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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Should I just suck this up?

Topic: Should I just suck this up?

  1. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    1 January 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Unreal is better than good. Now I have finished about 25 pictures and am very happy with how some of them turned out. So u r more technical that's good. I think I'm both. Stick figures r pretty easy Croix lol. U should still buy a colours by numbers book, lots of fun and u create masterpieces easily.

    No, I don't believe I'm bipolar bcas of how in control I am. They r reading old paper work & reports from nurses. I don't think they get paid if they can't come up with a diagnosis and treatment plan ;-( beyond very disappointed.

    Mrs Dools the journal sounds like a great idea. I mentioned it to someone here who keeps trying to take her life. I like to help some of the ppl in the ward and I'm glad they were good voices in that guys head leading him to give u wat u needed at the time. Hugs back.

    Hi the wrinkle, think of u too.

    Happy New Year all. It's 2019!!!

    3 people found this helpful
  2. awrinkle in time
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    506 posts
    1 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic
    Good night monkey xxx
    4 people found this helpful
  3. awrinkle in time
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    6 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Ya Monkey just checking in and saying hi ...

    Luv Ya xxx

    2 people found this helpful
  4. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    8 January 2019 in reply to awrinkle in time

    Hi,

    Finding life is the ward challenging & difficult. Have heard too many stories and have been bawling my eyes out. Out of here soon. How did I get involved in this mess....Never again and it feels like jail.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Croix
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    8 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear MM~

    How did I get involved in this mess

    Well I guess life dumps us in it and we have to struggle out again - which you do, that shows us all your strength. It is upsetting listening to other's stories, that shows your care for others. I too have felt like that in a ward.

    What are you going to do with the best of your pictures when you get out, hang them up? They might be a reminder of great difficulties but also of what you can overcome. If coloring brings a moment of peace they'll be a reminder of that too.

    Croix

    3 people found this helpful
  6. awrinkle in time
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    8 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Monkey ... yes I know the mess is up to our eye ball and sometimes we don’t notice it coming until it overflows ... I’ll be glad when your away from the stress you are facing ..

    Croix opened with how did I get involved in this mess .. and that’s what you asked ... being mindful ( not always easy ) of what we do everyday what we say what we think .. it all leads to an outcome ..and then maybe a brick wall to say to us stop doing that it’s not good for you ... no real answers it’s just inside us all ..

    no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future..

    like that ?

    Guru coming out again

    anyway love ya mate ..

    sending you the biggest hugs

    don’t stop crying let it out you beautiful lady xxx

    off to avoid a brick wall or try 😀

    2 people found this helpful
  7. demonblaster
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    8 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear Magic 🤗

    Thank you for your beautiful post. You speak from an open heart. As then you've often reached mine 💗

    Oh darl do I hear you not wanting meds.

    I'm SO sorry to hear there could be ongoing health problems.

    Sweetheart you've gone through so much in your life and recently which I'm relieved you're in a better place now. As you'd know it all takes time to recover from and process that you will darlin. Something at times helps me is looking back at the horror times which may at this point sound warped cause what helps is knowing I as you have climbed back up from the bottom each and everytime. It's crazy how it all seems to hit at once but thank god I can see and believe you when you say you're not wanting to out, hun hold on tight to that no matter what's thrown at you believe in yourself our Queen Warrior that you CAN and WILL get through.

    Our wills are very strong use it lovey to back your resolve.

    I know exactly where you're coming from hun about that inner thought/voice being SO convincing. Went through it very recently but atm I've got stops.

    You're very loved girl, that's an incredibly good reason to hold on.

    Cool you've been doing the art, some release I hope and that it's coming along well good for you warrior magic.

    You'll NEVER be alone friend.

    Much love darlin. Never just words.

    You're amazing 🤗💗🌹

    🌱🕊🍨(choccy frappe) being virtual it's allowed to be the wrong colour 🙄

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Doolhof
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    8 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Monkey,

    Hopefully you will be able to make some helpful changes to your life when you return home.

    I've slowly realised there is a lot I can do to help myself. Even 5 minutes of positivity is better than none, so I am aiming to find patches of hope each day and build on them.

    Regarding your art work, depending on if they are paintings or drawings, maybe you could put them into a scrap book and write what each one means to you if they have meaning.

    I was in a public place yesterday when a lady went up to a stranger who was obviously very pregnant telling her that recently she had lost a baby at full term. I was wondering how freaked out the new mother to be must have been feeling! Thankfully she had someone with her.

    People find a need to share their stories! It would be good to hear the happy and funny bits as well.

    Maybe you can ask the people who share the horrors if they have something nice to say as well.

    Wishing you all the best Monkey.

