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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I just feel like i have no chance..

Topic: I just feel like i have no chance..

  1. Quercus
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    Quercus avatar
    3546 posts
    2 May 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Good to see that although you hit a slump you worked through it.

    It isn't easy to find or acknowledge the small improvements, but they do matter. Having work of any sort means an income and a bit of freedom and that's a positive. Must admit you must be tough to even want to work the election. I am so so very thankful for my postal vote. Crowds and I don't mix.

    One thing that has been helping me lately (my goodness I hope the meds work soon) is giving myself permission to fail. Meeting expectations (especially my own) can be exhausting. So it helps sometimes to remember you're allowed to be human and flawed. You accept others warts and all so why not allow yourself the same kindness?

  2. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    4 May 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Mitch,

    Good to read that you are doing your little bit toward the elections. I will be manning a BBQ for most of day. On the upside, I get to have the odd sausage on bread or you. The works at the election stall I am at get a free one as well.

    And similar to what Q said about working through the slump.

    I know what Q means in...

    You accept others warts and all so why not allow yourself the same kindness

    but it is harder said that done. The links that we might have with others can be different to those from out past, and the chains or the bonds that keep us trapped in or linked to that past. Anyhow, given what you have posted here, and in Azzdog's thread, I created a new thread for singles here...

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/singles-support-on-bb#qs5qdXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Please have a look and perhaps get the ball rolling so that we can all help each other?

    Tim

  3. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    4 May 2019 in reply to smallwolf
    Hi Tim and Nat.

    Thanks for dropping in again.

    This evening I went to meetup. It wasn't bad. Nice to see some regulars.

    But I had a chat to one of my friends there and we were talking about how it seems that those around us are doing better in many aspects.

    It got me thinking a lot. Both for the better and the worse.

    At the moment I feel sad. Or at least jsmust depressed.

    My mum and dad said they were a bit worried I might start going backwards again. All because of the fact I don't have a job full time or something with an income stream.

    I rejected an offer recently because it was admin full time. Something that would make me worse.

    I just felt like a bit of a loser at the meetup. Not having a story or something.

    Anyways. Hope your weekends are going okay
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Quercus
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    5 May 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Do you sometimes find you feel reasonably ok until you start hearing everyone else's success stories?

    I try to soothe my ego by reminding myself it is just like social media. Everybody tries to appear more interesting than they really are.

    If I listed today's events I sound busy and social. If I took a few photos and forced a smile it could look interesting and fun. Successful even at a stretch... But the reality is I got up exhausted, grit my teeth having to deal with people, got more exhausted as the day went on, and am waiting for hubby to arrive home safe so I can finally sleep. And don't particularly feel like waking up tomorrow either. Not a successful reality but an honest one.

    Doesn't really help you much but perhaps you can try remind yourself everyone likes positive feedback. Perhaps the people you met with needed to build themselves up today. You're not a loser.

    Tomorrow is a fresh start to try again.

  5. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    5 May 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    I don't know much about Meetup but it sounds very much like what Q described. We show off our best self, that might not be our real self. Only when we know someone well enough will we might be comfortable with showing our real self?

    Like Q, yesterday/last night saw Tim Minchin. It was funny. But I haven't told you about the other dramas before or after.

    Our parents will always be concerned about us. Sort of one of the job requirements, tongue in cheek.

    What sort of work are you looking for? Or what was wrong with the f/t offer you got? If I am allowed to ask. No pressure.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  6. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    6 May 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Nat and Tim

    I hear what you are both saying. I think people can dress it up a bit when it comes to their success/life.

    At the moment my problem is that I haven't got something to attach my sense of self worth to. Not in the present anyway. I've conquered a lot and I've achieved a great deal from where I was say 2-3 years ago. However, that's not translating across to what I want to do with myself now and into the future. I don't really know what that looks like.

    At the moment I've just been applying for stuff. Literally, anything that looks like I fulfill the requirements. The job that was offered to me was something a high school kid could do. If I did that then I could've made myself feel even worse. My problem as my psychiatrist was saying is that I pressure myself and start to have remunerating thoughts about how I've wasted my time etc etc. If I took that role I think I would've gotten worse.

    I'm also afraid that my CV/resume doesn't "do me justice" but I find it really hard to talk about myself on paper. I don't know. I'm confused and annoyed about it. But I figure the worst thing I can do is not apply. Just keep applying. I'm also confused over advice because everyone I speak to says something entirely different about my own resume/CV so I've gotten to a point now where it just seems like a waste of time asking for help/advice. One person thinks it is trash, the next person thinks it's good. Work that out lol.

