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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I just feel like i have no chance..

Topic: I just feel like i have no chance..

  1. Quercus
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    22 September 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    You've been quiet for a while is everything ok Mitch?

    Nat

  2. HamSolo01
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    22 September 2017 in reply to Quercus

    hey everyone

    I've been a bit off the grid lately as I thought i had an exam today but then realised last night at about 11pm that there is supplementary on the 2nd that can be taken instead. I know of at least 2 other people who are doing similar so if I have that wrong then I'm not alone haha.

    I've been okay I guess.

    My birthday was on wednesday and i had to go to uni for it. I wasn't feeling overly great on the day itself but it turned out okay i guess. I swear every birthday I have is like that. Went out for dinner with family and that was nice. Had uni as well. Went to my classes, got a bit of study done (only to realise that i didn't need it yet) and saw a friend like normal. Was a nice enough day.

    Group support is good - I'm the youngest but that doesn't really bother me because I'm not there to 'make friends' as such. I'm there to get support and hear from people with similar things going on. That's basically what I need at this point I think. Seeing my psych every two weeks. Also have that other anxiety support group next week (once per month and missed last month due to a crappy careers things i went to)

    Today I need to get through a list of things and tonight I'm off to the movies and then to a friend's house. Should be interesting to see what goes on. It's a friend of mine I've spoken about in the past. One of the ones who is on my nerves a bit. But no point in hiding from it. I figured just go and be myself.. who cares. Easier said than done clearly but still.. worth a shot

    Overall I'm getting on track with things I think.. I hope..

    btw Quercus i didn't know your name was nat haha

    and PL thanks for dropping by :)

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  3. james1
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    22 September 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    Awesome to hear from you.

    I've had a shocker of a week and to hear from you just made my day/week!

    It sounds like you've had a pretty social week and glad to hear about the support group as well. Nice work! and...happy birthday!

    James

  4. Quercus
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    22 September 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Happy belated Birthday for Wednesday! I'm glad to hear you have been finding things a but easier (you had mentioned you were worried about your upcoming birthday).

    What movie are you going to see? I'm with James in that it is a good feeling seeing you busy and social and helping yourself. Good on you.

    Nat (much less of a mouthful than Quercus I suppose 😊).

  5. HamSolo01
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    23 September 2017 in reply to Quercus

    hey

    posted this on the SANE forum I use as well so i thought i would share it here too

    "hey everyone
    thought i would post a bit of an update of where i am currently and all..
    so
    wednesday was okay. I had my birthday and i was actually pretty happy
    with how it panned out. Had dinner with family which was nice.
    Last couple of days have been interesting/not bad.
    This
    morning i was sitting out on the balcony in the sun drinking coffee and
    thinking about where i am at in my life currently. What I have in terms
    of skills, personality and such.
    I realise i have it good in life
    but that its not enough to eliminate my depression and anxiety. I've
    also gotta stop thinking "i have mental illness therefore cant do xyz". I
    dont think this is a good attitude to adopt, a far better one would be
    "yes i have mental illness but lets see how far i can get in my life
    despite how bad it gets"
    Easier said than done.
    Given that this
    next week is mid semester break i have a full week to catch up on
    reading, start assignments and look for money making opportunities and
    internship/graduate offers. I really do not wanna waste it (because its
    also the last mid sem break i will ever have ever) so i might hesd into
    uni to do that stuff to avoid distraction at home..
    Today I am just gonna take it easy. Clean my room as well. Needs a vacuum.
    I
    am really anxious about next year and money and life in general... But i
    guess one nedds to count their blessings. I've opened up a treasure
    chest of opportunities by going to uni.. a uni i never thought i would
    get into.
    A friend of mine had her grad ceremony yesterday and she
    told me that i was her first real friend at uni. I was touched by that. A
    friend i never woulda met had i not taken a chance in life and gone to
    uni.
    All this is great to remember but it wont eliminate my mental illness.
    I guess i am slowly getting there. One must define success for themselves.. thanks for being here"

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  6. BballJ
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    25 September 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Amazing last post and happy belated birthday for last Wednesday. When you are position and thinking clearly I swear you could write a motivational book about how to manage mental illness, your words are so strong and you have so much passion and energy, it is quite awesome. These outlooks really help define you down the track and know you may never eliminate mental illness from your life but learn how to live with it and not let it control is the key here.

