Hi Hanna.

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear that you've been around "people" who were emotionally cruel and abusive to you, that's awful.

None of you deserve "people" like that and I'm sorry that you've both been through it. But it's nice that you found that group Hanna, sounds nice. Poor woman with the abusive texts also. I feel sorry for you and her, and you too Katy.

Take care Hanna and Katy, and anyone else here.

Tayla

Tayla

I always see you on here offering great support and advice to people. You're absolutely good enough, and the value of a kind, supportive word in itself can't be underestimated x

I know you understand loneliness too, and that feeling of not being able to connect with people. I feel less alone when I hear of others having the same experience. Of course, I wish none of us had to experience it at all!

I ended up having a break from uni work yesterday as I just couldn't concentrate. It's pretty easy to fall behind though, so I can't do that too often.

Thanks again for checking in and offering your support. Hugs to you, Katy

Hanna

They sound like a lovely group of women who you are lucky to have found, and at just the right time.

You're correct in that I don't have to put up with mean people, but I'm not very assertive. I've discussed this with my therapist before. There's so many things I feel like I need to work on. I've just been on a backwards slide for a decade now and I've lost myself along the way. If this sounds morbid, it probably is. I'm not feeling very cheerful again today. I woke up and had a cry which is never a good start to the day. I even took a (insert medication name here) to help me sleep last night but it didn't help much. And I have a cold sore from all the stress I've been under. Woe is me. Sorry

I'm contemplating booking an earlier appointment with my psychologist, as I feel I'm going under at the moment. I only get so many appointments a year though, so when I book a couple close together, I'm left stranded at the end of the year. Might wait til lunchtime to decide.

Thanks for the hugs and support as ever. What would I do without you? x

Hi Katy,

How are you feeling today after the tough few days you have had?

Hi CS

Thanks for asking. We probably cross posted. As I replied to Hanna, I just don't feel great atm. I've got the cries. Which I guess is better than where I was at, but not where I want to be either. Too much stress. Lack of sleep. Feel like I'm going under.

I just looked back for your earlier post, as I didn't reply, sorry. It's definitely hard starting over with new "helpers" but like you said, if you want to move forward, it's necessary. Do you think you'll give it a go? How's it going with the CBT by the way? Have you found it helpful at this point?

I'm happy to chat yoga too. I friggin love it! So glad I took it up. There really is multiple benefits to it, and even though for some reason I have to push myself to go every time, I love it when I do.

K x

Hello Katy,

Oh lass, there is no need for you to say sorry. We are all here to share our journeys & support each other especially when one of us is going through a rough period. I do believe things can & will get better for you. Recovery isn't a straight line for most of us, it can feel like a game of snakes & ladders as we climb up out of the dark & then slip a short way back, before we pick ourselves up & start moving forward again. Perhaps if you don't want to book an earlier appointment with your Psych then try ringing the bb helpline first & see if that helps you to get by until your next appointment.

One of the things my Psych recommends when I feel like I'm taking one step forward & three back, is to look at my "safety plan" which is a list of things I can do to help break the thought spiral my mind can get in & includes people & organisations I can call including their phone numbers.

On the list is one that I do which I find usually helps calm me, (I tend to do on a regular basis anyway) & I find it still seems to work even when the tears flow, it's a bit left field but you might want to try. I put all my focus on Woofa & give him a detailed physical. I mean detailed. I run my hands & fingers slowly over every inch of him concentrating on feeling what's under my hands & finger tips, feeling each area a few times before moving on to the next. I move all his joints, feeling them & listening to them as I do it. I check in his mouth visually & running my fingers along his gums. I look & feel between his toes. I look in & clean his ears. I check his pulse, put my ear on his side & listen to his heart & lungs. It really helps to put a brake on my thoughts as I put my full concentration on him & it's not only calming for me, but Woofa has come to enjoy our sessions & it helps at the vets when they examine him so it's a win win. I'm thinking Storm may also find it enjoyable, include giving a massage, belly rub, good brush, whatever works for you both.

I'm hear to listen if you want to chat or I can quietly sit here with you as long as you need.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

Hi again Katy,

You sound really exhausted. It might take you a few wobbly days before youre feeling more like yourself again and up to lifes challenges. Don't apologise for late replies, its totally all good to reply whenever you feel up to it. Lack of sleep does not help in this battle either. Are you having insomnia or just not getting enough hours?