    My self worth is attached to what I do in the present. That's just how I am. I've tried alternatives and they don't work. So this means I need to be doing something. I have a conference on this weekend which should be good as it is hosted by a think tank that I'd like to intern with. It's all unpaid but it'd be a step in the right direction I guess.

    For now though I don't like to focus too heavily on it. I just want to send out resumes/cv until something crops up.

    I'll leave it there for now,.

    Thjanks again

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Quercus
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    7 May 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    I can relate to judging yourself based on the present. It can be hard to be hopeful or patient for a future that seems impossibly far away.

    As to job hunting there are two issues I feel are very important to consider (if you're sick of being given job advice feel free to tune out by all means).

    The first is to focus on jobs that you want and feel enthusiastic about. You mentioned taking the job offer would make you feel worse. So why apply? I get practice is great but you're also putting a lot of energy into something that you don't even want.

    Second... Think deeply about selection criteria and examples of how you meet them but make sure what you write is fair and right for YOU. So often I have heard people talk about how they have changed examples (or even made them up) to get a job. But it is not right and employers see through it.

    The first job I applied for after being unwell is my current job. I refused to be "creative" with my CV. Actually I was warts and all about my medical conditions. When hubby read my cover letter and CV he was horrified and said bloody hell I hope you haven't applied yet (I had).

    I figured I want to be employed by someone who sees my worth as I am and doesn't see mental illness as a weakness. Why shouldn't I be honest and ask for what I want too? My boss is amazing and she is rewarded by employees because we are thankful for her, are committed to our work place and work hard.

    Don't be ashamed to say you don't have the exact skill they need. Add the example that suits best and follow it up immediately with but I want to improve and I can start doing ..... to get experience in that as soon as possible. Better yet start a course. For example if they need a first aid certificate enrollment and list the approximate date you will have this completed by.

    I think people forget the relationship between employer and employee goes both ways. They want to find someone who fills their needs but YOU are also reviewing the employer or company to find work you feel passionate, proud and enthusiastic about.

    I've noticed that people respond with interest when I value my own worth as an employee. You have skills and experiences that are unique to you Mitch. What is wrong with aiming high for a workplace you want to work for long term?

    People tell me often I am a dreamer and that this isn't realistic. But that is BS. The type of employer who responds well is the good type to work for.

    Head up and keep on trying my friend.

  8. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    7 May 2019 in reply to Quercus
    Hey Nat.

    I think you are exactly right.

    Thus far I've been applying for roles that match my skill level and interest. I don't believe that role that was offered to me was suitable. They offered it to me when I signed up with the recruitment company. So I just took it. After the interview I felt okay but also that it was something which would likely make me worse. So I sort of dodged a bullet there.

    I've been doing exactly what you've described so far. It's hard to prove claims in a cv/resume that are self evident - punctuality for example. Or effective communication. You can really only prove that in practice. Unless you have some figure/data to back it up it's hard to say it. But again, I can only back such claims up with my experience. You can't put "effective communication ability" in a formula or dataset. You can really only talk about where you displayed such a skill set.

    Anyway. I feel depressed talking about this. But that's how it is. I can get it off my chest that way.

    I think a lot of this pressure on myself comes from knowing I am capable of more. So I have to translate that into a healthy way of doing things. I think a healthy way of doing things is to focus in on things I KNOW I would be good at.

    I've just been out this morning to gym and grocery shopping. Sent off an application that was very similar to the one I sent off yesterday.

    This afternoon, instead of sending off another application I'm going to do an inventory of my skills and strengths and articulate some sort of design to how I can approach this in light of my mental health.

    My CV is about four pages long. Each role I have had is short term. I believe this may be the problem for me. So I have to come up with a way to work around that.

    Did you get that role when you spoke openly about your health?
  9. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    3 June 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Hey thread. It's been nearly a month since I was on here last.

    A few things have changed and some others have not.

    Today I received a bit of bad news in relation to a job I didn't get. It's been a repetitive process of applying, then getting an interview but then not getting a position. In the end though I think it is for the best because I really didn't like the attitude on display by one of the interviewers - heaps of facial expressions. I don't think peer support work is ideal for me anyway, I think it would be a strain - especially now that I've moved on past a lot of that stuff in my life.

    I think if I could change the name of thread it would change to "I feel like I have a chance now" compared to what it was two years ago. It's not to say that things are just way better now. That's not the case at all. But they are nowhere near as bad. It's not much comfort, but it's a damned good improvement.

