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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Should I just suck this up?

Topic: Should I just suck this up?

  1. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    28 July 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi Sleepy21,

    Every psychiatrist I have seen has been dishonest or lied. It's common practice. I heard that 80% of people don't actually need the meds and there are better ways of them getting through their problems. It's only 20% that actually need them. That's coming from the councillor who does research.

    Hey Shell,
    I will have a support letter from my doctor and hopefully have a lawyer present. My mum might even be there. I just hope it's not done over the phone like one time where they made a snap decision about a 6 month order. I found it impersonal. I'd prefer it all face to face. And not through video link either. But I can't choose.
    At a tribunal there's a lawyer, psychiatrist and member from the community...and I'm allowed to have a lawyer, and other support people present. Then they make their decision. Not looking forward to it one bit....

    It's all unecessary. I shouldn't even be in their system... don't need this in my life.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. demonblaster
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    demonblaster avatar
    6604 posts
    28 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Monks hi everyone ☺

    Would you be eligible for a

    1. What are they called. Free lawyer. Lol two other blokes here cant think of the name either 😆. Yay one got it..legal aid!
    2. Or what about no win no pay. It's sounding like you have a case and have several reasons it might stand up in court. They won't probs take you on unless they're sure they have a case.
    3. Good girl Shell hi lovey ☺ Magic I think we talked about an advocate which would be worth sussing if you haven't.
    4. I took an employer to court for unfair dismissal and won. I had zilch money. I asked if I could pay him off or out of settlement which happened.

    So some cud to chew over. No wait up that'd be for Mrs Cow president.

    Agree you'd be far better off without Mrs cow.

    I suggest keep gathering all your info to present to the lawyer.

    Ok lovey catch you all laters 🐇💗🌱

    3 people found this helpful
  3. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    28 July 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Heya DB & everyone,

    If I see this private psychiatrist I could be eligible for legal aid.

    Well done on winning your case. 👏

    I've always wanted to sue. I get all these diagnosis's from different psychiatrists in the comfort of their office but will they still say the same thing under oath?

    I've been through so much physically and emotionally I don't know if I can handle a "lost" case.

    That's what I'm scared of. But I'm so entitled to have a fair case and win against them.

    I had a psychiatrist clear me from a diagnosis in the past and said that I could sue but I just got on with my life.

    I really just want the injections to STOP! I want the tribunal to see through all the B.S. and give me a CHANCE, but I feel they're LINKED somehow, even though they say they aren't. They seem to think I will RELAPSE if not on medication...

    I've raised my voice so much on this matter.

    I was late getting the injection once and honestly felt better- no headaches/ migraines.

    I know withdrawing is hard but I deserve to have CONTROL over my OWN ( not theirs) body and soul.

    Just like the councillor said a lot of these illnesses can be managed without medication.

    The truth is.... they've medicated someone that's got nothing wrong with her- ME.

    If the side effects weren't so bad I honestly wouldn't be complaining so much or crying out for help so much but the truth is they are. ( In my case)
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Sleepy21
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    28 July 2020

    hi monkey,

    that's great that you may qualify for legal aid

    i've only met one or two nice psychs, compassion is often missing sadly. will you know about the legal aid qualification soon?

    I hope the private psychiatrist is good. I also hope she charges fairly for her time, which I've learnt to keep an eye out - all different prices they are at.

    Keep strong - I admire you!

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    6690 posts
    28 July 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hello Magic...🤗.

    I really hope you can get legal aid to help you at your next tribunal....I think that if your mum could turn up as well and give them a good character report of how well you are going and also tell them about your suffering with the side effect..maybe it might all help you..l have everything crossed for you and if your okay with it saying prayers for you also....

    I hope they don’t continue...Know dear monkey that we are all by your side..Wishing you all the best...If they only knew the lovely caring person you are here on BB, helping so many people with your compassion and care..they would stop immediately...

    Magic..if they do stop the injections..Please don’t go it alone..get some help to from your gp to cut down first....I know that it’s not until August..I mentioned now because I’m good at forgetting..and I need to say to you about reducing meds first..

    You have had a very rough two years...and you’ve done so well in managing to get through this...I feel that they are trying to protect you, thinking you will relapse....Somehow they need to know that you won’t....Hoping a legal aide person or your mum..can convince them you wont..

