This is also where a lot of the self-consciousness comes through.
I guess it's a chain reaction. I see that i have virtually no money in the bank, then i start to see how sad i am, then i see how inadequate i am, then i see how hopeless my situation is (despite the fact that it's not really), then i start to view myself in a negative light, then i start to see how much i have screwed up...... it's a MASSIVE chain reaction. All kicked off by something as simple as looking for money.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. IT also then delves into how im still a virgin, the fact i look skinny (i dont even know if i am or not), then its about how everyone around me is doing better, then its about how friends have abandoned me (or that i might've even turned them away)..... again... see how its negative thinking all over?
But in answer to your question, i guess the thing that puts me off the MOST? is the fear that i will screw up. I have memories of times i have done stupid things in front of people and crowds and i just freak out that it will happen again. I'll just be that tall freak who can't manage. But to be honest, i think its lessened a bit. But then idk.
I tried an employment service but they were terrible. Immensely condescending and just did not care whatsoever. Plus it made me feel worse. I realised that I pretty much did not need them.
I guess the solution in the short term is to keep an eye out for stuff that is suited to where I am at in my mental health journey. I have the uni job search thing (the only work i've ever done has been found through that). But i could probably look for basic data entry stuff too idk? Where would i find that?
But you see, it becomes a roller coaster. I just feel so nervous about work. Despite the fact I'm not an idiot, i still FEEL like one.. I worry it will show.
Part of the approach the new psych takes is goal setting and i guess this is something i want to raise tomorrow.
Gotta admit, I feel pretty down at the moment because of this. I feel like a failure again. It's all about how others are out there enjoying life and im stuck at home.