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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

Topic: Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

  1. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    228 posts
    30 November 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    There is an unwritten rule that some parts of society have over alcohol. I’ve been called “unAustralian” for turning down alcohol. That’s how ingrained it is in society. Sure some don’t care either way, but in my generation it’s a big part of wanting to connect with others.

    History and music are my two biggest interests. If they don’t like it then it’s going to be hard to ever connect with someone. I’m going to have a career in history as well. I like to talk about it. Music has also defined me as a person. I wouldn’t have the political and social views that I have if it wasn’t for punk.

    I get my BA but I still have a Masters to do. So employment is still a year and a half off.

    How do you tell a woman you barely know is she in a relationship? I have social anxiety. How does anyone expect me to say that? Isn’t that a creepy thing to say? I think it’s pretty evident from meeting me the first time that I am not in one. I’m physically unattractive and a mess of a human being from an emotional point of view.

    I’m doing all I can. I’m meeting with some guys on Sunday about jamming together. I don’t have high hopes for it.

  2. smallwolf
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    30 November 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    Azzdog,

    I didn't say you were not doing all you can. Things are tough at the moment. I get that. And you are doing all that you can to improve. I assume that you are going to the board games club still? And this Sunday meeting up with some guys about music. Look at this as a positive. These are opportunities for you to connect with others. And maybe little by little you will be able to manage (?) your social anxiety. And until things start to click it will feel bad. You remember when I told you about the physical symptoms I get... With my current medication, those feelings are much reduced. Beforehand felt like a heartattack waiting to happen. So I am asking you to stick with it.

    The other points you mentioned I might tackle in a later post. Still with you.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Azzdog
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    228 posts
    30 November 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    Oh I never implied that. I’m sorry if it came across that way. I am still going to the board games group. I’ll be going next Tuesday. I have a band thing on Sunday and a Celtic/Irish music band thing on Thursday. So there are things happening right now, or will be soon.

    That’s good to hear that your physical symptoms have come down. Hopefully it stays that way.

  4. smallwolf
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    1 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    So do I.

    And good luck with the music thing on Sun. Don't forget to enjoy yourself.

    Tim

  5. Azzdog
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    228 posts
    1 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf
    I’ll try to. I feel like crap right now though.
  6. smallwolf
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    2 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    I hope your music thing went well today.

    When you do feel like "crap", what do you do? I know that you mentioned social anxieties before, but if you do feel like "crap" (as you put it), are you able to go for a walk and listen to music while you do to distract yourself from those thoughts?

    Tim

  7. Azzdog
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    228 posts
    5 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    The music thing didn't happen but it has been pushed back to this Sunday.

    Sometimes I do go for walks to help get rid of those thoughts. However, sometimes, believe it or not, the music can be a trigger (shows you just how messed up my brain is). I'm very cynical about love songs because it just doesn't extrapolate to everyone. I also think they are overdone and ridden with cliches.

    I've been diving more into hardcore punk the last couple of days. I've been listening to Black Flag and Hüsker Dü and it's amazing how conflicted I feel when I listen to this stuff. On one hand it makes me feel validated and I that I am not alone. When I hear Henry Rollins scream about isolation and social alienation it makes me wonder if I would be as alone as I am now if I had grown up in the late 70s and early 80s. I mean these punks know more about the world than any of this mainstream po(o)p artists. These punks are my kind of people. They know how messed up this world actually is.

  8. Azzdog
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    228 posts
    6 December 2018

    I’m so sick of being a nobody. I want to be a somebody. But I am a nobody. An irrelevant stain on society.

    Some of us are destined to live alone. That will be me. I hate all of humanity. Humans suck. Women suck. I suck.

  9. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    228 posts
    7 December 2018
    Woohoo! Live is awful! Can we give it up to me? “The loser from loser ville”!! I hate myself and think I deserve to spend eternity in Hades!! 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
  10. smallwolf
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    7 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    An interesting statement there Azzdog.... on being a nobody and not a somebody.

    To me a somebody is a person in the spotlight, somebody famous, a celebrity. I was reading a article yesterday about perfectionism and part of the article was about how social media these days the makes is strive for the best, perfect, successful. For the author it made her sick. Towards the ends of the article the author found peace in being the average. There were some things she was good at, and others no so. Accepting what we can and cannot do ...

    To switch it 180... you are a somebody; a person who is smart enough not to drink, has an intense interest in music, politics and history. You can play an instrument. Not everyone can do that!

    Breathe In..... Breathe Out..... (x10)

    Peace and blessings,

    Tim

  11. smallwolf
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    7 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    PS. Can you come across The BB Cafe and spend a little time there?

    Tim

  12. smallwolf
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    7 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    Here are the links...