    Sitting with you Magic....

    Kind thoughts, love and hugs cedar Magic...

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  6. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Sleepy21- I'll find out closer to the tribunal date about legal aid, I'm going to talk to the mental health team about not applying for another order but they prob won't listen :-(

    The psych I'm seeing charges $250 first visit, $80 visit after that. I hope she's good as well.


    Grandy- the tribunal is in Oct, not August. I've been praying myself 🙏. The mental health team don't even need to apply for another order. I'm going to speak to them.

    I think they know I'm a caring, compassionate person Grandy- it doesn't stop them. If they take me off the order they don't get payed 😖

    I've withdrawn off meds before. Know what it's like to do it too quickly, don't ever want to be in that head space again 😟

    I don't think they are trying to protect me...I think they are self serving...they know my stance on the matter, they know my story.

    Enjoy your day to today,
    😁
    1 person found this helpful
  7. demonblaster
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    6604 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Monks hi all ☺

    Something just occurred to me reading the last couple of posts.

    Suggesting to document what the causes were for you to attempt if you know which one main was a trigger from the past if I remember

    Also document what changes in the 2 yrs what you've accomplished. You've found reasons to live and continue.

    The reasons you want to live now including your dear Mum and Dad I think is in the picture? Sorry if I'm off track.

    What help you have like here to guide you through if need be.

    Maybe line up some more counselling on a regular basis with a psychologist (health care plan)

    Gist is they need to see and be convinced they won't be liable if you become depressed and go there again. I think and hope now and have seen here that if you talk early you can pull back up with support that you have a lot of.

    Also what about just for now to get your physical back in order compromise with them to go the alternative meds to get off the injections but still continue your plight.

    Because you're going higher have researched and have good reasons to back yourself and are persistent I do think you'll win.

    I think that's probs part of it Monks what beautiful Grandy offered that they are trying to look after you. I as Grandy too no doubt have heard about stuff that goes on. It's about you as you said that needs to be off them.

    Hope everyone can find something past/present/future that has is or will make them happy. Hold onto those memories or wishes we need the light.

    Laters loves 🐇👀🤝🍫🌱

    1 person found this helpful
  8. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Hi DB,

    That's all really good advice. I guess I will have to explain myself yet again. I already have explained myself over n over to the psych- like talking to a brick wall because she has her own agenda.
    I've said I've learnt my lesson and wouldn't do it to my family. It was nearly 2 years ago!

    If I change meds they will just put me on another injection, not orals.

    This whole situation makes me feel like a controlled number. Makes me feel unworthy and not important enough to listen to. I hate it so much.

    Hopefully I get some good reports off the new psych, a lawyer presents my case well and I get off the CTO, fingers crossed.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    Hi all,

    My throat was restricting again, I started dry reaching, and now I've just vomitted.

    I've decided to write a complaint letter about the mental health team.

    How am I supposed to live like this?
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    6167 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Oh you poor thing MM. Which I could help you. 💙

    2 people found this helpful
  11. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to Shelll
    Shell,
    You're lovely.

    You see I can't even help myself. Things are happening with my body that are out of my control.

    I've been to the emergency department before and they just sent me straight to the mental health team who say " we can't take you off the drugs because you're on a CTO".

    What! Even if they are ruining my life....

    They just look the other way, shrug their shoulders, and are probably pleased with themselves that they did there job.

    Meanwhile I go through hell.
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    6690 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Dear Magic...

    Im so sorry this is happening to you..

    Oops I got the months mixed up..

    My heart feels so sad for all your going through...

    I also wish I could help you with more then words..

    lots of warm caring hearts dear Magic..🤗🤗🤗.

    Love and care..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  13. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi Grand,

    Thanks for caring. When I feel low I'll be able to read back on your posts to feel better.

    Not feeling the best currently...

    I'm so close to going to the police station to at least tell them what's going on. I want to take out an order to keep the mental health team away from me...

    It won't work...

    Someone died under the so called " care" of the public psychiatrist....

    The betrayal...just so done with everything....why couldn't they just leave me the hell alone.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    29 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    I'm in a really bad place. I want all this to end...I really don't want to be here anymore.... that's the truth and I wouldn't be real if I didn't speak my truth.

