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Topic: Sad musings

  1. Ggrand
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    17 December 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello gentle Peppy,

    I have this very strong desire/urge just to pop in and say hello lovely friend...and to remind you how beautiful and special you are...and to be always true and loving to you..

    Your heart is gentle and your so sweet.....I just wanted you to know that...🍀🍀🍄💜🤗🤗..

    Love and soul huggly hugs💜🤗🤗🤗🤗.

    Grandy👼..

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    21 December 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    👋 💜🕊🍃☘️💐🌝.....

    RUOK. Special friend....?....

    Grandy👼....

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  3. Birdy77
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    23 December 2018

    Hello Friend,

    I am sorry if I have upset you.

    Your friendship I value very much.

    I have loved talking with you over the past months about so many important things.

    Please take good and gentle care of yourself.

    I'm thinking of you.

    With love.

    🌻birdy

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  4. Peppermintbach
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    23 December 2018

    Hi lovely people,

    A grateful thank you for the care and support. As always, I really do appreciate all of you.

    Gorgeous Grandy: what a tender and caring post. Thank you so very much for putting a smile on my face.

    I’m accepting all your love and soul hugs :) You’re very generous.

    I have been struggling, so things haven’t been easy. But it means a lot that you would visit to ask, and leave such loving messages for me.

    Much love to you and I’ll be sending some blessings to you over the Christmas period xoxo

    Dear friend/ beautiful birdy: I would like to start by giving you a warm hug, my friend. Please be reassured that I’m not upset with you...

    Although I’m now worried that I’ve accidentally hurt your feelings somewhere along the way (have I? You can tell me if I have...) Is it okay if I ask what makes you think that I’m upset?

    I too treasure your friendship. Your friendship means a lot to me...really and truly. I value your wisdom, deep compassion, tolerance, patience and insight. I enjoy our conversations, and gain immensely from them.

    I’ve just been having a rough time, and sometimes when I’m struggling, I don’t feel like talking about myself much, so I can be a little unresponsive at times. Please know that has nothing to do with you; I absolutely do value your presence, how you check up on me, your warmth and caring, etc.

    I just sometimes retreat into my cocoon/cone when I’m struggling. It has nothing to do with the beautiful people (like you) around me, and everything about my own coping...

    I have a lot happening in my offline realm at the moment. I’m very depressed, but that’s like a lot of people on these forums so I’m not unusual or alone in that respect. I’m teary most days and am increasingly attached to my alcohol...in short, things have been rough...

    I think of you often, and wonder how you’re doing. Speaking of which, how have you been, dear friend?

    I know this can be a particularly difficult time of the year for you. No pressure, but I’m always here to lend an ear if you want to talk. I am here for you, and I want you to know that. Sending extra blessings to you during the Christmas period.

    Thank you for being the beautiful person and friend you are...

    Love you xoxox

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  5. Birdy77
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    24 December 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend ❤

    Thank you so much for your very warm and reassuring post.

    I feel bad that you may have felt pressured to reply to me because if what I wrote. I completely understand about retreating to your cocoon when you're struggling - that's what I do as well, and normally I would never think that your silence was anything other than you doing what you needed to do.

    I simply misinterpreted something, and then went ahead and read something between the lines that didn't exist. You have done nothing wrong, and I am glad I was mistaken.

    I am sad to hear that you are having such a very difficult time. Broken-record time: I am always here to listen if you feel like talking about anything at all. I genuinely care. I understand not fancying talking about it. Getting it all out can help though, even just to unravel it for yourself (possible freshperspectives can help too, I know you know all this - just reminding you).

    Of course I can very much relate to the increasingly close relationship with the booze. I've been doing the same. Funny how wine o'clock comes around so much earlier these days.

    I am dreading tomorrow! I am currently cooking (posting on the forums is classed as "currently cooking" isn't it?) so that we have something to eat tomorrow.

    I am trying hard to stay in the moment today and I know others have it way harder than I do, but I can't help projecting myself forward just a little bit, which is dumb because I have to actually live it tomorrow.

    Why put myself there early?

    Why not enjoy the lovely breeze coming through the door into my kitchen, and the blackbird who is singing a beautiful song on his special branch outside the window that he always sits in? Why not laugh at one of my little fur-bubbas who is currently dragging his blanket all the way from his bed inside to under the tree down the end of the garden so he can simultaneously lay/chew on it?

    I've blabbed on about me. But thank you my friend, it has helped me today.

    Please blab on about yourself on my thread at any time!! I may actually post there later, I am feeling the need, my anxiety is simmering nicely (see? cooking? ... that works?)

    I would love to hear anything that is on your mind, and if not, that's ok.

