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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Not in a good space

Topic: Not in a good space

  1. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    16 February 2020 in reply to Junior412

    Hey Simon. You're so sweet.

    My heart sank aswell, I hope Katy is alright, and you and everyone else here.

    I'm sorry to hear that you and others were searching things like that on Google, I've been there too but I won't get into that.

    I'm so glad that you're still here Simon, I really am. I'm thankful that the forums have helped you, and that I can talk to you. The same goes for other people - I'm glad everyone is still here, and I'm glad the forums have supported everyone, and to those I've talked to who have been polite to me, thank you. It means so much.

    Aw thank you for saying I'm a beautiful person and friend Simon, i don't think I am inside and out, but that made me feel a bit better, thank you so much. You are too.

    You're exactly right with your kind reassuring words. I'm sorry that you dread those events you mentioned, I do too actually so you're not alone.

    Huge love and hugs to you Simon, my beautiful friend inside and out also. That means so much to me.

    Take care Simon, forever your friend,

    Tayls xx

  2. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    16 February 2020

    Hey all.

    Although this isn't my thread, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for supporting Katy, and for your kind words to her and each other. It's nice reading it and heartwarming to see so many people care and to keep checking in, but also respecting if she wants alone time.

    I hope we can all support each other like we have been with Katy; check in on one another and include everybody, and everything else I mentioned.

    It's good to see the kindness. I hope everyone here can treat everybody who has commented on this this thread or the forums in general that way.

    Katy, I really hope you're right. Everything that everybody has said is true, and you're entitled just like anybody else to alone time, to "recharge" if you will. So self care, it's important and not selfish, the same goes for anybody.

    If and/or when you'd like to come back Katy, I hope reading through all of the supportive helps and makes you feel better.

    Like everyone, I'm always here for you and everybody else. I may be younger than everyone, or so it seems, but I care and I'm here for everyone.

    Please take care and be alright, we understand that you need time to yourself and that's perfectly OK, just be safe.

    We're all here with open arms, huge hugs and love.

    Love and hugs,

    Tayla xx

  3. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
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    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1676 posts
    17 February 2020

    this road is littered with pits of despair...

    Sorry if i worried anyone. Just checking in. I have a psych appointment tomorrow. I hope she brings her magic wand.

    K x

    3 people found this helpful
  4. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    17 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy, you're here, yay! I'm so glad to see you back and that you're alright.

    I also have an appointment with my Psychiatrist tomorrow, I hope mine goes well, but I hope yours goes well too.

    Take care and be safe, I hope you're OK.

    Love and hugs,

    Tayla

  5. Junior412
    Junior412 avatar
    37 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Hey Katy,

    I breathe a huge sigh of relief hearing that you’ve checked in. Yes this thread is a “pit of despair” as you call it, but I can speak volumes of the amount of help beautiful people such as yourself have been for me personally.

    In our own worlds we think very lowly of ourselves, but believe me I can’t speak highly enough of you all. I really hope your appointment goes well, and goes a long way to making the tough road ahead you now face to ensure a brighter future. You have 110% of my support.

    Tayls, thanks for your lovely words last night. I’ll be honest and say they brought me to tears-happy ones. You truly are a wonderful person, don’t let yourself or anyone else convince you otherwise. Good luck for your appointment as well - I’ll be thinking of you.

    Love and hugs to everyone here.

    Simon

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    17 February 2020 in reply to Junior412

    Hey my great friend Simon.

    I agree with you, I'm glad Katy is alright too, and I hope you and everybody else is also.

    Aw, you're welcome for my lovely words, I'm glad it made you happy and they were happy tears. Thank you, I don't think of myself in any good way but that means a lot to me.

    I'll let you and others know how the appointment goes tomorrow, thanks. I hope Katy's appointment goes well also, more worried about hers than I am with mine since she was so down and I've been thinking of her.

    Love and hugs back to everyone,

    Tayls xx

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy!

    It's so good to see you back. Fair enough to need some "time out" for a while. Sorry you've been through one of those awful, horrible, terrible times. Glad you have the psych tomorrow. Big hugs from us both here and pats to Storm. HUG, HUG xxx Let me know if you want to chat - otherwise we'll leave you in peace dear lady. Hugs again.

  8. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    17 February 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    I'm also here if you'd like to chat Katy, or anyone else.

    I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and you can feel a bit better, and that the forums help you. I hope I can help you and everyone else in some way. If not, then I apologise.

