Wail,

please throw out the guilt and words like crappy aunt and the shoulda and could.
Mind you I am queen of guilt. Looking at hoe my grandchildren are looked after and how involved their parents are I feel they may have missed out but I know loved them and we had lots of fun and creative times.

I never had a sister and I wish I had a sister as compassionate and understanding and kind and clever you. Your niece is so fortunate to have you as her aunt as you have been there all her life, you have cared and been so patient with her.

I like your song choices.

Aries what a coincidence with funeral. It is sad and at our age we do think about our mortality at least I do .

velvet law sounds like it would suit you. I wanted to study law but my mum didn’t want me to and bipolar made sure it was too hard.

You know you guys have helped me to see, that I am going through grief stages, we have lost our bambi, our little girl. I don't know who she has become and the loss is just so sad it is clouding everything.

Remember the tv show Deal Or No Deal, presented by Andrew O'Keefe, he has a law degree and bipolar. I guess he was lucky and the bipolar arrived late in life. Recently he's had his own legal battles with domestic violence and drug use. Driving offences and general chaos in his life. I really hope he can get it together for his family and the greater bipolar community. I'm against using bipolar as an excuse in court I would rather people say I have a diagnosed mental health condition which affects my thinking. Same thing without slapping the bipolar community.

See I'm grumpy and sad shadowed by guilt- still and generally in a fractured state

Clumsy me, I am making errors that defeat my efforts. I cleaned the washing machine and forgot to reconnect the discharge hose and yep then I put a load on. My husband just finished telling me not to lose them screws and I lost one. I was a dunder head yesterday as well, all this trouble is clouding my thinking.

I will resume looking at greyhound profiles, it's the only thing that makes me feel good. Cheers

Wail,

I have noticed than when a well known person gets in trouble with the law they finsll admit to having a mental illness whereas before it was secret. I can see why.

I have always said I take responsible for all my actions and I made those decisions but my thinking and logical rational self was impaired by my disorder.

i am so sorry you feel fractured and the grief you feel I so psinful and so evident through your writing.

My partner has no label so everything I do is wringMx he blames on my condition. I feel so exhausted by silly arguments.

I like this thread as we accept understand and do not judge.

please everyone be as kind you yourself as you are to your family amd friends.

Wail it must be the day for water to ruin things. We have unseasonal storms here. Yesterday I did a late load of washing and it was a sunshine filled day, left the washing on the line over night. Cue bit storm. My book was undercover but due to sideways rain. It now damaged. I have been trying to dry with a hairdryer. The noise has made my mood worse.

Thanks Velvet.

Asdff I can understand about library books , we either lost them or damaged them so years ago I stopped joining libraries.

I wish books could be cured by rice when waterlogged like mobiles can.

I usedto dry books in the sun so sometimes it works. If the pages are really close and wet I put dry paper in between so they don’t stick.

Brings back memories of covering books with contact,using a pin when you had bubbles to get the air out, covering hardcover books ,,shelving and reshelving books as I studied. Haven’t visited a library in years. I read now or try to when on holidays.

Nowadays have the attention span of a gnat. Looking forward to some decent weather

Aries

I too have Thea ttention of gnat , maybe an old gnat. I get so ditravted , I will start do8ngnone thing, do another and a few hours later I go back to the first task. I then look at the trail of mess I have left.

Quirky I'd call that lateral multi tasking and it is a very interesting way to work. It may look wrong to others but if it suits you then so be it. Sorry your partner looks for reasons to squabble I know this behavior. Sometimes I tell myself it's like that little boy who likes the girl, so to get her attention, he pulls her pigtails, which hurts and annoys her, but his skills are limited and his need for her attention is just so high. Weird cause our response validates their need which makes them think the mission is a success and it continues. That's so Crazy.

Asdff yesterday I actually borrowed 2 fiction books, I just need a break and to leave my reality for a spell. Sorry the weather damaged the library book- that would make me rather upset as I tend to look after other peoples things more than I do my own. Good luck fixing

Aries excellent tip to burst the bubbles when contacting a book because there is always bubbles. Cheers

Wail

I like your analogy of the small boy trying to get attention from the girl.
what I find exhausting is when adults don’t get their own way they want to lie on the floor and scream , but they say well if that is how you feel I will never (insert verb like) cook, drive, talk to you , again!,

I also look after other people’s possessions, houses etc probably more carefully than my own.

Asdff how did the book turn out. We’re there any water marks.

Aries how are you feeling.?

Lisa what is it like being back at school.?

velvet how are you.?

Brats annoy me, adult and child alike. Context in life is important. Never take things for granted. Work together.

The weather has been ordinary over here. Warm sunny days then SLAM hectic storms.

I am going ok. Next week at work is going to be interesting as I've needed to cover 3 roles. I said no, I can cover what is priority or part there of, I simply cannot do 3 roles adequately at the same time in 2 different locations. If some staff got off their backsides and pitched in it wouldn't be like this.

Man thing is disrespectful to other people things including mine. So I admire you guys for caring for things that aren't yours. I feel the same way actually. Not mine and have been trusted with it, don't mistreat it. Sometimes bonafide accidents happen though.