    There are still a couple of things on the horizon. I got accepted for interviews for an internship somewhere (unpaid of course) and still waiting to hear back on two other things (another job I interviewed for and an intern role elsewhere also unpaid). Got a government grad program assessment to complete - online questions. So things are slowly churning. It's a bit like a loop. I applied for about 5 or 6 roles on Friday too. All just admin part time ones. I'm really lost over what I should do at the moment, so I guess I'm just shooting out resumes left right and centre where I think I'll fit in. Career advice is so vague and non-descript these days. A degree is useful when you know what to do with it - that's something I'm slowly figuring out.

    Anyway. Onwards and upwards I think.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    29 July 2019 in reply to Quercus
    Hi there thread.

    I have had terrible time the past three days.

    I have gone to interviews and haven't got a job yet and I am regretting university.

    I feel sick and upset at myself.

    It's repetitive and dulling me. Idk what to do anymore.

    I feel as if I am wasting my life and valuable time that could be used to save, gain experience etc.

    But that's not happening.

    I feel doomed

  11. Quercus
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    1 August 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch,

    Glad to see you posting (even if the news isn't so great at the moment).

    Having that uni debt hanging over you but not working to use your degree is a horrible feeling. I'm in your shoes there too and sympathise. It can bring me down a great deal at times too.

    Finding any sort of work you enjoy has helped me a lot in terms of self esteem and worth. Doesn't have to be in your field either. You'll find a lot of the skills you've learned can be applied somehow if you're creative.

    Not sure if you feel the same but for me just getting out and doing something is better than getting stuck in a hole wondering if I'm capable of anything.

    If you ask yourself what do you need from your workplace (apart from an income) do you think that might give you ideas that might be fulfilling even if they're not ideal?

    For example I volunteer here because it helps me I give something meaningful somehow. I clean and garden at the local school because I love being outside and gardening (but also love it when the kids are proud of their school and want to be there).

    Does it use my degree? No. But I'm learning to use different machinery and do things I've grown up being told isn't my job because I'm a woman. I hear kids comment at the school about how it is odd to have a girl gardener and it makes me feel good to show them we can do what we want.

    Ok so at the moment things are feeling shit. But you've worked so bloody hard and learnt a lot about getting through the lows.

    Jay mentioned recently about just trying and it made me realise that is all we need to do. Go with the shit times and just get through and try again.

    Thinking of you though. It isn't easy.

    Nat

  12. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    1 August 2019 in reply to Quercus
    Hey Nat.

    Thanks for dropping in. It's nice to speak to you again. Been a while hey?

    I am doing a but better today. The last couple of days have been improving since Sunday. Sunday was a crap day.

    I am slowly building a business with some other people who I met at a conference I went to. A few months back so that's good to do. It is related to my degree which is nice.

    I am hoping to hear back from a HR rep who is meant to be sending me some pre employment checks for a part time role I interviewed for a month ago. I am on their register so I didn't know when to expect an offer. But it seems that I got a bit of good news between Sunday and now which helped a bit.

    I also went to the gym today and two days back. I always get a coffee after to use as a motivation tool to go. I am starting to walk in my local area too. Good to get air while walking. The area is very hilly so I can work on cardio.

    I must say I laughed a bit atthe school kids looking at you as a lady Gardner. Kids are funny.

    Doing things we care about matters - which is cool to have this business in the background. So things are slowly progressing I guess.

    How have you been otherwise?
    1 person found this helpful
  13. Quercus
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    1 August 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Well that last post sounds positive! I hope the business ends up going ahead for you. My father in law keeps telling me I can bust my ass working all my life for someone else or try being my own boss. Sounds good theoretically but I'm a bit too nervous to try something like that. So good on you.

    On a random note... Isn't it funny/curious to try notice the things we do when we feel ok and stop when we feel crap? You've gone back to gym and coffee and getting outdoors which have seemed to help before. And weekends used to be difficult also. It is frustrating when we go downhill again. But at least you know it will pass eventually!

    Things here have been ups and downs. A lot of downs. I haven't found it easy to follow threads I'm sorry. When I feel crap I tend to post randomly, it helps stop me from getting overwhelmed. But I do read when I can.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    2 October 2019 in reply to Quercus
    Hi thread.

    Long time no post. I just wanted to post a bit of an update as to where I am for all those who have been following over the last months.

