Hi Briony I had a bit of a busy day with the kids they had an appointment and bought some lunch and did a little bit of shopping.At least that took my mine of things.They will go back to their mothers before school starts on wenseday next week.I am wondering what sort of things help you take your mine of things? Do you have hobbies and interest that you like to do.I know they can be a struggle to do while you are struggling.I have a couple of things I like doing.I like gardening especially growing vegies and fruit trees and like anything to do with motorbikes riding them and restoring them and spending time with my kids.It would be nice if I could fully enjoy things but it is a struggle.I wonder of they ever miss me or think of me and all the nice things I did for them or do they just hate me.I feel it is to hard trying to make friends and then just lose them.I don' think I can go through that again.

I hope you can find something that you can enjoy even if it' just for a moment in the day.

Tark care,

Mark.

Hi Sarah I might have stumbled across another project bike I could do not exactly what I want and not as good as the other one but it will do and hopefully take my mind of things.the kids go back next Wendesday so these holidays flew by and didn't really do mu h in the end.I hope the chicken curry turned out for your daughter.Since I have had my gallbladder removed I struggle to eat hot and spicy food.I don't know if it has anything to do with that.My mum use to make chicken Currys a lot growing up in winter.
Take care ,
Mark.

Hi Mark,spending time with your kids must be a great distraction :) I have a nephew due in July so I am hanging for that little ray of sunshine.

I have always struggled with hobbies and finding things I love / am good at haha though I have been enjoying my gardening lately too! I have a tomato plant I am trying not to kill, it’s my first time trying to grow fruit/veg.

everything seems to remind me of my friend at the moment as he was really encouraging me to do more things I love like hikes in the bush and going to the beach. I know it will get easier soon though.

today I am just going to try and be productive and do some cleaning and organising at home. A cluttered space is a cluttered mind!

I hope you have a good day.

take it easy,

Briony

Hi Briony I understand about trying to do things and it reminding you of your friend.That happens to me all the time.Maby one day it won't be so hard.
My Tomatoes have been bearing since the beginning of December and still bearing.I will start cleaning my beds up soon and get them ready for a winter crop.A nephew for you will be exciting for you.You will be a great aunt for him.He will bring you some joy into your life.
Take care,
Mark.

Hey Mark,

please do not at all feel obligated to answer whatsoever ever but if you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been since you last spoke to your friend?

Yesterday I thought I felt better and today is ten times worse.

I am just so sick of crying. I do that a lot anyway but it’s the torture of wondering that I cannot deal with

When does it get easier

Hi Briony the last time I spoke to my friend was September 18 2019.I remember the date so well as it would have been my mother's birthday.I was feeling depressed thinking about my mother and then lose my friends friendship.I wish I knew when it would get easier.It sort of slowly does but still have bad days and don't think their is a day goes by I don't think of her and miss her friendship.
Take care,
Mark.

Thanks for sharing Mark and I’m sorry this has happened to you. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I just keep trying to think that maybe they weren’t the people we thought they were and maybe it really says something about them. We aren’t horrible people so it can’t be all of our fault. I just think humans can be cruel.

Anyway, fingers crossed for a good day tomorrow!

thanks again.

take care

Briony

Hi Briony the thing that hurts me the most was my friend saying I was the nicest guy she had ever met and how sweet I was.So many people say that yet I am all alone with no friends.I do have autism and depression with severe anxiety.It is so hard for me to make friends.I was the one in school everyone teased.Despite all this I am a good person

Hi Mark, I totally get that. I feel like I don’t really trust what people say anymore.

I do believe though that at the end of the day they are still not as great as we thought they were. Your friend, like mine, are obviously missing something. Compassion mostly.

this is why I like animals so much, more than humans. they are non judgemental, forgiving and love you no matter what mood you’re in

It doesn’t make me miss him any less but I’m just repeating to myself that he is not the person I thought he was and I don’t need someone like that in my life. Better off alone with my cat.

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and it’s so exhausting. People that don’t understand or at least try and support us are uneducated or just ignorant.