    Love you too xo

    🌻birdy

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  6. Peppermintbach
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    27 December 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi to all you lovely people,

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy: You’re always most welcome to talk about anything you like here, my friend:) To vent, unload, share insight, etc.

    I’m glad you let out some of your frustrations, worries and stresses about Christmas here. By the sounds of things, it helped to unload a little, for which I’m glad that you felt safe to do so here.

    Also, please don’t think you pressured me into responding. I made the decision to reply, and I’m happy that I did. Please don’t even worry about it ;)

    Sigh, I think it’s infinitely easier in practice than in theory to stay in the present. Anxiety is, after all, rooted in the past (ruminations) or the future (fears and worries).

    I don’t think you consciously “chose” to project yourself one day ahead. I don’t think anyone does. I think that just says reflects the nature of anxiety, rather than anything about you as a person. You’re incredible and inspiring ;)

    I hope now that Christmas 2018 has been and gone, your emotions have maybe settled a little. If not, I get it too, and hope at least you have been able to allocate time to activities and people that nurture you e.g. spending time with your beautiful partner, trying a new recipe, going for walks along the beach, spending time with your animal friends, etc.

    Sometimes I wish that I was a little more like you (and less like aspects of me). You have an infectious warmth and ability to appreciate the daily wonders in life, whereas I’m...I’m...whatever it is I am?

    I can appreciate daily beauty, but only to a limited extent...there’s always this nagging sense of wanting something more (except I’m not even sure what this inexplicable “more” is). All I know is whatever I have is not enough, and I’m not talking about material things..

    There’s a yearning for something more interesting, something more challenging, something more meaningful, something that stimulates both my mind and senses more...but I’m not sure what...

    Anyway, thanks again for being you. As I said, you’re always welcome to talk here. Sometimes I feel sad that I don’t have a friend like you in the offline realm...next life perhaps as the saying goes in my native tongue. Although it doesn’t quite sound right when translated into English...

    I truly do care about you and your wellbeing, and am here for you. Also, thank you so much for the offer to talk on your thread. That means a lot :)

    Is it okay if I ask have you been feeling the past couple of day?

    Love always,

    Pepper xoxox

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  7. Birdy77
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    29 December 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend ❤

    This first sentence has taken an age to completr because I just cannot find the right station/playlist on Spotify to suit my mood & I keep having to change it. Lucky for me, that is about as much stress as I am up against today. So today is a good day. (Oh & a song I really like just came on, Hell to the Liars by London Grammar. Life is going well!).

    Thank you my friend, I have been having some nice chillaxing days for recovery .... have you? I hope you've been able to kick back a bit & recharge. You have had such a rough time of it lately, I hope you are taking good care of you. Have you been able to get to the beach?

    I totally understand that feeling you described of wanting something more in life ... I have that feeling too sometimes. For me, it sometimes feels like I haven't yet started my real life, or a version of that idea.

    I think I said something about it to SN, like I sometimes think to myself "I wonder what life will be like when I'm a real adult? I wonder what I will do with my life when I grow up?" Like, seriously. Better get a wriggle-on.

    I don't think this is quite what you were talking about, but I can relate to the feeling of there must be more to it all ... I want to tap into that moreness. (Like what I was saying another time to you about getting in my own way, stifling my dreams & such). My brain is pretty fuzzy so I'm probably making zero sense, sorry, but I still felt like writing to you. If only we could sit on the deck and shoot the breeze with a drink in hand.

    Maybe this feeling, for you, is partly a side effect of all the diluting that you do ... the shrinking of yourself. So that in lots of ways, there is so much more right there, in front of you, or inside of you, that is not being tapped into. Because you smother parts of your supernova for the sake of others. So it leaves you wanting, always wanting. ...

    Like, within you us this awesomely amazing, rich and complex elixir that has magical powers for astonishing miracles, but each moment only a tiny bit of the elixir is being allowed to be poured out & it is mixed with water. The potency of this elixir and the phenomenal marvels that it is capable of is always right there, available, if only the elixir was enjoyed in its fullness. You, the holder of this magic, are subconsciously aware of the bigger awesomeness that could be experienced if the elixir was allowed to be poured out in its pure form.

    Or something like that.

    With my love xo

    🌻birdy

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  8. Peppermintbach
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    30 December 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all of you lovely people),

    I’m very pleased to hear you’ve been resting and nurturing yourself, my friend. You sound more settled. More grounded.

    It sounds like the past couple of days spent recuperating have had a positive impact on you. For that, I’m happy for you, dear friend :)

    Thank you so much for being here for me. I’ve been having a bit of an emotional time. A lot has (is) happening offline, which has thrown me a little (or a lot)...Yes, I did manage to spend a day at the beach. I find the beach healing, and I know that many others feel the same way about the beach.