    My body feels uncomfortable, I'm cramping and in pain. My brain feels like there's cement in it.

    I've spoken to lifeline...

    I just want to fade into darkness...where I have nothing left to feel....I can't wait for that day.

    It's my birthday...I have so much longer left to live...I used to be so excited about that. Not anymore.

    Sorry this is horrendous...

    I can't put my loved ones through it so I have to live for good moments...

    My body feels like it's grown old.

    My spirit doesn't feel strong...

    Those damn chemicals...

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    Sophie_M avatar
    2781 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    Hey monkey_magic,

    We're so sorry to hear that you're in a really bad place right now and struggling with these thoughts of not wanting to be here. We can hear how much pain you're in and understand how tough it can be to reach out when you're feeling so low, but we are glad that you have shared your feelings here, as well as speaking to Lifeline. We want you to know that you are valuable and our community are here to help support you through this. 

    We are also currently reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you.
    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, and you can call these services as often as you need, at any time. Our Beyond Blue Support Service is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

    We also hope that in these overwhelming moments you always feel welcome to call the friendly counsellors at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    We're all here to help you through this, and we hope you keep checking in and let us know how you are going whenever you feel up to it.
    2 people found this helpful
  16. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    6167 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Oh MM, I am ever so sorry. Wish I could just hug you.

    🌻🌻🌻 I will just leave these happy sun flowers here for your birthday.

    I have no idea what to say, but I am hearing you.

    Shelley

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Ggrand
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    30 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello lovely Magic..

    I also wish I could give you a warm hug especially today..

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY..dear Magic....Maybe later if you feel up to it..we could have some birthday cake that I made for you together with all the other lovely people here in the BB Cafe......You matter so much to us...

    Some beautiful roses 🌹 and a teddy bear 🧸 with a little red heart..you press the heart and it plays...Simon and Garfunkles ...Bridge over troubled waters...We all are your bridge...lovely Magic...Never will we let you fall..

    Love, kind thoughts and care lovely friend..💜🦋🤗.

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  18. demonblaster
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    6604 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hey Magic come here darlin 🤗 I too join with your lovely friends wishing you happiness on your birthday.

    Ahh darl it just gets too much at times doesn't it. I thought from your voice here the other day you were heading for a down.

    Huns with the frustration pain and passion you have about the meds I understand you feeling dejected and low. It's so quick too like quicksand isn't it that we go deeper.
    Keep thinking because it's true you can and will get back up warrior. Belief has so much power.

    At the moment you probs wouldn't feel it I guess but you have what you need to pull back up.
    You also have a big team of amazing people that care love and want to stand with you. Lean on us girl we'll see you through this.

    Magic don't give thoughts of ending it any power ok that's the main key to pulling back up.
    It's hell where you are I know lovey. You've had many happy times in the past couple of yrs and there's plenty more ahead.

    There is because we can contribute to making the opportunities.
    Believe hun as we do in you.

    You can't win your plight against them if you give in my love.

    It's very hard to stay on top all the time too and it really is ok to release cry and feel.
    You have so much pain to live with.
    I do believe you'll succeed with them and I know you do deep in your soul.

    Sweets have you spoken to your Mum. Hard to I imagine but if you don't mind me saying I think it's important that she knows for hers as well as your sake.

    You can pull it back up girl it's in there and we're here to help you. You have how many times before because you have the fire to 🔥

    Love to you warrior 🤗☺. All the strength we can give you is yours.

    Love Grandies idea of a birthday boom later in the cafe woo hoo parteee and you know what fun we have 🎉🎊

    Hold on sweetheart. Time really does help.

    ⚘🤝💗🐇🐧

    1 person found this helpful
  19. monkey_magic
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    3112 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Hi all,

    I will write back to everyone. Just wanted to let u all know I got my injection today. I always have a bad time right before I have to get it.

    I had a lengthy chat to my doctor and I'm currently about to see a psychologist face to face and to also get an assessment. My doc wants to help me so hopefully I get a good assessment.

    I haven't had a period in about four months. I'm prob infertile.

