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Topic: Sad musings

  1. Peppermintbach
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    12 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    My dear, dear friend....I’m holding out my hand in friendship to you and offering a supportive space, love & warmth. I’m so sorry to hear that your family reunion was very brief.

    I know how hard it is to be apart. Even if you understand that she needs to be there, I know you must miss her everyday.

    If you ever want to talk about anything or just want a bit of company, I’m here... free rein & all ;) Happy, sad, angry, hurt, amused, the crying & crying, laughter, gardening, your boys, etc.

    Thank you so much for being here, dear friend. I know you’re here for me & how you make time to checkin on me really does mean a lot (especially when I know you’re often struggling yourself).

    Sometimes things just build & it can get a little overwhelming...my heart feels very broken at the moment. I agree with you about tears though :)

    There is a lot of loss & grief in my heart for various reasons, so it’s currently feeling a little stretched. I used to think that a heart can only carry so much, but then I realised that it just expands...

    Pain, carry it. Sadness, carry it. Loss, carry it. Etc. Grief taught me the most though.I tend to learn a lot of things the hard way, the really hard way.

    Thanks so much for sharing :) I admittedly don’t know too much about spiritual teachers or monks, but it makes sense why they would also struggle. I suppose if it was easy, maybe the current (human) emotional landscape would be vastly different?

    You seem to do a lot of reading on work by various spiritual teachers. I think it’s really good though. From what I can tell, it helps you a lot, & that makes me very happy :) You’re always welcome to share anything you’ve read.

    I appreciate the support & encouragement ! I’ll let you know how the innovation thing goes.

    How have you been the past few days? Sending comfort & care.

    Love,

    Pepper xoxox


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  2. Birdy77
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    13 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello friend,

    This is just a short message to you this morning, I have a bit of brain fog, but I really wanted to send you my love and care after reading your post from yesterday.

    I felt very sad to hear how broken hearted you are at the moment. It sounds like something or someone is currently causing you heartbreak. I might have that wrong, it may be the accumulation of sadness, loss and grief is weighing heavily on your heart at the moment.

    I know you feel things deeply and maybe sometimes that depth and intensity of feeling gets too much to hold.

    I wish I was able to sit with you in person and just hear you pour your heart out. Although not in person, I am sitting with you here, with your pain and heartache.

    I just hope that you are being really gentle with yourself as you hurt.

    You're right about the carrying or the holding of the pain, and the way it stretches us. It is really empowering for you to think of your heart expanding. It's like your heart is not just breaking, but breaking open.

    I am sending my love and thoughts.

    If you want to talk about anything at all, I'm here.

    Love from me xoxoxo

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  3. Peppermintbach
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    13 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy,

    Aren’t you a treasure to sit with me in my pain? Thank you so very much.

    I hope you’re being compassionate and loving towards yourself through your brain fog. Gentle and easy does it, my friend...I want you to know that I’m here for you too if you ever want to talk about anything. Sitting with you & talking would be beautiful, but I know that’s not possible, so I feel grateful for here :)

    Sometimes, if things can’t be changed or reversed, I try to find space for those associated feelings. If I can give space to that pain, I can hold it (feel it & learn from it) & ultimately learn to carry it. It’s a combination of things that feels heavy...

    But, in a way, it’s okay too. I think pain is just as much a part of life as the more pleasant moments. If I can carry joy, I can also carry pain. It’s just that the latter is far less pleasant, that’s all.

    Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling so great and my eyes were puffy from crying the night before. I felt a sudden, inexplicable urge to step outside for a bit. So I did exactly that.

    The fresh air nourished my heart and a cute, little bee soon caught my eye. I watched the bee fly from flower to flower. That warmed my heart. For a few brief minutes, my heart felt a little less heavy & a little less sore. For the rest of the day, I placed a hand on my heart every so often to recall that warmth/nourishment.

    I remember smiling inwardly: ebb & flow.

    Thank you, as always, for being the beautiful person you are. Your gorgeous heart always shines through. I’m very lucky to have your friendship here.

    Love you xoxox

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  4. Birdy77
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    13 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Dear Friend xo

    It was so lovely listening to you describe your moment yesterday if listening to yourself, taking yourself out into the fresh air, and Becoming One With The Moment. Becoming one with bee, and the flowers and the perfection of that moment.

    You are absolutely right, the good and the bad, the joy and the pain all have a place in our lives. And if we can practice accepting the hurt along with the ease, as you are practicing , we will be closer to freedom really. Yin and yang. It all belongs, some of it just feels harder than other parts as you wisely said.

    It's a really nurturing gesture to hold your hand to your heart to bring yourself back to you, or back to a moment or a warm feeling. I'm so glad to hear you are giving yourself this care and compassion. It really is making me feel happy. 😊

    I had to bring myself into this present moment multiple times today, my anxiety was going slightly ballistic. It is incredibly windy at my place today, and I have part of the fence down, a section of gates has been blown off it's hinges, and then this afternoon the gazebo over the deck started popping screws and swinging around in the wind! 😥 Scary for me.

