Thank you so much!
Last night was ironically a wonderful night. My bf is amazing. We talked. I shared the history stuff, so he can understand family dynamics, and as we shared info I let him know about the current bipolar diagnosis that's undergoing. I thought it was only fair as he is quite serious about us, as am I. He asked questions, I gave him an out n said I'd understand completely, but said he'd be there.
Don't think I stopped panicking, to which he made the statement, I want to be with you and all that that includes.
This morning I got coffee'd and keyed. Plus desert he made for me to take to work.
I've never ever ever been honest with anyone about stuff. My ex would've blamed me for everything and I'd be a nutcase.
And this is the real shitty thing. Despite all this wonderful wonderful things, I still feel extremely low.
I wasn't keen on treatment at all Jojo, I do enjoy the manic emensly. But then the current realisation of how it looks and then the lows that ruin the most wonderful things. Feel so guilty.
Talking to dad yesterday for 5 mins, apparently he was extremely worried on friday, he said the rapid speed was extreme and it reminded him of times during my teens and over the years, he said it then always goes down hill and he had made the correlation between that and suicide attempts. Whilst dad might not be good at being there, he apparently observed more than I realised.
Oh wonderful friends, I will be there till January, unless someone can take over the lease. I think the sad thing is he thinks this is how friends operate, yet clearly it's other shit. Think he is also really shitty at me for the manic state.
I'm going to try and ring the GP as soon as they open and see if I can get in before working this arvo.
Thank you for the support dear lovely friends. Xx
Jojo, any wisdom you can give me please do as always - the concept of this diagnosis is scaring me.
Lilly, I value you so much. It humour is very similar to mine xx