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Topic: Sad musings

  1. Peppermintbach
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    2 May 2019

    Hi to all the lovely people here,

    Gorgeous Grandy: You’re doing great with your reading and replying :) Please don’t worry too much about it. It’s just that I wasn’t clear so that’s on me, not you.

    Also, please be reassured that you haven’t “hurt” me in any way. As I’ve said before, the single most important thing is posting from the heart (and you do that beautifully) ;)

    I understand what you’re saying, and thank you so much for the gentle reminder to cherish those moments of joy in between...very moving...

    I was originally going to launch into something about opportunity costs in response, etc, but figured that I might start giving everyone a headache, so I’ll just leave that one be ;)

    Thank you for being the loving, kind person you are :) We are all very blessed. Love and care xoxo

    Wonderful DB: Thank you so much for your thoughtful & caring post. I know you spent a lot of time thinking about it, which makes it that much more special....you’re a lovely friend :)

    I agree with you that having nice colleagues makes work more enjoyable. Sorry, I feel as though I haven’t been clear. My bad...I wasn’t talking strictly about work, but I can understand why you would think that. I meant goals in a broad sense ;)

    Yes, gorgeous Grandy and beautiful birdy both wrote fantastic posts and I’m very thankful for both of them (and for you & others too) ...

    I can see why you might think that self confidence is an issue. Thank you for caring so much...

    But I actually think my confidence is okay... I’m not overly confident but I don’t think that I’m lacking either. Maybe I come across as having low confidence because I don’t say too many “positive things” about myself and/or have certain expectations.

    Self esteem is something that is a quiet presence in me. It’s self knowledge/awareness that I don’t usually feel the need to articulate or express to another person. I believe self esteem can manifest itself in many different ways...

    I get that for some people it’s more about public affirmation, etc, which is brilliant & I have nothing against that :) But for others, like me, self esteem might be something that is felt but doesn’t necessarily need to be “voiced.”

    Neither is better or worse than the other. Just different conceptualisations.

    How about I throw in some extra choccie bars as interest for the late delivery (& for the hug)? I’ll take that soup too btw! Lol.

    Your presence and insight is greatly appreciated here. Super soul hugs and much love xoxo

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  2. Ggrand
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    3 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Peppy, Deebi, Birdy..

    I really hope so much that you are all better then okay...

    Im just popping in to say hello and remind you dear Peppy it the weekend tomorrow...Yay...Now it’s time for some you time....Work finished yesterday and went down with the sunset to sleep until Monday and it took with it all the stress, pressure and anxiety of work with it...

    Take time this weekend dear friend to sit outside, with a beverage of your choice, close your eyes for a few minutes and see things in a different way...hear the birds, the bees, the rustling of the leaves as the breeze blows, feel the breeze on your skin, the sun warming you up...Maybe go shopping...take a long soak in the bath or shower..enjoy your weekend lovely friend the best way you can..💜🤗🍀..Sending you my love...and some soul hugs 💜💕🤗🤗🤗....

    Hi Birdy...I hope your okay honey....sending you my love 💜..and big hugs...I didn’t know you had 2 fur buddies...Do they play with your chickens?...Sorry if you said before, my mind has a habit of forgetting things a lot...Please take good care of you dear friend...You have such a beautiful caring heart....I wish you had lots of happiness in your life..it’s just so unfair that good people hurt so much...

    Deebi...hello dearest bbff..I heard the words chocolate 🍫 and Deebi...I went in search of them and bingo I found you and the 🍫 here at Peppy’s warehouse....ummm I think I deserve a BIG block for being so smart and finding you and some 🍫 here....

    Good Night beautiful ladies..sleep well and dream sweetly and tomorrow is a brand new day...each of us has a day of our very own..How Good is that?..let’s make it a good day..🍀😂🍫🌈🌲🎃..

    Grandy..xxoo

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  3. demonblaster
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    6 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hey lovely gentle Peppystar and beautifuls 🤗

    You express yourself so beautifully Peppy I admire that and your gentle way about you.

    I'm so pleased hearing you do have confidence and self esteem. I often misunderstand esp in poor mh 🙃 so ages back I got the wrong impression so my love you're off the hook 😁 you lucky girl 🤗

    Thanks so much being the lovely person you are seeing how I might have misunderstood.

    Looking at career from a non career perspective which I understand now you meant in general but this could apply to any situation in life where someones feeling they havent reached their potential in comparison to others around them I think in life our most important position to be, is enjoying what we're doing. People have many reasons for high or not achievements but the high achievers as our gorgeous Birdy I think or Grandy mentioned also live and put themselves in a position of extremely high stress.

    Please tell me if I'm off balance (well we know that 😆) again.

    Anyhoo I'll gladly ...even graciously although the choccy 🍫 grab may be fast and clumsy accept extra.. many thanks dear Pepples (how are we going with Pepples btw 😆) and uh oh.. oh dear what a shame did I forget the soup 🙄. Doing another batch lovey I'll gladly give you a generous extra... teaspoon

    Lot of love and appreciation to you lovely friend. 🤗 I really hope you're feeling better lovey and btw hun this is your thread to express your self I feel if you want to give us a headache 🤕 😉 go for it Peps we'll be listening 🍃

    Hey beautiful Birdy mmm that doesnt sound right 🤔

    So warming hearing you love my bbff 💑 and I. Honestly absolutely same back sweety tweety yip that's what was missing Tweety 🐣

    I so hope you're feeling better too and Peps of course. I'm coming to your thread admittedly its nearly the next decade, a few factors in the order I reply and was 😭 biggly last few but doesn't a whopping load of 😴 make life more bearable. See you in near future beautiful tweety love. 🤗 you are another here in my thoughts with love and care.

