Welcome back listeners to Mallow FM, the radio station with issues, and the hits, we're gonna keep them coming...

*sigh*

Super Crapola (tm) start to the day. Best mate, grew up with, kindergarten and primary together, life long family friend, been battling a brain tumor for the past few years, had been getting different less invasive therapies, looked like it was working... Till yesterday, now being hustled into surgery tomorrow. Have been trying to avoid the surgery as it almost guaranteed to permanently cause damage, vision loss (it's on his optic nerve), loss of balance, and who knows what else. He had leukemia as a child, a brain tumor removed at 18 which left damage, and now this. Can't get a break...

My other best mate, (we were a great little trio), is in the Alfred today getting a tune up, living with Cystic Fibrosis, and has defied all odds to make it to 40 years of age...

And Me....

Here's where I would type a very long list of expletives, hoping it's therapeutic...

Hi everyone,

I'm with Mallow, Kaz and Len that if you've been passively reading and want to chime in, go for it. We won't bite! Promise!

Mallow, I'm glad you enjoyed some quality time with your wife.

Sounds like a lot from An Unquiet Mind resonates with you- it must have been an eye opener in some ways. I've heard that a lot of people with bipolar can relate to Kay Redfield's personal experience. I remember skimming the first few pages at a bookshop a while back and she's pretty eloquent if I remember correctly.

Yes, you are, uh, "high maintenance" but worth every appointment and treatment, I'm sure 😊I think most of us on the forums are pretty high maintenance ha, ha. As for me, I'm nosy, obnoxious and high maintenance ha, ha.

Enjoy your 4 day weekend!

Kaz, you're the resident Sleeping Beauty. Don't worry, I'm sure your cells are thanking you for the peaceful slumber.

Your social companion volunteer gig sounds meaningful. I'm glad you and your companion get along. Well paired!

Hopefully good news comes your way !

Len, I guess we all have our ways of coping. Shopping just so happens to be yours (& I bet many people reading are like "me too!") The plus is your purchases means that you're all set for a range of activities.

I love your methodical approach to tackling your garden. It seems like you've figured out what does and doesn't work for you when it comes to bed and routines. Although it must be annoying when you wake up not feeling well rested despite an early night and exercise.

I've heard a number of other people on the forums mentioning Love Actually too- sounds like a winner. I vaguely remember seeing it but can't be 100% certain ha, ha.

Happy cruisin' ⛴

Dottie x

Hi Mallow (shoutout to everyone else reading too),

That's very sad news. I don't understand any more than you do why some people just can't seem to get a break (sighs). Hopefully, if nothing else, his surgery goes smoothly.

Your other best friend with CF is quite the survivor. I'm hoping he's in good hands at the Alfred.

I think your expletives are justified. Sometimes swearing is very therapeutic- I recommend it. I'm on my "best behaviour" on the forums but I definitely have my swearing moments too.

Hoping for the best for both of your best friends (or as best as things can be, considering the circumstances).

Dottie x

Hi Kaz, Mallow, Len, Tony and anyone else reading,

I'm currently lying on my bed, medicated and feeling okay. Let's just say it was worth paying the extra 20% more for these meds (although my wallet is hurting a little from it) ha, ha.

I enrolled in my units for both semesters today, and for the first time in 3 years, I actually have a decent timetable 😊 The downside? I was 1.5 hours late to work as I wanted to login early for the best class times...anyways...

I should probably get out of bed and be a more productive member of society now ha, ha.

Dottie x

Hi folks,

Dottie you are a breath of fresh air. Glad to find you in a good headspace and feeling ok.Nosy, obnoxious and high maintenance, don't change a thing. Well worth it.Sounds like you in your last year then? I know timetables stuffed my boys around. One has finished , might do honours but would much prefer to land a job. My other son has 1 year to go, suffers from anxiety and is thankfully seeking professional help.My wife and my boys are my world.. Meds thank god for them. They are certainly costing a pretty penny, my problem is I'm taking them all at once. Last night , stayed up late,no excercise and all my meds and I had some vivid vivid dreams, scary stuff but only myself to blame.

Mallow, some people get the rough end of the stick.Life can be so cruel at times but modern medicine can do wonders. I mean look at us.

Kazz 1963 was a good yearear, I m an Airies Btw but some shuteye works wonders.Dottie was right,once again in proclaiming you the resident sleeping beauty.Your volunteer work sounds so rewarding , I used to do respite in between career change before it all went to crap and found it so rewarding and an eye opener. Will be cruising the South Pacific, great fun, value for money and did I mention the food , to die for,

Well folks it's 09:03 , Roger F is doing it easy in the tennis, going take my meds and hopefully have a blissful sleep,

see yu on the other side

Lenxox

Hi everyone,

Len, nah, it's not my last year. This year is the halfway mark as I'm doing a 5 year double degree. So I have another 2 years to go ha, ha.

