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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Not in a good space

Topic: Not in a good space

  1. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1676 posts
    4 March 2020

    Hi Simon, sorry for the tardy reply, and your absence was noted, but always ok whenever anyone feels they need a break. Tayla had a break too. Always good to just take time out for ourselves when we need. I hope you both found it helpful for your mental health, and great to see you back. Any time anyone wants to chat about anything, please feel this is a safe and welcoming space to share xx

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    4 March 2020

    Thanks Katy and Simon. Hope you're both well too. I'm struggling but I guess I'll be okay, no need to worry about me, take care both of you and everyone else on the thread too.

    Tayla

  3. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    4 March 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    Hey CS :)

    Loooooong day here! Hope yours treated you gently x

    Do you have much longer to go on the course? Is it over a set period, or? It sounds like a great resource either way.

    Interesting you know a lot about your psych lol. I've seen mine for a decade and she's probably talked about herself minimally during one session, and that was relative to my particular circumstance at the time. If you're only seeing yours every 2/3 months, you'd want to be maximising your time with them. Do you have the option of seeing someone else? Or do you think you'd like to stick with her?

    An acquaintance has told me about a local group called GROW. Apparently they're everywhere, kind of like AA, but for mental health. Have you heard of them at all? There is a meeting on tomorrow, and I'd kind of like to go along for a look. But also, I have anxiety, and even going to a group meeting, about anxiety, with other people with anxiety, makes me anxious hahhhahahahah oh dear

    BTW I'm NOT a talker. I'm a little mouse. That's probably why I apologised for talking so much. It's unnatural to me lol. So I think we'd get along great IRL. You could fill up all the awkward silence, while I nod and smile :)

    Katy x

  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6286 posts
    4 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    I have heard of GROW - my dad went to one a group in his local area a couple of times. I cannot really comment on it because dad had a couple of issues, but these might also just something at his local group - he is also hard of hearing which made things problematic. At the same time it was recommended to him to try out. See also...

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/grow-meetings

    Tim

  5. calmseeker
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    333 posts
    4 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Evening Katy,

    Sounds like you may sleep like a baby since your day have been full and long. You seems to have a pretty full diary with uni, yoga, house, dog, bb, general life and all the other things I probably don't know about.

    I cant work out why it is that my therapist tells me so much about her life, maybe for examples or something I don't know, but I feel she knows only the basics about me! I need to change my GP and Psychologist but I just find it so overwhelming starting again. They both are not a great fit for me. I know I need to do this to get where I want to be but for now I have shoved it on the to do list. The CBT course has about 2 weeks to go and I am sure I will go over it a few more times. It was about 12 weeks in duration. There have been no light bulb moments or anything but its been useful in some ways and interesting.

    I am going to google GROW after I post this, it sounds interesting and something I could possibly go to. I am not so great in groups either, I prefer one on one. Too bad we live SO FAR apart as I would come with you to the meeting. Even though I am a talk-a-holic I am no social butterfly that's for sure. I keep to myself mostly and have very few friends but the handful I do have (well I would say 3) are awesome humans. All of them live in different states than I do so its all phone communication. Apart from my partner and daughter I don't have anything to do with anyone in person at all. I don't mind this, I really like my own company - all good as long as I keep occupied so I don't overthink.

    I have absolutely no doubt at all that we would get along perfectly IRL. You are smart and kind so that ticks my criteria for friendship, nothing else needed! I find quiet people extremely interesting anyway, and they are usually very insightful. Most people tell me I am 'comfortable' to be around, I think I am a fairly gentle person even if I do talk too much :)

    I have been wanting to pick your brain about yoga, but I will come back and do that at another time as I think my energy quota for the day is drying up also.

    Have a peaceful night Katy xo

  6. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    Just checking that you're OK? You're probably busy with Uni and tired, but just wanted to come by and say hello hope all is well. xx

  7. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    6 March 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Yeah, no, not really ok :(

    I want to crawl into bed, and I want the world to go away. I feel like such a pathetic, inadequate human being, and i just don't want to do life any more.