    ☘🍫+ 💑bbff + 🐣💗

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  4. Birdy77
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    7 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend,

    Firstly, thank you so much for your exceptionally lovely , loving and generous words to me. You are so encouraging and a really gorgeous person.

    I hope my recent reply didn't frustrate you or leave you feeling misunderstood. I absolutely know that money & power are not priorities for you & that you were not referring to these things but rather to goals & accomplishments in a much broader sense. I just happened to think of those examples as a way to illustrate my clumsy point about different goals/ideals = different sacrifices/energy expenditure etc.

    Which is quite possibly a really convoluted way of saying something along the lines of your concept of opportunity costs. Or maybe not. There's a huge chance I have no idea what I'm talking about. Feel free to say whatever you'd like I'm sure it will give us all less of a headache than my paragraphs above.

    I just ... I guess wanted to encourage you, as you make your own path, to not hold yourself hostage to others' methodologies or standards. Their sacrifices will be different to your sacrifices & can't be compared. I know you hold very high standards for yourself, which is awesome ... but please also allow yourself some breathing space as well. And maybe before moving on to the next goal, honour the achievement you have just made. You said to me recently that each small step or accomplishment should be celebrated. Cheers to that.

    How have you been feeling lately? You mentioned you were feeling over-it in relation to the big changes that you're trying to implement. I hope you are not disheartened. Change is hard work. I'm always listening if you want to talk about anything. I do understand about feeling over it at times, but not sure if it's the same as yours .. mine is frustration with a feeling like trying to swim up a waterfall or something. Exhausting. I dunno. I think you understand.

    How are your travel plans coming along? Have you been learning any French yet? Don't forget mrs b's advice about learning during zzzz time.

    Grandy, do not worry, my brain forgets loads of stuff too. My doggies are a bit too immature to know how to play nicely with the chooks, but they get really cranky (through the chook fence) when the girls lie down for a sunbake or a dust bath I do not know why!

    Thank you to the bbffs as always xo.

    My character-counter no longer works, so I'm unsure if I'm up to the word limit.

    Sending you my love,

    🌻birdy xo


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  5. Peppermintbach
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    9 May 2019

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    You’re always so nurturing with your ability to appreciate all that is around you...the scenery you described was enchanting. Peace and joy in the picture that you painted ;)

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your gift with us....

    Gentle hugs and much love to you xoxo

    Hi wonderful DB,

    Please don’t worry about it. No harm done. I don’t always express my mental process clearly, plus I know you always have the best intentions, & that’s enough for me ;)

    It might help to explain that it was less about the outcome than it was the process (endurance, perseverance, consistency and grit) that I was referring to. The swimmer who gets up at 5am daily to train. The single parent who does everything s/he can to give his/her children the best possible chance in life. The dancer who trains hours each day to perfect the art. Etc.

    It’s their process that makes me question my own commitment. It’s not about competition, comparison or my ego, but it’s about looking to people who possess something that I admire, so I can learn....sorry if I confused a lot of people before...

    I feel someone else’s greatness is a source of inspiration, not intimidation ;)

    Thanks, as always, for your heartfelt presence & compassionate nature xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

    Your posts come straight from your heart. I couldn’t ask for anything more, my friend. I’m truly grateful, especially when I know you’ve been struggling yet make time for me. That means the world.

    Your gentle reminder to celebrate each step, reflecting my own words back at me made me smile. It always surprises me when people do that, because I don’t expect people to pay attention :)

    Thank you so much for clarifying. I think (?) that I get what you meant now. I’m very sorry for misunderstanding you before...

    Lol. I didn’t coin “opportunity cost.” It’s a principle about how choosing between 2 mutually exclusive options means there is an inevitable “cost” for the option you forgo. I 1st came across it in an online newspaper. It’s mostly used in economics, but I feel it can be extended to general decision making...

    When I say I’m over it, yes, as you kindly suggested, there is some exhaustion where I’m sick of something or someone (don’t worry, no one here on the forums and certainly not you).

    Thank you for always listening and supporting me. It means more than you know to be your friend

    How have you been? I often wonder how you’re doing and send my love....xoxox

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  6. Birdy77
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    9 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend 😊

    Haha that's ok, I looked up opportunity costs when you mentioned it to Grandy, because I had not heard the term before, that's why when I read it I thought hmmm, I think that's kind of what I'm trying to say, but I'm doing it in a really complicated way.

    I understand that you mean the process of commitment and dedication. Hey, at least I showed dedication to the task of trying to explain what I meant? Merit certificate for me!

    How are you feeling today?