I know what you mean about feeling like you are going under. It sometimes gets too overwhelming in my head at times also and I just feel like I am being buried alive. Do you think there is one making you feel like this or is it a mixture? For myself I can pinpoint all the reasons why I feel this way and just cant work any of them out. I used to be such a good problem solver, I was always able to isolate problem, find solution and fix it - things haven't been that way for me for quite sometime now.

I would like to swap bodies with your gorgeous Stormy. How fab would it be to eat and sleep and get pats and rubs and look forward to walks. I think dogs are so happy because they pretty much truly live in the moment.

The CBT is winding up now, its been interesting but something I am going to have to go over again. Oh, and I googled GROW , that sounds interesting too although even after reading their website I am still not sure what to expect. I think its something we would have to attend to see exactly what it is about. Do you think you will go to a meeting to suss it out?

I hope your day is treating you well Katy.

CS xo

Paws, CS - big hugs to you both

A wobbly game of snakes and ladders indeed. I really think some sleep would improve my outlook (well, maybe), and it doesn't help having my period which is symbolic of something I'd rather not think about. If ever I wanted to take a break from my mind and body, it would be about now. Oh yes, to be a dog!

When I'm having a rough time, and I sit on the floor, Stormy will come put her back to me, for me to stroke her. I know I've written that here somewhere before, but it's the most amazing thing. It's incredibly soothing. She did it yesterday while I was busy wailing, and it just softened all the hurt and I felt at peace. So maybe I need to write that into my safety plan. Dogs are amazing. I'm glad you've found something that works for you Paws.

CS I think I lack the mental clarity to figure out much these days. Yoga, breathing, meditation, mindfulness - all attempts to take back space. I think we just have to keep at it when we can x

Apologies for the lacklustre post, hopefully tomorrow will look shinier. Katy

Hi Katy,

I replied to you yesterday on my thread - I hope you're feeling better today...

I did wonder if having your period had triggered things for you... we women get a bit of a tough deal don't we...

Keep stroking Storm who sounds like a wonderful dog. Sending small furry warm hugs from little Sam too oooxxx

Thank you Tayla, yes it was a very difficult time. Thank you for your kind words. Best wishes.

Just checking in on you Katy - hope you're busy with Uni and all is OK and that you're all right... wow we're going to get $750 from the stimulus package - I will be able to buy a good pair of walking shoes at last! Furry hugs from Sam, who had two swims in the river this afternoon - sorry if the hugs from him are a little damp... best wishes ooo

Hi there

Thanks for checking in on me :)

I've had a really good day. I drove to the city to see my son today, and we went to see the sculptures by the sea exhibition. It was too windy for a swim, but looking at all the art was great. Love to think of Sam having two nice swims, and I'm ok with soggy hugs lol. My poor girly was home alone all day (well, with cats), though I took her for a nice walk this morning before I left. And yay for $$$ :)

Hugs xo

Hi Katy,

Just checking in to say hi - I hope you are either busy with Uni or else having a relaxing nice time and everything is OK. I'll check in again later today. It's hot here which I don't like... anyway take care and pats to Storm xxx

Top of the morning to ya Katy!

How have you been after the rough patch you had recently? I hope you are well and coping ok amid these strange times we are having with the virus outbreak. Its all a bit crazy and unknown and most people seem to think stocking toilet paper and rice is the answer (move over scientists and experts as a cupboard full of sorbent is the key to fix everything lol).

For a while now I have been meaning to pick your brain about yoga. It sounds like an amazing thing to do, I have heard so many positive stories about how it is helpful to anxiety sufferers. Of course this makes me very interested as anything to help anxiety that doesn't involve taking AD's is worth a try I think. I have limited knowledge regarding yoga. My understanding is that it involves being still and then stretching. I have a real problem with being still! As soon as I sit still all I can focus on is my obvious quicker heart rate and racing head. Were you able to jump right in and do yoga or did it take a few attempts? Or am overthinking what is necessary to do it? Unleash all your yoga knowledge on me Katy - I am definitely interested in taking it up. How long are classes and how many times a week is beneficial?