    Anyway, I went into a bit of a tizzy, but then pulled myself together and thought through what I should do. I managed to find some longer screws in the garage and got up there with the power drill and fixed 3 brackets. I was frightened, but I brought myself back to exactly what I was doing this second, and this second, and I Nailed It (or screwed it or whatever, but that doesn't sound quite as successful).

    Now I can sit on the couch and look out at the sunset with the boys while I message you, without the roof of the pergola swaying in the breeze. That's got to be a positive thing. And I guess what I'm saying is, I handled it. In my anxiety I didn't think I could. But bringing myself back to this moment and this moment - I did it.

    Anyway, I really liked hearing about your successful practice of ebb and flow. xoxo

    Love you xoxo
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  5. Peppermintbach
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    13 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Our darling friend/dear birdy (& a wave to all),

    I feel very relieved that you & your boys are safe. That wind sounds as though it was very destructive. I think that the broken gate & swaying gazebo would have been quite alarming!

    I feel enormously proud of you for how you handled your anxiety, fears & the situation so beautifully. I can only imagine how anxious you must have felt...it must have felt so scary & debilitating at first.

    But you worked your way through it. You unpacked it into manageable parts. Second by second into the then & there. You did so well, my friend. So very well. You’re right, you did it :)

    I sense your feelings of accomplishment/pride that you have learnt that you can work your way through your anxiety. I also sense your relief...

    That you now know you can break it into manageable moments. That you now know that you have the capacity to bring yourself into the present. As I said, I feel so proud of you. I’m smiling as I write this :)

    Thank you so very much for your beautiful words of encouragement, compassion & understanding. Yin & Yang is a good way of putting it; thanks so much for sharing that.

    Until you kindly & gently commented, I hadn’t really thought of putting my hand on my heart as an act of care & compassion. I just saw it as being practical, as I tend to just do what works for me (whether that means holding the pain or placing my hand on my heart).

    But I suppose it was an act of care & self compassion. Thank you, lovely friend...the bee, the flowers & fresh air were precious moments. I think it was comforting to know that I could still let in some light, despite the ongoing heaviness.

    The innovation thing today was a mixed experience. There were some inspiring presentations (the part that I liked).

    But it seemed that a lot of the attendees were there to try to find influential people in various industries for the sake of their own careers (I liked this aspect a lot less). I understand networking has its place, but I just didn’t realise that there would be so much of it there! I attended with a different motivation; I just wanted to learn.

    Thanks again, as always, for your support. I think of you often. I’m always here if want to share any struggles as well as your successes & achievements (such as today).

    Feeling very happy for what you overcame today. I would love to hear how the rest of the weekend goes for you when you next have a bit of time (& only if you feel like sharing).

    Love,

    Pepper xoxox

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  6. Birdy77
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Dear Friend ❤

    How are you?

    Sorry the innovation thing wasn't much chop. I think a lot of things end up being networking opportunities .... it's annoying when you think it's going to be something else.

    I'm not doing that great just at the moment, so my post wont be much chop either. I feel a bit wretched.

    I will, however, be ok!! Not for you to worry.

    Love you.

    Hope you are taking care of you.

    xoxo

    🌻me
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  7. Peppermintbach
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    Thanks so much for checking in on me, especially when you have been struggling yourself. You’re absolutely lovely, my friend. I have been going through a rough time, but sadly there’s not much that can be done about it. But again, a heartfelt thank you for checking in :)

    My dear friend, I’m gently sending comfort your way...it sounds like you’re struggling/hurting. I know you said that you don’t want me to worry, which is really sweet, but just know I’m here listening if you ever want to chat.

    No pressure or obligation to share though. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it/need to cocoon/prefer to deal with things privately, without raising it here. I suppose this is just my (slightly long-winded) way of saying that I’m thinking of you, that’s all ;)

    Sending hugs and much love xoxox

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  8. Birdy77
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Thank you darling Friend ❤

    I am so sorry to hear this week has been rough on you. Is there snything that you would like to offload ir talk about? Of course i understand if not.

    I'm hear always listening if you need a friend.

    My thoughts have not been too helpful lately, and i think i came to a realisation today that i am ashamed. Of myself? Of who i am or who i haven't become? I'm not entirely sure, but it hurts. No doubt it stems from daddy issues!

    I feel battle weary. I miss my mrs. But i am and will be ok!

    Talk to me if you want to, i am here for you xo

    🌻me xo
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  9. Birdy77
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77
    Sorry for my typos, you know how i feel about my typos ....

    ❤❤❤
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  10. Peppermintbach
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/dear birdy (& a wave to all),

    I understand your typos stir up your insecurities & past hurts, but there’s absolutely no need to apologise for them. I don’t think any less of you because of them. I don’t think you’re less intelligent or less capable, because of it. I hope one day, you’ll see that too ;)

    I feel sad to hear about your feelings of shame & of perhaps not “measuring up” (so to speak) to your dad’s expectations. I know he has caused a lot of hurt & created many insecurities in you, and you carry that in your heart. I get the feeling he casts a shadow on all that you do/don’t do..