    Again, amazing post.

    My best,

    Jay

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  7. Quercus
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    29 September 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Sorry it's taken me some time to reply. Jay is spot on your posts in a good place are so positive and hopeful.

    I liked what your friend said. The fact she told you. Sometimes we truly do not know how important we can be to another person. My friend's bday is coming up and she has no idea that she kept me alive at uni. Unlike your friend I have never been able to share this with her.

    Anyway enough about me. How are you? Have you been making good use of your break? Make sure to take some time out from work and job hunting please?

    Nat

  8. Quercus
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    2 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Just checking how you're doing. You've been a bit quieter than usual. Everything ok?

    Hopefully it's me being a worrier and you're out enjoying the rest of the weekend.

    Nat

  9. HamSolo01
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    2 October 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Nat

    Thanks for dropping by. I haven't really been on forums lately as I feel too exhausted or overwhelmed to post. Not because of anything in particular but just because of depression screwing me over I guess.

    Overall things are okay. They aren't great but they aren't as bad as they have been.

    been trying to keep a solid dosage of my meds going for 2 weeks now, been doing relatively well. Forgetting still. I don't know why.

    Also managed to get to the gym 3 times in the past week. So that's a good thing too. My goal is to maintain that - just getting there is hard. So I can push myself into that.

    Last week I contacted an old colleague/associate from a group i used to write/volunteer with. Turns out they need some help still and the lady offered to help me find some work too. I won't hold my breath because these networking types can be filled with crap. But it's worth a shot.

    The intimacy/relationships thing is still getting to me. But I have noticed that I'm more relaxed with people too. Able to make smalltalk and such - like today i remarked at a coffee shop that they were the only ones open in the area and everyone else was shut. This was big for me for two reasons, usually I don't say anything because I'm too nervous/shy/depressed and the girl serving me was also pretty cute too and I get intimidated by that. It's absurd really. But I was just happy I could overcome the hurdle that was there. It's not even something worth worrying about.

    I guess I'm really trying to take it one day at a time now. Way easier said than done.

    Group therapy is helping me keep a steady track on where I am at.The other anxiety group I go to once a month was on again last week and it was meh. It did help though. I don't mindfulness is something I find all that useful, but only when I try to focus on that present moment.

    I've also found some alternatives for next year in the event the graduate offer doesn't go anywhere. They are hard to organise as it needs effort. But I guess it is baby steps now.

    Weekends are the hardest when I have nothing to do. But last Friday night I was eating my dinner at home and talking to my sister about how we've had to grow up faster than everyone else around us - due to her sickness when she was younger and my own personal mental health struggles. It was a really helpful chat.

    I'm trying to stave off anxiety and panic every day and that is rather hard. Also depression. But my psych said I have been improving :)

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  10. BballJ
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    2 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Glad you had some time to post with how you are going. It's ok that you haven't been on the forums, it just means you have been busy and that isn't a bad thing.

    It seems a lot of good stuff has been happening and I must say I agree with your psych, you do seem to be improving a lot and that is great your psych has recognised that as well. Even the little things of speaking to the girl in the café, may seem like a small step but in reality it is a big step and the fact you felt comfortable with it is the main thing.

    Another good step is that you are organising alternatives if graduate offers don't eventuate (I am sure they will) but having a back up plan shows so much organisation so well done on that.

    I also think it is good you engaged in the conversation with your sister about your health problems, having the ability to speak to someone like a sibling so open about it, is great.

    Just remember, every single day is a chance to get better and I think you are doing it very well.

    My best,

    Jay

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  11. james1
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    3 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    From what you've said, it sounds like you've settled into a more comfortable upwards trajectory. I think a huge pat on the back is in order :)

    Sometimes when we hit that "aha" moment about needing to get better, we throw our entire selves into "getting better". But we forget to live a bit, and the crashes are super hard.

    Instead, taking things day by day, as you have said, is the way to go. Rather than going to the gym 3 times a day, 7 days a week, just set a goal of 3 days a week. Maintain that, and build when it feels natural to build.

