So it has been a while. I think this year has been so intense that I haven't felt the need, or more importantly, felt up to coming on here. I do feel like I get stuck from time to time having high expectations with this forum.
So it is Christmas. Hard to believe I actually once enjoyed this time of the year. I used to get so excited by the entire season. The decorations, the Christmas carols, and the presents (obviously). Now I am so exhausted by the season and can't wait for it to finish.
It's the advertising and the marketing that really gets me down. It is a time for families. It is a time for loved ones. I still feel like I am a long way away from that. It really frustrates and scares me.
I understand this year has been tough for all. I am not denying that or undermining it. I can only truly express how I feel and this is what I am doing now.
Recovering from a circumcision has not been fun. One of the tougher things I have had to go through. It almost destroyed my confidence and self esteem. But, without jinxing it, I think I am in the clear now which is a good feeling to have.
I have been feeling a lot more stable but prone to feeling isolated, confused, ugly and unloveable. I really feel like I am completely misunderstood being a sensitive soul. Makes it harder to connect because it takes longer to connect with me than someone who just wants instant gratification.
Also had my graduation ceremony last Monday. I now have a Master of Secondary Teaching. I'm still trying to process the Bachelor of Arts from two years ago.
I have no idea what purpose this post serves. I have a lot on my mind but I don't know how to articulate it. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. For now, I feel like I am an island unto myself. Drifting through life while others seem to have and get the experiences I want with no bother.