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Forums / Long term support over the journey / how do i get started im so confused

Topic: how do i get started im so confused

  1. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    2 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    It is great to be back on here and I am doing somewhat better, thank you so very much for your care and for your message of support to me. I really can't believe I am going through this again, but anyway, that is life and here we are...

    I actually don't know what I was typing to be honest...I have even called people by the wrong name on that day that I was taking a break...I was letting Mark know, another gent I chat to on here as well as you and I think I just typed mark when I meant to type Will..I am so sorry and it was a typo but my brain was all over the place.

    I hope you are doing well Will and that things are improving for you, it is great to chat some more to you and thank you once again for your support to me.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xx

  2. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    2 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi ,

    Do you want share of what happened few weeks back, or you have let go?

    with me i had an increase (yet again) in medication dosage, the fog has somewhat lifted on my depression , but still battling with it.

    My anxiety is still pretty high and my OCD pretty much the same.

    It was so difficult for me to say No to a work assignment last week (2 weeks of reconciliations). i felt so bad and pretty much useless. I was worried about starting the job only to give up a day or so later. that's my MH for ya.

    Its so good to have you back.

    William

  3. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey,

    That is so great to hear that you feel like the fog is lifting on the depression, that is so great to hear. I understand that it has been a bit of a battle for you with the medication, but what a great outcome that you feel like the increase is doing it's job and that you are feeling the benefits, that is fantastic and I am so happy for you.

    Hopefully with the spotlight off the depression you can look at the anxiety and see what things you can do to help with managing this, you are already doing so many great things so hopefully in time it will start to ease a bit for you.

    I haven't really put what happened a few weeks ago behind me, it is more of just a time that I need to get back into my life and start doing what it is that I love and that is being here and talking to people and hopefully making a difference.

    My friend took her life, she struggled with depression and was living in a fairly remote place with her husband and her two small children, she did suffer depression and it was known. She seemed to be getting worse so she came to the mainland to a hospital that gave her some acute care, they didn't really like how she was responding so she was put into a facility to help her. She was allowed visitors and she was allowed to leave for small parts of the day to go to the shops and to get out and about. In this time she bought "means" and that night she took her life. I am still in recovery from my brother so to have another suicide was just so confronting and so incredibly overwhelming. In my 44 years I had never experienced suicide in my life and now in 6 months I have had 2....I am just so devastated and so very sad, for us, for her family, for her children and just in general that she felt this was her only choice.

    Thank you for caring and for your support, it really is so nice to be back but I really did just need some time to deal with me and to get better and fill my cup back up so that I could then go on to reach out to others.

    That was really brave of you to go to work, I am sure that you really struggled to get there so that is great that you were able to go. I hear that you are feeling disappointed that it only lasted for 2 days, but hey, 2 is better than not going at all, you tried and you did what you could. I think you should feel like you are making some great progress. The next assignment might be a better fit and you might feel more comfortable and who knows, it could last longer. Baby steps.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xx

  4. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    3 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Good morning Sarah,

    How are you today. Hope all is well and you have a great day.

    So sorry to hear about your friend. lost for words. depression is a dark, dark place to be in. hope that time will heal the pain.

    look after yourself so you can look after people like me who needs your daily hugs.

    William

  5. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    3 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Good Morning Will

    Thank you again for your kind words and I am doing ok, I have alot of support which I am very grateful for and I also have people here, like you who care also and that is so important to me.

    What is on the agenda for you today? I have some spreadsheets to do which I really do not enjoy but hey...get them done and over with.

    I had a really lovely dinner out last night so I am feeling very loved today and so grateful for people I have in my life.

    My daughter is trying out for a new football team tonight so that is exciting and my son has baseball photos so another busy night ahead for me.

    So glad to hear that my hugs make you feel happy Will, I hope that in some small way I am helping you too and that you have happiness and a smile.

    Hugs hugs hugs

    Sarah

  6. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    3 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi ,

    Not much today , i'm doing an OCD course with eCentreClinic run by macquarie university (cannot remember how i got their information). but its a free course over five weeks 5 hours per week, "The OCD Course provides good information and teaches practical skills to help manage symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder".

    so i may spent an hour or two on it.

    Maybe cook dinner depending who is going to eat. the kids are buying ready to eat diet meals (sometimes using them as an entree lol).