    I don’t know what it is I’m missing, but I rarely find the same (or even a similar level of) comfort in actual people. I suppose maybe it’s exhausting trying to communicate with people who, even if you talk to them till you’re blue in the face, just don’t get it.

    So I don’t even bother most of the time anymore. It feels like a futile exercise that leaves me feeling disheartened and very frustrated...

    I think that I get what you mean by wanting “more.” Don’t worry, you make perfect sense to me (assuming I’ve understood you correctly?)

    I do wonder about your goals/dreams. Needless to say, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, but I’m always here to listen and support you if you ever want to talk about it. If not, that’s completely okay too or course ;)

    Sigh, yes, I think you’re right about it being partly being a dilution aftereffect (side effect?). Thank you so very much for making me smile with your incredibly beautiful words. I like how both supernovas and thunderstorms are untameable...I find that quite liberating.

    I suppose part of what makes me hold back is a fear of loss. A fear of losing people in my offline realm who wouldn’t know what to do with me. Then again, it probably says those people weren’t the right fit for me to begin with, and vice versa...

    I figure maybe I just need to do my own thing. Invest in activities and causes that speak to me, and I’ll hopefully cross paths with more like minded and exciting people...people who won’t find whatever it is I am too intense or too overbearing...

    Sending you, your beautiful partner and your non-human animal friends my love and blessings for the new year :) Speaking of 2019, what are your nye/ny plans (if any, I know some people don’t celebrate it)?

    Love always,

    Pepper xoxox

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  9. Ggrand
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    30 December 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello sweet gentle Peppy,

    Im just laying here on my uncomfortable not so soft hospital bed, thinking of you and am wondering what your up to today.....

    I hope and wish so much that you have a wonderful day planned for you with lots of nice things that you like doing..maybe another day at the beach, walking along the shoreline collecting unusual shells, watching the little crabs scarring away into their little sand homes...oh maybe theirs a pelican floating and bobbing up n down on the ebb flow of the waves and water.....Seagulls flying overhead looking for some little fishies or scraps of food left but beach goers....Can you hear the sound of the ocean, the distant hum of those huge open sea waves...or can you see where the sea reaches out to touch the horizon...So much wonders at the beach.....and peaceful sights and sounds...I love laying in the sun with an iced water and feeling the warm healing sun being absorbed into my skin....oops when I read you went to the beach I imagined I also had a visit there..thee Mind is so powerful darling it can take us anywhere we want to go.....

    I really do hope that you find some people who have your interests dear friend...I could never see you as overbearing at all dear Peppy...?Being passionate about your beliefs is something that I really look up to you for...Youre a very smart and intelligent woman peppy , please don’t change or try to tone down for anyone....

    I’m sorry if I rambled on, I just wanted to talk to you and your conversations with Birdy are beautiful by the way....I can see a beautiful friendship here..your both beautiful and amazing people who understand each other, and that’s Gold...

    I hope you day is a good day, regardless of what you have planned Dearest Peppy....please enjoy it the very best you can darling...you to Birdy please also enjoy your day....

    Sending you all lots of gentle caring love 💜💜 and some warm soul feeling hugs 🤗🤗..

    Grandy👼..

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  10. Birdy77
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    31 December 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend ❤

    It really sounds like you have a lot going on & it doesn't sound fun. I'm really sorry this is happening for you right now. If you would like to get anything off your chest I am here listening, always.

    It sounds like you're feeling quite alone, even though there is a lot going on for you. Not having someone you can talk to & have them "get it" is frustrating and lonely. You don't have to do this alone, you can unravel some of those knots here if you ever want to. Just as you said to me, I truly care about you & your wellbeing, & want to be that friend to you that you can talk to freely.

    I do understand your fear of losing those around you, even if perhaps they're not your perfect fit. I think you will know what to do & when. Sometimes these people serve a particular purpose in our growth, or are there for some lesson for us to learn ... & sometimes the time comes where the universe lets you know that it's time to move on, or let go. You will know.

    If you do your thing, persue those causes & passions that speak to your soul, you will no doubt meet people who are more suited to you & are wanting to share the journey with you. I guess at that time, it may feel less frightening letting go of old connections & severing ties with those who hold you back.

    From what you've been saying the last few months it sounds like that time may be approaching. But remember to be gentle with yourself, & maybe recognise that this may be a transitional period in your life. You may be preparing to begin a new phase, but there is no hurry. I've read some empowering words by Nancy Levin around this idea, she calls it making a graceful exit, & urges us to "honour the space between no longer & not yet".

    I really hope you are taking care of yourself during all this emotional upheaval and taking steps to protect yourself & your energy from those around you if they are hurting you.