Are you still physically going into your uni or has it gone all online? My daughters campus seem to be making noises towards shutting doors.

I hope your day is an awesome one.

Squeezy hugs,

CS xo

Hi Hanna :) Hi CS :)

I've booked an early appointment with my psych for next week, as everything being out of control is making me feel really out of control and I keep bursting into tears. Add to that uni is really heavy going and we have no clue what's going on there either, it's a lot.

Plus, I like yoga classes and it's really my only outing, but I don't feel comfortable attending at the moment with the whole personal space factor. I've messaged the instructor and asked if she would consider outdoor classes again, as it feels like it would be safer.

Yes, CS, it's pretty much stillness and then stretching. There are different types of yoga but from what I can see they all operate pretty much the same. You begin with sitting or lying still and focusing on your breath. In doing so, you are "in the moment" and out of your head, which is why it's nice. The stretching bit (yoga lol) will vary depending on what style you do, but you'll work out what you like or don't. Just go with a beginner class or make sure they know you are a beginner. Stretching is beneficial as we hold tension in our body when we're anxious. At the end you do shavasana - lie on your back and relax for five, which is nice too.

Why is it so good? Well being in the moment, and stretching, but apart from that there's something else, and I'm not quite sure what. I always feel peaceful afterwards. My ex used to say my body exuded energy (like an aura) and my skin was zingy afterwards, so there's "something" I can't put my finger on. Classes are usually an hour. How often is beneficial? You can do yoga every day, so it's up to you what works. I'd go twice a week ideally. I did love it straight away. I reckon give it a go. Most places you can just pay for a single session, so do that and see if you like it. If you don't, maybe try a different class before you decide it's not for you. I'd love to hear about it if you do go :)

Take care both of you. Trying times, indeed xx

Hi Katy,

I'm sorry it's all got on top of you - yes it's stressful for all of us. We will get through this OK it's just going to be rather strange for a while. Take it easy and you know you can chat to me or Paws or CS or anyone here any time you like - it's always lovely to hear from you. And I do want to hear about how your smelly flower is going!

I am taking Sam to the vet this morning the poor guy has a sore weeping eye. He still sends furry hugs to you though! Take care oooxxx hugs

Hi Katy,

Appreciate the excellent yoga info. Gosh its sounds like such a beneficial thing to do for our type of diagnosis and all the yuckiness that comes with it. I have a few reservations with the 'stillness' aspect of it - I don't do still very well. Maybe yoga would be a fantastic way to learn stillness. I love the feeling of a stretched body, I think I need to take it up in the near future for sure. Thanks for taking the time to pass that info on.

You're sounding a bit overloaded at the moment. Me too. The uncertain times we're in don't help much and is very triggering I feel. I totally get how you're feeling. Yesterday I went out and about and had an ocular migraine at the shopping centre, quite severe one, they are always scary and I always feel like it could be a stroke. I haven't had one for over four months. I shouldn't have been surprised that I had one, last few days I have had some blurry vision and panic sensations, numbness in lips and other symptoms that usually come before I get the migraine. I haven't cried for over a year and this morning I bawled ( I hate crying as I usually dry reach and get too anxious). I am over suffering with anxiety, I am sick of it and I want it over with. I feel like its pointless to go to my GP, so I feel stuck. The one or two beautiful friends that I have are so compassionate but they will never truly understand how it feels to suffer with debilitating anxiety, therefore I am grateful for this space.

Today I am going to keep hydrated and try and find a good documentary to steer my thoughts in another direction as I really need to, I feel crap and I can barely stand it.

Squeezy hugs to you

CS xo

Hi Hanna

Yes, I'm sure things will get back to normal eventually. Yesterday I got some assessment pieces finished, so it felt good to get those out of the way. Today I'm trying to do some housework, and reading in between. The sun is shining and it's a gorgeous day which always makes me feel better. I think I'll go for a walk somewhere pretty later this afternoon. Nature is also good for improving the mood. As for my smelly flower, what a disaster! I told you it attracts blowflies yes? Well, they laid their gross little babies all up in it, and then ants came along and did whatever they were doing with the babies. It was all a bit yuk! I was not expecting that lol

How's little Sam going? Is his eye ok? How are you managing? Hugs to you both xo

Hey CS - thanks for the hugs - I'm squeezing you right back. I need hugs at the moment :(

I'm sorry you're feeling it too at the moment, and no, people who've never experienced anxiety can't really understand how truly gross and debilitating it really is. It's not just normal worry, it's a whole body/mind experience.

