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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Should I just suck this up?

Topic: Should I just suck this up?

  1. monkey_magic
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    7 September 2017

    OK, this isn't easy for me to write bcas I respect police also but this is my situation.

    I aparantly unlawfully entered a friends property, that's right a friends property. He wasn't home and I wasn't believed. Anyhow I was put in a mental institution. I preferred the hospital choice over the police station choice thinking I'll be in there for a couple weeks.

    3 months later I came out overmedicated feeling like shite...misdiagnosed with a mental illness as a " safety net" seriously!!!!

    3 months of my life where I couldn't work, and live my normal life. Inclosed in a small space, going crazy.

    Should I just " suck this up". ?

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  2. Peppermintbach
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    7 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Guest,

    Wow, I'm a little speechless. I have to admit that I don't know enough about the law or the police to properly comment on the legal aspect...

    But it does sound like those 3 months were horrendous and a huge blow to your dignity and mental health. That must have been a very traumatic experience...my heart goes out to you.

    Pepper xo

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  3. monkey_magic
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    7 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Thankyou very much pepper. All of the above, a huge blow to my dignity & mental health & it was traumatic. You end up listening to traumatic stories in there. Not to mention dangerous and scary. Fights, swearing, you prob get the picture. Lots of people confined isn't a good idea. Especially when we are forced against our will on medication when it fact some of us were quite normal. Shame.
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  4. Peppermintbach
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    7 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Guest,

    Any time, I'm glad my words helped give you some small comfort.

    Yeah, I would imagine that it's a very toxic environment. Being in there was traumatic enough as it was so the last thing you needed was the additional trauma of having to deal with/witness other people's issues, etc.

    I hope you have been able to restore- or you're in the process of restoring- some of that blow to your dignity after leaving that horrible place. I know you have been hurt and traumatised but I also sense incredible resilience in you...

    Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xoxo

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  5. monkey_magic
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    7 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thanks pepper,

    You gave me a small comfort. I guess I have been doing things for restoration, like going to restaurants, the gym, working on my business etc...

    In the past I was in an area where a fire was lit. I was surrounded by police trying to get me to confess to it, something I didn't do.

    They can be suspicious. It's quite scary at times.

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  6. monkey_magic
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    7 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    You can take away my freedom

    But u cannot touch my voice

    I can't believe I didn't have a choice

    Overmedicated in an unjust way

    Now I'm here to say g'day

    Are your jobs really worth the pain they cause to others

    I guess you know, it shows.

    Are you going to come down to say hello?

    Or keep tossing and turning on your pillow

    Its prob out of your mind your fine

    While I still suffer the consequence.

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  7. monkey_magic
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    8 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    It makes me sad and upset I am going through this. I am on a mental health order for 6 months.

    I have ppl believing I have a mental illness. I have a case worker ( who by the way became delusional and I pointed this out) At the tribuneral they spoke of my mood, so what if I was down, that does not mean I'm bipolar. And I did not unlawfully enter properties like what was said. The second time I knocked. I knocked at the second property I didn't just go in. I have two so- called powers opposing me. I am sad. And I have been over medicating myself bcas of this mental health order.

    The doctor wouldn't inject me, he wouldn't even give a guy panadine forte. I love how doctors are on my side. ( on the order you have to be medicated). I don't want to be medicated for 6 months.

    My crazy life.....

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  8. monkey_magic
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    8 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    I keep getting the feeling something worse could happen. Its prob normal in my circumstance.

    Ppl have always used things against me. Not everyone is compassionate. Yeah. I prob have to suck this up before worse things happen to me.

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  9. monkey_magic
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    8 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Life is shifty & dodgy & unjust. Not everything goes in a straight line. Sometimes there's corners, there's curveballs.

    Im unsettled about being medicated.

    I hold the truth above my head with a torch....

    I am walking through the dark with my torch held high.

    This will not defeat me. I don't believe in being defeated. Why? Why should I bow down? I hold the truth with my torch. I know when life feels off. Nobody can take my torch, nobody.

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  10. Peppermintbach
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    8 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Guest,

    It looks like you're being haunted by your past betrayal and trauma. What a dark place that must have been and still is sometimes...

    I hear you...maybe one day at a time. One moment at a time if need be.

    Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xo

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  11. monkey_magic
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    8 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Pepper,

    Ppl around me have been dark. Ppl in positions. In the hospital this psychiatric nurse prob from the war was soooo dark. He said things to me that hit a chord. I grabbed this sheet and kept hitting it against their window, they were moving backwards. I was so angry. I had to miss out on work as well, had shifts lined up. I ended up being put into seclusion. I was kicking the door down, kick by kick. I have PTSD.

    Anyhow security came in to inject me, it happened three times because I kept kicking the door, yelling, and punching the mattress. Do my human emotions really need to be sedated. Three buttocks injections later, I could still kick that door lol.

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  12. monkey_magic
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    8 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic
    A man with mental illness just made my day. We chatted, he bought me a couple wines & gave me $10. The chat we had was brilliant. The chat I had with another guy was really good as well. Now I'm playing with my grandmas & uncles little dog.
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  13. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic
    Seems emotional reasoning came into play in my situation & logic went out the window. Isn't it better to make a logical decision instead of an emotional one. I'm all for logic.
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  14. Croix
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear Guest/CM~

    I can't excuse the police or your treatment.

    I do know you have seen most sides of life, things the comfortable ordinary people never have to acknowledge or deal with.