    Routines are super important to recovery so that your body and mind can feel like their day-to-day is stable and any excess energy can be spent managing the mini-crashes.

    Awesome hearing from you.

    Keep it up!

    James

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  12. Quercus
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    3 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Like James and Jay both said I like this frame of mind you seem to be in. In my view it seems healthy. Realistic.

    James made a good point about throwing yourself into therapy and crashing (I'm pretty sure that's where I'm at... Tired and pickinh myself back up and trying again). Hope you don't mind if I copy your attitude... Focus on the present moment and take it day by day.

    I wanted to ask what do you find helpful about the group therapy? I just paid for a 6 week group therapy class dealing with moving forward. Nervous. Not really sure what to expect. Can you give me some ideas? What do you do to make the most of your sessions?

    Hoping you are taking care of yourself... And most of all finding things that make you feel good.

    Nat

  13. HamSolo01
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    4 October 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey everyone.

    Thanks for your continued support.

    I guess being realistic is essential. It's also something I'm good at too. I've always been like that.

    Group therapy is good for me nat because it gives a different take on how to deal with my illness. Also how to see others that deal with similar. I actually go to a group for depression which is weekly and then for anxiety which is monthly. They are trying to do social events too i believe.

    I guess just have an open mind and remember its not a competition between everyone. They will probs set out ground rules too.

    Righg now im at one of my favourite cafes near uni just chilling out. Catching up with a friend in 30mins as well. I guess the last week i have been treating each day separately.

    I am in a period of transitioning from uni so i am trying my best to distance myself from a rigid definition of 'student'.

    I guess im just doing what i can for now and the 4 or so weeks left of uni.

    I think graduating will be cool. Turns out the ceremony wont be until next year.. typical. Oh well. I still finish at tue emd of thyear though so that doesnt change.

    I know i will return to my spot to write a bit more of that story i am doing in the next couple of weeks. I doubt i will "finish" it because its more like a compilation of scenes. Scenes that i wanted to write while at the uni. I can write the rest of it whenever i want that way. Theres just something about this period of ,y life that i want to immortalise in writing. I still find it hard to believe i ended up at this uni :)

    Whatever is next in my life i guess i will be fine but its just a case of managing my MH.

    For now, back to chilling :)

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  14. Quercus
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    4 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Thanks Mitch,

    That does help actually. I like how you mentioned competition. I'm not remotely competitive so it really weirds me out how people can even turn mental illness into a competition. "You went through this? Ah well that's nothing... This happened to me....". I'll keep an open mind. Maybe just listen to what others have to say. Thanks.

    You sound peaceful. It's nice and comes through in your writing. I hope you enjoy your cuppa with a friend and relaxing.

    4 weeks left. That is awesome. Congratulations in advance. I didn't go to my graduation. Kind of wish I did because it is a big achievement. Good on you!

    Anyway I'll leave you to enjoy your day. This mood of yours is infectious 😊. Maybe you could write while you feel happy. Have you seen Croix's thread "store your happy memories here"?

    Nat

  15. BballJ
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    4 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Thank you for the update and another positive post and your outlook has most definitely changed for the better which is great. The group therapy sessions sound quite good, may I ask how did you find them, were they recommend to you or just a simply google search? They sound quite interesting and may be able to help me as well.

    Graduation, that is awesome and I am glad you are seeing it as a cool thing because it is and university is not easy to graduate from so hold you head up super high and be damn proud of what you have achieved because it is a great milestone in your life and one be proud of.

    Glad you will keep on writing, doesn't matter if it never finishes, it's your story so you can keep it going for as long as you want.

    My best,

    Jay

  16. HamSolo01
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    7 October 2017

    i have to be honest

    i hate friday and saturday nights

    i also feel like the attempts at being positive are fake... just that i shouldn't be happy or proud of myself because i am in a bad position... i know i set high standards but i can't help but wonder if wanting to be independent is a 'high standard'... I'm sick of being alone and I know how stupid that sounds. I just want to know what to do with my life and I'm worried about my safety (in the sense that I might end up homeless or something because I ruin my life's chances). I'm sick of seeing people around me find happiness and love and I'm still where I was 5 years ago. All I will get is a degree at the end of the year.