One of my facebook friends (I have quite a few who I've never met, but been friends with for many years, we have a hobby in common lol) has been experiencing anxiety/sadness with everything going on. She said she's getting an understanding of what it's like to live in my head lately and it's not good. So I think that indicates the kind of pressure the current situation is putting on people like us, who already experience poor mental health.

How do you manage an ocular migraine? I get "normal" migraines - quite a lot actually. They normally come from my neck and shoulders because I carry so much tension. This has also improved with yoga so there's another benefit!

Did you find something good to watch? A nice distraction is definitely what's needed at the moment. I tried to create a nice space in the BB cafe yesterday, but it didn't really work out that way. I think everyone is under a lot of strain at the moment.

Well I don't know if you have sunshine your way, but I have oodles and it's lovely, so I'm going to send you some to share. Drink it in and take a nice big deep refreshing breath xo

Hi Katy, I hope you got out for a nice walk I am the same - being out in nature is the most calming thing to do... and it sounds like you've had quite a productive day.

Oooh that flower - I wouldn't have thought of the ants! How yuk! I hope when it fully blooms it's worth it all!!!

I think I just made it to the library in time this morning to grab a couple more books, since most of town is going to be closed now... so it's long walks for me and Sam and coffee from home...

Is your on campus course going online so you can finish it? Are you still enjoying the study? Do you have much contact with the other students? Anyway, I hope Storm and you enjoyed a nice stroll somewhere pretty this afternoon, it was a lovely day here too! Take care xx

Hi Hanna

Our campus only decided today to go online. It seems the library will remain open, but I'm not sure how that works given libraries were told today to close here in WA. We'll be having two weeks mid-semester break instead of one, to coincide with school holidays, which is nice because that gives everyone a bit of extra time out or time to finish assessment pieces. It's a little bittersweet I suppose, as I was just settling into the classroom environment and the ladies in my group had turned out to be really lovely. Never mind.

To think positively - if there's any good time to be forced into isolation, it's final year of uni right? I have plenty to keep me busy :)

I hope you have a nice pile of books prepared! Do jump onto SBS online if you get bored, lots of good movies and tv shows there to enjoy while the library is inaccessible. Hope you and Sam are well, and the weather continues to be lovely. We have a few warm days incoming, which is nice. I do love the sunshine!

Hugs, Katy (who's looking forward to her psych appointment tomorrow!)

Good luck with your psych appointment tomorrow Katy - and yes at least you have Uni study to keep you busy!

I've never tried SBS on demand, I'm going to have to pay to get some more data on my internet supply I can see... is there anything there you'd recommend to me (movies or shows) - given that we both like scani noir stuff - or anything else?

And how's the smelly flower? hugs oo

Hi Katy girl - I read that uni is going online for you, its the same for my daughter (and strangely enough her library is staying open also) . She is super disappointed as she was enjoying the experience of physically attending.

As far as the ocular migraines go, managing them is pretty much the same as normal migraines, not really any meds that can be taken just the advice of maybe sit in a dark room for a bit, hydrate etc. As I mentioned I haven't had one for a while and they seem to come in clusters so I am doing my best to ward off any more as its scary to experience vision loss and kaleidoscope visuals. It only ever last 15 minutes or so but I am always left feeling like I cant string a sentence together after I have one, no fun at all. I think I just have too many tabs open in my brain at the moment! - housing issues, pending health tests, daughter issues,to name a few - I think maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed has brought them on again.

I did find some stuff to watch as a good distraction. I got lost in National Geographic 'Most Dangerous Ways to School' - fascinating. Documented kids around from different countries and the extreme treks they have in order to get an education. Then I watched a doco about the Spanish Flu (maybe not the best choice considering the current climate, but it was really interesting).

What's happening with your yoga classes with these new rules? I suppose it would be cancelled? I don't do gym, rarely go to the cinema or plays or concerts, but I do love a lunch and coffee in cafes when I can so that's a bummer. It just all seems a bit surreal that in the blink of an eye society has so many changes - its all feeling very bizarre.