    Been really emotional lately. Spoke to the doc of where I could go missing to lol...
    There are places I can go where I prob won't be found, but I really want to stay where my support are...need to just face this head on.
    1 person found this helpful
  20. Sleepy21
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    1189 posts
    30 July 2020
    Happy Birthday!! You're a warm, lovable and valuable member here!!!! Hope you could celebrate in some way
    2 people found this helpful
  21. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Ouch....the injection site is sore and hurts.

    Hi Sleepy, again will get back to everyone.

    The doc recommended I see this well sought after psychologist in the clinic and he had space to see me today.

    He has been the best psychologist I have ever seen.

    Spoke about past events. Gosh I've had a traumatic life. I was emotional through the session. And he was attentive and caring and loving.
    He wrote down a lot about my life.
    I felt comfortable to open up to him. It's only taken me half my life to find one I click with lol. I have another session next week.
    If only the psychiatrists I've seen were this thorough.
    This man is thorough, started from my childhood.
    2 people found this helpful
  22. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    30 July 2020 in reply to Shelll
    Hey Shell,

    You are caring, compassionate and kind. Do U know you first wrote to me 3 1/2 yrs ago! Hugs back.

    Hi Grandy,

    Your words mean a great deal & thanks for the 🎁 presents. I need to learn to get out of my own head. When I'm in it too much I have those thoughts because I dwell. I think on bad memories and bcas I really don't know when this is going to end, and bcas of loses in my life I become unstuck. I will listen to that song!

    Hi Demonblaster...

    Deep in my soul I don't know if I will win against them. They're a powerful mob....I am putting things in place to give myself a chance. I felt low and powerless last night...not today though.
    What you wrote was loving,helpful, validating and a pleasure to read. I just feel like I have lost so so much. You have written great words that others can draw on too.
    Paaaarrrtaaay...🥂🍾🎂🎉

    Hi Sleepy,

    Had dinner and cake with the fam bam last night but I wasn't very social, part of why I felt so bad last night. I hope you've had some good moments through your day and thanks for the lovely sentiments.

    To everyone,

    Seeing the psychologist was the right thing for me to do today bcas I was in such a bad way last night. I think he will help me understand myself better. I can honestly dig my own mental grave. I just have to think cup half empty thoughts and I plummet. It's been traumatic to basically give up my human rights and life. I don't think I've recovered emotionally from my psych ward stays...and the betrayal. I've had two major stints, 3 months each because of bad psychiatrists.

    I get triggered and retraumatized....

    I think seeing the psychologist will be really good for me to empty out my valve...just like you Grandy...a lot of my past is locked away....

    We can collectively heal!

    Blessings,
    👣
    1 person found this helpful
  23. demonblaster
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    6604 posts
    31 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Magic and everyone hiyaz 😊

    Hun that's excellent news about the good psych (ologist). I bet you feel a good chunk of light. So pleased 🤗

    Yip true it's a big industry that you're tackling. I believe because of reason said before you will get there.

    Yes we go down from an emotional reaction to a thought then further down feeling it and yes we dwell. Depression closes our minds. We can open them by directing our thoughts to anything neutral or positive.

    I've found at times just plucking a letter from the alphabet and trying to think of goods that start with it which can spark goods.

    So how are you going after your parteee lovey. Was fun eh.

    Have a better day today warrior.

    Love thoughts and care darl. Thanks too for what you said. Very nice 🤗

    🦄🐒🐇🕊

    1 person found this helpful
  24. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to demonblaster
    Hey DB & all,

    Yeah I loved my party, you all know how to make a gal feel special~

    After having lunch the other day at the club my throat was constricting and I started to dry reach again when I entered the car park and thought oh no.. .I then projectile vomited 3 times!

    Now this is my major problem with this community treatment order. My treating team know I'm suffering with horrendous side effects. I was laying down y'day I felt injured internally. The drugs are doing damage and it is so so bad. If I wasn't on a CTO I'd be taken off the drugs but bcas I'm on one they look the other way.
    They all know I'm going through hell. How is this acceptable? Can they really be this cruel to me? I need to get off it immediately.

    I feel stuck...do I go to the police? Bcas it is a form of violence. How am I supposed to train at the gym with stiff muscles? Another side effect. The public psychiatrist and pharmacist spoke of so many ppl complaining off stiff muscles from these drugs. Who in their right mind would want to give someone stiff muscles. And it's painful as well, keeps me up at night...