    You do deal with it though, ever since you came here I've seen strength, kindness and even a little humor as well as ups, downs and horrible circumstances. I don't know how I would cope with all that - not nearly as well as you I suspect.

    You have found out there are good, kind and interesting people in all sorts of places, that's most important.

    If I needed someone at my back I would be happy if it was someone like you, PTSD, anger and all

    Croix

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  15. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Croix

    Laughs , that's beautiful Croix. I actually just called them about my medication, I want to get off it, but I thought they'd prob put me back in hospital bcas I'm on the order. It really sucks doing this to myself.

    At the tribuneral I felt my vulnerability. I learnt there's tears behind my PTSD. I learnt I needed to cry. I soldier on...then I remembered what you said about how soldiering on was the worst thing u could of done. So now I'm healing my PTSD from the hospital stays & I really don't want another one.

    I still believe I have the right to choose whether or not to be medicated.

    Yeah I have seen all walks of life. Makes life dark & tough & hard & all the colours of the rainbow.

    I get angry bcas I'm passionate about certain things. I've also seen ppl get out of mental institutions bcas they misbehaved, so, I did just that but was also triggered by the dark character.

    Some ppl close their ears to me, they don't hear me. That could be a reason I voice here. If it helps someone, great.

    I've been strong lately. Like, scary strong with my vulnerability & am loving it. Pain has a purpose!

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  16. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Croix

    Croix,

    I think I have to speak to police. I called and they were going to be sent to my place but I got scared i was going to be put back in hospital. I need to clear this illegal entering thing up. Write a letter perhaps??? Ppppprrrrr.....I cannot be emotional this time.

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  17. Croix
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear CM

    (Like Shell I'd prefer just the second half of that name.)

    Um - I'm not sure what you mean by 'cleared up', however you asked about writing. If it was me and I had the cash I'd see a lawyer, get him/her to write, enclosing a statement of support from the householder. Then it is all on record.

    Unless you have a clear idea of what you want to come out of this personally I'd be tempted to steer clear of the extra hassles. Perhaps talk it over with a lawyer first? If you can't afford one see what organizations might help, that only costs phone calls to start with.

    Sorry to sound a little discouraging, I know well what you mean about closed ears

    Croix

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  18. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic
    OK , so, I don't think its wise to do this on my own.., how is this even real life....going to get legal advice
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  19. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Croix

    Why couldn't u have been that cop? Why ...been dealt a bad hand, not a good one, a bad one..upset.

    Crazy monkey bcas my life is crazy. But thankyou.

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  20. Shelll
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Ooh poor thing..... All I want to do is just hold you and say "everything is going to be okay", everything is going to be okay, In hope it will bring some comfort to your heart.

    Are you able to just do something that you normally find fun, just for a bit? Maybe to help clear your head for a while or something. This helps me at times.

    Shell xx

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  21. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Shelll
    Shelly, I'm sitting here overmedicated and crying. I even rang up the police line. I want them to know I didn't illegally enter,I knocked, I was let in, that is the truth. I should not be going through this. I couldn't follow through though with the police visit bcas I don't need other hassles like being put back into hospital. I just have to suck it up today. Those other poor gals still in the hospital, overmedicated.
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  22. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Shelll
    I know what u mean about shouting out n kicking n stomping. I just want the truth to be out there. Out there, somewhere.... I feel pressure. I don't like pressure. At least its safe at home.
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  23. Peppermintbach
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Guest,

    Sorry, I am about 2 conversations behind on your thread but I just wanted to pop in to give some moral support.

    I'm glad you're feeling safe to share your story with us. Despite all your pain and struggles, it's as though you're finding your "voice" again, and that's quite beautiful to witness...

    Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xo

    1 person found this helpful
  24. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thanks gorgeous girl...I'm scared typing it, I was shaky & emotional...I read about the dragonfly, what a special moment. I love moments like those.

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  25. Peppermintbach
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Aw any time :)

    Yes, of course it was emotional; I guess maybe telling your story was a little like releasing some of your emotions from an internal pressure cooker...

    Thank you so much- your comment about reading the dragonfly story made me smile...

    Sending Kind thoughts,

    Pepper xo

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  26. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Now I'm smiling...

    Yes my internal cooker exploded... Tears on & off.

    I see a psychiatrist Mon organized by the mental health team. I'm pretty sure my medication levels will be tested. I just sighed....

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  27. Peppermintbach
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hey Guest,

    Tears is okay. No tears is also okay.

    Whatever you feel is okay.

    You're "allowed" to feel (not that you need anyone's "permission"- you don't)...own your own feelings.

    Hugs,

    Pepper xo

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  28. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thankyou guys,

    Your support means a lot to me. I'm hurting & its really good to have u around. I'm still at home. I just want to feel it today. I want to take everything in. I've said it, now I have to feel it. I don't want to live with PTSD. I am going to overcome it & the way I feel. Its important to chill & feel hey. Think I've been living in the fast lane a while, time to slow it down.

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  29. monkey_magic
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    9 September 2017 in reply to Shelll

    Shell,

    Today my fun has been staying at home, slowing my brain down, eating, healing....gym might have to wait until tomorrow. I'm having a "feels" day...a chill day. The pressure was from the " outside" world...all that can leave bcas I'm being hugged and everything's going to be OK, or not, I just have to do my best even though it sucks. It really sucks.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Shelll
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    9 September 2017 in reply to monkey_magic

    I don't know what to say , but I can sit here quietly with you for a while if you would like. Nice and calm....

    Shell xx

    3 people found this helpful

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