    It is an absolutely stunning morning here and I am just taking a break from overhauling a section of veg patch to make room for the last of my garlics to be planted. Trying to stay in the moment and not to project towards this Sunday as it's one of those days on the calendar that require a huge amount of gritting my teeth😬😬 trying not to lose my *cool* 🤬, etc ... deeeeep breaths .... love and light, love and light ..... 😇😇😇 (😖). Could I borrow some of that Grit of yours if you have any to spare.

    I have been up and down, mostly ok the last few days ... how about you?

    With love,

    🌻birdy
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  7. Peppermintbach
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    9 May 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

    I’m very happy to hear that you’re feeling a little better, despite the ups and downs...

    It pleases me greatly to hear that you’ve been out in your garden. I know it is a place of peace, meaning and self-care for you :) Your garden is coming along nicely. Please keep us updated on how it goes if you like...

    Sunday sounds intense and perhaps infuriating. Obviously, there’s no pressure but do you want to talk about it? I’m listening if you want to unload...

    Sigh, I have come down with a cold or flu (I can’t tell which it is). So I’m quite irritated with myself because my thoughts are “I don’t have time to get sick!” Typical me. Lol.

    It’s been a bit of a rough time for a whole range of reasons. Issues with family and family with serious illness, plus other issues and pressures. Just life, I guess...

    Much love to you too,

    Pepper xoxox

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  8. Birdy77
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    9 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend,

    I am sorry to hear you're not feeling well, but I'm thinking you might have taken some time off work, which is good.

    I think sometimes our bodies bring on things like cold and flus in response to our minds, almost like a way of necessitating slowing down & taking it easy & taking care of ourselves when we haven't been doing that in our normal day to day. How about listening to your body and giving it the down-time it's asking for? You need it. The other things that are making you think "ain't nobody got time for this!!" can wait. They really can. Be good to Pepper please, on my behalf.

    I'm really sorry you're dealing with serious illness in your family, on top of other issues with them. I can relate to that a lot, and the difficulties and sometimes conflicting feelings that accompany that situation. It can be very tricky. Family hey? Not a walk in the park
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  9. Birdy77
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    9 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Whoops A Daisy.

    I hit "post this reply" accidentally.

    Would you like to talk about any if the family issues (even generally) that are causing you upset?

    Sunday is just one of those days I'm going to have to get through. Spend Saturday cooking/preparing, leave Sunday morning and hope the dogs don't get too sick on the 4 hour journey, then arrive at the House Of Pure Annoyance. (I just deleted about 2500 characters explaining the annoyances -
    it's way too boring for you to hear). Spend a few hours gritting teeth and putting up with rudeness from mrs b's brother, aka Golden Boy, pack everything up and travel 4 hours home again and breathe a massive sigh of relief until the next compulsory family get together.

    Oh, and, did I tell you that mrs b's mother complained about a present that we bought her last time?

    Seriously, it drives me up the wall.

    Do you have obligations this weekend? I hope it's not as irritating as mine.

    Love,

    🌻biddy xo
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  10. Ggrand
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    9 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Peppy, Birdy Deebi and all...

    Apprentice ⛑ nurse Grandy is coming over to look after you dearest Peppy....I’ll make you a big bowl of vegetable 🥦🍆🌶🥕🥔🍠 soup..with plenty of detoxing herbs and spices....After dinner it’s a hot shower/bath..While your doing that I’ll make you and your other beautiful friends a nice hot cup of lemon, mint, parsley and chamomile tea.....then into bed nice and early for you....🤗🤗..and I’ll light you some scented lavender, rose, and the half eaten chocolate candle 😂...for you until you fall asleep sleep..

    I am sorry your not feeling well darling...Please take good care of you.....and try hard to get plenty of rest and plenty of fluids in you .I’m hoping it’s just a cold and not the 🤒 🤧 😷....sending my love dear friend..

    Hello Birdy...Sunday sounds like it’s not going to be a day your looking forward to....I’m sorry you have to go through that on Sunday....I can relate to some of what you spoke about...I’m just wondering if you could instead of going straight home..because I’m thinking of the long trip both ways in a day....would it be possible to stop over at a motel on your back home...There’s getting more and more dog friendly motels these days...and enjoy a refreshed drive home the next day?....just my thoughts dear friend...I wish you all the luck I have that Sunday is manageable for you...please sweety..don’t let them pull you down...Try to remember the beautiful caring person you are...Don’t believe them or your depression....believe your friends in r/l and here...also sending my love to you 💜 dear friend..

    Deebi....Hello..🤗💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....

    Sending everyone caring hugs and love...💖 💕 🤗🤗..

    Grandy..

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  11. Peppermintbach
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    11 May 2019

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    You are a natural at nursing :) The veggie soup was divine. You’re so lovely to share your cooking with me.

    The candles were so fragrant and relaxing. Love your attention to detail.

    Giving you some bonus free choccies to say thank you :) Warm hugs and much love xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

    Your weekend sure sounds demanding. Your visit to the House of Pure Annoyance tomorrow would be very stressful and irritating. Rudeness and ingratitude are quite the combination, aren’t they? Hopefully your poor doggies won’t get too sick...

    mrs b’s mum does indeed have a lot of expectations and demands, and clearly likes to make them known. I can imagine you gritting your teeth...and understandably so...let us know how Sunday goes if you like. I’m always listening and you’re most welcome to write any time here. To unpack, chat or vent :) I would love to know how things go...