Good luck with your appointment today. I hope its a helpful session.

More squeezy hugs

CS xo

Hi Hanna and CS

I had a good appointment with my psych, but still feeling bummed out. Since then yoga has been totally canned. The instructor was going to switch to outdoors but the "yoga society" or whoever deemed it not to be safe either, so there went that. And now it seems the WA government is introducing intrastate travel bans, which worries me as my son is in a different zone to me and we're both on our own. I don't want to focus on all the negatives, but it's hard not to when the impact is so great.

Not sure how I feel about your distraction choices, CS, I was imagining something a bit lighter lol. And yes, I always feel a bit dumb after a migraine, especially a 3 day event! I remember reading that it's electrical impulses shooting around like a lightning storm in your brain, so a bit of dumbness afterwards seems reasonable. I hope at least some of your worries are resolved soon enough x

Hanna, there's probably nothing off the top of my head I would recommend on SBS on Demand, but there's a lot of variety so I think you'd find things you like. The movie selection is diverse, there's some quirky fun tv series, a scandi noir section, docos, current affairs... and it's free :) Gotta love that x

Sorry this post isn't more cheerful, but I did manage to find some food items on the shelves yesterday, and so I'm going to make curried sausages for dinner. So that's something :)

Thanks for saying hi, and hugs, it's appreciated. Hugs back, Katy

ps: the smelly flower died (good! lol)

Hi CS (excuse me Katy for butting into your thread!) - but could you tell me where you found these two documentaries you mention as they do sound interesting! Hope all is well with you, Hanna xx

Hi Katy, yes all my social stuff has been cancelled, it's a bummer isn't it. A couple of us wanted the book club to meet up sitting in a circle but distancing in the park - but the others didn't want to and prefer just email, rats!

You really find yoga helpful so I'm sorry it's been cancelled. That sounds a shame about your son, I think there are some exceptions permitted - I don't know if that includes immediate family perhaps? It may be worth checking that out somewhere/somehow...

Bit of a bummer day here today too, overcast, the town mostly empty - I had to go to two supermarkets to find lactose free milk I was running out - no soap, no rice, it's a real struggle to shop.

Can you cuddle up to Storm for a bit, enjoy your curried sausages (yum! - does Storm get any?) and can you maybe do yoga at home with music playing perhaps? Not the same I know - or do it outdoors anywhere nice?

It's going to be a tough winter here, so cold and snowy/icy and no snug warm cafes to go into and read a book, no nice warm library to browse in, no cafes to grab some lunch in a warm sociable place, yuk.

Sam was a brave boy today and had eye drops put in by the vet - I've been chatting to Paws on my thread... take care girl I am down about all my activities stopping too, rats it's a bad time isn't it.

With you in virtual spirit girl! hugs ooo

Yay - Pic of Stormy is back! She is utterly beautiful! I think I am in love with dogs even more now as they are totally oblivious to all of the hoo ha going on at the moment. Must be blissful! Your smelly flower was interesting but your current pic is utterly adorable...

Sitting here with a well deserved coffee after 'micro' cleaning the bathroom, and I mean it when I say micro clean. All I can smell now is a mix of bleach and dettol. The bleach is a bit awful but man I love the smell of dettol. I think candles and those smelly reed things should come in a dettol fragrance. Gosh I love it!

I didn't realise your son was in a different state to you. You mentioned that was concerning to you with the borders shutting. In normal times the distance doesn't seem so bad as we know its possible to go wherever. I hope your doing ok with this Katy. I am sort of on the other end of things a my daughter recently moved back home. Like you, she will be doing uni online and her work place is considering allowing work from home also. It will be weird for her to get up for uni and go into the study, and get up for work and go into the study! What strange times we are living through.

I hope your having a good day Katy girl xo

CS

bah humbug! Of all the times to have a visit from my ex, now is really not a great one. I'm already busy trying to keep on top of my stress levels. I really wish I was more assertive, and just said "off you pop buddy", but no, "come in and have a cup of tea" and I'll just ball my eyes out later, no problem. And my traiterous animals all excited to see him. bah humbug some more! This was my yesterday.