    I don't even know what I want in life. All this time I've been idly going by and I hate myself for it. I thought I was doing okay, and I know I have made attempts at things in life but I still can't see any light.

    I know my family loves me but I just can't see hope. When I can't see hope I don't try. I don't try then I fail at my life.

    I can't handle weekends anymore. I can't handle TV. I can't handle social media. I can't handle radio. I can't handle music. I can't handle people's mundane crap. I just want people to love and respect me. I want to be able to whisper sweet nothings in the ear of a girl who feels the same about me... why can everyone else do it and I can't? What's so wrong about me? Am I ugly? Am I weird? Am I too tall like people say?

    I feel like a panzy at times too. I just want to man up and stop being pushed by the world. I want to do my own thing in my life and sort it out but I can't because of this bloody mental health crap. It's been so long that I've gone on a date. The amount of good looking girls I've seen and I just get upset at myself for not being able to approach them. I might as well give up and face the music. I'm going to be stuck at home for the rest of my life. There is no point contacting the helplines/call services because they don't take me seriously. No one on those things does. They always think I must be okay because I am studying at uni and 'work'. I have no money. I have no career prospects. I am sick of being this loser, asshole who can't sort his life out. I'm the laughing stock of everyone. It's why people have abandoned me...

  17. BballJ
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    8 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    I see you are having a bit of a rough weekend, is it simply just the weekend that triggered it or was it something else that happened, I know staying positive can feel as if it fake, you said however that after this whole year all you will have is a degree, I don't know why you are not more proud of this achievement, having a degree is not easy, I could never do the study to get a degree and I have a good amount of respect for people who stick through it and get one because it isn't as easy as people make it out to be. I think the fact you achieved something is the main thing here and hopefully are proud of it.

    May I ask, do you ever discuss these feelings of not finding someone with your support groups and counsellors? Do they talk about it with you much? It sucks that people just assume you're ok because you study and work when in reality you need the same amount of help as someone who isn't. I know getting up and speaking to a girl is all about self confidence and I never ever had it so I cannot say how easy it is because I would still not know what to say to this day but if you can somehow build it then it will help but I think most of it is finding people who have the same interests as you which just gives a starting point to talk about stuff. I know it's a lot easier said than done however.

    Just want to point out that you are not a laughing stock here at all.

    My best,

    Jay

  18. Quercus
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    8 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Sorry to hear you're feeling low at the moment.

    Personally, I think a lot of the things you're feeling are so normal.

    • Doubting yourself.
    • Feeling alone.
    • Wanting affection and someone to care for.
    • Feeling like a failure.

    Doesn't everyone feel like that? I know all of these feelings. So no I'm not laughing...because feeling like this is horrible.

    Another member pulled me up once and said not everything is related to MI. This helped me and I wondered if it will help you too.

    I think it's easy on a low day to feel my therapy/meds are useless and I'm back at square one. But you're not. Because not all of the things you talk about are caused solely by MI.

    You're sick of being lonely. That is understandable. Yes your MI and social anxiety have a huge impact on your isolation but they don't restrict you from trying.

    So when is the last time you asked someone out? Like it or not it's still mostly expected that the bloke does the asking. Have you tried?

    You're not a pansy. Or any of the other put downs you said. Tall is awesome. This is you putting yourself down so you give up. Making yourself feel worthless so you stop trying.

    Saying "I can't" because of my MI is not fair on yourself. You are able to talk to people when you push yourself. You're creative and smart. Just like everyone else you have positive features.

    Yes you're anxious... So what? Embrace it. My hubby told me once why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks... Letting go is liberating. He's right. It is difficult to accept who I am. But I'm trying. And it feels good to stop caring. We are all messed up. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

    I spoke to my cousin today about his tattoo. Usually I'd be polite. But today I didn't feel like it. So I told him about my plan since uni for full sleeves and full back tattoo. Blackwork. The artist I'd picked. How hubby was horrifed to hear my plan and so relieved when I was told by my specialist no tattoos... you won't heal. Bye bye dream. Hello happy husband. How I regret waiting.