    Hanna is right, if you need time away again, that's totally fine, or if you'd like to chat, we're here too.

    Love and hugs, please take care and be safe. Take care of you, mentally and physically.

    Tayla

  9. Junior412
    Junior412 avatar
    37 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Hi all,

    Hope everyone is hanging in there. I can’t reiterate enough that we are here for each other. I know when I come home from a crap day at work like I did tonight, that I can come here and there’s a message of hope from my friends on this threat. I love how we can we can in some way pick each other up with messages of support.

    As I said to Katy at the start, I was at the end and Googled “what to do when you have suicidal thoughts,” and never knew I’d “meet” some incredible people like I have here in this little community.

    For that, I thank you all. I’m so glad that when I’m down, people here pick me up, and vice versa. Anyone here who thinks they aren’t valued or don’t rate themselves as good people - think again. Some of you guys such as my wonderful supportive friend Tayla can be proud of what they achieve here. Stand tall my friends.

    Thinking of you all,

    Simon

    P.S. Katy, thinking of you tonight my friend, I and others are here for you. Open up when you’re ready.

    P.P.S. Tayls, one word for you - thanks. xx

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1676 posts
    18 February 2020

    I just don't feel quite right. But just wanted to pop back in and express my appreciation for your support.

    Tayla - thanks lovely x Hope your appointment goes ok today

    Simon - sorry you've been having some crap days. Glad you're here on the thread. Anything you want to talk about?

    Hanna - thanks for the hugs, have said hi on your thread

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katy, sorry to hear you're still not feeling too good - it must be going around a bit, I'm low today too but you don't need that - so I hope the psych is able to help you a bit today. I'll try to reply a bit more on my thread. Just wanted to say hi here and hope you improve soon dear friend xx
    1 person found this helpful
  12. calmseeker
    calmseeker avatar
    333 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Wow Katy girl, look how much everyone misses you when you're not around for a few days, you are very much loved in this space obviously.

    So sorry you have been feeling out of sorts lately and I hope you will be ok. It always makes me sad when such an smart and lovely soul like yourself hits these low points - it cruel, and I am sending you my calmest of calmest vibes for better days ahead.

    Hope Stormy is giving you lots of cuddles.

    CS xo

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1676 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    Thanks so much calmseeker x

    I'm lucky and grateful to have such beautiful people here helping me pick my pieces up and put them together again. Thankyou for the lovely calm vibes too, I need them a heap with uni starting next week! <3

    Breathe... breathe....

    Hope you're going ok. Katy x

  14. blondguy
    Life Member
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11402 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy!

    So many wonderful people on your thread :-)

    I echo Calmseeker's wishes as I feel the same...

    'I am sending you my calmest of calmest vibes for better days ahead'

    and some Hugs too

    Paul

  15. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    16471 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy, well done on your new title 'Valued Contributor' and sorry I'm late to recognise it.

    It's awful when one day after so many days believing you have conquered this illness to wake up feeling this illness has returned, but remember you have had the strength before, either once or on many occasions to bounce back, it's another part which you may not have experienced or in another way.

    We are all behind you.

    Geoff.

  16. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1676 posts
    19 February 2020
    Thanks so much Paul and Geoff :) Your kindness and support is appreciated x
  17. calmseeker
    calmseeker avatar
    333 posts
    19 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hey there again Katy,

    May I ask what stage of your course your heading into? It must be an exciting and overwhelming time all at once starting back up again.

    Its a brave thing to be doing uni whilst you battle with issues and MH. I want to start uni and cant bring myself to for a few reasons, most of them connected to anxiety. I wish I could overcome the things that are holding me back I really do. I think I am really missing out by not even trying.

    Hope you are feeling better - CS

  18. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    19 February 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    Hi Katy (and calmseeker)

    I think you mention somewhere that you pass your course well. For six months a few years ago I worked full time at a universities admissions centre, assessing whether students' first degrees were good enough to get them into postgraduate courses. Well believe me, I was amazed that by far the majority of students passed their first degree (whether BA or BSc or whatever) at barely Pass level. Many were dotted with modified passes and fails. A degree that had a few Credits was great - one that had some High Distinctions was a standout. I was amazed at how badly many students got through their courses - and yet were applying for higher studies again.

    I'm telling you this to give you confidence in yourself - trust me, many students pass very, very poorly. So if you do any better than that, you are doing very well indeed.