  8. Sophie_M
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    6838 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    We're so sorry to hear how low you're feeling right now. We want you to know you're not alone and there is always someone ready to help. It sounds as though you might be reaching crisis point, in which case we urge you to call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

    If you feel like your in immediate danger then this is an emergency and you should call 000 right away.

    When you feel up to it we'd love to hear how your journey's going.

  9. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi dear Katy,

    Aw girl you were doing so well - what's caused this to happen? I am so sorry you're down...

    We'll just sit here with you if you like - Sam's here too - sending you fluffy furry warm gentle puppy hugs. You can talk or we'll just keep checking in on you... You know there's so many people here who care about you dear one.

    So we're thinking of you and we'll come back and check on you and if you don't want to talk that's fine we'll just sit a while here and be with you... gentle sweet hugs ok? oooxxx

  10. Hanna3
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    3631 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    And no, you're not pathetic or inadequate, you are a brave, bright lady who has been through some awful losses, you are permitted your bad days OK? - but don't, don't put yourself down. You're a lovely sweet person and people care about you a lot. Hugs from us both here, be kind to yourself dear lady. oooxxx

  11. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy, I'm so sorry that you're struggling and you feel this way. Please believe me though that none of how you're feeling is true, and Hanna is right.

    You aren't pathetic, you aren't inadequate, and you're stronger mentally and physically than you think. It's just a bad day, it will go away. I understand how hard it is though.

    Take some time to yourself if you need, as Hanna said we're here for you and we love you.

    You've been so supportive to so many people, me included, on the forums, and you have the Valued Contributor Badge, that in itself says how much support you have given so many on here, and it shows how much you love and care for people.

    We love and care about you Katy and we're always here, please take care of yourself and be safe, even if you need alone time, whatever it is that you need and think may help. We'll still be here. No need to feel ashamed for how you're feeling, it's perfectly normal and it's OK not to be OK.

    Just remember, that's just your mind telling you the wrong things, don't listen to the negative intrusive thoughts, because they're not true at all. You're beautiful inside and out, strong, caring, funny, the list goes on for good things to say about you.

    I hope you feel better Katy. Love and hugs, please take care and be safe.

    Tayla

  12. calmseeker
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    333 posts
    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy girl - Pathetic is just not a word that describes you, it just doesn't suit you at all. Gentle, kind, caring, insightful and resilient are much better fits. You have been the source of comfort for so many on here and you deserve to get some of that come back in your direction, so purge it out when you feel up to it.

    These types of days are just the pits for sure, but you know from experience with it,that it passes and I hope it passes soon. I will be thinking of you today.

    CS xoxoxo

  13. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    6 March 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    I agree with both calmseeker and Hanna, Katy.

    Please feel better soon, speak to people like Lifeline if you need to, whatever you feel up to doing. Take time to yourself if need be.

    We're still here.

    Tayla x

  14. Paw Prints
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    6 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy lass,

    No words, just the gentlest of hugs as long as you need.

    Know I'm sitting with you in spirit lass.

    Paws

  15. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    7 March 2020 in reply to Paw Prints
    Hi Katy, just checking in. Just to let you know people are thinking of you. Come back when you feel ready. hugs.
  16. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    7 March 2020
    God, I wish you were all here. I can't stand being alone with myself in this frame of mind. I'm just trying to breathe. It's so disgusting. I just want it to go away.
  17. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    7 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    We are here, Katy. I know you mean in person but you still have our love, care and support, always.

    I understand how you feel, I'm really sorry that you're struggling. I'm here if you need me and if there's anything i can do, I'll do my best.

    How about you try to think of things you're thankful for? Do some self care if you like (take a bath, eat comfort food, whatever you feel like). Up to you. It's nice to hear from you again.