    Spending a day at the beach is a beautiful example of you doing that, & I'm so pleased to hear you took yourself to that healing & calming place. I hope you are able to do it again soon.

    Plans for NYE are as follows: dinner on the deck, beverages, listening to music, just mrs b, the doggies & me. Do you have anything planned?

    Love you.

    🌻birdy

    Grandy, the message you wrote was so beautiful, I imagined being on the beach with the lovely word picture you left. Thank you for your loving words. I am very lucky to have made a wonderful friendship with Peppy. You are a special soul Grandy xo

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  11. Ggrand
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    1 January 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Good morning Beautiful Ladies...

    I hope it okay to Wish you both a Beautiful and better then last year Happy New Year...I’m talking to you both here if it’s okay?.....I just want to let you both know that you have helped me a lot last year and I’m ver appreciative and grateful for getting to know you both.....

    HAPPY NEW YEAR.....beautiful Peppy and beautiful Birdy...I hope that you friendship continues to strengthen and that your always their for each other....Wishing you allnthe good in this world, you both so much deserve nothing but the best.....

    Sending you both love and hugs for 2019....💜💜🤗🤗..

    Grandy...👼.l

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  12. Peppermintbach
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    2 January 2019

    Hi all you lovely people,

    Gorgeous Grandy: Thank you so much for the well wishes, your compassion & new year blessings. Happy new year to you too!

    It means a lot that you have been thinking about me. The fact that you took the time and effort to reach out to me, despite being in hospital, speaks volumes about your caring nature...

    I loved the imagery of the beach. You captured my senses with your imagination.

    This might sound a little odd, but I’ve wondered have you ever thought of writing (and illustrating) your own short stories? Using the evocative imagery...

    I think maybe this might be cathartic for you. As in a series of illustrated dreamy mindfulness books...just a little idea ;)

    Thank you, I’m very blessed, grateful & fortunate to have birdy’s beautiful friendship. She does indeed understand me. Anyone who is her friend should count themselves as very lucky :) xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy:

    Thank you, as always, for your wonderful words of support. For your understanding, insight and caring :) Above all, for being here for me & for your beautiful friendship. Your post made me tear up...thank you, dear friend.

    Yes, I often do feel lonely. Most things, I tackle by myself. A large part of it is feeling disconnected & misunderstood.

    My emotions have been a little erratic, and I’ve been feeling down & teary. I suppose it’s all part of the process. I think you’re right (& very perceptive), change is indeed painful sometimes.

    Very recently, I wrote to some people overseas that I admire (long story there), not really expecting a response (or anything at all). My goal was simply to express my thoughts to them. Much to my surprise (& delight), a couple of them actually replied :)

    Thank you so much for sharing that quote. I liked your loving reminder to nurture this in-between period as I try to figure things out...I’m sometimes (often) a little impatient, so I’m not exactly “gentle” with myself. As in I want this new life, so to speak, to begin right now...

    I think your NYE plan sounded very relaxing, and perhaps more importantly, it was spent with loved ones like your beautiful mrs b and your non-human animal friends. Perfect way to farewell 2018 :)

    I was at a beach party. It was a good way to farewell the 31st & welcome the new year. I enjoyed it, and it was a good way to let loose too :)

    Thank you again for blessing us all with your presence here :) How have you things been for you in 2019 so far, my friend? Much love to you too xoxox


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  13. Birdy77
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    8 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend,

    I hope that in the days since you last wrote, you have been gentle with yourself.

    I hope you are allowing all these varied emotions to run their course.

    It's absolutely ok for your emotions to be erratic, all over the place.

    It's totally ok to be teary.

    Try to allow whatever it is that needs to be felt, & trust that the pain or anguish will eventually play itself out, opening the way for fresh possibilities and understandings.

    Transition & change can be really uncomfortable, & it is incredibly hard for you to be patient. But that is also part of the excitement.

    And that quote you shared about the way a seed begins its growth, seeming like, what was it, destruction? disemblage? (I don't have it in front if me right now) ... Keep that in mind, and trust that the breaking apart is part of the process of growing stronger and transforming from one phase to another.

    If you would like to share more about the people you recently wrote to, I'd be interested. Either way, I'm so glad you wrote to them and expressed your thoughts and feelings, and to get a reply is so great!! Recently I wrote an email to an author after finishing her book, just thanking her and saying how it had touched me, and was so surprised to get a lovely email back ... it is validating, someone taking time out of their day to personally write to you. So nice.

