Dear Mrs Dools, Croix, Geoff, Ken1 and quirky words,
I truly believe that my change in outlook truly started here. To have my feelings validated, without judgement, truly made a world of difference. Although I cannot speak to those who matter most to me about this, you have shown me what a wonderful community this forum is, which is just a reflection, I believe, of the greater community in which we are lucky enough to live in.
I spoke to my friend today and relieved him of the burden of worrying about me but also extracted a promise from him that if anything were to happen, any crisis, at any time in the future, he is to contact me any time day or night. I also told him that although my feelings haven't changed, my priority was his health and wellbeing - everything else can be dealt with at a later time.
Although I have some peace now - the anger, the desire for revenge or just the need to make him feel what he did to me, seems to have abated. I am still so so hurt and on the edge of tears often, but I am no longer consumed by it. My feelings towards him are unlikely to ever change, just get buried a little deeper every day.
Croix, thank you for offering me hope for love again... not much I can say to that but at this time it is impossible to fathom but it is there in my heart and I have told myself that I won't ignore it if it ever comes knocking again. Geoff, my friend feels so guilty for betraying his wife, I wouldn't be surprised if he endured a lifetime of hell because he feels he needs to be punished for what he has done. I hope one day his counsellor speaks to him alone, without his wife present, and asks him questions about his guilt and puts forward the notion that he too is entitled to happiness.
Which ever way things turn out, I will hope for his health and safety, wish that he comes back to me when he has truly accepted his marriage is over, but I will not wait, hiding in a depressing dark corner. I will live a life without that connection of mind and soul but a life worth living nonetheless.
I look forward to regularly perusing these pages and hope to use my experience of my darkest moments to perhaps help others as you have all helped me.
Thank you for the sunshine.🌞