Dear bbff 👩❤️👩 and all including readers ☺
Grandy my sss thank you dear friend. It's so damned deep full on extremely stressful. So much going on at once.
I had a whopper dose of hyperventilating. I can laugh about now. Rang Mr cute 😍 in hospital intending to support. Lol I did ask after but just blurted out all the rot going on ..rah rah rah. After about 2/3 mins finally got my breath. Must've sounded like an obscene ph call 😂The dear love just listened and when I'd finally caught my breath he said "do you feel better now" ...he's precious 😍
Yes I did. A lot of stress came out. Wow sure did.
It feels like it won't stop. Waking up crying's not a good way to feel as we all know. Shower here and there.
Sleeps still fairly erratic. Slowly coming back
The constant self doubt just slam. Damned scenarios. I feel if any part of me that is crazy it's that. Deep down I know I'm not but trying telling beastys [ITxx] another matter.
I'm able just though it takes every mite of effort to focus on normal convo. Even laughs/joking if I'm around people but by geez it's hard when a huge part of you's trying and doing such a good job at berating yourself. I'm sure IT's (xx) got a diploma in sabotage.
Yes self talk I still when I think to. I'm getting a touch better at being more aware (Mindful) moreso catching the thoughts as they're taking me down. Then either challenging them or stopping emotions ruling. Until the next split second the next one hurtles through
Constant. I'm starting to manage some positives/happies too which is good til they run into ptsds leading to another sad. Tornado!
A plus is knowing I've been through unbearable worse and survived it. Nearly not often, but have.
I often remember Doolsy Wolfy Croixy Starwolf Peppy Quirky you too of course bbff your achievement thread amidst so many things.. Not fighting it as such, try calmness (Paul 🤗)
I think often about ages ago you so gently saying about the walls we build, to heal we need them down. I wasn't arguing exactly but forgot to say you're right lovey 🤗 They hold it all in. Hun if you know you're right keep at me with reasons. It can take an age but when I can see it I'll back down/apologise if need be. Stubbornness can save but also be a curse. I know it can be frustrating. I see it and feel it with others the same.
Mostly we bed around 10pm now. Not as many day sleeps. Tho should to recoop quicker. Hard with mania popping in here & there
Deep love bbff 👩❤️👩💜🤗 thank you all 🤗