    I feel your pain...I wonder, if that voice in your head is your own or if it’s your dad’s voice/expectations lingering...to us here, you’re more than enough. You don’t need to be anything/anyone else.

    You know, it’s okay if you’re not feeling okay. I understand you keep saying that you will be okay, & while I believe that you will be alright in time. If, in this moment, you’re struggling...that’s okay too. Gentle & easy does it...

    Missing mrs b must be hard. I know you’re used to her gorgeous daily support/presence. I’m holding out my hand in friendship as you miss her...love, warmth and comfort included in that hand :)

    You’re beautiful for being here for me. Let’s just say I have a lot of emotional baggage as well as current struggles. My heart is holding as much as it can, and I really can’t do much about it. There’s not much that I can do other than allow space for it.

    A well meaning friend (offline) asked if she could help recently, and I didn’t know how to answer. I was grateful & moved, but at the same time, there was nothing she could do.

    There is one good thing that has arisen from all my “holding.” The less afraid I am of my own pain, the less afraid I am of anyone else’s pain. I’m not sure if that means anything to you or anyone else, but I wanted to share that...

    Thank you again for being the beautiful friend you are. Always grateful for you and I’m here for you too.

    Love,

    Pepper xoxox

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  11. demonblaster
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    25 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Peppystar tweety and all 🤗

    You dear girl you're having a hard time. It sads me knowing beautiful people like you are hurting. You poor darling feeling your hearts full. I wish there was something I could do to help but know I'm always your friend love and care very much Peppy you too sweety tweety and you're doing it hard too. Both lovelies, not good at all.

    Peppy I need to go back sometime and reply to something you werent sure about so will return.

    Love care and huge 🤗 for both of you. I really hope today brings some light into both your lovely souls.

    Try and think of something you enjoy or have to break the pain up dear friends.

    Often thoughts for both of you

    🤗🗯☘🐣 I did thee a puddy tat the other day on TV.

    Much love beautifuls🍃🌱⚘

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  12. Peppermintbach
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    26 July 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to dear birdy and all),

    Thank you so much for the very caring message :) It means a lot that you‘re here and that you made time to write to me.

    I’m happily accepting the big (Supersoul) hug and love from you. Thanks so much! Also, how lovely of you to send your love to dear birdy (or tweety as you call her) as well.

    I have been struggling, but managing in my own way. I think we all eventually find what works for us. I feel mine is definitely a more ebb and flow mentality /leaning into feelings...I find that helps me the most.

    I break it up with action/activity as well, which helps propel me forward and reduces the likelihood of me becoming “stuck” while leaning into feelings...so ebb and flow combined with action works for me personally :)

    I have found other ways of thinking/tactics haven’t been very helpful to me, but this one seems to stick. It can be more painful in some ways, but I think it’s also perhaps more empowering in the long-term (at least for me). When I face my feelings, they hold a lot less power over me...even the more difficult ones.

    I hope to one day be able to get to a point where I can say “hello, old friend” when a difficult feeling surfaces, and also be able to confront fresh/new pain with an understanding that, no matter how difficult, I can hold space for it. Feel it to tame it...

    I look forward to what you mentioned, but obviously there’s no rush or pressure to write it. Just when and only if you feel up to it. I think it’s perfectly alright to take your time :)

    Supersoul hugs and much love xoxo

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  13. Birdy77
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    28 July 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello gorgeous friend,

    How have you been this weekend? Did you do anything spesh?

    Thanjs so much as always for your lovely message. I'm a bit fuzzy tonight (i feel like I'm coming diwn with something, but it's also been a long day), so my reply here wont be very good but i don't have to worry cos you love me anyway !!

    Just felt like saying hello and asking how you are.

    Love,

    🌻birdy xo

    Thank you so much to Aunty Deebsta foryour message ad live, you're a special soul ❤

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  14. Peppermintbach
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    29 July 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    Thanks so much for thinking of me, beautiful friend. You’re lovely to visit & ask, especially when you’re going through a hard time.

    Your post was perfect, don’t even worry about it. You cared and made time for me, & that is more than enough. We love you just as you are. You for you, birdy for birdy :)

    I had some family commitments/responsibilities on the weekend. So it felt a little long in some ways, especially Saturday. I have been reflecting on some things as well lately...

    One of those things is that I’m trying to figure out how to find/forge those deeper connections that I really crave. I don’t mean just “any” offline connection, but deeper ones. I have existing offline connections, but not at the depth that I want/need.

    When it comes to human connections, I think that’s what I’m missing...& the current people in my offline life generally can’t fill that need/want.

    I can engage with them on a very superficial level, & that’s okay sometimes (& serves it’s own purpose). But for some of them, I have been engaging at that same level for many years!

    I can respect that that’s where their comfort level is & that it’s perhaps satisfactory to them, but it’s less so for me. For a few of them, it’s a choice. For others, I realise they genuinely have limited capacity to engage at a deeper level.