    The kids arranged to go out bowling tonight. hopefully i'll be going as well. We went out for dinner on Sunday and they were surprised that i tagged along.

    As to your spreadsheet chuck some my way and i'll finish them for you.

    BTW how is your lawn???

    William

  7. Aaronsis
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    2459 posts
    3 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey

    The online course sounds really interesting and I am so very proud of you for finding it and then starting it to help yourself out, that is so great and also shows how far you are coming in your healing Will, this is so great.

    That is really funny about the diet meals being an entree, it made me laugh as I can see how they are no where near big enough for young adults...lol

    YAY for you Will, this is such great news too that you went out for dinner with your family, that is so fantastic! You are really making such huge steps forward and I hope you are feeling proud of what you are achieving...bowling is so fun and I hope you can join the family tonight, there are sure to be some funny moments that will make you feel so wonderful.

    Spreadsheet offer accepted....i actually hate excel with a passion and try to avoid it at all costs so anyone who is willing to do it for me is my new best friend...lol

    As for my lawn..arrrggggghhhh ..it is still there...I haven't managed to poison it and fill it over with concrete although it sounds like a wonderful idea. I actually mowed the back lawn on the weekend and it was so long I did it without the catcher and will let it dry out a bit and redo it this week....god I hate mowing the lawn.....lol..that is funny that you remembered that!

    S xx

  8. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    5 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    How are you this morning? hope your OK and will have a great day.

    Not sure what to post, but thought i need to keep in touch as i really enjoy the communication.

    My Anxiety is still an issue. I don't want to get addicted to the medication i take for it.

    Overall i feel that i came a long way over the last few weeks or so.

    I'm hopeless at writing/typing, i got so much to share but don't know how to put it into words.

    have a great day.

    William

  9. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    5 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    I am doing pretty well thank you and thank you for asking about me, that is really lovely.

    I am so happy to hear that you also feel like you are making progress in your journey and I too can notice the difference in you too, well done and it is so very great.

    If you do feel like you have so very much you want to share and to say you don't have to write it like paragraphs if that is too difficult...you can just put it in dot points if that is easier for you. I am happy to chat and to help you with whatever it is that you want to share and hope that I can provide you with some support around what you are thinking and feeling.

    It is great to have this communication and the support right here, I use it for my daily dose of wellbeing too.

    Hope today brings something awesome for you Will...I just ate the best cookies ever so I am super happy!

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

  10. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    how are you today? hope you have great day.

    I'm still struggling with this Anxiety and OCD , doctors say they should have subsided with the medication. (the main reason they changed the medication i was on for 20 years)

    its like living in fear all the time , butterflies in the stomach and chest. not sure what to do. i take medication to ease the Anxiety but worried about their addiction.

    like i mentioned i'm glad that the dark clouds have lifted (depression). maybe that's why i'm noticing this Anxiety a bit more right now. something i'll have to discuss with my doctors.

    I'm going to see mum this morning , Debi made her a vegan cake. (mum is Very religious and fasting for Easter).

    keep battling on....

    William

  11. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hi Will

    I am really great today and that is so wonderful that you are going to spend some time with your mum, and I love that Debi has made a vegan cake for her, I should put in an order. That is really nice that she has her faith and that she is starting to observe her fasting for Easter. I am not religious myself but I see that it really does make others happy.

    I just wanted to say to you about the "should be feeling better by now" with regards to the medications...sure..they do have an approximated time in which changes "should" be observed but everyone is so different and I think just keep on keeping on with them and doing what you are doing. The fact that you have noticed the cloud and fog of depression has lifted and that in itself is so awesome, that yes, you probably are noticing the anxiety more but hey, you are getting to be very good at the positive self talk so I think that is an important thing. Notice the butterflies, say hi to them and then tell yourself that you acknowledge they are there, it is a feeling, nothing will come of this and in time they will fly away. I know it is hard but sometimes just allowing these "feelings" to be there, knowing they are just that, that they will pass and telling them and talking to your self that you feel them, and know they will leave.

    It is great that you are getting out and about some more and really makes steps forward and all these little things do add up and will help you on your journey forward.

    I think same with the fear, say it out loud, say that you feel it and that you are just a feeling and nothing is going to happen to you as you are safe and protected. That you know it will pass and that you will move out of that feeling.