    I do have obligations this weekend. Life, right? It’s probably less irritating than yours though. It’s more just draining than anything else.

    So perhaps a different type of emotion will be involved. Then again, yours is probably draining too, but perhaps in a different way to me. I suppose we don’t exactly get to choose our biological families (and/or in-laws in your case)...

    With family, I just have certain commitments and responsibilities. Some I don’t mind honouring, but what I appreciate a lot less is being badgered to do something incessantly, especially when I’ve already agreed to do it...

    Sorry, I forgot to answer your question before. No, I’m afraid I haven’t started learning French yet. I’ll have to keep mrs b’s language learning tip in mind. Lol!

    But on the upside, I’ve a couple of friends who want to do some travelling. Nothing has been finalised yet, but it would be fun to go overseas together :)

    Thank you, as always, for your beautiful friendship. Always grateful for your presence in my life xoxox

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  12. Birdy77
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    25 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend 😊

    I just wanted to say hello, and tell you I was thinking of you and wonder how you are and how the last couple of weeks have been. I hope you weren't incessantly badgered about things the other weekend.

    My journey to the HoPA was surprisingly bearable, even amongst the chaos that reigns there, and notwithstanding the fact that mrs b's mother tried to put meat on her lunch plate. She said "oh yes, I forgot" ( yeah right).

    (Thank you Grandy for your care and hopes to get through the day, it worked! Survived! Your idea to stay overnight would be lovely, but in the end it wasn't too bad, and nice to get home into our own little house at the end of the day.)

    That sounds great that you have some friends who may possibly travel with you, so cool to have that to possibly plan for and look forward to.

    Oh I saw this quote the other day, thought of you: "I refuse to live as half of myself because other people can't handle all of me" .

    I'm a bit blah at the moment, am going to try to snap myself out of it today, it is warm, so thought maybe a picnic o mc the beach. Wanna come?

    Thinking of you, hope you are taking good care of you.

    🌻birdy xoxo
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  13. Peppermintbach
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    27 May 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

    Thank you so much, dear friend. It really does mean a lot that I’ve been in your thoughts and that you’re reaching out to me :) The quote made me smile...thank you, dear friend...

    I’m very relieved to hear that your journey to the HoPA was tolerable. It sounds like it was one of your better visits there. I like how she conveniently “forgot” that mrs b doesn’t eat meat. Maybe she just likes being “selective” with her memory? ;)

    I don’t even know how to summarise what has been happening in my world. Lol. A range of things, I suppose. Sick family and work stress plus some other personal issues. It has been a bit of a bumpy ride. Just re-thinking a lot of things too...confused about what I’m doing with my life at this point in time.

    All in all, just having a rough time. But I try not to make too much of a fuss about it/talk about it too much as I know everyone struggles one way or another. Sometimes talking about my problems makes me feel very self absorbed and self indulgent.

    How have you been lately? Did you end up going to the beach on the weekend? I think of you often and wonder how things are going for you. Blessed to have your beautiful friendship and presence in my life. Also, thank you for the invite. That made me smile, I would have loved to have joined you there :)

    Sending warmth & much love xoxox

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  14. Birdy77
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    27 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Dear Friend ❤

    I want to be here for you, to listen to the all the different things going on for you. I understand that you don't want to be self-absorbed, but talking here on the forums is the perfect way to get things off your chest, so you can maybe move forward better? It's safe to do so, it's ok to lay some worries down here .. isn't that what the forum is all about? Only as much as you want to of course, but even if you feel you are being self-indulgent, you are not - you are sharing your experiences and your thought processes and your feelings, and that helps you and it helps anyone reading.

    Croix shared a really lovely quote a while ago which you probably saw:

    “As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves” 
    ― William Hartnell

    I am so listening to you and will always be here when you are ready.

    I'm really sorry to hear the rough time you are still going through, with family illness and some personal issues. How I wish I could sit with you and talk through all our stuff! In front of the fire today (eew so windy and feral and cold here today). If there is anything you would like to nut out, I'm here with you.

    As I've told you before, I totally understand that feeling of not knowing what to do ... I've been at those crossroads so many times! Am again in a way. So many people seem to be on their path and have it figured and stay on that path. You have fire in you Pepper. It is ok to have many different paths in life my friend ... this is your life, your concurrent work-in-progress/masterpiece.

    I feel like I have so many things on hold at the moment, which makes me feel like similtaneously jumping out of my skin and crawling under a big snuggly blanket for 5 years. But mrs b tells me I have plenty of time, it will fall into place once some other things fall into place ... I am impatient like you. Let's try to be patient.

    The beach didn't happen because the wind picked up on Saturday and a windy day at the beach got a big heck-no from me. I made the most mind blowing yummy satay last night!! Do you like satay? Omgness, I can tell you what I did, I reckon you could do it it only took about 15 minutes!

    Love you

    🌻birdy xo
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  15. Peppermintbach
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    28 May 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

    Thank you so much for being here. It really does mean a lot, dear friend :)

    How I wish that I could sit with you and talk things through with you. That would be truly wonderful, even though I would probably give you a headache. Lol

    Yes, I have seen that quote. Thank you so much for sharing :) Although I’m not sure if there’s anything to be learnt from me, aside from learning how to get a headache. Perhaps I have things to learn from others...