    A beach party for NYE sounded fabulous! I'm so pleased to hear to kicked back and let loose a bit, especially considering the emotional time you have been having. I was in bed by 10:30 💃💥

    The year so far for me? I've been feeling pretty crap so far, and my mind has been following some deep hurts and dark thoughts down the rabbit holes the last week. I've been trying to ride the waves of it, and keeping myself busy with things around the house and yard, lots to do in the garden which is good - it grounds me, and gives me practice at being in the moment, and is a creative outlet as well. My veg patch has lots of flowers interspersed in it and it brings me cheer.

    Oh, mrs b & I have been going for beautiful ocean swims of an evening, i have been visualising the negative energy being washed away, and drawing in the strength & power & peace of the water.

    How have the recent days been for you my friend?

    With my love

    🌻birdy

    Dear Grandy, thank you so much for your beautiful, loving New Year wishes. Same back to you Grandy. I hope you are doing ok, & that you are able to feel this time has helped you. Love2u 🌻 b

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  14. demonblaster
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    8 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Peppystar 🤗 hi everyone ☺

    I truly wish Peppy lovely for you to find happiness you're such a lovely gentle good person who deserves it and seeing you struggle isn't good.

    I read back think I'm caught up. Glad you had a good time at the beach party. The sound of the ocean and with luck stars would have a calming peace and ambience which I imagine would put people in a happy place to start with. Sounded like a great night

    Awesome you heard back from a couple especially when you weren't expecting a reply.

    Our gorgeous tweety mentioned which I also loved the quote about the shell opening, good on you Peps. That threads amazing. I see stuff but am unsure at times who to credit it to so I leave it.

    Peps I'm sure you'll find a way to live with the fact 😁I've had the second part to your prezzy done but needs editing as they all do but getting there slowly and that's what counts eh. So sometime between now and umm 2050 should be a safe bet 😉

    Hope you're getting some peace and release in your art sweet lady I know you enjoy that

    You're truth amongst many here in my thoughts and care and love you Peppystar don't ever forget that hun, people pay big $ for that 😉

    You know how you've said about our gorgeous Grandy and my beautiful friendship, same hun with you and tweety it's so beautiful seeing people getting on and close.

    Always take care darls and a very gentle soft nudge I mean reminder that and hey I'm giving you a whole year for a good like about yourself can't be fairer than that lovey 🤗

    Tweety lovey I'm pretty sure darling Pepples (have I done that one yet Peps 😄) wouldnt mind me talking to you here, I think you spoke of a personal thread not sure but anyway same goes for anyone I call friends especially it saddens me hearing you're struggling too. Honey you too I so hope you find happiness and light through the dark cloud you also are absolute magic and are so caring and good to so many myself included. Gold darl.

    Big amazing 🤗🤗 for both of you lovely friends. Psssttt btw credit goes to me if you think Peps hugs are great. Just sayin 😎

    Peace loves all of us 🕊

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  15. Ggrand
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    11 January 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Hello Peppy...sweety girl...

    Thank you for your very kind words...and that you like my imagination of the beach walk....

    Peppy RUOK?..

    Peppy, please try as hard as you can to be brave enough to listen to your beautiful heart and follow it the best you can and do only what’s best for you Peppy..I think that is the start of How happiness begins in our life...Your such a gentle soul and I think that you hold back from you a lot to please others or to keep the peace by not speaking your true self....WOW Peppy you are yourself here and your one very amazing beautiful person that I treasure your words so much..please believe in you...Your gentleness and honesty in your posts have and will help so many people.....and that’s being true to yourself that’s helping others here..🍀💚..My heart goes out to you sweetheart.....

    Tweety, I hope your okay and start feeling better each day...as Deebi said you are Magic sweety tweety...oh I like that...You both have a golden soul...you as well Deebi...

    Sending you all some warm loving and caring 🤗 hugs, and much love..

    Grandy..

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  16. Peppermintbach
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    13 January 2019

    Hi all,

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy: thank you for your incredible support & friendship. I had a bit of a break from posting recently. It sounds like things have been rough for you lately, dear friend....

    I want to gently remind you that you’re always welcome to share your troubles or chat/vent here. I care very much about you & am here for you...No pressure though. Just know my hand of friendship is extended :)

    I’m happy gardening helps your wellbeing so much; it seems to quite literally ground your anxiety. Your connection to the earth. A beautiful perspective :)

    Switching up your routine by going swimming with the lovely mrs b sounds fantastic. I sense calm...

    I have a lot going on, & haven’t been feeling that great. I feel aimless/restless too. I’m looking for meaningful challenges...change...

    I’m pleased you had such a wonderful response from that author. I bet it lifted your mood :)

    I received a response from an artist & someone in media. I might write to someone who started her own not-for-profit too. I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve by writing to these strangers, other than out of curiosity & to express my thoughts.