    Cheers from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  9. awrinkle in time
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    506 posts
    9 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hey Miss Magic , Sayin Hi again ...

    Your probably painting ... Just thinkin of ya , Big Hugs , a million lovely words , thousands of smiles , few hundred swims ...Qld water not Victoria ....boy that was cold ...A dance around the dance floor me leading :-) and a beautiful garden full of lovely flowers, trees for you to look at , smell , and just sit in ...for you to dream your dreams...and see your beauty ...

    Good Night xxx

    3 people found this helpful
  10. Tess2
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    10 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear monkey magic,

    in answer to your original thread title: no , no one should just suck anything up. But you need now to just do what will get you home and back to your life. That might mean sucking up some stuff in the short term

    tess

    4 people found this helpful
  11. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    11 January 2019 in reply to Tess2

    Dear all,

    Appreciate u all like always. Will get back to u all eventually I hope. Just going through horrible medication side effects... Joint stiffness and pain and I'm suffering in here- they changed my discharge date. Have been thinking of suicide again. I don't want a call from BB can't take it anyway...still have my ph snuck in. This is just horrendous.

    2 people found this helpful
  12. awrinkle in time
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    11 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi beautiful.. sayin hi

    thinking of you

    xxx

    2 people found this helpful
  13. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to awrinkle in time
    Last post hasn't come thru sick with stress- going to take care of myself I think I want to live, but its with a drug damaged body internally from phych meds.....
    2 people found this helpful
  14. Ggrand
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    12 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello Magic,

    Im back home now, I had a choice and I selected home and two weeks of daily visits from community nurse and mh nurse...

    I never liked being on Ads, and would miss them here and there and mostly took me off them...While I was in hospital for the 6 weeks, the nurses stood over me until I took them...I didn’t like that because I didn’t want them...

    My opinion has changed since then, the ads I’m on has helped me so much to now being not so depressed and even has calmed my anxiety a little that now I can manage them both better...I will be continuing with them...Sure I’ll still be triggered occasionally and go down hard, I was told that the memories I have will never disappear and will always be with me..I will handle them when that happens, but the ads are now a part of me and they are helping...

    I never wanted to live... for over three years I fought my thoughts about living or dying, if a chemical settles my mind and makes me want to live I’m very happy to keep taking them...I think there are beautiful things in life to be lived, and it’s worth to me to take my meds daily to be able to enjoy those beautiful things that life has to offer me...

    I hope you keep on improving daily and I’m so very happy that you do want to live, there is so much out there for you magic to enjoy...I really pray that your spirit guide..will guide you in the right direction and you find the beautiful things that life has put aside especially for you and your gorgeous soul...

    Love and big hugs...💚🤗.

    Grandy..

    6 people found this helpful
  15. demonblaster
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    12 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    🤗 feel the love and strength going into your soul our loved Warrior Queen.

    Darlin pain whether Mental or physical let alone both can as you so sadly well know take us to breaking point. You're worlds been turned upside down you poor darling. That can change Magic you have a strong will, use it hun to get through In these times we need to reach deep and pull up our stops. You're still here for a reason

    When you felt you wanted to live remember why lovey. All those reasons are still there, pull them back up Magic you can. You do have the strength it's in believing.

    I truly understand these feelings but hun don't let them take hold any longer. Remember how you felt in happy times, that's why you keep going love.

    The more we acccept and go with our thoughts the stronger it grows. Same with reasons to live. Think of anything that's made you happy. Those memories stay too ☄

    You're going to move this year you love that freedom and stimulation. New places people friends discovery. You want to go overseas someday. New job new surroundings better life.

    Sweet you have love Your Mum Magic she/we need you in our lives.

    I too am adamant too re MH meds. A lifetimes too much hun and yes there's been untold amazing times and happiness but we know to well the soul destroying power of deep depression. I've had enough too darl so even temporarily isn't as GP said when I broke down it crushes me but we're NOT being weak.. it's to help. We don't have to stay forever on them, just till we learn how to control our emotions there's a LOT of help & knowledge out there & here's monumental. Where you are now isn't how it'll stay.

    Don't give up Warrior 🤗💗hold on🤝like we are you. If we believe we can.. then we can.

    Love 💪and power to you girl 🤗🍫🌱⚘

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Croix
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    12 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear MM~

    Having the physical pain on top of everything else is so wearing, it does grind you down to a level where existence is questionable. I've found it all piles up at times.

    We offer encouragement because we believe you will be better, happier, at home and getting some enjoyment back into your life. A little dollop of hope based partly on our own experiences, and partly on a knowledge of your own steely inner core.

    You may think it a worn-out idea but I still find reliving good memories a help.