    He and my uncle laughed like mad and looked at me like they'd never seen me before. What? She actually has a personality? It was nice. I'm weird. They like me anyway. How strange. Apparently foot in mouth is funny.

    My point... You're ok as you are. Give up the high standards you set yourself and let people know you. Find activities you find fun where you get to meet interesting people and talk.

    What do you think?

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  19. Quercus
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    10 October 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Mitch,

    Just checking how you are feeling. What is on this week in terms of self care? Psychiatrist? Group therapy?

    I really hope the worst of the low has passed. Just a thought if Fri and Sat are always an issue what about planning in advance. Take a night class. Hit the gym. Join a sport team. It doesn't matter what. Just have the plans in place to help yourself through the weekend.

    Nat

  20. HamSolo01
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    11 October 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Nat

    Thanks for checking in.

    So far I've been okay I guess.

    This evening I'm feeling rather depressed. It's seeming that it is directly related to the 'what am i doing with my life' question. It more often than not is. It's also why I start thinking about how I am 'wasting my youth'.

    I missed group therapy this week because i had a careers info night for people who do arts degrees. Went with a friend and it was helpful. I am still regretting knocking back the govt internship subject i could've done at the start of the year. I knocked it back because of my mental health at the time, but I am beginning to feel like I use my mental health as an excuse. Almost as if I think I can't handle something. But then again hindsight is a b***h I suppose. There is nothing good to come from worrying about that stuff. I am where I am now and that is that.

    I woke up this morning in the middle of a deep sleep and I've been feeling it all day. I nearly came home in the middle of the day due to feeling tired and depressed but I guess I stuck it out a bit. Ended up at the same cafe again. Spent time there then just had my class in the afternoon.

    I have the assessment centre on the 25th and I'm looking forward to it. But I really need to come up with another plan in case that one doesn't work. That's kind of hard to come to terms with. I think it would be a really cool opportunity. Great timing as well. But I really need to shatter the blind optimism... or else i will get really depressed

    I guess that means I need to implement a steady plan for the future. Got in touch in with an old colleague from a social enterprise and have a couple of things organised there. Not much yet. I guess it's progress though.

    I have plans (somewhat) for this weekend. So that's kinda nice. I was apprehensive at first to go but i guess it's progress really. EVen if it is with someone who lied about my mental health to someone... guess it's part of growing up. I find if I just own things it's made easier. My social anxiety is more or less how i feel i am perceived.

    hope you are well nat

  21. Quercus
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    11 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Glad to see you back even if it's working through a low mood. Have you looked at BlondGuy's "Do you love yourself" thread lately? When you spoke about worrying about the direction your life is taking it came to mind. Sara raised an interesting question about goals and dreams and how we feel about ourselves. I wonder if it will help you too? Or at least your view would be welcome.

    You sound a bit different. Resigned? Calm? I'm not sure but it is nice actually. I like how you're just working through it. Keeping busy. Making plans. Trying to see the progress. I like the idea of a steady plan.

    I saw a new thread earlier and was thinking of asking for your input. I've got nothing. He's in year 11 and trying to work on time management and social anxiety. It just sounded like something you might relate to. No pressure though ok? I'll find the thread if you want a look.

    Thanks for your post and for asking. It came at the right time. I feel a bit low /defensive /confused/ guilty? But it will pass. Thanks for giving my mind something different to focus on.

    Nat

  22. BballJ
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    11 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Just read your reply back to Quercus (Nat). Amazing how being woken from the middle of a deep sleep can affect the rest of our day, I know the feeling big time and losing sleep really does make our mental health flare up. Depression is exhausting as it is, add in the fact you didn't sleep much just makes it worse.

    Hindsight is a funny thing, all the should of, could of, would of things that pop into our head but we make decision and we must stand by them. It wasn't right for you at the time and that is that, I don't think you use mental health as an excuse however.

    Have you got any ideas on what the other plan would be outside of the assessment centre on the 25th?

    Quercus (Nat) hope you're doing ok. You're a star.