    On a slightly amusing note, 2 men tried talking to me last week (separate occasions). 1 of them asked me out. I declined although it was flattering. Lol.

    I know how much you’re struggling yet choose to make time for me. How have you been?

    Love you, dear friend xoxox

    Wonderful DB: thank you for your blessings & well wishes. I love when you visit. I did enjoy the NYE party:)

    Shell/growth/change...change, is on the horizon. I know it’s up to me make change happen...

    So you have about 31 years to prep my present, it will be spectacular! Looking forward to it :)

    Thank you, I truly appreciate how you nudge me to say nice things about myself. I know it comes from a place of deep love and care. I’m blessed and grateful.

    I think the reason that I don’t tend to say positive things about myself is because I feel that a truer reflection of me is in my actions, & less so, my words. I feel my decisions & how I use my time helps build (or break) my self esteem, & less so, the words I use/don’t use to describe myself...

    Sorry, am I making sense? Thanks again for your kindness & many super soul hugs to you.

    Also, of course it’s okay for you to talk to beautiful birdy here. That’s a given ;) Much love xoxo

    Gorgeous Grandy: sorry, running out of characters. Thank you so much to you too. I’ll get back to you soon, lovely one xoxo

    3 people found this helpful
  17. Birdy77
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    15 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend,

    It sounds like things have not calmed down for you much, if at all?

    I really hope you are taking care of yourself & creating a protective barrier between you & whatever is causing you upset.

    Do you have some strategies in place to look after you? Ways of escaping? Ways of allowing your mind to escape at least? [Art, craft, animals, reading, exercise, movies, binge watching tv series(I know: not cooking 😊), nature, writing, building, planning, flower arranging, gardening, cloud-watching, daydreaming?]? ..

    I hope you are investing time in something that takes you away from what is causing such disruption in your life.

    I was happy to read you had some romantic attention last week .. it's nice to be noticed and appreciated, even if you're not exactly attracted to them, it's nice to feel seen & liked. I hope you enjoyed it for what it was ... it can be a boost, self-esteem wise.

    I hope you write to the not-for-profit woman. Even if nothing comes of it, or if you're not exactly sure what you're aiming for, who cares, it's always good to put positive vibes out there, always good to pass on positive thoughts or compliments & connect with others who think along similar lines.

    Even if it doesn't lead anywhere, any positive action is a worthwhile action in itself. It is a worthwhile end - not merely a means to an end.

    I've been meaning to ask how you went with your nutritionist back in October. I always run out of characters before I remember to ask.

    I am struggling this week, emotionally, but am pushing through, getting lots of things ticked off my to-do list & it's only Tuesday (never mind that many of the things on my to-do list have been on the to-do list for approx 2.5 years ... still, it's only Tuesday and I've crossed off about 5 of them).

    I almost started a blab there, & thank you so much for inviting me to do so, but I should do it over on my doom thread (such a cheery title).

    Deebs, you beautiful soul, yes I did create a thread but I don't use it much unless I am really feeling it. It's called "sense of impending doom": after reading the title I do not blame you if you avoid it!! Thank you for all your lovely words & thoughts here & in other places. You're a truly beautiful person.

    As are you, Grandy, & thank you so much again for your love & care, I am grateful so much for your & Deebi's caring thoughts.

    I am planning a swim this evening with mrs b (yes, "mrs tweety" to Deebs&Grandy (hereafter "the bbffs").

    Love you

    🌻birdy

    2 people found this helpful
  18. Peppermintbach
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    15 January 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi all,

    Gorgeous Grandy: Thank you for your kind words :) You’re always so reassuring & supportive. Your presence means a lot.

    I don’t even know what I want sometimes, & I don’t really know how to answer your question. But I think the fact that you went out of your way to ask means more than any answer I could give. So thank you for caring, lovely one...

    Thank you so much...I think, at most, my words can offer some (very, very) small comfort...

    Sending you my love & some (more) welcome treats for your transition back home :) Love and care xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy: It sounds like things have continued to be rough for you, which I feel sad about. Well done on getting so much ticked off your list, despite the turbulent emotions. I hope you feel a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction & pride :)

    Smiling...you always maintain such a warm tone in your writing, no matter how much you’re struggling. That warmth just oozes out and comes naturally to you...it’s lovely.

    I know you have a thing about your fears of taking up space, & you’re probably thinking about me on this thread, but just know if you ever need to unpack anything, we care & will listen...wherever you choose to write...here, there, wherever...

    Sigh, there’s always alcohol. It makes everything okay temporarily...not sure if it counts as a “strategy”, but it’s there. No claims of model citizen behaviour from me....