V

Quirky that I will never /// again is what I call the final act-' The baby and the bath water' OH YER our boys are similar, my husband will always resort to throwing out the baby with the bath water, and he always goes back on his /// threat. Nearly thirty years of watching his behavior has given me clear perspective. My husband was over indulged by his mothers and he craves this cycle. I try to remember this is his character and only he can change it, he's stuck on his own loop. Me I'm just his prop.

Velvet covering three roles is a big ask, good to see you know your limits as I'm sure you will do well.

Good news get my nose set on Monday and my vacc tomorrow. Papa is watching the removalist unpack the neighbors stuff with binoculars. It is like he is watching a prize show as he keeps yelling out what he see's. It is nice to see he is returning to his busy body self. My niece slept 4 hours last night which is a good sigh. Cheers

Wail, packing a lot in a few days. I’ve delayed getting a cortisone steroid shot in my ankle as we are going away for a week and no one can give me a concrete answer as to whether I will be able to hit the ground running.

Quirky, yep I’m ok.Like everybody one day at a time. All over the shop but that’s the way I’m wired.Just my scattered self. How are you and others doing? Its sunny here , but it won’t last

Asdff it's a shame about the book, good thing that librarians are generally lovely people, I'm sure they will understand. Always great to see you here.

Aries how wonderful to get away for a bit and yes I hope your ankle behaves itself and you all have a good time. We will feed the husky while you are away ;)

I did a small ornamental cross stitch today, it says "different but not less" and I put it in my nieces' room. This is me building a bridge. I miss her and she will need allies. As yet she doesn't want to see me and that's ok.

Velvet 3 roles at once wow they must know about your super powers.

aries , hope your ankle improves.

wail my dad used to give me a running historical commentary every day from my mouse to where he was driving me. Never the same commentary but I think he made up some of it. Your papa reminded me of him.

I got my referral for a medication review. My GP should know I have type two Bipolar. On my file it only says Bipolar Disorder. He asked me are you have more ups? My response no. Downs. This is via a phone call. I thought it would be easier on me. Now thinking back to it. I should have said I never get ups. That is my problem. I’m depressed 99 % of the time. Even taking everything that is prescribed and doing all of the lifestyle things that are recommended.

Asdff

I am no doctor, wouldn’t it be unipolar.?

I was equally up and down but my mania caused more problems than by lows.

I just googled unipolar interesting- but how is it different from depression? The medical jargon is all to much for me. When I see the GP I take a written note and it simplifies my visit. GP's are so under the pump these days without the note I forget important details.

I have exhausted myself in the last 24hours because I am so excited to get my vacc today. This is how my system plays up. By lunch today I will be knackered and sorry but I have no say in how the BP acts up. I have the mixed episode bipolar 2 and it feels like being at the mercy of the wheel of fortune. Like when I'm knackered will I be crabby tired or sooky tired or worse!

Asdff I am sorry you experience high levels of depression even though you follow a wellness program. Something tells me that bipolar has so many variables and that makes it impossibly hard to treat. So we are all stuck in this leaky boat together until we are given a reprieve. Yer that not feels better. Cheers

Bipolar bounces between 2 states where as unipolar stays put in 1...

Treatment resistant depression is a thing as is having a superficial metabolism which can change the affectiveness of medications.

In my humble experience they got it wrong for 15 years. They get it wrong a lot. Push on and don't give up!!!!

As women..... the menstrual cycle influences things a lot as well. It's so much fun!!! Not.

I think everyone experiences different illnesses in different ways .

Lately I am becoming less patient and more irritable. People have said be less passive and be assertive but I am seen as irritable.

Has anyone ever had their own words used by another when you ask a simple question and the person replies oh what else have I done wrong, I cant do anything right.

I think no thats what I think how can they use my words.

Overthinking is such a pain!

There are still basic hallmarks for a diagnosis otherwise the DSM5 wouldn't exist.

I think so. Narc trait that one.

Thanks Velvet I agree.

I was going to add that there are traits different illnesses share but forgot.

Oh yeh thats too true. Certain traits are expressed in different conditions.

Quirky, I live in a constant state of irritation, high vigilance and t annoys the hell out of me. I see Michael Slater the ex cricketer and commentator is the latest celebrity to come out with bipolar and according to the papers is seeking treatment.
All these diagnoses and variants do my head in. I struggle to keep up with films, events, years even.

I used to be so much more and able.

Hey guys, Velvet I still dont understand if unipolar is in one state, why is it not depression and what makes it different?

Quirky my husband uses my words out of context to make a point and my response is " I need a poo" and I hide in the loo till I am no longer triggered. That is a crazy maker.

Aries, the cricketer story is disappointing and how the cricket doctors missed that is astounding. Aries I hear your regrets and I am sorry it must seem hard. If your lucky the future may bring grand kids and you will be in demand once again.

Uni = one / single. Bi = two / dual.

Polar = polarity.... think of a magnet or a compass.

Unipolar depression is a depression that stays.... doesn't change to hypomania or mania.

That's my understanding of it anyway.

I have to accept I'm on my own. Work I help others as needed as I can. When I need help others refuse, make excuse or just stay on their butts.

Personal relationships it's always me unless people want something.

Makes me feel worthless.

Better hop back to it lol.