    I’m happy to see them, catch-up and continue to maintain these offline networks, but need to look elsewhere for depth...I’m not upset with them or “blaming” them, but simply being realistic about their limits.

    In a way, I suppose that’s part of my search for my offline tribe/people...it’s partly why I’m trying more new things recently. Not just “any” new thing. I’m trying to be more selective, so only things that genuinely interest me.

    It sounds like you might be getting sick, lovely friend, which isn’t so great. I hope you’re being extra gentle & kind to your precious self.

    How was your weekend and how are you feeling, dear friend?

    I always have my hand outstretched in friendship, compassion and love to you. You can always talk about anything to me (free rein & all), but of course there’s no obligation or pressure to do so.

    Yes, you’re absolutely right, “fuzzy” brained or not, I love you anyway, my friend :)

    Love to you, mrs b & your boys xoxox

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  15. Birdy77
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    10 August 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend 😊

    Sorry for not replying until now - i did end up get quite sick, then we had to deal with the inevitable outcome with mrs b's mother, so the last couple of weeks have left me feeling a bit wrung out.

    I hope the last fortnight has been better for you? You've been having a rough time for a long stretch now. I hope you're being gentle with you.

    Your yearning for deeper connections is palpable. I think we are really fortunate when we manage to meet those with whom we can connect on a deeper level, they are rare treasures. I think it's really good that you are exploring diverse avenues to meet new people.

    I agree, it's fine to have those friends who for whatever reason, we only ever get to a certain level, i guess not everyone wants to go deeper, & it's an alchemy thing as well of course, we're not all on the same page i suppose.

    I have been thinking for a while that finding real connection requires vulnerability, to an extent, like, when we show vulnerability, it can open up real communication, or allow others to show a bit of their true selves. I guess i feel like that is the way I've made any of the real connections of my adulthood.

    Recently I had this guy come to do a job at the house & we were just doing the small talk thing, & then he asked me a question & i decided screwit, I'm going to be honest & mentioned my ongoing journey with depression & anxiety. I could see his heart open, & he started to speak of his own (different) struggles. When he was leaving he said "i just want to thank you for being real, i haven't had an honest conversation like that in i don't know how long. I'm so sick of the superficial world we live in ... thank you". (See, you're defs not alone in wanting to find more meaningful connections!)

    Not that it always works out of course - some people won't respond to that kind of thing, or look at you like you're looneytunes, had plenty of those ones too.

    The search for real connection is so very worthwhile - so keep being courageous, getting out there trying different things, meeting new people. But mostly, be you. Be your beautiful self. Let your light shine.

    ❤ you.

    🌻birdy xo
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  16. Peppermintbach
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    10 August 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

    I’m holding my hand out to you. You sound exhausted, dear friend. If I have interpreted your post correctly, I’m really, really sorry for yours and mrs b’s loss.

    I’m not going to tell you how to feel about it, because I understand we all deal with things differently. But just know that I’m holding space for you to feel however you feel (or don’t feel)...

    If you want to talk about it, I’m here. If you don’t wish to address it, I’m also here. I suppose it’s my very inarticulate way of saying I care & that I’m here for you, dear friend ;)

    It made me smile to read about how you bravely opened up to that man. It sounds like it helped both of you, and that he definitely gained from it! I agree with you that vulnerability is a huge part of deeper, more meaningful connections.

    The last couple of weeks have been busy. I had various family commitments and work was hectic. It hasn’t gotten better but it also hasn’t gotten worse, so I suppose I’m about the same as before...

    There are many things in my life that I can’t change. I wish that I could, but I can’t...

    But forging deeper connections/finding my place in this world? That’s one thing that I actually have the potential to change. You’re right, it’s in the realm of possibility...

    I haven’t yet found my place or my people/tribe in the offline world, but maybe I will one day...surely, there’s a place for someone like me? I just have to find it/find them.

    A lot of what I have currently offline is about filling a space (for the sake of filling it), rather than about feeling any real connection. I’ve realised that I don’t miss a lot of them if I don’t see them for a while.

    I miss the interactions/social aspect itself, but not necessarily the people themselves. Some of them, I’ve known for many years too. I think when this happens, it’s an indicator that something is amiss...

    But I think it’s also about selectivity for me. I don’t necessarily want to open up to just anyone. I think there are certain attributes in people that I’m looking for, as well as attributes that I want to avoid offline. I have some idea of both.

    Thank you, as always, for your loving words of encouragement and support, dear friend :)

    Are you still feeling unwell, and do you have any self care planned for the weekend, dear friend?

    I’m thinking of you and sending compassion and warmth to both you & mrs b...

    Love you,

    Pepper xoxox

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  17. startingnew
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    18 August 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Peps

    I just wanted to stop in to send you my love and hugs. Your always in my thoughts even when im not here ❤❤❤❤🖤🖤🖤🦋🦋🦋

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  18. startingnew
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    18 August 2019

    Birdy

    ❤💛🧡💖💙🖤💜💚

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  19. Birdy77
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    21 August 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello Friend ❤


    Such a strange time i have been having.  I really have appeciated your messages, just haven't been up to writing for some reason. I feel a bit all over the place, & am trying to get myself back into routine.


