I just wanted to say something to you about people pleasing cos guess what...I used to be that person too, and it is exhausting!!! I hear you loud and clear when you commit to something and then walk away thinking "why did I agree to that?" or "great, now I have to do that and I don't want to!" or "How can I possibly fit that into my week with all the other stuff I have to do?" It becomes completely overwhelming....well.....this could be an area that you could do some work on and see the massive positives and have a really big win that will also make you feel really good about yourself.
So how are we going to do this.....ok we could do some role playing and we can even start with a work example:
"Hi Aaron, I was wondering if you could make 100 copies of this booklet for me as I am flat out and don't have time, can you help me?"
So your natural default is to say "sure" , inside you are dying as you know you simply don't have time to scratch yourself but you really like this person and want to help...sooo, instead of saying "yeah sure I can do that for you"...you can try..
" Sorry Matt (just made that up) I can see that you really need those quickly but unfortunately I am not able to help you today, I have a deadline to meet myself. I would like to be able to do that for you but I can't today."
You have been polite, you have addressed that they are in a mad rush, but so are you and you have put yourself first. It is fine to say no..
ok so what about for your ex...
"Please come over tonight after work, I really miss you and I want to talk to you about some things I have been thinking about"....your first response..."arrhh I really care about her feelings so I should go and talk to her, it is the least I can do seeing I hurt her"....but you can try..
"Sorry Mary (I made that up too), I am happy you have been able to do some thinking but I am not going to come over to see you tonight, I need some space today and I am going to give myself that. I am happy to talk to you about these things but can I take a few days and get back to you then?"
I am not sure that if this is helpful Aaron but this is what I had to learn and it is so wonderful when you can put yourself first, and you are not hurting anyone or being rude...it is so refreshing...
Ok..teacher Sarah signing off now...have a great night Aaron.