    Breathe in and breathe out, we're here for you. Your frame of mind and feelings will pass but they're valid, it's OK to feel the way you do, don't feel bad and ashamed about it. We love and care about you.

    Take care and be safe, Katy. We're worried about you. I hope I can support you and that you don't mind me being here.

    Tayla

  18. Ggrand
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    10026 posts
    7 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Dear Katy..🤗..

    Its hard sweetyheart to be on our own in r/l when we’re feeling so much into the dark tunnel...

    I live alone and find when I’m down, it’s so hard not to have someone to talk to in person or to feel someone giving us a hug and saying things will be okay..you will be okay...I wish I could be with you giving those things to you..The only way I can is through spirit connection..closing your eyes and feel the love, warmth and care radiating through your beautiful friends that are here for you...

    I do my best to distract my negative thoughts, when they are so chatty and won’t leave me alone...I put on a song I know and sing along with it..(my dogs run away when I sing..I’m that bad😁)...Sleep stories are another way to distract your thoughts..Listening to a calming story read by a calming voice is so helpful at times...A mindful walk is another way to help redirect your thoughts...Downloading a breathing app is also helpful..as you deep breathe and listen your breathing....Do you have anything at all that you can do that you enjoy doing...that takes your full concerntration. ..even if it’s for 5 minutes..to give your mind a rest....I like watching the little flame dancing around on a scented candle...

    Katy...Please try hard to be gentle on you, be kind to you..do something special for you each day..your such a beautiful person..kind and caring to others here...please give yourself the same kindness and care you give to others here in this amazing community..

    Kind thoughts..lovely Katy..warm caring hugs..sent with my love..🤗💜💜..

    Grandy...

  19. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    7 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Wish we could be there and then you'd have a crowd of nice people and you wouldn't feel alone anymore - but we are all here and sending all sorts of good wishes and hugs and Sam sends furry ones...

    These times you go through are horrible but they do pass... hang on and just get through them... tonight I went out and had an ice cream with Sam at the ice cream parlour here - I would have liked company but I gave myself a treat anyway... so treat yourself, pamper yourself a little, be kind to yourself. This will pass, this will pass.

    You have lots of people here who care. Anyway I miss you being bright and talking about your Uni and books and your yoga and Storm - you brighten up my days! So hurry up and feel better you are missed you see! I'm being selfish - I like hearing from you! OK? hugs ooo

  20. Paw Prints
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    1847 posts
    7 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Lass I'm sitting here with you, while we listen to the sounds of nature around us we can notice our breaths as we... breathe in... one... two... hold... breathe out... one... two... pause... breathe in... one... two... hold... breathe out... one... two... pause.... nice & slow.... feeling our breath moving in & out.... that's it.... focus on your breath.... in... one.... two... hold... out... one... two... pause...our furs are curled up next to us & they are also breathing in... one... two... hold... out... one... two... pause.... watch how Storm's sides move in time with each breath... (hopefully not each snore).....

    Be gentle with yourself

    Paws

  21. iamanxiety
    iamanxiety avatar
    79 posts
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy,

    it's been a while. just commenting on your last post. that feeling is horrible. can you get out and possibly do something . distraction can be so beneficial. even get out to a local library and get a book related yo your study . just do something to get out of your head for a while and reset.

    as for those support groups ,they are definatly worth a shot. nothing to lose really . I tried on when my anxiety was unbearable and it went well.

    Take care

    Andrew
  22. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    8 March 2020

    Hello you beautiful amazing people x

    Today I feel ok, and by that I mean just regular sad, not panicky unsafe sad. Such a scary place to be and I'm super grateful for all of you for your support and kind words. I read all your messages many times over while I tried to find my way back to a better space.

    Someone said some really hurtful things to me, and I ended up in this downward spiral, because I have trouble regulating my emotions. Funnily I was reading about it for my uni work the other day - one of the traits of good leaders is their ability to regulate their emotions. I've always had trouble with this, and I feel it's gotten worse.