    My best,

    Jay

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  23. james1
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    12 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey Mitch,

    Good to hear you're feeling somewhat positive about having plans for the weekend. It's nice to not have to worry about having nothing to do.

    Do you ever keep a list of things you would be happy to do on your own? For example, I have a never-ending list of chores, but I know I can always do some of my woodwork, which incidentally is also something I feel which could help me socially because it's something to talk about.

    Like Jay said, hindsight often causes us to second guess but that's only because we're no longer standing in the same shoes as we were. I like to use hindsight as a way of cautioning myself for the future. If you are worried about using mental health as an excuse, you can now just be wary of it. I don't think you have been, but it is certainly good to keep in the back of your mind the next time you doubt yourself. It might give you the little boost you need to try something.

    Hope you're well.

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  24. HamSolo01
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    HamSolo01 avatar
    926 posts
    12 October 2017 in reply to james1
    I feel like I'm going around in circles here....
  25. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2037 posts
    12 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Here as in the forums or just in general life? What's going on, please talk to us.

    My best,

    Jay

    1 person found this helpful
  26. HamSolo01
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    HamSolo01 avatar
    926 posts
    13 October 2017 in reply to BballJ

    general life..

    my depression and anxiety flare up on fridays because of the weekend..

    i have something organised tomorrow but idk if i wanna go because of the travel distance..

    I am tired today again.

    I am on my way to tutoring then i am going home to bed.

    Life is just on my ass all the time. I feel guilty too

  27. HamSolo01
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    HamSolo01 avatar
    926 posts
    15 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    I can't handle this crap....

    I have NO idea on what to do with myself at all

    I'm over seeing people around me being happy and young and successful...

    I'm sick of this mental health crap..

    I'm going nowhere and people can see it..

  28. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2037 posts
    15 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    My apologies, I haven't been on the forums the last couple of days so haven't had a chance to respond to your last two posts. I know your anxiety and depression flare up more before the weekend, may I ask, have you discussed this flare up with your psychologist or in your support groups at all?

    I know you think you're going nowhere but from where you started when you first joined the forums, you have come such a long way, I know you're feeling a little bit down and these down days are fine, it reminds us the struggle is still there and we have to keep pushing through it.

    What have you got planned for the week ahead?

    My best,

    Jay

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Quercus
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Quercus avatar
    3557 posts
    16 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    (and a wave to Jay... Thanks for asking after me a few posts ago I missed that one sorry)

    Have to admit I'm at a loss... Don't know what to say to be honest. You feel like you're going around in circles... I feel like that is just a normal part of having a mental illness.

    On days like these I really get the impression that you are fighting your MI. But the reality is no amount of progress is going to make it disappear. We manage it. Ups and downs and plateaus and repeat. A big circle.

    In my view the goal is to be able to manage and cope with the ups and downs as part of my life. I can't change the past. I just have to work towards finding ways to help myself feel ok some of the time.

    When I first had major depression (in my 20s) I ran away. Started from scratch. New house. New friends. New life. I was so hard on myself. I wanted to be a success. I wanted a job I could be proud of. A partner I loved. A social life. Independence. I didn't learn to manage my depression I buried it. Pretended that if I could fix the circumstances in my life I would be better.

    For a while I could convince myself I was better. But I wasn't. That came from me learning to accept myself mental illness and all. I don't like myself much some days but I am a worthwhile human being. I have lots of flaws and horrible qualities. But I have good qualities too. I am not very good at so many things and too afraid to try... But that's ok. That's just part of being me.

    I'm waffling sorry. My point... What is wrong with just being you? Take a deep breath (or ten) and stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing just fine. You just can't seem to see it.

    Nat

    2 people found this helpful
  30. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
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    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    16 October 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    It sounds like your weekend didn't go very well. That sucks big time.

    I'd like you to have a quick think about when you go to the gym.

    How do you control when to add more weight onto your exercises? Is it a matter of adding another 5kg each day? Or do you give yourself time to adjust, your muscles to build, and to develop your own confidence that when you lift that bar, you're not going to drop it on yourself?

    We often don't give our mental muscles the time to adapt and change, but they need that just as much as our physical bodies need the rest.

    How's this week looking?

    James

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