    I understand and I hear you about the crossroads. The uncertainty and/or inner conflict can be very confusing...

    About those people who seem to be focused on a set path. While I don’t doubt some of them know exactly what they want to do, in which case, I admire their decisiveness and conviction. Good on them :) I wonder if others just give the impression of having it together but are just as lost as the rest of us on the inside...

    It sounds like perhaps your emotions have been erratic. Feeling all kind of contradictory emotions can be debilitating. I understand how emotionally paralysing it feels to want to both hide under a blanket fort but want to run, run, run at the same time...

    Your beautiful mrs b is an absolute sweetheart. Always so loving and encouraging. I’m so happy that you have each other, and she sounds very wise.

    As you know, patience is not one of my strengths. Definitely not. I like most things to happen quickly and preferably now. I’m that kind of person...

    It’s disappointing about the beach the other day. But I’m glad you seemed to have had fun in the kitchen. I would love to hear about the satay. 15 minutes sounds doable for me ;)

    Sigh, I had wanted to drink on Sunday night. Alas, I fell asleep with no drink but suddenly woke up at 3am yesterday morning, felt miserable and had a strong urge to drink. Never mind that I needed to be up in a few hours to start getting ready for work.

    I drank, nodded off for a little. Woke up feeling slightly groggy. With alcohol probably still coursing through my blood stream (I don’t know enough about chemistry or biology to say definitively), I got ready for the day.

    Did my makeup, fixed my hair, etc as I usually like to do. If I was feeling crap, at least I could still look good. Ordered coffee with 3 shots before heading into the office. Almost burst into tears as the barista kindly commented that some days we need a strong coffee...just life sometimes...

    How has your week been so far?

    Love you too xoxox

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  16. Birdy77
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    28 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Dear precious friend,

    I completely understand and can see myself in how your morning went yesterday. There's a particular local shop where I get hugs every time I even walk past because once when I was in a dreadful place in head, they kindly and gently asked how I was. Cue: open the floodgates. Snivelling mess. The poor guys were stunned, but came around the counter and held me while I sobbed!

    So, I totally get it my friend.

    I agree that a lot of people who seem to have it together are probably a bit lost inside, at least sometimes. It's the ones who admit this and show their vulnerability that I trust more than those who seem amazingly perfect, you know?

    You have plenty for many people to learn, I assure you. Your heart, your thought processes, your dedication and openness to do good. Never doubt your example.

    I've kind of been feeling good the last few days or so, but I am spiralling tonight. I don't know what's triggered it but I feel like crap and the tears are falling.

    Thanks for being here. ❤

    🌻birdy xo
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  17. Ggrand
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    28 May 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Hello Pepper, Birdy, Deebi and all....

    I am so sorry that your both struggling so very much...

    I just called in to gently let you know...That you are both loved by so many people here.....I’m one of them..☺️...

    If it’s okay..I would like to give you both some gentle hugs that’s full of warmth , care and love..💖💝💗💞💓..🤗🤗🤗🤗.. to.both of your beautiful hearts and souls...Truth ..not just words....

    I’m not much good at the moment to do more then send you some gentle care.....and I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you both...as well as everyone else.....

    Love and hugs..

    Grandy...

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  18. Peppermintbach
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    29 May 2019

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

    Thank you so very much for your friendship and presence here. I don’t think that I can ever say that often enough. Never take anyone for granted...so again, thank you. Especially as I know how much you’re hurting, yet still make time for me. That speaks volumes about your beautiful heart...

    I am going to quietly sit with you as you cry. Say nothing or say everything. I’m here for you. Always listening and always have your back....

    Those guys at your local shop sound so wonderfully compassionate and caring. Sometimes a simple, kind gesture or comment from stranger that opens the floodgates...

    I agree with you that showing vulnerability is very hard. It’s not easy and it does take a lot of courage to put your heart on the line...I admire people who are good at that...

    But I also think we never know what struggles people hide behind an illusion of perfection/defensive wall. So I try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt ;)

    As I said, I know you’re struggling and that your emotions are everywhere....I’ll sit here with you in your pain, and tell you it’s okay to feel and that you’re not alone...if you ever want to talk, but no pressure, you have a friend in me...

    Sending friendship, warm hugs and my love xoxo

    Gorgeous Grandy: your gentle hugs, warmth and love is felt, accepted and cherished.

    It means the world that you’re dropping off truckloads of love here, despite how much you’re struggling. I know your post came straight from your heart. All your posts come from them....

    Love and hugs to you too xoxo

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  19. Birdy77
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    29 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    ❤ thank you ❤
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  20. Birdy77
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    29 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend,

    Firstly, I wanted to say that the thank you I left was also for Grandy, your lovely messages were so appreciated and needed. I am so sorry I didn't mention you both, I just had to say thanks this arvo, I have not bee feeling good.

    I keep spelling my name wrong when I sign off, I just replied to a new member and signed off "bitdy". I signed off to you and another recently as "biddy". It is embarrassing.

    How are you? Have you had an ok couple of days since your 3am Monday morning haze?