    I think once you hit panic state you need to buckle up and hold on, but I've done a bit of reading about emotional self-regulation so I'm going to write a separate post about it to follow this one, if anyone's interested.

    Love and hugs to you all, and thanks again Sophie, Hanna, Tayla, CS, Paws, Grandy, Andrew x

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy!

    I am home from shopping (still no toilet paper!!!) and walking Sam and thought I'd log on and there you are. Good girl you've come through the worst.

    I'm sorry someone said something hurtful to you, that made you so upset. People can be thoughtless or was it deliberate... anyway you know it's their problem and not yours.

    Glad to hear you are OK and it's lovely to see you back. Take care, and look after yourself. If there's anything any of use can help you with, let us know.

    Hugs ooo

  24. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Emotional self-regulation:

    This is the ability to react in a socially appropriate way to our emotions. Generally this is learnt during childhood, but can be worked on in adulthood if you didn't master it for whatever reason.

    Some proven strategies are:

    Meditation, mindfulness, gratitude, and focused breathing. Practice these daily.

    Choose your response. Remind yourself you're more than your feelings, by sitting with the discomfort but looking to the bigger picture. How do you WANT to respond? Don't get swept away on autopilot.

    Reframe. Choose a different way of looking at things. Example: someone said some mean things to me. That doesn't make them true. It just makes them mean.

    Down-regulate. Reduce the intensity of emotions, for example if you're really angry with someone imagine having a food fight with them ;)

    Anyway hopefully I can work on some of these proven strategies, and maybe they'll be helpful for someone else.

    Katy x

    1 person found this helpful
  25. calmseeker
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    333 posts
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Yay, I am so glad that you're feeling slightly better today! I wish whoever said whatever they did to you to put you on the downward spiral would be more mindful that our words can really impact people in negative ways. Whatever outcome that person wanted from you could have easily been achieved by different means. I might be a bit of an old hippy but I am a believer that compassion is the only way to get anywhere.

    The emotional regulation strategies are interesting, and from getting to know you a bit on here you understand and use all of those steps anyway, like me, its probably a matter of practicing them to master them. I suppose that means we have to be patient with ourselves to get there. The 'down regulation' step was really interesting to me as I often have to picture people as their child self in order to not be hurt or angry with them. Even the meanest person was a cute and vulnerable kiddy at one stage, and its hard to be hurt or angry with the actions of a tiny person.

    This anxiety and depression stuff sux my friend! Like smoking, I think I will give it up, lol. From all the way on the other side of the country, I am in this with you and have your back.

    Big bear hugs for you, the kind that actually hurt a bit coz they are a little too tight

    CS xoxox

  26. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    8 March 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    Unfortunately some people are lacking in empathy. "I'm allowed to say what I want" and "I'm not responsible for your feelings". Which is true, of course, and why it's important to engage our rational brain, before we spiral down the rabbit hole where rationality is beyond reach.

    (Or maybe that just happens to me? I'm not really sure. Was going to chat to a professional about it).

    And yes, mental health issues are challenging enough without people wanting to contribute to the disequilibrium.

    Hugs back at ya x

  27. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hey Katy, great to see you back here, I'm glad you're OK and safe.

    I'm so sorry that someone was so rude to you, you don't deserve that. As Hanna said, just know that they're the bad person, not you. It's their loss for being disrespectful and not weary of your feelings and mental health so they're a crappy person, you aren't. Some people, huh?

    But just remember that we're all always here for you - we love, care and support you, and always will. I was worried about you actually but I'm glad that you're back here, I understand needing time to yourself, being busy, etc.

    You're allowed to feel however you want whether it's happy or sad, your feelings are valid. Even if you just feel numb or can't describe what you feel, that's fine too, don't be ashamed. It's common. I'm really sorry that you're struggling though.

    I hope I can support you even if it's just a little bit, and make you feel better, I do my best. The same goes for everyone on the forums, I hope I can help everyone as much as I can.

