BP day 30
Been in recovery for about wk & halfish.
Before start of cycle heavy down day pulled through but rough. (unusual to be so heavy before, use to be in retrospect but not maybe that low usually)
Some days fought off crap thoughts (useless ones, nothing to be able to deal with or change just trying to pull me down) with Hard self talk, worked, maybe over a couple hrs.
One day was on way to walk to town sitting & HEAVY down (deep close to wanting to leave type) but pulled our quickly, lasted about 4 minutes, would have stayed there if hadn't challenged it by being aware 'IT's the beast and can't remember what else but got out VICTORY!!!!
Realised recently this hasn't taken yrs to tackle, well it has because I wasn't working on it all like these days more so. When I managed to pull down the mania which also didn't take long at all to manage surprisingly although had many super highs since but didn't remember to do the meditation thing often but must have eventually to continue to bring them down.
So lately been concentrating on the downs, WOW what a buzz, getting there. Man it's amazing.
Long way to go with other aspects of the beast like self worth, liking myself way more now ..."are we there yet" nah but happy to be getting there.
Learning to handle tiredness a lot more, boyo this one was a doozy for lack of as always but this ranked highly amongst them. Pushed the envelope a bit this one, partly because of new found ways of coping, to trial & error, and always the nature of it anyway, that may not change by the sounds.
I"m accepting now through hearing more form WK & Doc that it'll always be there but I'll be in full control over it. YEAH MAN! WOW mammoth to get hold of.
Rare the tiredness being so extreme that I get very dry in mouth, tongue, Doc said ? dehydration, could be but I do drink lot of water usually, have had times of mouth ulcers through sheer deep exhaustion, these days I don't hit the wall as such & then it'd keep pushing. But close to full exhaustion.
Was very social this one, and here too, distraction been good, mood tried today after getting up from sleep to pull me but here's helped, migrainy family head not helping issue. Think from neck they reckon but don't know for sure, had brain scan, YES HAVE ONE, yehaaa for that and no bads.
Only one other slight mania amongst coming down. Tiredness can bring it on too
Maybe over w/e if no social might be outta this one.