    You interpreted correctly, and wow has it been weird.  It's so odd the way a person can be such a negative, controlling, irritating influence in the life of others and then, when they have passed, those people are so sad and confused and empty. Grief is an interesting process. 



    I completely understand wanting to be selective about opening up to people and i agree.  It's wise, and it's self protection, which is important. 

    I can relate to your issue when you don't see certain friends for a while  you miss the social interactions without actually missing *them*.  When you miss the actual person or people, you know it's a proper connection.


    It's been a week or so since your post, so i am hoping that things have not been worse for you the last while.  


    It's frustrating (to say the least) when there are things in our life that we want to change, but just can't,  for various reasons.   Again, i can relate!  But it's constructive to make the changes that we can make.  Do you have any activities/events lined up in the next couple of weeks? 


    I have these things in my head that i know i meant to get back to you about, & i will.  I know what one of them is, but i will have to scroll back and make a note of some others.  Maybe one day i should do the thing directly after saying I'm going to do the thing. I'll think about it 😊





    🌻me  xo


    P.S.  hi SN, i hope you are taking good care of yourself.


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  20. Peppermintbach
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    22 August 2019

    Hi sweetie/beautiful SN,

    How precious it is to see you here, lovely one :) Thank you for thinking of me. I think of you too...I saw a white butterfly last weekend and my mind drifted instantly to you...

    Much love xoxox

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy,

    A caring hand from me to you...I think it’s okay (& understandable) that you haven’t been feeling up to writing much lately. I know you have a lot going on, especially considering her recent passing...I think maybe there’s a part of you that’s still processing...

    Good on you for trying to find a routine that will hopefully help you though...I want to give you a big, encouraging hug for trying. Effort & intentions count :)

    I agree that grief & loss is an interesting process...I often think it can unfold in unpredictable ways. That it doesn’t necessarily follow an expected trajectory...I think grief has a mind of its own sometimes...

    I feel sad, but not surprised, that her loved ones left behind are feeling sad, confused & empty. I suppose no matter how difficult she was, there was still a bond & shared history, & that’s not something that is easily switched off. Life sure is very different now....less familiar...

    Sadly, many things I literally cannot change. So I’m focusing on things that I can change, such as trying to form deeper connections as I mentioned...

    There’s a part of me that’s hoping maybe some of those deeper connections will help mend. Not cure but help mend or reconnect some of the broken bits. Just maybe...

    On those precious & rare occasions where I feel a genuine connection, things hurt a tiny bit less. Even if it’s very short lived. It makes me feel more human...alivee...heart hurts a little less & I feel more connected not just with others, but with myself too.

    So I figure if maybe I can create more of those moments/connections, maybe I’ll start feeling more like me. I’m not even entirely sure what that means exactly but here’s to trying...

    It has been a busy month. A lot is happening. But I had another art thing, which I really enjoyed. I’m also going dancing soon :)

    It’s always a blessing to read your words, and more importantly, to have your friendship. You have a gorgeous heart..

    I would love to hear about the things that you wanted to get back to me about. I can’t quite remember, but I would still be interested...no rush. Maybe after things settle, & only if you have the time & also feel up to it ;)

    Have you been doing anything self nurturing lately?

    Love you xoxox



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  21. Birdy77
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    22 August 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hello lovely friend ❤,


    Please tell me about the dancing!!  I am itching to get out and dance soon.  The boys have developed a very irritating situation in which they think when it's mumma's dancing time, that it's their cue to go nutso and ruin everything.  So i *may* have to find a new venue other than the kitchen ☹

    Have you been listening to any particular music lately? I often don't know what I'm listening to. I'm listening to something nice as i write to you, souvenirs by kina grannis.

    Please tell me about the art thing!!  It's been ages since i went to one.  It used to be a regular thing for me as well, and i even had the chance to help organise and host a few.  Ihave been missing those days a lot recently.

    I think i really truly understand what you are saying about feeling like when you make those connections, you feel more connected to yourself!  I think you said that really well.  I read it three times and it clicked into a hellyeah.

    Self care lately has been low key - getting into my garden, reading some, watching a few movies.  I need to do better with the self care, I've been running myself a bit ragged and drinking a bit too much 😔.


    So nice chatting to you.


    ❤❤❤


    🌻xo

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  22. Peppermintbach
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    24 August 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    It’s always lovely to chat with you. A true blessing :)

    As always, I’m holding my hand of friendship out to you. Always listening and caring...you sound drained and down, dear friend.

    I know you’ve been struggling for some time. But especially considering recent events, I can see why you’re hurting & turning to alcohol...I feel for you, my friend...

    I think low key/relaxing activities can be great. Nothing wrong with that for self care. I feel as long as it nurtures you, that’s what counts..

    That said, you also sound like maybe you’re feeling more ready to make changes...maybe spending more time away from home in the future...I sense a strong desire for change in you, or alternatively, to rediscover past passions...