    I keep pushing everyone away. I have been avoiding 3 friends not that I don't want to hear from them or be there for them, but I'm just isolating myself. I'm not being a good person to people. It sucks.

    I watched the movie Ladybird yesterday, have you seen it? I really liked it, I might watch it again.

    I have some big fears that are bubbling up. I should go over to my thread and do that there. Sorry lovely Pepper.

    Is it ok that I'm just rambling? I don't feel like a good person.

    Love,

    🌻birdy xo (omg I spelt it correctly).
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  21. demonblaster
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    29 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi beautiful Peppystar tweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

    First things first. This is as if not more important than an understanding ear ... 🤗🤗🤗 the extras for our Grandy love.

    You all are in my love basket, it's 😔 seeing beautiful people doing the hards. Worse being in that space.

    Peppy love I think you're beautiful thinking others have their pain but hun you're a solid gentle presence for so many. Of course your call but what about some of that compassion and consideration for yourself darlin. As our gorgeous Tweety and Grandy said you're very loved hun we also want to be here for you so let it rip baby as Tweets said this is what here's all about and I reckon it's overdue time for the scales to be evened more ☺

    On saying that it's true youse saying it is hard putting your pain out there it does make us vulnerable although in pain we are anyway but it's somewhere to unload. Can be quite therapeutic but not pressure just don't want to see you suffer alone when you have so much love 🤗 no extra charge for that hug so clearly your evenings picking up already.

    Not at all harp or judge promise, I'm going to watch this again sometime. A doco called "the truth about stress" they were talking about cortisol I thinks the name which is our stress hormone and coffee. The caffeine increases that which starts up adrenalin to my knowledge, could be wrong but I think thats how it goes.

    Anyway beautiful lady know I'm part of your support team and think the world of you, want to see you happy lovey you really do deserve it and truth you and Tweety are also in my thoughts often with love 🤗☘ 💟🖤❤

    Tweety ya treasure hi lovely ☺🤗 the above post to Peppy applies to you too love you're both amazing beautiful people. Very glad to know and love & care about youse both. Well done it sounds that you managed to pick yourself up for a while there I'm glad cause it's very difficult but I heard the steel in you saying you would.

    Girls the more I hear and understand mindfulness there's so much value to it. Many of us put so much energy into yesterday and tomorrows potential pain. As I always say I'm a great believer in time bringing on change, sometimes even the smallest details can make a difference.

    I hope the future holds peace and happiness for you both and of course you bbff 💜

    We'll get there girls 🤝 united.

    ☘🐥👩‍❤️‍👩🗯 all 🤗x3.

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  22. Peppermintbach
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    29 May 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear birdy/our darling friend (& waves to all),

    I’m gently holding my hand out to you in friendship. I’m offering a listening ear, a safe space to talk...you can talk about anything you like here.

    Rambling is welcome too...I tend to think of it as speaking from the heart or soul, rather than “rambling” though. So speak from your heart & soul as much as you want.

    This thread, other threads...here, there, wherever. Please don’t apologise for using your voice...we want to be here for you.

    Your shorter sentences, the choppy cadence...I feel your anxiety and know you’re spiralling, my friend, and I’m here listening...

    I know when you struggle, you withdraw and shield yourself from the world. You’re not being “not a good person” as you put it...

    If anything, I think how it says that you genuinely care about your friends and want to be there for them. But it’s just that current circumstances/your emotional state stops you...you’re not “bad.” There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a complex person with nuance who is now struggling very much, that’s all...

    Would you like to hear how I personally manage to see my friends when I’m not feeling up to it, in the (small) chance that it might give you a few ideas to work with?

    I haven’t seen Ladybird, but I’ll look it up. It sounds wonderful...I hope you watch it again tonight :) What is is it about and can I ask if you ended up dancing?

    My mood has been erratic, but I’m pushing through. For me, sigh, it’s always that fine line between honouring my feelings and tending to my commitments and responsibilities. Unravel but not too much...fall apart but not too much...

    How I often get through the day is I’ll acknowledge the gross feeling as it arises, acknowledge that the feelings are real but also tell myself that I’ll deal with it later that day (just not necessarily right now). Usually when I decide to “deal” with it is when I paradoxically also decide not to deal with it by reaching for alcohol instead...

    My dear friend, how I wish I could really sit beside you and talk things through...perhaps in another life...for now, I’m holding my hand out to you and sending you love and friendship. You’ll always have a friend in me.

    Much Love xoxox

    P.S. Wonderful DB: you’re loved and valued. I’ll get back to you soon. Thank you so very much for being here and for your post xoxo

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  23. demonblaster
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    29 May 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    You're very welcome lovely Peppy and absolutely no rush just when you feel up to.

    🤗🤝🗯

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  24. Birdy77
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    1 June 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    My lovely lovely friend ❤

    Thank you so very much for being here for me when I am sad and scared.

    Your words are a comfort and a gift to me.

    I will come back and talk more with you, but just really wanted to send a big hug and a huge thank you.

    How are you darl? I hope you are ok.