    And just to make you chuckle - we required all students to provide a full transcript of their academic record. One young woman came in distraught and very angry because we had refused her entry to the postgraduate course she wanted to study, because despite our repeated requests, she never produced her academic transcript - just a copy of her actual degree (we had to assess every subject studied). Her outraged claim was that as she had studied at Cambridge University, her academic record should not be required - it was Cambridge after all!

    To which one of us smartly replied, "What a pity you went to Cambridge. Now if it had only been Oxford, we could have let you in".

    So have confidence in yourself - good students rarely do badly, they are too hard on themselves to permit it to happen.

    And calmseeker, give it a go, do!

    Hope this helps Katy!

  19. iamanxiety
    iamanxiety avatar
    79 posts
    19 February 2020 in reply to calmseeker
    hi calmseaker,

    sometimes forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations can sometimes be the remedy for mental illness. the structure, distraction, social interaction and feeling of accomplishment can all really help. in saying that it can be a 2 edged sword , if the commitment is to stressfull and cam have the opposite effect.

    I think you have to give it a go you won't regret trying . you will possibly regret not doing it.

    glad to have you back Katy. good luck on your course .

    Andrew
  20. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1676 posts
    19 February 2020

    Hey calmseeker, Hanna, Andrew :)

    It's absolutely brave, thankyou! I'm going into my final year and I never thought I could achieve what I have already. I amaze me lol. But I still get panicky at the start of every new semester (thanks anxiety!). I won't ask what's holding you back CS, but if you did want to chat about it, happy to. I think Andrew's advice is really great. Sometimes it's good to push ourselves. And in remembering that we CAN quit if we need to, it makes it easier to take that step. In addition you can also get your gp/psych to provide evidence that you have mental/physical issues that require modifications to enable you to succeed at uni, and the uni will work around those, so that's helpful too. I've been trying to get through without doing that so far, but it has affected my marks so maybe I should have.

    That is interesting about the marks Hanna! It sounds like I'd get a good look in at postgrad study, which is good because I'm considering it. I actually maintained my grades because I wanted to do Honours this year, but given my situation at the end of last year things got messy and I was unable to complete a unit, and now I can't do it. It probably would have tripled my stress anyway so let's call it a blessing in disguise hey?

    Love the story too! What a great comeback lol. I bet she was gobsmacked :)

    Thanks for checking in and the pep talk, all of you! It's nice to see you all here and I hope you're all going well xxx

  21. calmseeker
    calmseeker avatar
    333 posts
    19 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Morning Katy,

    Thanks for such positive sentiments Andrew and Hanna, its always refreshing to see stuff from anothers point of view, it challenges my hangups.

    How awesome you're going into final year Katy, all you hard work will pay off soon. Have you found the course enjoyable?

    I hope I didn't hijack your thread with my last post, it wasn't my intention to make it about my uni fears so sorry about that Katy.

    I hope life is being kind to you today and you are doing ok.

    CS xo

  22. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    19 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy, You'll be fine the start of the year at Uni is always stressful until you settle back in.

    Don't worry about the Honours, you can probably go on and do a Grad. Dip. or similar if you want, or a Masters - but do it by research, not by coursework …

    Yes I don't think the lass from Cambridge was happy... wish I could think of retorts as fast as that...

    That was a sessional job, they employed postgrad qualified mature age people to assess applications for the next academic year. By the way, if the student didn't have the pre-requisite courses for entry into the postgrad course they wanted, but they had excellent grades, we had the discretion to recommend to the university to which they were applying to recommend taking them without the required subjects because they were a high passing student - and the uni's always took them. High passing students were very highly thought of.

    You'll be fine girl! I'll be interested to hear about it all. xx

  23. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    20 February 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    Calmseeker

    I absolutely love the course! Yes, uni is stressful, but the content has been really interesting. I'm not actually "work ready" mentally, but that's ok, at this stage I just want to graduate.

    And you didn't hijack the thread at all. Various people have come in here for a chat, and I think it's fantastic. Love everyone joining the convo, so as I said, if you did want to chat more about it, go for it :)

    The sun's shining here, I've walked my dog, and I'm in a top mood! Hope things are good your way too x

  24. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    20 February 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hanna

    All really great info, thanks for sharing. I'm considering a Masters. It's just a shame that if I had done Honours, and done well, I could have skipped Masters. Also, I'd already chosen the topic for my thesis and been collating research for it, and was really looking forward to doing it. Never mind. Such is life and we have to learn to accept what is, not what we want things to be.