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/the-bb-cafe/page/439#qrdZz3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/friends-cafe---social-space-for-members-under-25/page/45#qrZjbXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Looking forward to you posting there,

    Tim

  13. Azzdog
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    228 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    To me being a somebody is someone who lives a meaningful life trying to help lift others up. That’s what I want to be yet I can’t achieve that. Orygen have treated me like crap and gotten away with it. I’m trying to better young men’s health and I keep hitting roadblocks (in other words, ignorant people). I can’t be bothered trying to do that anymore because no one cares about young men’s health. We have no profile whatsoever. We are just expected to “get over it“.

    Well I can’t. I’m trying but I can’t. Because people keep getting in the way.

  14. smallwolf
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    7 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    True story...

    And you should know that I go to Church for this story to have meaning.

    We have a youth worker at our church. And things have not worked out as everyone might have liked. I was on the phone with our new priest (female as well), talking about the situation. She said there was a problem with the model. She also indicated that would be speaking with the local schools about various things. I told her about some ideas I had in that regard. While a church cannot be a free child care centre, I am also aware that some kids at school don't like the idea of speaking with a counselor or chaplain. The reasons are irrelevant. There are kids from broken homes looking for role models, etc. Perhaps you could talk to people at your local churches about what you are trying to achieve and see if you could get some interest there? Helping kids at high school to prepare for life, dealing with exam stresses, relationships etc. all fits in what you are trying to do?

    Tim

  15. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    228 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf
    I could have a look and see. I don't know if there are local churches near me. I'll be honest I don't go to church but I'll see what I can do maybe early next week.
  16. james1
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    7 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    Hello Aaron,

    I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have been reading your posts but have struggled to form a response so I've just let Tim speak to you.

    I have been struggling to form a response because it seems to me like you are, at once, hating yourself and/because/resulting in hating humanity as well, because you feel like humans and women suck. It seems like the hatred of yourself and your hatred of others feed each other. It feels like there's a lot of hatred and anger, and I find it difficult to narrow down on something when we go from talking about you to talking about others, which I imagine would be even harder for you.

    I have noticed that Tim has also tried to hone in one one thing at a time: music, or his story about Church.

    May I ask: do you ever find it helpful to try and put things aside, to then just focus on one aspect?

    For example, you want to do things that help others. Putting issues with Orygen aside, and putting aside the sexual health of young men, what are some other things you can do? Do you have any friends or family who are feeling down? When you see a worker at a cafe looking tired, could you just ask them how their day is going and see if you can improve their mood while they finish their shift? What about sitting down with a homeless person and just having a chat to them? Or, as Tim suggested, a more organised support system somewhere else?

    I totally agree with you that other people are often roadblocks to us achieving what we want, but I think that often there are smaller easier ways to do the same things if we can put aside the roadblocks and just focus on one issue we're grappling with. It's a bit much to look at everything at the same time, and we need to start small if we're to go big at all.

    James

  17. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    228 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to james1

    James,

    I’m sorry you’ve struggled to find a response. I’ve been all over the place the last few weeks. I just can’t find any continuity in my mood these past few weeks.

    I guess I don’t know where I should focus my energy yet. I don’t get out often so I don’t know how to engage in some of the things you said. However I have been trying to talk to someone that something happened to them recently. Unfortunately they haven’t replied but I do try to help others out when I can.

  18. smallwolf
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    8 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    Azzdog,

    If I could be so bold as to make a suggestion (or 2) to help you work out where to focus your energies. I remember a while ago you came up with your own list of things to do, and (let's say) between then and now, James and I and others have provided other ideas...

    What if you were to write down all the ideas in a list, and the each item consider whether it is worthwhile doing, or what the pros and cons of this idea. And maybe (optionally) ranking each idea, so that you can work out what is more important than other. Finally, creating some sort of the bucket list so that you can tick things off when done.

    For example, I remember pointing you towards a young mens project site recently. Not suggesting that you should have contacted them by now, but add that to the list. It does not matter in the first instance, whether it is practical or not, but creating a list is. In adding to the list, you might get other ideas also.

    That might give you some focus on what to do?

    Hope to see you in the Cafe later,

    Tim

  19. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    228 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Tim,

    Thats a good idea. I’ll do that when I get home from work.

    I should update you on the young men’s project actually. I did contact them, twice, and I haven’t heard back from them. I did contact batyr so I’m on the list waiting for the next seminar.

    I also contacted my vocal tutor as I’m going to resume singing lessons soon. I also got in touch with Headspace and I’m on the list for groups they will do early next year.

    If you have any other ideas, or ideas you’ve already mentioned, do you mind just reminding me what they were rather than me search up and down the forum. I’m going to tackle some things next week in terms of groups.

  20. smallwolf
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    9 December 2018 in reply to Azzdog

    As I remember them I will let you know. But related to the Young mens project, is a group called "Youth Focus". You can find them at

    https://youthfocus.com.au/

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