I hope I can bring you some sort of support like you have for me the last few days.

take care :)

Briony

Hi Briony I have a cat to she came with the house when I bought it.I thought it was a stray as it was starving so I adopted it.I found out it was one of my neighbours who didn' want it anymore and stopped feeding it.So sad.

I always had a dog and we had cats growing up.My cat reminds me of a dog she follows me around when I am outside.Lays under a bush and watches me when I am working in the vegie garden.

You are bringing me great support and I didn't know if anyone else would be suffering a similar problem like me.I feel like I am not alone with my thoughts and sadness.

Tale care,

Mark.

Hi Mark,

that is so sad! But a very lucky kitty that you came along!
I would be lost without my cat Zelda. She’s not very affectionate and doesn’t like being picked up but she is my shadow and follows me everywhere and watches me in the garden too.

I am hoping I can adopt a dog soon, just trying to find the right fit for Zelda. I have always had cats and dogs growing up too. I even had some pet rats at one point haha I would have very pet there is if I could

i repotted my tomato plant yesterday. It’s still a baby but not looking well. Fingers crossed it survives in a bigger pot. I need to organise some proper beds for veggies I think. It’s hard when I am renting because I want to be able to take all of my plants with me.

I hope you have a good day. We are having beautiful summer weather in Melbourne

chat soon.
take care,

Briony

Hi Briony I like your cat's name Zelda.My cat Bubbles dosnt like to be picked up either but needs to know where I am.Sleeps on the end of my bed.Dogs are great company to.When I had a dog I use to get up early and take her for long walks.Sadly I can't walk to far these days as I use to.
I miss sharing my stories with my friend about my kids,my garden and everyday life.I use send photos my garden in bloom or a rose in flower.It feels so empty not to share that with someone and hearing their stories from coming from another country and everything.I feel like it's a permeant loneliness I have now.At least this site gives me someone to talk to.
Take care,
Mark.

Hi Mark,

I feel exactly the same.I would love to hear your stories though. And any gardening tips you have for a beginner! Haha

its not the same and I am always lonely but I am glad I reached out on here. It helps

Take Care,

Briony

Hi Briony how are coping?I seem to be feeling down of late.
Yesterday I took the kids bowling for a day out efore school goes back.It was a fun day for the kids.My son won at bowling and we got heaps of tickets from the games afterwards for them to choose prizes.
I took my daughter for a driving lesson and I get so nervous in the car with her.I just googled how much lessons would be.I try and book her in for lessons in the next few months.I am not sure how that will go with her anxiety and selective mutism.
Gardening is always learning experience.I have been doing it all my life as my mother was a big gardener.I always happy to help anyone.I have a lot of knowledge on vegies and fruit trees and roses.Just grow what you like and see how it goes.I aleays taking photos of my flowers and garden and it is interesting to look back through the photos.
I have just purchased a shed so that will be another project I will have to do.Its going to be my workshop for restoring my motorbikes in.I trying to find things to do to take my mind of things even as hard it is at times but myife goes on.I think that is the key is finding things to do.
Take care,
Mark

I am starting to feel very low today.Been crying a lot.I wishing things were different.Wishing I had my friend to talk to.Picking up my phone and realising their is no one to talk to.I put on one of my favourite cds Abbey Road and just laying on my bed regretting things how they turned out.

Hey Mark

I am so sorry to hear that yesterday was tough for you, that you did spend the day feeling so bad and upset. Music is a wonderful healer but it can also evoke feelings of sadness and pain too, so try some uplifting tunes to help with the pain, that is what I have been trying to do of late.

How are the kids going, is today the first day back at school? How are they feeling about the new school year?

Mine start on Monday and are both looking forward to it, I think just the routine and being back with friends.

Hope today is better for you my friend and that you have some small thing to make you smile.