    I love your enthusiasm/passion for dancing. Picturing your boys disrupting your kitchen dances gave me a little chuckle...it’s probably less amusing for you than me though ;) I’ll tell you more about the dancing when I go...

    Thanks for sharing. I looked up the song you mentioned. It’s lovely, & there seems to be a story behind it...I wonder if maybe you related to it? Or perhaps you just liked it, just because...I recently discovered CeCe’s Never Be. I suppose you would call it a power anthem. I really liked it.

    The art thing was in a big gallery. It was pretty crowded, & they had an okay band playing & were serving overpriced drinks. Sadly, they were not free...then again, it was probably a good thing for someone like me. I still bought a few though...

    I met some colourful personalities. A couple of the attendees and I got along. So we have agreed to catch up later this month & early next month. I think socialising/friendships are a big part of my own self care. It nurtures me...

    About deeper connections, I think it’s that whole aspect of being seen (and seeing someone else). A reciprocal, I see you. It doesn’t matter about the specific relationship...family, lovers, friends, etc...it’s that connection....

    Not one sided, but something that works both ways....that mutual acceptance, understanding & caring.

    When it’s only one-sided, that’s not a deep connection in my eyes. I feel it can be empathic & supportive at best, but even then, there isn’t that mutual connection.

    I have been thinking about things. I’m often feeling stressed and down, but managing in my own way....

    How have you been the past couple of days, & would you like to update me on your gorgeous garden?

    Love,

    Pepper xoxox







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  23. Birdy77
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    6 September 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Beautiful friend ❤


    The 2 quotes you left yesterday (?) on the words thread were *exactly* what i needed to read. I've read them and read them and kept them in my heart and mind and it has been so supportive to me.  Thank you so much fir sharing them ❤


    I will be back, just wanted to say that I've been thinking of you and missing talking with you.  I hope you are taking good care of your lovely self.


    I'd love to hear how the catch ups went with the new people (from the art thing).  When are you going dancing?  I really relate to that feeling of "i see you" ... and sometimes that *being seen* can create a feeling of depth or resonance with our own sense of self i think.  You know when you're singing in a space with awesome acoustics and you get rich feedback and a feeling of how you fit -  as opposed to singing with headphones on and it feels empty, or you're putting it out there with no sense of how it really sounds?  If that makes any sense.  


    It's been a difficult time in our household, it's actually been realky yuck. But with a few shifts (energy shifts, shifts in thinking/feeling) the last few days have been better and i/we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  


    I looked up that song, i agree it definitely sounds like a power anthem!  I love adding new songs to my playlists, so thank you! Don't You Worry Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder just popped up on my playlist, so that will be a good song for me to start cooking dinner to now 😊 (and i *think* I've retrained the boys in their dancefloor etiquette 🤞so i might be safe to let loose)


    The wind is going crazy here, it's scary!  


    Thinking of you.





    🌻birdy xo

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  24. Peppermintbach
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    7 September 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    I’m happy to hear those 2 quotes resonated. I thought of you when I stumbled upon them, & hoped that they might comfort you a little :)

    I’ve missed you too, but I understand that sometimes you need your space &/or that there are times when words don’t come easily. I get it & it’s okay, I love you all the same, my friend ;)

    I’m listening & holding out my hand to you. Things sound really rough in the birdy household, but I’m glad the air is maybe clearing a bit.

    Hope is really beautiful & precious...there’s obviously no pressure, but just know if you ever want to talk, you always have a friend in me.

    I loved the analogy you used! Yes, I’m looking for friends who can offer that reciprocal acoustic space :)

    The catch-up was mixed. I now have someone who is into the art/design scene. But her emotional skills are lacking, which makes me wary.

    I already have friends with poor emotional skills. While that might be okay initially, it ends up being problematic in the long-run.

    So, I’m happy to hang out with her but I don’t see her becoming part of my inner circle (which is really the circle that I hope to fill over the next few years). My outer circles are full/thriving (i.e. don’t feel a true connection), but it’s that inner circle that is lacking...

    I’ve also met some people that I’ll call the Party People. They help fill a void, but I wouldn’t turn to them for much else...

    I’m more hopeful with a few of the others though. 1 is accepting with a big heart. Another seems to have well developed emotional skills: high emotional intelligence (enormous tick!) The 3rd person has a real desire to help out the community/give back in a broad sense...I admire his compassion/outlook. So I’m keeping those 3 in mind, and trying to spend more time with them.

    I mentioned this to another forum member...till very recently, I accepted almost anyone into my offline life. I truly mean anyone.

    Anyone who gave me a silver of attention, good or bad attention. Never mind incompatibilities, toxicity/ dysfunction or that I secretly disliked some of them. Hence why discernment is so important now.

    Thanks for being a true friend. For being the accepting, inspiring, compassionate, insightful, intelligent & caring person you are. What a blessing is it to have you in my life :)

    I hope dinner/dancing turned out well the other night. Did the wind end up damaging anything (hope not) & how is your weekend looking, lovely friend? xoxox

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  25. Ggrand
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    11 September 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Gently Peppy..

