So the last few days have been hard.
Yesterday I got a call saying my Aunt had passed away from a suspected heart attack. Totally unexpected. I had just seen her last week and had planned to have lunch with her on Thursday this week. So that was hard news to take and sent my anxiety levels up high.
Then yesterday afternoon I had to see my GP. I hate her. I stuck with her because she knew some of my history but not anymore. I don't know where she got her degree from but I keep repeating the same things every time. You have got it written down, look it up.
Then she asked me about sleeping. I tell her I get next to no sleep, it's affecting me in everyday things, I have no motivation or energy to do anything at all. I tell her the tablets she gave me do nothing and is there anything else I can try to help me sleep. So her stupid answer is to print out a good sleep practices sheet. What, doesn't she think I haven't already tried all of them already. I told her I've tried lots of them, her answer, try them again. She said it's to do with the flashbacks. REALLY, I think I know that already, it's my brain.
Then she has the nerve to say 'you have been seeing the psychologist for awhile now, you should be getting better'. So supposedly I am just meant to magically get better. I was so close to telling her where she could shove her opinion. So stormed out of there (she knew I was annoyed) and then cried all the way home. So my own doctor ended up triggering me. I ended up having SH and SI on my mind and sat outside because there are too many dangers inside and needed to calm down. Obviously my doctor missed the lessons on mental health! That was yesterday.
So today, I had to go see a work cover psychiatrist for an assessment. Had major anxiety issues before hand and ended up SH. So got myself under control and went in there. Something I didn't want to do but knew I had too. The questions that were asked were probing and hard. Set my triggers off in front of him. Had a panic attack in front of him. Finally calmed down enough to get out of there and drive home.
So now I am ok, just mentally drained and exhausted. Need to sleep but know that I won't. Spent this afternoon looking on the net for a new GP because I am not going back to her!
I am hoping tomorrow is a quieter day. Have my psychologist tomorrow but he won't set me off, he does the opposite, makes sense of all my rambles and calms me down.
BTW, how are you?