    I last posted In August and from the looks of things back then I was waiting on something. Well that something turned into a job which I have been at since mid September. I can't be too sure on saying what it is. But I will say it is in government. Its been a testing time. Learning all the new things and goings on was one thing. But because it was a substitute role where I go an fill in for people there has been a lot of moving about. This tested my anxiety yesterday as something got switched last minute when I was at one place. Then I had to catch a train to another place all last minute and learn new stuff. It was a hard switch but I managed. Then today it was intense but eased off.

    So it's a bit better now.

    I am only on three days a week.

    So tomorrow is the start of a four day weekend.

    That start up business is still going. Slow but growing.

    I turned 26 last week too. I'm getting old lol. Looking back on this thread made me think of the journey I've been on. Pretty strange hey? Lol

    Anyway. Hope you are all okay these days.
    1 person found this helpful
  15. Quercus
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    2 October 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi Mitch 😊,

    Has been a while but it is lovely to hear how you're doing.

    Happy birthday for last week. Did you do something special to celebrate? I had to chuckle at 26 being 'old', seeing as I'm almost ten years older haha.

    Great news about your job! It just shows how much you have changed that you're under pressure and anxious and yet still coping and doing what you need to. Apart from the stress of moving about a lot, do you enjoy your work?

    Hope you enjoy your four day weekend! I'd say I'm envious but it is school holidays here which means a break from playing Mum's taxi.

    Nat

  16. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    427 posts
    3 October 2019 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey Mitch,

    I’d thought I’d just send you a message here. It’s been a while since we’ve last spoken and it seems like things are going pretty well.

    I’m really glad to hear to hear about the job. I know how stressful it has been for you so I’m glad that has resolved itself. And it’s good to hear that you were able to get through the worst parts of it as well. You should be proud my dude 😊

    I hope everything continues to go well. I know what you mean about getting old. I turned 25 a couple of months ago and I feel old! Maybe it’s because I’ve never really fitted in this generation...

    Anyways enough about me. Keep pushing dude. It’s great to hear.

    Also, happy birthday my friend 😊🎂

  17. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    17 May 2020 in reply to Azzdog

    Hey all. What a world. What a life. Things are very different now hey?

    I hope you are safe with everything going on re Covid19. Please take care.

    An update on me:

    Work is going on still. We are considered an essential service. My coworkers are okay but it has been testing. One of them has been working at home. I don't support that as it was very convenient for them. This was a kmonth after the lockdown was in place. I am not impressed. But I guess it's life.

    It wasn't so long ago that I was out with the usual crowd and another rson who I'll call Q came along. I hadn't seen Q for a while. But we were talking about dating etc and he asked me if I had sex yet. I lied and said I did. Made up some BS. My reasoning for this was that he is no longer someone I care as a friend for. He is no longer important.

    Today I found out that someone I am friends with moved out of home. I want to do the same soon but need more money and a better job. So that also affected my Mental health.

    I am not great lately. But I guess I am trying.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. The Snu
    The Snu avatar
    6 posts
    22 October 2020 in reply to HamSolo01
    Hi HamSolo01,

    I am 43 and I’m finding that it gets a bit easier as you get older and let go of other people’s expectations. You will not have wasted your youth as every step of your life’s journey leads you to the person that you become, or are, so none of it is wasted.

    Relationships are pretty shallow and fleeting a lot these days, especially when it comes to being a sensitive person trying to interact with people who may not have developed the same qualities. One thing that worked for me was seeking people much older than myself to be friends with. I also had a few relationships with them too. This helped me a lot as they were very kind and nice and helped me to think better of myself. They showed me a sensitivity and caring that was lacking in people my own age. Might be worth trying? Going along to a group where people are older might help you relax a bit with anxiety, I know it helped me to join a lapidary club and get to know lots of lovely people there.

    Don’t regret your young years because from what I’ve heard and understood, it is hard for everyone, just everyone has different issues with it. The older years are actually the best ones, from what I hear, when people have everything they actually need and want and have spent their lifetimes working it out and then finding simple things which satisfy them.

    Hope this helps.
    2 people found this helpful
  19. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    6 November 2020 in reply to The Snu

    Hi The Snu

    Your words were very encouraging and do believe you are right

    😊

  20. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi

    I don't even know if anyone will even read this but I have had some bad online experiences with others recently that has really left me feeling rather depressed and let down.

    I was trying to be helpful to others and provide some advice or support but it was thrown back at me and I am really downtrodden by that prospect. It's hard to know where to look at a time like this.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Quercus
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    23 November 2020 in reply to HamSolo01
    Hi Mitch,

    Sorry that it's taken so long for a reply. That must have made you feel even worse.