    Though it was flattering, I have little interest in a relationship or even a casual date right now. Not in the right emotional state plus I’m beginning to feel relationships are synonymous with “settling” (or at least for me). Not to be confused with compromise. 2 very different things.

    I wonder if a lot of people “settle”, so to speak, in relationships? I suspect it happens more often than people let on, because it’s not something that most would broadcast...never mind me, thinking out loud...

    Thank you for asking :) You’re very thoughtful. My dietician was very helpful. He strongly advised taking a supplements. I also need to up my legume intake & crush whole flax seeds in the blender every few days (pre-ground means lost nutrients). Also I was advised of ways to improve iron absorption. Etc...

    I’m just over it. Same old feeling. disconnected...a lot to say, but don’t even know where to start. Tongue tied? Lost? Don’t even know...

    Enjoy your swim with beautiful mrs b tonight. I hope the water is lovely for you both :) Love to both of you xoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Peppermintbach
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    22 January 2019

    Hi to all the lovely people here,

    I saw the same quote recently on multiple sites, and it really spoke to me. I think, to a large extent, it sums up why I’ve been writing to people that I admire overseas.

    I look up to each one for different reasons, but one commonality is none of them lead what most would consider a conventional life and are risk takers. So, maybe I’m hoping, even if by sheer (and very loose) association, that their bravery will rub off onto me?

    I understand not everyone will like or appreciate the following quote, but it speaks to me:

    Look around you. How many people do you think are settling? Probably a hell of a lot. People settle into okay relationships, okay jobs, okay friends, and an okay life. Why? Because okay is comfortable. Okay pays the bills, and provides a warm bed at night. Some people are fine with okay, and guess what? That’s okay.

    But okay is not thrilling, it isn’t passion, it’s not life changing or unforgettable. Okay is not the reason you risk absolutely everything you’ve got for the smallest chance that something absolutely amazing could happen.

    - unknown

    So, here I am, still searching and craving something “more”...not sure what it is or what it will mean. But that is what I truly want...that’s as much as I know right now...

    2 people found this helpful
  20. demonblaster
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    22 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    I really hope you find what you're looking for beautiful lady 🤗🤝☘
    2 people found this helpful
  21. startingnew
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    22 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hugs Pepper girl

    it sounds like your missing 'something' in your life. i hope you find that something soon <3

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Peppermintbach
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    22 January 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Thank you so much, wonderful DB and darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all). Love to both of you xoxo

    Sometimes I want a quiet life, other times I want to go a little bit Gatsby.

    - Atticus

    Although I actually think I’m more Gatsby than quiet life at heart ;) Would explain my avatar to some extent. Lol. Maybe that’s what I’m missing, my own weird, version of Gatsby...whatever that might be...

    2 people found this helpful
  23. startingnew
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    22 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    that makes sense Peps, maybe you need to satisify your wild and crazy side
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  24. Birdy77
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    22 January 2019

    Dear Friend,

    I have two words for you:

    Freakin' Supernova.

    I shall return ❤❤

    🌻birdy xo

    2 people found this helpful
  25. Ggrand
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    22 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Peppy,

    I also really hope you find what your craving, it warms my heart that you have an idea what your looking for...Way to go lovely friend.. Love the Gatsby...Go find it and grab it and hold the new excitingly wild Peppy in your heart...

    Much love and caring hugs💜🤗..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Peppermintbach
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    23 January 2019

    Hi all,

    A grateful thank you, as always :)

    Darling Butterfly Wings: thank you, lovely one. Yes, I feel a little wild at heart...

    If you see a blue butterfly or a storm, think of it as me sending my love and blessings to you. “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    beautiful birdy/Dear friend: thank you so much for making me smile. I look forward to your return :)

    I don’t know how I can possibly thank you enough for your ongoing support, understanding, insight, compassion and for your genuine acceptance of me. This is especially the case when I know you’ve been struggling, yet still choose to be here for me. You have helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you more than words can express...

    How have things been for you, dear friend? Love you xoxox

    Gorgeous Grandy: thank very much to you too. I hope so too...I’m not sure of the specifics, but I feel that I’m gradually getting warmer.

    Although I don’t think this is “new”, I think that I’m just starting to reconnect with parts of myself. Bit by bit. Love and care xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Birdy77
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    12 February 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend,

    I've missed talking with you my beautiful friend ❤ I've been lost. Anchorless. Words failing me. Retreating into a cocoon of nothing-much-at-all except some pretty raw self reflection. Eventually some tears, and slowly i may be emerging again. We'll see.

    How are you feeling?

    Last time you wrote you mentioned your feelings of restlessness and discontent. Honour those feelings darl, they are your friends. They are helping to guide you to what is next on the journey. Welcome them and offer them a beverage on the deck to watch the sunset 😊 there is no rush for action.