Hopefully your son with the anxiety has a smooth year (or as smooth as possible). I'm glad he's receiving help, and you sound like a supportive dad so that's 2 big ticks in terms of his mental health. As for your other son, I'm sure he'll figure out his path in good time. It's beautiful that your family means the world to you.

Last night must have been rough. The dream you had must have been very unsettling.

You do you now. Hoping you enjoy peaceful slumber tonight.

Dottie x

P.S. Your cruise sounds fun!!!

Hi folks,

Dottie half way there.my son tells me double degrees are common. Hats off for you.2 years is nothing in the scheme of things. As for being a supportive dad, I try but my wife is the sensible one in the relationship. She is the family rock.

Last night I slept well, no dreams, it's a daily battle.ive discovered your thread and glad you are here.Hoping you had a cruisy day and have a good one tomorow . Cruising is the bees knees. Waking up each day in a new port in your floating hotel. One of the islands is totally deserted except for the ships visit, idyllic to say the least,

Have a good one hugs Len

HI all

I was invited to this thread by Kaz. Only been around a short while. Thought I would pop in and say hi.

I have just come out of a depressive cycle that nearly put me back in Hospital. During the past couple of weeks I have suffered with hallucinations and suicidal thoughts the lack of sleep and the voice inside my head really took its toll on my mental health.

I choose to be med free which leads to life being like a game of russian roulette. I want go back on meds as they just put me in a foggy coma.

Any way looking forward to chatting with you all.

Regards

Ivan

Hiya Ivan - welcome mate, glad you found us. Sorry I wasn't here when you posted, I've had a busy couple of days. Hi everyone else too!

Ivan - that's a hard choice to make, between a rock and a hard place so to speak. As I think I told you elsewhere, I've been on a mood stabiliser for about 9 months and I'm not sure I could manage without it. But I sure understand the desire to be medication free. And I know the awfulness of constant brain fog (which I had when I started on meds, along with other side effects).

I think it's a matter of what works best for you and what you are prepared to live with. It's entirely your choice, which only you can make in the context of what you need to do and be in your daily life.

Anyways, by way of introduction, this thread is a place to chat with fellow bipolars and friends - about being bipolar and about pretty much anything else really. We support each other and we have some fun and silliness too (as you'll see if you read back a bit - we even have a virtual band).

I'm sure the other regulars will introduce themselves. I'll kick it off - I'm Kaz, 53, live in Canberra. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about 9 months ago after being treated with depression for 15 years. I'm also a non-practicing alcoholic, sober nearly 6 years. After the shock of the diagnosis settled, I was relieved to realise there was a reason for so many things I'd never understood about myself (including addiction) - too many to name really. I'm still learning, about the disorder and about me. Guess it's a lifelong thing.

When were you diagnosed Ivan? If there's any experiences or thoughts you want to share, feel free. Whatever you're comfortable with.

I hope everyone here had a good Aussie Day - mine has been quiet, just the usual garden, cricket etc. Barbie tonight and then a get together with my daughter tomorrow.

What's everyone else been up to?

Cheers

Kaz

xx

Hello All,

Welcome aboard Ivan, im also 53 and diagnosed bipolar type 1 about 14 months ago. Have tried various meds to find the right mix, had numerous hospital admissions, ect treatment and to say I was in a bad place is an understatement. Since April last year I haven't been in hospital. I've clawed my way out of hell through professional support, family support, proper diagnosis and an acceptance on my part. I've ceased friendships, taken the necessary steps to be in a good place more often than not. Next week I see my psych for the first time in months. I think she will be pleasantly surprised. I'd love to be medication free, I really would but I'm scared to try and to be brutally honest I'd be stupid to try. I don't want to revisit that dark dark place again.i don't think I could do again. Before this diagnosis I suffered from depression for majority of my life and diagnosed with ADHD for 20 years.

Great bunch of supportive people here. They truly are. Great Australian Day today. Went to the flicks and watched LaLa Land. Pleasantly surprised and well worth watching. I danced out of the cinema,

tomorrow s another day

cheers Len

Hellooo everyone,

Len, your wife sounds like she's a keeper! I'm glad you have each other.

Yay, peaceful slumber delivered the other night. Your cruise sounds so relaxing and that island must be so tranquil.

Thanks, yeah, I'm sure the next few years will fly ha, ha.

Kaz, I'm glad you're forever learning, and moreover, open to lifelong learning. Always something new or different out there, huh? World keeps rotating 😊

The 26th sounds like it was nice and chill day for you. Quality mummy-daughter time tomorrow will be wonderful! Bet you have heaps to catch up on.

I have mostly just been working this week. Day off today- exciting stuff like cleaning (currently procrastinating).

I've some weekend plans- working during the day on Saturday then I'm seeing friends in the evening. I have a party on Sunday.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Dottie x

Hi Ivan,

Welcome!