    I am so sorry this happens will but I think knowledge is power and knowing it is a feeling and telling these feelings you are aware of them and that they are just that, a feeling and that they will pass. Trying to find some more good things to distract you with, be it your cooking dinner or out in the garden or a puzzle or music or whatever you feel might be of interest that day....

    Huge hugs to you Will, you are doing so very well

    Sarah xx

  12. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    10 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    how are you? hope all is well.

    I had a quite few days. didn't leave the house for three days which is bad. not sure whether its part avoidance or i had no reason to go out.

    I decided to go to the chemist and shops this morning no matter what. I had a severe panic attack at Coles which took me by surprise. i was overwhelmed by it. got home and took medication to calm down.

    I am really at a loss of what to do about this Anxiety? the medication i'm on seemed to have settled the depression but not the Anxiety and OCD.

    Still doing the OCD course Via eCentreClinic and put an expression of interest in the well-being course (for anxiety) as the course may be available soon.

    seeing my Psychiatrist on the 21st , just have to see what he recommends as i am taking the maximum allowed of current medication and really do not want to get addicted to Anxiety medication.

    Keep battling away,thanks for listening

    William

  13. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    10 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hi Will
    Great to hear from you and I am sorry that you have had a few days inside, do you think that the sudden exposure this morning probably contributed to the panic attack as you have had some time inside and being out set you off. I am so sorry that you were blindsided by this and it really came out of no where and frightened you.

    I understand what you are saying and the choices for how to manage these times are also causing you some concerns too.."do I take some medication?".."what if I become reliant on this medication?" ....it is alot to think about at the same time as trying to calm the panic down.

    That sounds like an awesome idea to enrol in another course, the course itself will act as some education for you around mental health and at the same time give you some things to keep your mind busy and yourself busy which is fantastic. It really is so very interesting, learning about the brain, about mental health, triggers, suggestions for remedies....it is so very complex the whole thing but I am so glad we do have this information available and that people are investing in solutions for these crippling illnesses.

    Not too long now until your next appointment which is great, absolutely discuss the medication and that you are taking the maximum and see if he/she can help you with some other techniques to try to acknowledge the feelings and thoughts and that they are just that and they will pass and some actual strategies to do first and then have the meds as a back up maybe.

    Hope today is a good day for you Will and that you have had your moment of yuk and that the rest of the day is yours to smile and do something nice.

    Huge hugs

    Sarahxxx

  14. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    18 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,
    how are you? hope all is well.

    Just wanted to post and say Hi. I'm doing Ok. Still having problems with my anxiety and OCD. See specialist on Saturday so maybe i can get some relief.

    The world is going crazy right now , My son has cancelled his honey moon and the wedding reception may also be cancelled depending on what the Government decides on the number of social gathering today and in the next few weeks. The wedding is on the 2/5 does not look good at the moment . (the actual marriage will go ahead regardless).

    warm regards

    William

  15. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    18 March 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    Great to chat some more to you, that is so sad that your son's wedding will be impacted by this virus but I am sure you would rather everyone be safe and well. I guess that they can always have a reception and honey moon at another time. It must be very disappointing for them both.

    I am sure the current times are not much help to how you are feeling with anxiety and one would not blame you either. Even folks like me who dont suffer with anxiety are feeling the worry and the uncertainty too.

    I am really pleased to hear you are having an appointment on Saturday, hopefully you can do a big purge and get some support and some things to do to help you through this Will.

    I am glad you stopped in to say Hi, and I am thrilled to hear that you are doing OK, OK is better than lousy so I am really pleased to hear that.

    The world is going a little mad atm but we will get through this and we will have lesson's learnt and the next time we have to do this we will be better prepared and better informed and better equiped to manage these types of situations.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

  16. willdo
    willdo avatar
    78 posts
    9 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    just wanted to wish you all the best for Easter.

    William

  17. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    9 April 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    Great to hear from you and I hope you are doing well. I have been thinking of how you are going and how life's current situation is treating you and your family.

    Thank you so much for the Easter greetings, I hope to do some paintings with the kids, we have started an art wall that is essentially called COVID-19 and when you paint something it goes on the wall..lol

    I hope can find something fun to do over the Easter period too, it really is going to be much like other days while we are isolating but I am going to try to find some fun things to do.....hmmmmm

    Well great to hear from you Will and I hope you are doing well.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah

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