Getting to know me...
I've very recently realised that motivating myself was all about the 'other guy'. Pleasing, gratifying etc...my self image was no less a symbol of this. How I present myself to others was never about me! Why did it take me so long to learn this?!
When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was someone who's image projected outwards...
My last entry spoke of 'fun' and my desire to experience physical intimacy. It was mainly about 'giving' that's been at the forefront in this respect. (To others I mean) However, the past couple of days, I'm understanding how my image is made up of many attributes; looks, health, strength, vitality, longevity, passion and so on. I deserve those things as much as I've wanted to project them. (so I was perceived in a way that up till now gave me a sense of safety; delusional at best)
Them...them...them...it's been my world of pain and happiness. Having an opportunity for fun, would be nice. But where do I stand when it comes to living it, doing it, being it? What motivates me? Well, me...being able to enjoy that experience as a separate entity; that's what. Just writing this makes sense.
For once in my life, I want to concentrate on doing it for me...being the best I can be so 'I' enjoy things at the maximum level possible. I have no control over anyone else or how they treat me, but I can respond in kind...I have that power and it feels really good!
I won't go into specifics; it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things. What matters, is I'm finally, after 56 yrs willing to treat myself to some long overdue self care and hard work with a great goal in mind. I'm preparing to do the deed with such passion and Will, my 'mojo' is going to bring me to my knees. If 'them' gets something out of it, all the better. (hmm...being a bit cagey with description, but you get my meaning yeah?)
We don't often talk about 'fun' on BB; it's a shame.
Doing my kiegal exercises as we speak! Ah ha ha ha, ahhh sigh..sorry..
Yes..what I look like is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Under the surface lies a massive energy waiting to be unleashed and expressed; release the beast! (Why is it that men are allowed to discuss this and I feel so nasty? Something for a later post me thinks. I'm not male bashing either; just describing a generalised personal perception. Each to his/her/their own)
Golly gosh...today's post is long.
Till next time lovely's...Dizzy xoxo ;-D