It makes me happy that you were able to find a psych that you can open up to, and that you finally realised you're not all the horrible things you proclaimed yourself to be. It's true what your friend said, about how keeping busy and getting involved in activities that she loved, brings people who also have similar interests into your life. You're guaranteed to meet someone who is like-minded as you. You know, it's not bad that you haven't done anything with a girl yet; as I've mentioned before, some girls will find that insanely adorable and sweet.
I know what you mean about intimacy. It can't just be anyone kissing you. It has to be someone you connect with, someone you want to be with, someone who wants to be with you. Not an act of kindness from a friend or a random hook up. It shows that you're mature enough to handle a solid relationship; it's just a matter of finding that other half, but I'm sure she will find you if you get yourself out there. I think the hardest thing for you will be getting yourself out there, and trying to break through those walls you've put up.
I told you, you aren't a bad guy, and I'm glad that was reinforced today. You're special. You just grew up faster than the majority of your age group, so it just means you're on the outer for the moment. But people come back and sort themselves out and get back on the horse. Love comes when you least expect it. So don't expect it, I guess.
They anger and self-loathing will hit you, like you said. Being able to stand up to yourself and force those negative thoughts away is a really strong and powerful skill to have, and something I admire, something I struggle with every day. Yeah, there will be times when you can't cope with them, everything is too much, but it doesn't mean you're not a man or worthy. Just means you need to feel for a bit.
Same thing goes for relationships; if you haven't had one, doesn't make you any less manly. I believe it makes you more so, because you didn't confine to society's expectations of your stereotypical young male, and your stereotypical young female, and your stereotypical relationship. Be weird, be awkward, be a geek. It's who you are. I love that. Nothing is more sexy and attractive than someone who accepts themselves for who they are, and isn't afraid to do the things I love.
You are you. And you is amazing. More than amazing, but I don't want to go too far, ha.
I'm happy today got better for you <3