    Glad you snuck your phone in, does make a difference.

    Croix

    3 people found this helpful
  17. awrinkle in time
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    12 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Baby , Bloody hell ....

    Is there someone you trust in there that you can talk with , what about your Dad ...Reach out to the ones you trust that are local and tell them , and i know you probably have , maybe the call to BB ... Im feeling for you and wish it was better. So glad you have your phone , we are all behind you hear and sending so much love and support and dont feel pressure to return messages just take the love and fill your body with it ...

    The love for you comes from the person you are , we have all got to know you through your posts your words i hope you get what i mean cause i cant write all the quality words down cause it will crash the BB server ...ha ha

    This will end and you will get out of there every hour is closer to you being home

    sending love and hugs beautiful lady , Hey did you like the dance we had ... you kept up okay ...ha ha

    Love Ya xxx

    2 people found this helpful
  18. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to awrinkle in time
    Just between us BB supporters sometimes I bin the meds, maybe that's not a good idea- I do it wen I can get away with it, but this slowness and muscle stiffness I feel is just, well, it's just not me. My right leg is in pain. I don't feel like myself at all anymore. And my fingers hurt. I'm stiff in different places. On antipsychotic n mood stabilizers. I don't need them. Sorry have to keep this short , will write back wen I have the chance, thnx all....can't let them know I have my ph
    3 people found this helpful
  19. awrinkle in time
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    12 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi ya , Hope your day got better ..... still love the dots ......hey could you do a painting with dots ...sell then in china for a million bucks each its all in the marketing you know ..... :-)hope you get a good sleep and wake feeling better.

    good night xxxx

    love and hugs

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Peppermintbach
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    13 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi M_M (and a wave to all),

    Thanks for letting us know how things are going. Things sound pretty rough at the moment...

    I’m thinking of you and sending many warm hugs your way.

    Love,

    Pepper xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  21. awrinkle in time
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    506 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic
    good night monkey xx
    2 people found this helpful
  22. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Pepper & all

    Things r rought. Muscles in my feet r stiff n sore. Can't really walk. This is what they have done to me. Now I need some muscle relaxant medi action or acupuncture or something. And I still have to take the meds. They r still making me or else I can't get out of this place.

    4 people found this helpful
  23. Ggrand
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    14 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello Magic,

    Im really sorry that your being treated the way you are...not just words my heart is breaking for you...

    My experience in hospital was very different from your, I was treated always with care and respect. I didn’t want meds at first and hid them under my tongue for a few days, and started feeling weird, then I did a self assessment and decided I didn’t want to live like I was, so I started taking them, and gradually began to feel better, I am happy to continue....

    I was in the acute ward for a short spell and it was different more harsher, nurses were behind glass door, the patients were noisy, loud and to me scarey, but the nurses were kind to them but hard as well...

    Monkey I’m wondering if by you taking the meds and then not taking them, if this is causing your sore muscles because of the unstableness of the meds....Not meant people want to take the meds, but in reality, the meds are chemical that are already present in our bodies, our bodies take from the meds what the body is lacking then disposes of the left over to leave our bodies, it doesn’t absorb what we don’t need. It’s like if we take vitamins, what’s not used by our body leaves us...

    Magic, I can understand your reluctance to take the meds because of what happened to you prior to this...I’m just thinking if you take them properly and without protest now while your in hospital to please them, you’ll be discharged quicker then if you protest, then once you leave the hospital, it’s then your choice whether you take them or not...Just my thoughts sweetheart....I will continue to take mine because I’m feeling good, can think clearer and in a good mindset...

    I care for you Magic and only want the best for you...If I’ve said wrong to you I’m really sorry, I just want you out of hospital and back home again.....Maybe go along with your treatment and meds plan they have set in place for you to get out quickly...then it’s up to you what you do with the meds...I’m really sorry your nurses and doctors are not really very caring to you...Please be okay dear Magic..thinking of you..

    Love and hugs.💚🤗,

    Grandy.

    7 people found this helpful
  24. awrinkle in time
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    14 January 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi Ya Monks , hot hear in Qld ...very humid not good real go slow weather . Had a day off today have been sleeping heaps which is good i supose if you fall asleep i must need it ...my daughter has been away for a bit and she gets back tomorrow i just cleaned her car for her ....it took hours it was so dirty ...i wont even begin to tell you what i found .... Lets just say its clean now ha ha She has a dog its name is Marley and it will chase the ball for hrs its grown on me and i have been enjoying her while my daughter has been away ..haven't been swimming for ya latly haven't been to the beach for a while ...its to hot ... will try this week will keep ya posted ...had some stingers in there lasts week lots of people got bitten ...blue bottles ... nasty they hurt ...sending love and more love to ya xxxxx
    1 person found this helpful
  25. quirkywords
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    14 January 2019 in reply to awrinkle in time

    monkey , I realise you are finding life hard at the moment , but you know you have so many people who supposrt you can’t care about you.

