Thank you for understanding. The point I was trying to make is ..when a woman begins an affair with a married man with whom she is also deeply in love....she must be prepared for the inevitable heartbreak (except in very rare cases where he chooses her, over his family).
The reason my lover ended our long term affair included just what you mentioned....the guilt he felt over lying to his wife all this time, the secret "other-life" he couldn't share with anyone, knowing while with him, I would never pursue nor let myself become involved with another, available man who could give me what he couldn't...i.e. commitment, a public relationship, perhaps marriage.
No other man stood a chance...and he knew that...so he let me go.
As I said, a family crisis sort of made him "wake up" and realise he was short changing both of us, his wife and me......it ended "well" if any affairs can ever end well...well this one did. (remember we are the best of mates 30 plus years on, each other's best friend and support and yes he is still wonderful.)
There is a poem partly recited by Richard Chamberlain in the TV series "The Thorn Birds"...if you look up the original full length poem, I think it is called The Thorn Bird, not sure....you will see what I mean.....that's how committed I was to this man.
(just for the record, I don't believe monogamy is natural to the human species and yes sometimes an affair can have a positive effect on a marriage)