Still a struggle to shop here too, Hanna. And not just food anymore. The veggie seedling racks in Bunnings were empty, there's no exercise equipment left in town to purchase, chest freezers either, and my son said gaming consoles are sold out too. I keep wondering what next. And at the same time, people are still not social distancing. Every time I go to the shop, people are still standing on top of me. But, on a positive note - today there were eggs in the shop! Yay! Always a bonus to find one of the items you've not seen for some time lol

Now, CS, pray tell why you are micro cleaning your bathroom? Super deserving of a coffee I'd say. How are you finding it having your daughter home with you? How's she managing with all the changes too? That must be a lot when you're just getting into the swing of uni and they go and change it all on you!

My son actually only lives about 2 hours away, in the same state, but the WA government is restricting movement between regions, to try and contain the virus. As you say, it's only scary knowing that I 'can't' go and see him, and who knows for how long.

I can't decide which thing is stressing me the most. My brain feels like a giant melting pot of ick and I feel like my heart is just racing constantly. I will try valiantly to put on my positive pants and just keep keeping on, but oh boy - calm down, life!

hmmm is micro cleaning good for anxiety?

Love and hugs from me and smiley chops xo

Hi Katy,

I only just logged onto the computer - oh no your ex, and worse still the pets are glad to see the wretch! Traitors! Sorry that's happened on top of everything else... hope you are recovering... maybe you could text him not to visit - it's easier to be brave via text...

On my thread you'd see I had a prang with the car yesterday so that was a totally s...t day. Mechanic still trying to find the part (don't buy a Honda they are hopeless to find parts for!). Zero company today and it's cold and bleak which makes me feel even more lonely.

So we're both miserable, oh joy we can keep each other company being miserable together!!! I cannot understand why everywhere is out of eggs - why are people suddenly buying so many, you can't freeze them so what on earth are they doing? I just have one soft boiled for brekkie but trying to get eggs, tinned veggies (I gave up) and lactose free milk means I have to keep going back and back to the shops when I want to stay away!!!!

I don't know how to change my profile picture, I wanted to make it one of where I used to live, just to make me feel even more miserable...

Well dear Lady I do feel for you and wish you'd been able to boot your ex out the door, but at least he's gone now and well done for enduring it and you darn well have a cry if you need to, you are entitled.

Virtual hugs and warm furry ones from Mr Sam, take care and pat Storm even though she was traitorous! Dogs are so loving... ooo hugs

Hi there Katy girl - Oh dear, a visit from the ex, that's a bit challenging. It must have been really difficult. Did it help with any closure or did it just upset you all over again?

Cleaning - Sigh. I have some OCD and have always used cleaning to soothe anxiety. I have been like this from quite a young age. I think this virus pandemic triggered the cleaning frenzy, I was ok until I saw the numbers rise significantly. Its also not just a case of change the sheets and run a vacuum over - its more like pull all the furniture out of the room and clean from top to bottom. Its exhausting but I feel like I have to do it in order to be calm. In saying this, my space is not always perfect, its actually a matter of 'all or nothing' as in, if I cant do it perfectly I wont do it at all. Therefore my house is either perfection or dirty, never just normal. I would love for it to be just normal like everyone else. I would prefer to engage in other behaviours to ease anxiety but I suppose cleaning is probably better than smoking or drinking. Better if I could channel it into other soothing behaviours. You must think I am a total nut job now but that's ok :)

I didn't realise there were restrictions on movements between regions within WA - I guess I was forgetting how massive your state is. I hope you are doing ok with being apart from your son. Yes my daughter is super disappointed about uni being online. As far as having her back home, gosh, I have been battling guilt about this. To clarify, I love having her around and I would never say no to her moving back. I understand that she hated her job and wants a different direction in life and has to do what makes her happy. But, my partner is on a terribly low income and I get a pittance pension (like its barely worth mentioning, its nearly nothing) and out rent is massive so finances are extremely tight. My daughter only has a couple of shifts now and it only covers her own car expenses and phone credit so she cant contribute and this is putting financial pressure on our household. Its a battle in my brain between wanting to be a supportive mum and feeling a bit taken for granted as her financial safety net so she can do what makes her happy.

I hope you are ok in these bizarre times we find ourselves in. I picture the area you live in to be active and vibrant like where I live and its so strange to see everything like a ghost town and quieter.

Squeezy hugs to you and 'smiley chops'

CS xo