on your thread? I enjoyed them.

  22. Quercus
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    4 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Mary,

    I've been thinking of you today. How are you? I saw elsewhere that you're struggling and the pain keeps moving to other joints. My heart goes out to you.

    Are you having any luck finding something you enjoy to do if you aren't able to sew? Was the physio any help? I was wondering if your local swimming pool has a sauna? The warm water can be a relief for pain and is easier to get in and out of than a bath.

    I hope you are alright and if you need to vent or talk I'm here. Take care Mary 😊

  23. Quercus
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    Quercus avatar
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    5 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Oh my God. I'm in such a bad place right now.

    The noise.

    Why won't they Just. Shut. Up.

    I've locked myself in the toilet to get away from my own children. My two year old is screaming and hitting and kicking the door.

    They haven't stopped screeching at me since 6am. I am done. The house is trashed. My head is pounding.

    I haven't self harmed since my son was a baby and I just want to beat my head against the wall.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Zeal
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    5 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Quercus,

    I haven't been replying on this thread, but wanted to reply to your last post, as you are clearly distressed. I haven't had kids yet, so I can't directly relate to the stress of having a toddler. Do you have someone who can help you out in some way, even if that's just helping to calm your toddler so that you have a breather?

    Are there any strategies that have helped you in the past to cope with your depression when pressures are building? Short mindfulness practices are worth exploring, if this is something you haven't tried. I used to believe that I couldn't meditate or be mindful, but I have been doing short guided mindfulness sessions this year that have been helpful. This website has free audio sessions: https://www.bangor.ac.uk/mindfulness/audio/index.php.en
    Even though this is essential an academic site, the mindfulness audio tracks can be used in any setting.

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

    1 person found this helpful
  25. CMF
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    9156 posts
    5 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Quercus,

    There is nothing wrong with going into another room to have a quick break from the kids and gather your thoughts, I'm sure your house would be child proof. Yes the constant noise of toddlers can drive us mad, i know.

    What else is happening with you, i am concerned for you. You posted on my thread re managing feelings of anger, that you were at a loss. I searched the bb forums and there is a thread on managing anger, white knight (Tony) has made reference to other threads on there.

    Can you have some time out from the kids, can someone take them off your hands for a while?

    cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  26. ro63
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    327 posts
    5 May 2017 in reply to Quercus
    Hi Quercus, I know how you are feeling My so is autistic and has the worst OCD you have ever seen and ,you have to take time out I mean seriously unless you wear a cape and regularly star in marvel movies you need time for you too and if it's the dunny so be it ,just take a packet of chocolate bisciuts in with you ,it's all good turn the music up ,Regards Ross.
    2 people found this helpful
  27. Quercus
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    5 May 2017 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF and Zeal,

    Thank you for your replies and support.

    I am ok and the kids and I are all safe.

    I'm so sorry for writing like that. You have your own worries to deal with and I'm ashamed to have even written that let alone be thoughtless and selfish enough to have posted it. I didn't think it would get through moderating but they've just edited a swear word. But for what it's worth I am sorry.

    How embarrassing my father in law came to bring me flowers to apologise for 'ruining Easter' (he didn't he just has problems of his own we understand that). He was at the door listening to me sobbing in the toilet and my kids screaming. My son started yelling that I had to open the door cos there were flowers and smarties. So I phoned him and asked him to please take them away for a while.

    So embarrassed and ashamed right now. I rang BB today and got put on hold for ages so I gave up. The kids have given up their naps and I'm not adjusting at all. They are angels for everyone else and demons for me. Today they decided to pull down the curtain so now I've a broken window and a bent curtain rod and no money to fix either.

    Thanks CMF for finding WK's thread I will have to read it. I'm starting to get angry at the drop of a hat again. Maybe the psychiatrist is right and I should try another medication. I'm frightened of the suicidal thoughts coming back though.

    Thanks for listening and posting I'm so sorry to make you worry. It was cruel of me.

