Thank you all for your input to this thread. Knowing I am not alone is somehow comforting.
I have been living with this same situation for almost 15 years now. This is my first time reaching out as its a subject that is difficult enough to discuss with your partner let alone anyone else. I have repeatedly gone through the confusion, resentment and dashed hopes that is common to our situations.
The term "roller coaster" perfectly describes not only my feelings but also my daily interactions with my wife, I live my life walking on eggshells. I have been clinging to the hope that implementing the strategies and changes mentioned in the thread that there would be light at the end of the tunnel. They seem to work for a short time and then everything goes back to how it was.
There is an unreasonable doggedness about the comments my wife makes whenever we are able to have a discussion. There is no acknowledgement of my efforts to give space, to be less demanding, to do more. I get back, you've become distant, tell me what you really want, and here's the bit that does my head in, she will re hang clothes that I put on the line, stop me from washing up, complain about the smell of the cleaning chemicals when I do the bathrooms and kitchen (the same chemicals she uses???) and so on. I have thrown myself into gardening, and am able to get some respite from tumultuous emotions only to have any attempt to include her shot down repeatedly.
Of late she has taken to calling me ridiculous and bizarre whenever we attempt to talk. This week has brought about an epiphany of sorts. After aggressively pushing my hand away while we slept and her eventually moving to another bed, I awoke thinking this is it I've had enough. A couple of days of pondering and reading and I have decided that I like the idea put forward by Apollo Black 14 Feb. I will be making changes that are going to help me feel better about myself and allow myself to search / prepare for future happiness.
I love my wife with all my soul.
I don't think she shares those feelings.
I think she want's something different but is too cowardly to make the move so she can say "he left me"
Yes I am bitter, yes I am resentful, I am aware that I share in the blame for the situation but don't accept that I am the only one who should work at fixing it.
I will continue to hope for us to become us again but from now on I will prepare to find me.
Thank you all for sharing and please continue. It all helps.