    How are you feeling lovely one?...

    I read elsewhere that you would like to feel not so alone..and I’m deeply sorry that your feeling that way...

    I am wondering if it’s okay with you...if I could give you a big hug aa well as some love and care...

    I just wanted you to know dear Peppy..that although I cannot be their with you...I do love and care so much about you and I wanted you to feel not so alone...

    “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” — Hafiz of Persia..

    Please dear friend...Be very gentle and kind with your beautiful, gentle and tender heart....

    Sending you a big bunch of Lilly of the Valley flowers..with a pure white teddy bear with words written on a very soft green velvet four leaf clover..........”Super soul warming hugs..hug me when you need to feel some love and not so alone 💖..”..

    Kind thoughts....love and hugs..💖🤗.

    🍀Grandy..

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  26. Peppermintbach
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    11 September 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all)

    Aren’t you lovely? Thank you so much for your beautiful post. It means a lot that you’re here...

    Of course it’s okay for you to give me a hug. Can I offer you a gentle hug in return?

    I love flowers, so thank you for the gorgeous gift. The bear sounds precious and comforting too. I love how I get unlimited Supersoul hugs from the bear. Thank you so very much, gorgeous one :)

    Sigh, I’ve been feeling emotional. A combination of contemplative & sad but also resentful & angry...I think I’m trying to make better decisions & gradually break bad lifelong habits when it comes to people in my life...

    Sorry, I’ve a bit of a rant ahead...I hope it’s okay for me to get some of it out. It’s not directed at you (or anyone else here) but just expressing some of my feelings..

    I think if most of my (offline) people were to be swapped for a bunch of other people, I wouldn’t really care. That I wouldn’t really miss most of them. That I’m actually indifferent to most of them.

    That my 1st thought would probably be “oh no, who will now help me fill that void/pass time?” rather than “oh no, I’ll miss them for who they are”...because I wouldn’t miss them.

    I think this is what sometimes happens when there’s a lack of discernment, lack of self respect, lifelong bad habits, poor role models & not knowing what you want. Also loneliness...anyone is better than no one, right? Right...? But is it really?

    This was basically me in the offline realm: good/bad attention (any attention) and they were welcome in my life. Use me as their emotional dumping ground. Take from me and offer nothing in return. Always make everything about them. Be self serving & self absorbed. Be an emotional leech. Etc, etc.

    Because anyone is better than no one, right?

    I suppose my point is that discernment is important. Really important. I only recently started to truly grasp that...

    But, I don’t blame them. I blame myself for my current predicament. I’m an adult and I make my own (though often bad & questionable) decisions...

    So I’ve now amassed a large group of people in the offline realm that aren’t necessarily the best people for me. But I want this to change.

    I’m working towards change because this is actually getting ridiculous. It’s almost comical, but in a completely unfunny way for me...

    Thanks so much again for caring and for listening (& letting me rant) You’re a sweetheart with the kindest of hearts.

    Hugs and much love to you xoxo



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  27. Ggrand
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    11 September 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Peppy..🤗. And everyone 🤗...

    Im pleased you vented..it helps us in many ways..by getting it out of your head...

    I would have said a few years ago what you said...anyone is better then no one...In my opinion.... lovely Peppy...that’s so wrong...anyone could hurt you by their words or action..a friend would never do that..or anyone could bore you with their conversation and if I know you...you wouldn’t say anything and you would then be counting the ticks on the clock for anyone to leave...a friend..you would enjoy your conversation with and don’t want the time to move ahead....

    Thinking on what you said..I feel that having friends...who are not really friends but really just acquaintances is okay if they are thought of that way...with respect for them and general conversation....It’s hard to get close to someone that you don’t feel a connection with...

    Friends are different...They are there for you no matter what..one or two good trusted friends is a blessing to have...and are lifelines to us...giving us stimulating conversations, nights out with laughter, mucking around and being silly together and giggling....with no fear of judgement for each other.....True friendship has no boundaries...I feel these are the people to keep close to your heart....

    Please dear Peppy be always true to your heart and not let people into it and let them use you......You have a very gentle and kind heart and are a very compassionate person....and I think its hard for you to say no.....Hmmm..I’m not one to advise on friendship in r/l I have 1 friend Betty... To me she is worth more then any amount of people in a social group.....I’m sorry Peppy if I’m speaking wrong to you.....

    Im pleased that your working on the change you want for yourself..I can hear a bit of self love/like is popping through in your words...I’m very proud of you....for your insight into what you want to change in your life...and your determination to try to do it...🌹..

    Hello Birdy....I hope your doing okay sweetheart...You’re also very much loved here....and if it’s okay with you as well...I would like to give you a very gentle warm caring hug 🤗.....

    Sending you both my love and some warm hugs....💖🤗🤗..

    Grandy.....🍀🌻...