    Deep breaths and head up, and keep on trying my friend. Crap advice but the best I have I suppose.

    Every single person trying to support another has this experience at some point. It makes you feel absolutely awful. Physically ill even.

    I find the worst part is how it can shatter your self esteem. For people like us who experience depression and anxiety this criticism can feel devestating and so deeply personal. It sounds like you're right there too?

    How can we reassure and lift you?

    Do you remember a long time ago I upset you with my post? It sounds like you've had the same experience and I'm sorry you're hurting. It's a horrible feeling.

    At that time someone told me to remember I was trying to help and my heart was in the right place. To just keep on doing what I always do and try again, and again.

    I hope you can find a way through this without it eroding your confidence. You wanted to help and meant well, that's what matters most of all.

    If you feel up to posting I hope you can let us know how you're holding up.

    ❤️ Nat
    1 person found this helpful
  22. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to Quercus

    Hey Nat/Quercus

    It's good to hear from you. Long time no speak hey?
    Yeah I'm not too sure. There was some "action" taken and I no longer have my role I once did. I can't/won't go in to it all that much. But at that time I was not happy. I guess I just swept it under the rug. I guess I came back here to see who was about - it's good to see you.

    It's a been testing time for me this year. On the job front I am currently stuck in a role I don't really like and find tedious and dull. It's crushing me a bit tbh. I've been struggling A LOT with depressive episodes and anxiousness. I feel sorry for myself, angry and bitter towards myself a lot of the time too. It's hard. Very hard.

    I recently got told at work that I should apply for a new position that was advertised because two of my managers said I fit the criteria. Well I didn't even make it to the interview stage. Failed at the first hurdle in other words. I was very annoyed by that. I thought "well I will never apply for a job here again". I actually felt the most stupid I have ever felt in my whole life - that is really saying something

    I nearly went back to hospital last week as I had some SI issues (suicidal ideation) at the time at work. I was really tired and fed up as well. My health has been average I guess - Don't really go regurlay to the gym anymore as I don't care about it. I see marginal benefit coming out of it and nothing more - it's not a priority perhaps?

    A priority at the moment is to both find a job that doesn't crush me with boredom and angst and also move out. I feel like a complete loser still being stuck at home. Indeed, I think people must think this about me too...

    The dating game has been a joke this year - back in March i had a facebook video chat date type thing which was nice because the girl I spoke to - felt like we got along. she had to move up the coast though and we spoke a bit since then.. but the other day she just ignores me completely. IT was a long time coming I think. There was another in the same boat but without any facebook video chat. I get matches and stuff... but it never eventuates.. maybe i give off a vibe I don't actually have.. who knows.. It's stupid really.

    Then today I get to work and I am sick of it by 9:30 - I tell myself that I have managed 90mins so far..

    I am hoping they grant my leave request for 1 week early. I am really over the place and the whole year and all of this crap tbh

    Sorry.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    6133 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to HamSolo01
    Hi HamSolo01, 

    We're so sorry to hear about what you have been going through lately, it sounds like a truly difficult experience. Please know that you do not have to endure these difficult moments alone. If you feel like it could be helpful, there are a number of support services that can offer comfort, kindness and compassion during intense and distressing times like the one you've described, such as Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 
    These services may also be able to help you stay safe, especially during times when you might experience thoughts of suicide. It sounds like you have been proactive in managing these thoughts already, so we just thought that we would link you some services for extra support.  

    If you ever did want to talk these feelings or experiences through with someone, we hope that you feel welcome to talk with the kind and understanding counsellors at our Support Service, who are always here for you on 1300 22 4636, or also through Webchat (1pm-midnight AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Please keep reaching out here whenever you feel up to it.
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  24. james1
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    15 December 2020 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hello Mitch,

    It sounds like there's a lot that's happened this year and a lot of it has been really tough for you, across your work life to dating and your general physical and mental health. I certainly don't want to make you feel like I'm sweeping this year's challenges under the rug at all, so I really want to say that we're here if you wanted to talk about any of those things in particular. Still, I can't help but also notice that it's been a while since we spoke and I am glad to hear from you again. If nothing else, it sounds like you've been trying your best to keep putting one foot forward at a time and that's all anyone can really expect, especially given the year you've had.

    I hope you get your leave request - an early break sounds like it is very welcome!