    Much love from me xo
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  25. Peppermintbach
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    2 June 2019
    Our wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

    Thank you so very much for your heart warming post. An extra special, super duper soul hug from me. I‘m your top student for a reason ;)

    Yes, sigh, you’re right about vulnerability. I’m not particularly good at it; I don’t like feeling vulnerable. Even though I’m very hypocritical as I’ll happily encourage it in others. I just have an entirely different set of expectations for myself...

    Thanks also for sharing your vast knowledge about stress. I really appreciate it, and what you’re saying makes a lot of sense. Although I admittedly won’t be giving up coffee any time in the near future ;)

    More super duper soul hugs and love xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

    Of course we would hold you hand and pitch a tent next to you when you’re hurting, sad and scared. What kind of friend would I be if I let you sit this one alone ;)

    Thank you so very much for the big hug. Happily received and here’s a big hug for you too.

    I have been...emotional...that words probably sums it up. Too many emotions so I’ll just. stick with “emotional.” Lol. I have been waking up feeling teary most mornings but have been just getting on with things. With life...you know how it is. How I am...how many of us probably are...

    I have been walking around in a haze (excellent word, very apt...think I might borrow that from you). But I suspect that might be pretty common...

    I spotted the most magnificent red rose in someone’s front yard. It was breathtaking. No idea why I’m sharing that little anecdote, but it’s just the image of that one red rose that has been stuck in my head all day. Don’t worry, I didn’t wander into their yard and pluck it ;)

    How has the weekend been for you, dear friend?

    Thank you, as always, for gifting me with your beautiful friendship. Truly blessed, comforted and appreciative. Much love from me xoxox
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  26. Birdy77
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    3 June 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Dear Friend,

    It makes me very sad to think of you wanting to cry upon waking each morning. I am truly sorry to hear that you are in such a sad place in your heart right now.

    It can be really hard to take good and gentle care of your emotions when your life is so busy and you have to put your game-face on. When you come home at the end of the day is when you can start to give those feelings some airtime, but I understand the call of that liquid that will numb it all for a while. It is so difficult.

    I love that you noticed and took in all the intricate beauty of the rose - you tell me sometimes that you don't have that quality of appreciating the small wonders around you, but you've just proven that you do! There is so much beauty and magic around us - that rose was a gift from the universe to you.

    How was your weekend? I felt very low, but yesterday afternoon I had fun, mrs b helped me in a section of the garden where I really needed a chainsaw for some tree pruning - she gave it a go with her circular saw and did a great job (luckily the oh&s officer was off duty).

    I made the scrummiest pizza last night, and I know I haven't given you the satay recipe yet (or the pad thai one from three thousand years ago either). Patience my friend.

    Lotsa love,

    🌻birdy xo

    Aunty Deebsta, thank you as always for your beautiful care and love.
    🌻tweets xo


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  27. demonblaster
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    3 June 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi there Pepirdy (Peppystar/Birdy alias Tweetsy) Grandy and everyone :)

    Oh Peps that's so sad you poor darling, it's terrible when it's like that I'm really sorry hearing you're suffering you beautiful lady 🤗 because I'm good like that I'm giving you another lesson on the top level hugging which is reserved for our VIPs in fact how bout a group hug Grandy, Tweety and I and of course anyones welcome to join.

    Grandy I think is pitching her tent next to mine as soon as she gets a leave pass but I suspect she'll already be planning her escape when they're having a widdle snooze.

    Darl I haven't yet quite got anything concrete but you might or someone be able to come up with something. What I'm wanting to do is esp before sleep when you're nice and tucked up and warm with Blanky and spare 🍫's that you're planning to give us when you sleep walk and dump them in our tents is to have a positive thought along the lines of I can and will get through and also first thing in the morning and throughout the day, could be an idea to think up others because if we back ourselves believe it and repeat what we think we tend to follow so it can change and help our mindset. Oh and a few deep slow breaths before and after to get a bit of energy happening.

    I feel so sorry for you Tweets and our Grandz.

    Thank you for your always beautiful response you're such a sweety you all are.

    I hope it gives you pleasure and that you have some excitement thinking and planning your France trip that must be sneaking along and maybe friends too bonus. And that you're able to do some of your art.

    Ok lovely ones Tweets that Pizza sounds great, you also make me laugh I was at the recipes and how long they're taking. You too Peps I'm happy seeing you joke at least those moments are a bit of a break.

    Oh I know exactly how you feel about that Rose I had the same experience not long back it was one of the most beautiful flowers and had either one or more drops of water sitting on the petals. Beautiful but atm can't remember what it looked like 😂 but I'll never forget how it made me feel. Be good if you got a piccy. I did but it wasn't very good. Lol at you saying no I didn't go and pick it :)

    Nigh night loves sleep well and wake up saying thanks but no thanks I choose to be happy xx love to you all



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  28. Peppermintbach
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    5 June 2019

    Hi lovely people,

    dear friend/beautiful birdy: Thank you so much for your loving presence & understanding, my friend :)

    I feel saddened by how low you’ve been feeling & wish that I could give you a very warm hug. If you ever want to talk, you have a friend in me..but you know that already ;)

    I’m glad there was a precious window of fun, despite the gloom. mrs b is such a gorgeous and loving presence in your life. I have always had the impression she was rather daring. I’m glad no wh&s officer was on duty though! Lol.

    Does she like gardening as much as you & how have you doing been since the weekend?