    Acknowledgement opens the way forward.

    I do know that you are impatient, but give this some time and patience if you possibly can.

    I understand what you are saying about settling, and not feeling inclined to date. I've felt the same at times ... and that is perfectly ok.

    It's also ok to go on dates with no expectations of a second date ... to be in the moment and enjoy the company of another person is a worthwhile end in itself, if that is what feels ok for you at the time.

    As for settling long-term, I'm sure a lot of people do ... and sometimes it's all we're capable of, and that, again, is ok. But not-settling, and following your firey passion is the stuff of electricity, the stuff of exhilarating awesomeness and if you are in the right mindset and emotional-space, that is truly wonderful. There is so much on the horizon for you my friend. There is.

    It sounds like you would at least like a change of scenery right now ... would a holiday someplace be feasible, to get you out of the everyday for a bit?

    Love you,

    🌻birdy xoxo

    P.S. if the bbffs (Deebs and Grandy) are reading, I hope you are both being really gentle with yourselves ... take it easy and know that you are both loved.

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Peppermintbach
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    13 February 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

    Gently extending my hand of friendship to you as I knew you had been struggling, specially considering how quiet you’ve been lately. I know you tend to get a little quiet when things are rough...warm hugs... I too understand the anchorless feeling.

    I know how awful that can be so I’m feeling for you...I care very much about you and think of you often. I know sometimes you need to retreat, and I understand that, but just know if you ever want to talk, many of us here are here for you...

    The raw self reflection sounds intense. It must have been very painful, but maybe it’s also an important part of your process in becoming whoever you need or want to be (or maybe I’ve completely missed the mark here?) I hope you’re being extra gentle with yourself during this period of transition. Allowing space for your feelings and all...

    I’ve missed you too, dear friend. Thank you so much for the truly lovely and insightful post :)

    I’m feeling emotional and confused. I can’t even properly describe what I’m feeling...

    I really liked your level headed and realistic comments about settling. Thank you...

    I think settling in relationships sometimes works out okay, and sometimes it doesn’t. But I think, deep down, perhaps your heart will never be 100% in it...because you settled...

    Maybe that’s okay for some people though...to settle in relationships (and/or life in general). I suppose it depends on the individual and what they want and expect as well as, as you thoughtfully said, their head space and other circumstances at the time...

    Sigh, thank you, dear friend. I hope you’re right about there being something on the horizon for me. I want wonderful things for you too...for both you and mrs b :) I think you have so much to offer, simply by being you...

    I’m planning to go overseas for maybe a month or so late this year or early next year, so that would be nice. Around the Christmas/New Year period. Perhaps France, but not sure yet...

    Overall, I’m just not happy with a lot of things. Hopefully this is a year of positive change for me...

    How have you been since your latest post?

    Love you too,

    Pepper xoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  29. Ggrand
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    14 February 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Gentle Peppy and Sweety Tweety Birdy..

    I just wanted to call in to say that I believe that their is something very special waiting for the both of you not far around the corner..

    I also wanted to thank you Birdy and also let you know that you are also loved and you are loved as well Peppy..by me and many others here..

    Believe in yourselves...

    Care and look after yourselves..

    Be positive that your dream will come true Peppy and I hope you have a beautiful trip overseas..

    You both have a beautiful friendship growing and it’s so lovely to watch...

    I am unable to reply to your posts with anything that would be of help to you both..sometimes it’s hard for me to understand the written word..but know that I care about you both so very much...

    Peppy..sweety you will find you..um but I love you Just the way you are...your soft, gentle, caring, have a beautiful soul and your courageous...

    I brought you both a beautiful bunch of dried wild flowers that’s set in a frame and under glass to preserve them forever...💐💐..with some dried and beautifully arranged 4 leaf clovers 🍀🍀 on top of yours Peppy...and a 🐣 on top of yours Birdy.

    I hope you both have a lovely day..

    Love and hugs.💜🤗.

    Grandy..

    4 people found this helpful
  30. Peppermintbach
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    15 February 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    Thank you so much for your love and many blessings and thoughtful presents. You’re very generous and caring, as always.

    It means a lot that you’re visiting when I know how much you’ve been struggling. That speaks volumes about you. Thank you...

    Your love and care absolutely is help, lovely one :) Caring and compassion (reaching out) is a form of help . Please don’t doubt yourself...

    I love the framed dried flowers. Beautiful...I’ll use it to decorate my place, and each time I see it, I will think of you and smile :)

    Thank you, yes, I’m very grateful for and blessed by beautiful birdy’s friendship (and yours and so many others too).

    Love and care to you,

    Peppy xoxo

    2 people found this helpful

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