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  28. Peppermintbach
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    12 September 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

    Thanks for the lovely words of support, lovely one :) Thank you for your heartfelt, loving words.

    I think that I’m more just over it, drained and resentful than anything else when it comes to most of the people in my offline life, For me to feel hurt, I would need a much stronger emotional attachment to my many offline Void Fillers and offline Emotional Leeches.

    But I’m not actually that emotionally attached to any of them. They’re not in my heart but just orbit around me, either drawing upon my emotional reserves or just helping me to fill a void/take up space.

    I think my offline Void Fillers still have a place in my life though. They do exactly as the name suggests...they help distract me, help me feel a little less alone and pass time. I don’t trust them, don’t expect them to be there for me, don’t feel a connection with them and I certainly don’t tell them my innermost thoughts or troubles. Nevertheless, they help me...they help me temporarily fill a void, and that counts for something...

    I’m happy you have your precious friend. She sounds like someone that you can count on and share many moments with...what a beautiful friendship. I’m glad you have each other. You sound like treasures in one another’s life :)

    Sigh, I’m just over it. The search continues for those genuine connections...who knows, maybe if I find those connections that I crave, I might finally want to spend less time with my many offline Void Fillers.

    But I’m also a tricky/difficult person. It takes a lot for me to feel truly connected to a person...

    Thanks for being here. For caring and reaching out...thank you...

    Much love and care to you xoxo

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  29. Birdy77
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    12 September 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Precious friend ❤

    I'm glad you vented. It's good to get that stuff out.

    I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I think i mentioned to you once before that when i reached my early 30s, i had to start ending "friendships" for the exact same reasons you have stated. I just felt so emotionally drained & like these people sapped my energy, or more accurately fed off it. It simply gets to the point of *enough is enough* doesn't it.

    I think it's often a sign, as you said, that you're ready to start breaking those toxic lifelong habits that we developed due to our woundedness. Maybe developing a little more self-respect?

    I don't know if you can relate to this, but i think for me in lots of ways i put up with those relationships because they made me feel needed or worthy or something like that, so i just kept pouring myself out without keeping anything for myself. Or without recognising i was worth my own care. Or something. Can you relate to that?

    I completely understand your feelings of resentment and anger around these issues. Sometimes i think that it's necessary to feel those intense emotions in order to instigate the changes that are needed in your life right now.

    It's so good that you are realising how much this is taking from you. You deserve to be discerning when it comes to who is in your life. You deserve people who are respectful of your energy, & your boundaries, & who provide that awesome acoustic space within the relationship, not just draw your energy into the endless back hole of their own self-absorption.

    It sounds like there are at least a couple of potentially good people to be around from the mix you have had catchups with. See how it goes, take your time with it.

    It's cool that you've offered to help out with the project the guy has in mind (the community minded one), that could lead to meeting other like-minded people as well. You're being so proactive, it's excellent.

    I'm so blessed to call you friend. You're a special one.

    ❤❤❤

    🌻birdy xo

    Thank you Grandy for your always lovely words and for sending a hug 🤗 xo

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  30. Peppermintbach
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    12 September 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Darling friend/beautiful birdy (& a wave to all),

    As always, a heartfelt thank you for your compassion, support & friendship. I truly don’t believe in taking people, who make time out of their lives for me, for granted. This is especially when I know how much you’re struggling.

    It means a lot that you can relate. I’m with you that part of it stems from how I’m developing basic self respect. It sounds like you gave & gave, to the point where you could give no more...complete depletion. I feel that would have been so exhausting...

    I think sometimes the desire to feel needed can drive people to do all sorts of things...but I’m so glad that you learnt to take care of yourself. That you learnt to choose friends wisely, even if that lesson had to be learnt the hard way...

    I think for me, I was just so grateful (& surprised) that anyone would give me the time of day. That anyone would bother with me (regardless of whether they truly cared or it was driven by self interest)...that I thought that I just had to accept it, because why on earth would anyone take an interest in me?

    I think that’s not necessarily the best combination when combined with my somewhat extreme/intense nature. By extreme, I mean that I don’t do things by halves. When I care about someone, I care about them all the way. I would walk to the ends of the earth for people that I truly care about, in all seriousness.

    Some people might think that I’m senseless & completely ridiculous, but I actually don’t think my way of being is (necessarily) a bad thing. I think it becomes an issue when I choose the wrong people to share that side of me with...and that is precisely my problem...

    I get that yet others might want me to change that aspect of myself. But, I don’t want to...that would be asking me to basically not be me.

    ...not just draw your energy into the endless back hole of their own self-absorption.

    I loved how you worded that. It made me laugh...

    I think that I’m looking for certain attributes and possibly a few people who are just as “extreme”/intense as me. They seem a little hard to find...

    But I have met some new people. Time will tell how with how things unfold...

    A warm hug, thank you, as always...really and truly. I’m very lucky to be able to call you my friend. What a gift in life...

    How have you been, lovely friend?

    I know things have been rough. No pressure but just know, you always have a safe space & a friend in me if you want to talk.

    Love to you and mrs b xoxox

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