    Also many people read and don’t post but they are thinking of you.

    I appreciate you keeping us up to date and I hope by having people to wrote to, it makes things a little easier.

    Sending hugs and kind thoughts,

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  26. demonblaster
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    14 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Magic darl 🤗

    Our dear Grandy may have a good point re the meds if not taken regularly could be causing muscle fatigue.

    The other choice and I know you're against it but maybe those particular meds aren't for you could they try others do you think.

    It's been a long time for you in there and as much as it's horrid remember you've handled it amongst so much adversity point being in your lowest times you've survived it. Warrior you are with backbone. I'd think you're on the shorter end of your stay lovey.

    How are you feeling now hun when you're ready that is.

    Hope you're still enjoying your painting and that you're finding and renewing reasons to want to keep going friend. We sure want you to.

    There's a future of unlocked goods out there waiting to be explored and new places to refresh you hun

    Always by your side and cheering you on 🤝🌱⚘

    1 person found this helpful
  27. monkey_magic
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    2112 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to demonblaster
    Quick update, they have taken me off the meds that r causing the cramping & stiffness. I went off!!!! Today. I yelled, screamed. Called the doc an asshole. Told the nurses they shouldnt be giving out those drugs. I was slamming things. Hitting the window. Crying. I'm now off !!!! The meds. I threatened to end my life...I'm off those meds!!!
    2 people found this helpful
  28. Doolhof
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    15 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi Monkey,

    Sounds like you are on quite a journey there. I hope the staff help you keep safe during possible side effects due to being taken off the medication.

    Hopefully your body will respond quickly and you will be in less pain.

    Dear Monkey, words seem inadequate right now. Thinking of you, from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  29. demonblaster
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    15 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear Magic feel this 🤗 hug darlin and absorb the energy from it. Breath slowly and deeply and on exhale say Relax to yourself. It can help no end getting the body to a calmer state.

    I'm glad you're off them they're clearly causing you bad side effects. Darl are they giving you one on one therapy as in talking to a psychiatrist and or psychologist regularly? if not can it be arranged. The reason I'm asking is you poor soul you have so much pain locked in and frustration. I understand your anger being forced to do against your wishes. You need and have a right to be heard.

    I also from their point of view see they're trying to help you although at this point unsuccessfully to help ease your pain. I feel while they're forcing you against your will it'll be futile as you'll I imagine and think you mentioned stop taking them on leaving which potentially could take you back to that terrible dark place 💗

    As you well know hun your pain became overwhelming leading you to seeing only one way out which believe me I know too well. There really is a place beyond hell.

    My deep concern that comes from a place of care and love for you Magic is you might get back to that point again. I as everyone here wants to see you happy and living in peace which is achievable and you certainly have the power to reach that again. Remember how you felt in that good place, that's why we need to keep going honey.

    I feel they'd be neglecting their duty of care if they let you home while you're still in so much pain.

    Magic it's taken many yrs for me to come to this point that I'm now taking anti depressants (AD's) as yet I don't know if they'll work and yes I'm dubious. If I'm on top of the world yes it'll be awesome but they'll be temporary hun because like you I believe and want to leave this life stronger I can and will but for now I accept I need help while I learn how to cope and habit a routine. Is this something you think you'd consider darling. We've survived major trauma anyone at these lowest points goes through, it's not giving up it's survival.

    I just want you to be ok sweetheart you matter to many people Look after yourself please hun.

    Always by your side Warrior Queen. I feel your voice is strong, we need you, you deserve a chance at happiness. 🤗⚘🌱(new beginnings)

    2 people found this helpful
  30. awrinkle in time
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    15 January 2019 in reply to monkey_magic

    Im glad you made it clear to them ... you know your body and know when its not right to put that stuff in ...if you felt that strongly it is right for you ... Just do what you have to do to get out and get home and get into a program that is going to work for you ... If you can see the night sky tonight ....i hope you can ..... look up and search for space junk ....Yes thats right space junk ha ha .....You will see what looks like a star moving across the sky .... so you home work is to find 3 pieces of space junk tonight ....its good if you can lie down your neck doesn't hurt then cause sometimes it take hours looking into the stars .... hopefully its not to cloudy ....and i hope you can get to see the stars ..... Love and hugs beautiful lady ...all this will pass and you will get back , baby steps in the right direction ... Love Ya xxxx

    2 people found this helpful

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