    Again lamenting that I don't know you in real life. I can be pretty negative, and that little voice going "hey, you'll be right" is sometimes just what you need to pause and reframe. Not that you want to be someone's personal cheering squad I'm sure, but you just seem pretty great :) Thanks and hugs!

  25. monkey_magic
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    5182 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hi Katyonthehamsterwheel,

    I think it's excellent that you're at uni. It's a little dream of mine to graduate as something but I have taken the plunge...yet.

    I have been to Tafe and college though. Have a certificate 3 & 4.

    It's inspiring to me reading that you're at it at uni.

    Maybe one day I'll go. But will that day ever come, lol....

    It's really good to hear that you're in a top mood, excellent news!!!

    MM
    1 person found this helpful
  26. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    20 February 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Well the good thing is MM that it's never too late!

    What do you think you'd be interesting in studying if you did go to uni? Any idea?

    Katy (and yes, yay to good moods!!!)

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3631 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi again Katy, (and waves to Monkey and calmseeker and everyone here!)

    I'm back for lunch - can't find anything to do in this town - the only nice place to go is the park but then there's nothing to do there - and I don't have much cash left until next week so can't afford a coffee out etc...

    My brother is an academic - a professor at a university in another state. When I was first doing my Uni degree he told me I approached each essay as if it were a Ph.D thesis. His advice to me was, if an assignment is worth 10%, that is how much effort you put into it. If it's worth 40%, you put a huge amount of effort into it. He said you have to learn where to save your energy, and where to use it most effectively. Don't know if this helps - I got almost straight HDs in my degree because I was so determined to do well, but was getting exhausted as I was also working full time. That was his sage advice.

    His other advice was, "if you can't hand something in in time, please don't tell me it's because your best friend's puppy died and you had to console her, or your friend broke up with her boyfriend and you had to console her, because I know it's twaddle. Just tell me you couldn't get your act together in time. I'll give you more marks for being honest"." Both lots of advice stood me in good stead.

    I wish we were all closer too it's a shame... at least we can chat here. I've got to look for some phone numbers you gave me here ages ago, I do need to do something about getting out of this town... and now I'm going to apply for a Centrelink advance so I can afford to buy an electric blanket etc next week...

    You could try watching No Country for Old Men, have a look at how they scare the audience, the camera angles etc - and the Mexican actor who played the baddie won the Oscar for best supporting actor he was superb. Great movie!!! It's not really that it's so violent - it's more the anticipation of what might be going to happen that has you on the edge of your seat!!!

    Cheers girl, xx

    He and other academics at my Uni told me a Masters by coursework was worthless, do a Masters by research only.

    I had to do a G.Dip.Phil because I couldn't quite pull up a double major in my first degree due to timetabling problems. I wanted to go on and do a PhD after that but at the time it meant moving interstate and no guarantee of a job at the end of it... so I didn't go further, but now wish I had.

  28. calmseeker
    calmseeker avatar
    333 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hey there Katy and all of her lovely friends on this thread,

    So glad for you that you love your course. There is nothing quite like finding purpose and enjoying what you do. So you will be busy all year with uni then I take it, until November or something?

    My daughter is starting at uni this year also. She is 26 and has a really good government admin job, stable and well paid, but its just not creative enough for her and she really doesn't like doing it so she cut down to 2 shifts a week and has enrolled at uni. As her mum I was happy that she had a great job and stability but its not my life in the end and totally her choice (apart form the fact that it involves me as she has moved back home with me to fund it!)

    Thanks a bunch for saying it was cool to have a chat here. In that case, here are my 109 issues and problems. Firstly... lol.. only kidding!

    Made me smile to hear that you are in a top mood today, and top moods are contagious!

    CS x

    1 person found this helpful
  29. monkey_magic
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    5182 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hey Katyonthehamsterwheel,

    I was going to do Occupational Therapy...as it's similar to what I'm already qualified in- Personal training but I might also look into something creative.
    I'd have to check out courses and go from there...
    And yes, it's never too late. :-)
  30. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1676 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to calmseeker

    calmseeker - come lie on my couch and tell me all your troubles... and then we'll swap places! ha!

    It can be hard to support our kids choices sometimes, when we worry about their futures for them. My son has attempted uni twice, and given up two great jobs, because none of it was quite right for him. Now he's a bit lost at sea. So it's great that your daughter still has her job, and is also pursuing what she thinks will make her happy. Really hope it works out for her, how exciting!

    And yep, will be super busy, but let's not talk about that lest it sets off the panic button again. hahahaha arrrggghhhhh :) :) :)

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