    James

    2 people found this helpful
  25. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    1 January 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi all

    Merry christmas and happy new year

    Tonight i hit a rock again and i feel really depressed and over it

    Maybe i will start writing out stuff here more often. I have been on other help sites which have helped. Maybe a fresh approach here could help too i dunno.

    i feel like a loser and i am tired of it.

    I bought some model today which i plan on making. It is of Slave 1 from Star Wars. It is made of metal and i may decide to paint it afterwards if i think it needs it. I am thinking of geting a ugears model car too. But i need to finish off the mosaic my sister got me or else i wont finish it

    i am reading the social leap by william von hippel in the hope that it reaps some psychological rewards.

    I have also started to play planet coaster on pc as i like simulator games

    i am looking at going back to study and maybe in business as i believe i could pick up some skills to help me in the workplace

    My cureent workplace is a challenge and this was made clear in my previous post

    i am sad more often than not but i have been able to suppress it more. This holiday season since the 22nd of sdecember has been alright. I just wanted our christmas break to go a bit longer when we were away but i guess just going away was better than nothing.

    I have struggled with friendships this year.

    Dating life is non existant and i am embarrassed or ashamed of my work

    I feel like a loser

    Good night for now

    Talk soon

  26. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    4 January 2021

    A few developments:

    I have resolved that having ANY job that is stable and secure and pays reasonably well for the work I do BEFORE the age of 30 is a GOOD thing. This means I have time and piece of mind to focus in on other things. This was made clear to me recently when a friend said that to me.

    I spoke to a friend in New Jersey yesterday and we more or less agreed that the 20s are all about figuring out what you want to do. There is some pressure at some level, but perhaps that is leveled out by time that we have.

    I have saved a few think tanks and companies that are running internships online this year and I have the time to undertake them. I will start looking into how I can apply and what I can say in the applications.

    I write with one online publication and they have a huge swathe of "unpublished" articles because their editting team have not done anything. Maybe I will send an email to see what is happenin and maybe offer my help (?)

    The phrase "is it what is it" is quite reassuring.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    427 posts
    5 January 2021

    Hey Mitch,

    I thought I would check in here to see how you are going.

    I am really sorry to hear that you have been feeling like a loser and that you had hit rock bottom. I really feel you when you say how friendships have been difficult this year. I have found it really hard to stay connected with others. I have tried, often, to connect with others but a lot of them would take ages to respond. It would end up deflating me and make me not want to try.

    I like the idea of doing more study to build up more skills in the workplace. I don't think you can ever have enough skills and having an edge in an overly competitive market can boost self esteem and confidence.

    I used to build models as well. Well, they were lego models but I do have a lego star destroyer that took me a couple of days to finish. I would like to get another model but they are incredibly expensive.

    About the job, I get that too. I hate my job as well as it makes me feel unproductive and like a robot. I don't want to sound too cheesy or anything but what keeps me going is knowing that this won't be forever. As long as I know that I am still moving forward eventually I will find a job that is more suited to my personality and interests.

    Being in your 20s is a challenging experience and I don't think anyone has anything figured out. If they think they have then they must be lying haha.

    I hope the internships works out for you my dude. It is great to see how proactive you are being on this stuff.

    I like the quote from Dory in Finding Nemo "just keep swimming. Just keep swimming".

    Sometimes, when we feel down and out, we just have to find something that just keeps us moving forward in the right direction. I do feel that is what you are doing right now.

    Whenever I feel lost I just say to myself to keep swimming.

    Talk soon man, just know that I am here and listening

    1 person found this helpful
  28. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    2977 posts
    17 January 2021 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey Mitch,

    I hope you have been feeling a bit better recently than before. I'm glad you were able to talk to a friend which helped put some peace back into your mind. For me, I try not to think too hard about milestones and "by x age". Some people go their whole lives without finding a job, while others get a checkout job in their teens and stay forever. The same could be said of so many other milestones and 'achievements' that none of it really makes any objective sense to me. I can understand having them as motivating forces, but they don't really motivate me so I don't really try to set those kinds of goals for myself.

    How is model building going? I bought myself a paint by numbers thing which I hoped to have finished by the end of my 3 week holiday, but I got nowhere near!

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  29. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    18 January 2021 in reply to james1
    Hey all

    I feel sad today

    At work atm

    Sad and unfulfilled
  30. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    427 posts
    18 January 2021 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey man,

    I'm really sorry to hear that my dude. I know the feeling too well.

    I am just letting you know that I am here and I'm ready to listen.

    I hope you are doing okay

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