    Your comments about the red rose made me smile. There’s a certain comfort & reassurance in the beauty around us. Maybe I’m subconsciously learning from you & just not realising it ;)

    I had to pause & really think when you asked me about the weekend. It was a bit foggy. I was stressed with family commitments & work from the weekdays that had spilled over to the weekend.

    I did have a bit of a cry on Sunday and Monday night though but danced a little last night. Dance is life affirming. Still haven’t gotten around to learning the salsa yet though...

    That pizza sounds delicious and when you have a bit of time (no rush), I look forward to hearing about your satay and pad Thai recipe :)

    Much love from me xoxox

    Wonderful DB: what a lovely post. Thank you for making me smile :)

    The VIP lesson will be a treat, but I’m wary that I’ll get an invoice in a month’s time about how I “owe” you a thousand choccy bars...I’m telling you right now that I won’t be paying ;)

    You’re so generous with your tips, and I your lioness’ heart shows when you try so hard to help each of us. Thank you so very much for sharing your tips with me about the positive thoughts and deep breathing.

    I admit that I’m not really into positive thinking and that line of thinking. I understand it helps you (and countless others), which is great. Perhaps I can replace that with a grateful thought as an alternative. What do you think?

    The mystery flower that you described sounds stunning. I can visualise the glistening water droplets on it. Gorgeous...

    I think that we will hopefully be moving the trip to the middle of next year. I don’t need to experience an “extra” winter as it will be freezing if we went late this year/early next year. Now I just have to convince them! Mid-year is summer there so that’s much more appealing (to me at least)...

    Super soul hugs and love xoxo

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  29. demonblaster
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    7 June 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hey our lovely Peppystar Tweety Grandz and readers ☺

    Haha I see I have some work to do on you my friend, ok I understand the coffee 😆 but no no no having a bit of a mental breakdown at even the thought of you not paying your reduced invoice, you know mates rates an all I'm only charging you 346 🍫 bars. Would have been 347 to anyone else 😉

    Shame about the positive thinking only because if it's a positive as in a different type like say something you enjoy eg art or thinking about your trip, maybe memories of good times, coffee fave food also can help. Yes some people fair enough aren't into positive affirmations but I include other stuff might be a colour I like or an animal etc because they associate happy feelings well that's the idea because at some point they've given you pleasure to give your mind a rest from depression.

    It sads me you being sad a lot Peps I wouldn't be sad as much if you weren't such a lovely (quietly mutters not so much when she padlocks the stash 🍫)

    As warped and uncaring as this will sound 😆 I'm glad you cried 😂 still friends are we? Cause a bit of release but darlin Peps so yuk that you feel that way. Here we go darlz don't let the others they'll probs get a bit jealous 🤗

    Very hard when family rots going on it can be difficult to avoid or remove ourselves from it and of course painful.

    Dancing sounds good. A gf coming over hopefully next yr has been doing that for yrs it sounds like a lot of fun and yes nice to let loose. Good on you.

    Absolutely sounds good sense to avoid the cold. I'm excited for you Peppily ☺ you've always been very tolerant 😆with me playing with your name, you know...small things amuse small minds 🙄 is Peppily ok with you. You can't say your boring...you have many alias's to keep you bizee.

    Ok huns good to see you and I'll continue thinking and sending good wishes darlz. Take care Peps you're very loved here 🤗

    Tweets/y you too and I hope you're going a lot if not a bit better lovely one. Not good seeing our lovelies hurting.

    See youse later lovely friends ☺

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱🍫🤝👀👂🗯🖐🕊

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  30. Birdy77
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    8 June 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend,

    Love to Aunty Deebs, Grandy and all your friends/fans and readers ❤

    I agree with the Deebsta that it is good that you cried. It is a release ... you have so much sadness and angst inside and it is healthy for you to open those floodgates when you can, and let the tears wash some of the pain away, or at least allow the pain to express itself and be heard, felt and tasted.

    Dancing is wonderful and I'm so glad you did. Again: release. It's good for you. You spend a lot of your energy holding everything together and soldiering on. These bursts of expression are absolutely necessary.

    I would live to learn the salsa as well! I went to some ceroc classes for a time, which was an absolute hoot!! So much fun. I am not trained like you are (? I think?), but I do love dancing, mrs b and I have spent many many hours going nuts on the dancefloor (and more recently that equals our kitchen). So glad you have that mode of self-expression.

    Yeah mrs b did a ripper job with her makeshift chainsaw! Nah, I'm definitely the gardener of the family, but she enjoys doing stuff to help, mowing the lawn, omg she loves her new whippersnipper and doing the edging and stuff. It's awesome because she gets a great sense of achievement because you can see the results straight away. Whereas I will plant bulbs, for instance, and like ... 6 - m o n t h s - l a t e r .... there's some action ...

    We are in for a challenging couple of months. mrs b's mother has been fighting cancer for a long time now ... and we've just learnt that her kidneys are failing and the doctors think she may have a couple of weeks left only. It's quite a shock in terms of timing. She's been in hospital since just after mothers day. We are going there tomorrow. It's a weird time. Even with problematic relationships, the final time is still really confronting.

    Love you,

    🌻birdy xo

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