Hugs as always

Sarah

Hi Sarah it is always lovely to hear from you.The kids started school yesterday.A few moments with my daughter apparently as I did not take her for the first time for her first day as I don't have a car at the moment as I lent it to my ex as she doesn't have a car at the moment.Another story thats depressing me.I least I still have two motorbikes registered.O managed to get another project not exactly what I was after but it will do and the best thing it was free and came with a parts bike.I should be excited but fallen into deep depression again.I hope your kids enjoy going back to school next week.I hope we can get through a full year but am prepared for anything.
Take care,
Mark.

A bad weekend of crying no one to talk to just nobody.

Hi Mark,

sorry I have been quiet lately. My depression and anxiety are really taking a hold of me at the moment too.
I feel bad coz I just don’t know what to say as im not feeling overly positive right now.

I hope you’re ok

Hi Briony i am so sorry you are struggling as well.I know how hard it can be and I wish their was an easy answer.I just feel my friend was the only one who could make me feel good about myself.I just go through periods where I struggle so much and want her in my life.
I am here if you need to talk even just venting.
Take care,
Mark

Hi Mark,

I know exactly what you mean. That’s what gets me down so much though. I should be happy in my own and not rely on other people coz at the end of the day, people just let you down.

Thanks for listening

take care,

Briony

Hi Briony I have been a loner most of my life and never had many friends.I seemed to be happy back then with it.Since I have met someone that I got on really well with which is rare for me I just miss that friendship someone to chat to and who cared about me.Now I have nothing,just emptyness.
Take care,
Mark.

Hi Mark,

I have never had many friends and have always struggled to keep them around. It’s very lonely. I hope it helps know I get that I care and if I could cheer you up I would.

I don’t want anyone feeling this way.

thinking of you. Take care

Briony

Thanks Briony it helps to know that you care and know what I am going through.I am really struggling at the moment with the lonelyness.I really appreciate you talking to me on here.
Take care,
Mark.

Hi I have been feeling very emotional the last week or so.Going over things in my head wishing I had done in things differently.The hard part is I can't change anything and I can't move on with my life.I have no proper closure.

Hi Mark

It is so very hard and I know how much this pains you and how much you struggle with this each and every day. I am so beyond sorry that you have this to manage and this pain to feel. Especially when you are not able to get closure and you are not able to have a conversation with her to find out what happened.

Loneliness is such a hard thing to manage, to cope with and I too have found myself in this space of late. I have reengaged the help of my therapist and am doing some work on this too, so I know somewhat of how you are feeling.

I have seen some of the posts that you have been writing and supporting others here Mark and it is so wonderful to see you share your thoughts and feelings and to be there to engage and help another, it is so wonderful to see.

I hope today brings a smile to you, in some way or another...

Hugs to you Mark

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah thankyou for your kind words.I am sorry you are struggling with loneliness to.It seems to be so many on here struggling with it.I feel mine is self inflicted and completely my fault.Self harm dosnt have to be physical or visual it can be phycholigical.
Take care,
Mark.

You are so very right Mark and the words we think and believe about ourselves can be so very damaging and so very hurtful and are indeed a form of self harm also.

It is hard to break the cycle and to know that they are just words and just thoughts but when they ignite feelings and fear and sadness and pain it is not so easy to just ask them to leave or tell them to stop, the thoughts keep on coming and they keep doing damage....and so the journey goes on.

I have been trying to reengage with the things that I love and I the things that I know do make me feel better, I just have to keep going and trying new things to help with the distraction and also in the hope that I do find something else to keep the unwanted thoughts at bay.

What are you getting up to today?

Hugs

Sarah

Hi Sarah I am just watching the Superbowl at the moment which is probably triggering me being a big American advent. Feeling very depressed I was going to do some work on my latest motorbike project.I have started to pull it apart.I want to do some gardening this week if it's not to hot.

I just on years now wondering why I am so lonely being punished for having mental health problems I am a good person and have never hurt anyone in my life but always end up being the one who gets hurt.The pain never seems to go away.I have even saved someone's life years ago yet I am looked at as some freak because I have autism,depression,anxiety to start with.I wish it would get easier but it just seems to get harder.