    I'm glad you kept reading the nice replies to you and it made you feel better, that's great to hear.

    Take care of yourself, be safe.

    Love and hugs to you, and to everyone here aswell of course.

    Tayla

  28. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    8 March 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Hey Tayla

    I really appreciate you and your words. You're a kind and thoughtful person to check in and offer me such lovely support.

    I think when we have mental health issues, it's important to be careful who we surround ourselves with. My circle has gotten smaller and smaller because people can be very harsh and judgemental. I know people often don't understand, but there's something to be said for just being kind.

    Today I just feel bummed out and lonely, and I don't want to study, although I should be.

    Hugs to you too x

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy.

    Thank you, I'm glad to hear that you appreciate it and you think that of me, it means so much. I try my best to support you and everyone else on the forums, I often feel like I'm not good enough and supportive enough but I do try. I hope that I can help people even if it's just a little bit and something small.

    You're a kind, caring, thoughtful person yourself, I mean you're a Valued Contributor too, so that says how much you support and care about people in itself, although it's just a badge, but it's still an achievement!

    Yep, I completely agree with you unfortunately. Some people just refuse to understand mental illnesses and it's just wrong. But you don't need to worry about that here, as you know, this place is full of love, kindness, care, empathy, support, everything good, so you're safe here.

    If it makes you feel any better, I've never had any friends myself especially in person so I know how you feel. I guess over the years I've been more weary aswell, like you mentioned.

    And yes you're exactly right, they can try to understand, but just being kind is enough. As that quote says, "you never know what anyone is going through so just be kind."

    I'm sorry that you've been feeling so bad and struggling a lot lately. It's okay to take a break from social media, studying, etc. just to "recharge" if you will. When I was at school, although I'm not at Uni and TAFE so I'm not sure how that works, I just told the teachers that I was dealing with a lot with mental health, I couldn't keep up, needed more time, had things outside of school to do, etc. Some teachers understood, some didn't. But as I mentioned I'm not sure what it's like at TAFE and Uni, you can try?

    You deserve a break and some self care, a treat, anything that makes you happy. You sound like you work quite hard studying so good on you there but it's OK to take a break. Best of luck with the studying and everything else though.

    I'm always here for you and everyone else on the forums. As I mentioned, I hope I can help and that my advice is good, I feel like it isn't but I do try my hardest.

    Please take care of yourself and be safe Katy, I'm concerned. I understand how you're feeling though, the loneliness, etc. anyway.

    Love and hugs back to you, and to everyone else here, aswell as hellos.

    Best of luck with everything, I hope you feel better and I hope I can help you and others.

    Tayla xx

  30. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    8 March 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    Being kind is the most important thing of all!

    I have also withdrawn from people whom I found disrespectful of my feelings/opinions and anyone who gets bad-tempered at me etc. It's for my own well-being that I do that. I look for kind friends above all - and they're not that easy to find!

    When I was stuck staying with people who were abusive and emotionally cruel to me, by chance I met up with a small group of women who met each afternoon at a local café - outdoors, with their little dogs. I happened to get chatting with them and once they heard of my situation they made me completely welcome. They were far from well off (ie. they were poor) and had all had very, very hard lives. One young woman showed me the terrible texts she was receiving from her ex-husband who was very dangerous. She was a delightful young woman.

    That small group of women kept me going (as well as Sam!) because of their non-judgmental acceptance of me, their warmth and friendship and understanding. I will never forget their kindness and how easily they made me feel welcome.

    You don't have to put up with rudeness or cruel remarks, and anyone who says such things is revealing their own unhappiness - it's nothing to do with you. I think only people who are unhappy in themselves say nasty things to other people.

    I'd avoid that person if you can in future - you deserve to have people around you who are kind and supportive and respectful.

    I'm glad you're recovering, I am so sorry whoever it was had this effect on you. Remember it says much more about them than about you dear lady!

    Hugs from me and Sam - and pats to Storm ooo xxx

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