  28. Quercus
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    5 May 2017 in reply to ro63

    Thank you Ross,

    I think you're pretty amazing then kids are hard work enough without Autism. I appreciate your reply. My hubby used to get earmuffs from the shed when the kids were babies. I find it odd that didn't bother me as much as the fighting and screaming do now they're toddlers.

    Especially when I know they're putting it on for my undivided attention.

    Ah chocolate. My old friend. I had to give sugar the boot (to manage side effects from my immunosuppressive meds). Chocolate and icecream would be MAGICAL on a day like today. I settled for a cuppa and some food. I just realised I haven't eaten at all today.

    Thankyou again Ross, take care of yourself and if I can ever return the favour and support you I am there. Do you have a thread of your own?

    1 person found this helpful
  29. CMF
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    9156 posts
    5 May 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Quercus,

    Firstly, no need to apologize or feel ashamed. Don't be embarassed and you are not cruel. You are human, you were having a rough time, you didn't do or think anything different than we would have. I Had a big yelling episode today and i have had to walk away and sit my bedroom for a while at times. You have 2 who have stopped napping so it is go go go all day. I understand you need to adjust, don't be so hard on yourself. you are a great mum.

    Kids are always well behaved for others and terrors for us because they feel secure and comfortable with us with us. We are their safety net to have a tantrum or yell or express how they feel, they can be themselves. I'm sorry you had to wait so long on the phone and about the window, that would really upset me too. Not having eaten doesn't help, i know that too as i am guilty of not eating properly and trying to take on everything.

    We worry about you because we care for you and what you are going through, you are not cruel for posting what you did, you needed support and that is why we are all here.

    I hope you have a chance to relax and unwind tonight. Please do not be too hard on yourself, you are doing your best and still supporting others here. You are doing so much, take some time for you.

    cmf x

    2 people found this helpful
  30. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    5 May 2017 in reply to CMF

    Hello Quercus and CMF and everyone else.

    Foxy lady you are being human and normal. In retrospect I wonder how I managed four of the darlings and survived. Then I wonder how they survived.😊 When you are not coping I believe the children know something is wrong. They either use the opportunity to play up or become anxious because mom is upset and then play up. 😊 Not sure if that is cynical or factual.

    We all need to vent and I am positive you have heard that before. This is the place. We can cheer you on from the sidelines and maybe you can imagine how we look, complete with flags and banners. Seriously, whatever you want to write here is OK. No one is hurt or offended or thinks you should keep your emotions to yourself. We know how hard it is to keep our cool and not just with the littlies. When you are feeling uptight try and make a cuppa and sit down. I know, I know, but try it anyway.

    When my daughter went into labour with her second child I was called at 2:00am to care for child one. All arranged so no problem. I arrived to find said child out of bed because there was some noise. She had been told mommy would go to hospital for the baby to be born but I think it had only just registered with her that she would stay home. Normally she does love grandma, but not that night. Mom and dad went off with the promise that daughter would be taken to the hospital when the baby was born. Not good enough for madam. She carried on about being left behind and would not go back to bed. I wanted nothing more than to lie on the couch and sleep for a couple of hours.

    Eventually she lay on the floor near the door being very quiet. Then she told me to go home. I said I had to stay to look after her as she could not be left alone. Her reply was that mommy would have to come back to look after her. All very well worked out for a three year old. Her mom and me had a giggle afterwards. I think being able to laugh about situations is a huge benefit. Gets rid of the tension and releases various hormones or endorphins or whatever into the blood stream and we feel so much better. I understand there are various laughing clubs around the world which operate solely to teach people to laugh. Sounds good to me. Check it out on your computer. There are clubs in Oz.

    I have been following your example and beating myself up for being 'bad'. Had a great heart to heart with my counsellor this afternoon and we talked about the light and dark sides of our characters. No room left

    Mary

    2 people found this helpful

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