    They are completely and utterly screwing me over even though I've been asking for help since all of this started.

    I'm sitting on the couch and can feel the stiffness in my throat....

    This is total and utter negligence...

    I'm suffering and this is ok...why???

    Bcas I'm on a CTO?

    This needs to stop now!

    Not even the director would stop it and the public psychiatrist keeps applying to extend the order.

    She is an evil narcissist!!!

    U would think she'd learn something from someone dying in her care but NO.

    I rested all day y'day bcas I felt sick. I mean I've been sick since this whole thing started but no amount of rest makes me better.

    I feel for every single person in my position...we are being royally screwed over and they just don't know when enough punishment is enough.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    6690 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello Dear Magic...Deebi and all...

    Awe sweetheart I so much wish I could drive out to yours and give you a warm caring hug...No it’s not fair Magic nor is it right to be treated the way you are...

    I wish I had some suggestions for you as to where and how you can fight this CTO...I have searched google and come up empty handed..I’m sorry Magic...

    Dry reaching is painful and it does hurt the stomach...I was having bursts of them a few months back, that’s why my Dr. sent me to the respirate specialist..and found out I had asthma....The specialist said it was from the dust, but now I’m not so sure, maybe it could be my meds...?

    I’m pleased that my post to another thread gave you a smile 😊....Fantasy helps to get me out of my head..but everything I wrote is what was seeing, listening to, and feeling...Nature is my first go to for help, for stopping my negative thoughts...Maybe dear friend a day rugged up, with some munchies, a blanket to sit on a cool fresh drink and sit down for a while and let nature help your mind to be silent for a while, and let the sun get absorbed into your skin to relax your poor body.....I’m not sure but I think most animals never get depressed..because they are outside most days...

    Always here for you dear Magic...by your side with each step that you take..holding you hand in mine....Please sweet lady..try to be as strong as you can be...for you, your family, friends, us here on the forums and for all the people that you may be able to help later on with they way they are being treated with CTO’s...

    Love, hugs and my care dear Magic..💜🤗🦋.

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  26. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi Grandy,

    I wish I could drive to yours and have a change of scenery for a few days in the country side.

    I have to wait until Oct for the tribunal to maybe get off the CTO. Thanks for trying to find info 🤗

    I was supposed to see my dad today but I'm too down
    :-(

    I'm really down...

    You're a lifesaver Grand. I'll try and stay strong for everyone.

    Might even have a few drinks...then I can think on feeling typsy...better than my other crap.

    Cheers erryone!

    Love 🥰 & ☮️ peace
    2 people found this helpful
  27. Sleepy21
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    1189 posts
    1 August 2020

    Hi Monkey,

    Hope the cake and fam time were nice for the birthday. Was it nice? Yummy cake?
    I felt really happy, really really happy and pleased for you to read that a busy psychologist with a good reputation, who is thorough, has found his way into your life.
    Man, it took me eternity and some really quacks before I met anyone like that therapeautically. I also think it reflects well on you, that this person is in your life. You're open and finding good folk.
    Hope you're okay, was thinking about you earlier and now happy to see these messages :)

    1 person found this helpful
  28. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi Sleepy,

    Thanks for thinking of me. It's taken me a long time to find someone good as well.

    I used to see a very caring doctor/ councillor when I lived interstate now that I think of it.

    But the psychiatrists- omg the worst! They should be paying me for having to put up with them!

    The cake sure was yummy, chocolate ganache with strawberries...

    How is everything going with you?
    1 person found this helpful
  29. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3112 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    Hi everyone,

    The penny has dropped. Just watched a video about how to get out of the system. U have to agree with them. U have to say yes to having a mental illness,and agree to stay on the medication.

    You essentially have to give your power over to these psychiatrists.

    If you're compliant and the tribunal knows this and if they think you will continue being compliant...U could win and they take U off the order.

    2 people found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    6690 posts
    1 August 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello Magic..

    I’m so pleased you watched that program...

    I’ll be back later to talk to talk to you..

    I feel somewhat relieved that the video may help you in getting off the CTO...

    bbl Magic...I’m about to make a cuppa tea and have a small cinnamon muffin I made today....wish you and others could join me...

    kind thoughts, love and hugs..🌹💜🤗..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful

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