You have definitely been having a very rough time. The past few weeks must have been extremely exhausting and draining for you. I'm glad you're still here and have survived those suicidal thoughts.

I started contributing to Kaz's thread a short while back. I'm 20 years old and at uni (uni holidays at the moment). I don't have bipolar myself but visit to chat and show support. I'm personally much more familiar with bipolar's sibling illness (depression), and I can empathise with your suicidal thoughts as I have had them in the past.

Looking forward to your next post!

Dottie x

Hi all

Thanks for the intros. I'm 47 and live in Melbourne but I'm originally from London married an Aussie girl and moved here in 2003.

I was diagnosed in 2013, and It really explained my past behaviors. Though I can't remember a time when the voice wasn't a constant companion. I call him my demon the darkside of my personality. We have be in an internal war since childhood. Some days he gives me the strength to face whatever the world wants to throw at me and on other days he will bring me to my knees in despair.

I replaced my meds with exercise, even though I suffer from chronic pain due to two work place injuries I now live in the gym it is the only place where I feel free. I stopped the pain medication also. I take oils and vitamins and eat clean. I don't drink alcohol anymore and have never used recreational drugs.

I have spent the last year or so working on mindful intervention and with the knowledge I have gained about this condition I've been able to ride the cycles. Though I would not recommend a drug free approach as we are all different and what works for me might seem crazy to others.

I hope you all had a wonderful Australia day.

Regards

Ivan

Hiya Dottie, Len, Mallow, Tony and everyone else. Ivan I hope you're lurking about. 😄

I have news! BIG news! Two lots of news! The first is that I got a scholarship to do the basic qualification to work in mental health support. Yay! The second is I got me a job! An excellent job even! Both are part time and the hours work out, so from the week after next I'll be studying and working ... eeeeep! No more afternoon naps sadly.

The job is a 12 month contract in the mental health sector, working on a project for a mental health learning centre - and the best bit is every aspect of the proposed centre will be designed in partnership by professionals AND people with lived experience. The role of lived experience is central to the whole concept. It's still at concept stage, subject to funding etc etc - but what a fantastic thing! I could have done with a place like that 12 months ago.

I'm of course beside myself with glee and have celebrated with much ice cream.

Going to be busy ... wonder if I can take a camp bed in for my naps. 😄

Cheers lovelies

Kaz

Congratulations !

:)

MMmmmm ice cream

Hello velvetfaerie, thank you! How very lovely of you to pop in. Would you like to join us here? It would be great to know you.

I can see you're another ice cream fan. Let's have one together! What's your favourite?

Cheers

Kaz

Ohhhhh I love cookies and cream :)

but not before gym class lol!!!

Gym class? I'm impressed. I did one of those once. 😄

Actually, I used to like going to the gym, especially boxing classes, but as with quite a few things for me, I lost interest eventually. Keep thinking I should go back. But then I keep thinking I should do lots of things. Sadly, great enthusiasm followed by loss of interest is a known bipolar trait and one I've got. At least I now know I'm not just fickle and uncommitted, there's a reason.

OK velvetfaerie, I'll wait till gym's over to share a cookies and cream ice cream with you. 😊

Cheers

Kaz

I love the gym. It helps me better than meds did. Improves sleep (knocks me right out).... improves mood.... improves health... my clinical psych said my approach seems to be working..... (until the bf pushes a button that is lol!!!)

This is one thing I've remained committed to ...... I turn into a horrid creature if I don't exercise.

You can start without me it's all good. :)

Take care everyone !!!!

I'll catch some endorphins for y'all!!!

Hey Ivan - your second post must have arrived after mine, or maybe I just got carried away with myself. Anyways, I've just seen it.

Wow, you have really taken things in hand eh? That's fantastic. They say exercise is very important, sadly it's not one of my 'things', though maybe I should try harder. I know Len and Mallow are keen on exercising when they can.

You're doing all the right stuff mate, all the self-care recommended for us. How's your sleeping pattern?

I'm impressed that you've got a handle on mindfullness. I'm still working on that. My head hamster (racing thoughts) often works against being mindful. Any tips?

You seem to have a reconciled kind of co-existence, detante of sorts, with your voice? Have I interpreted that right or does it cause you frequent distress?

I know you're coming out of a bad patch mate - so I wish you every strength and a stable peace to come.

Cheers

Kaz

Hi kazzl,

Thats fantastic news..

Made me smile. Excellent.

Hope ur holding well in your pattern.

Always a pleasure.

Peace

Matt

Thank you Matt - peace to you too lovely friend.

Kaz

xx

Anytime kazza,

I hope you find balance anyway you can. You deserve to be happy even if life and body doesn't allow it. I hope your medicine works for you😊

I will keep an eye on you! You've always been a favorite.

I can assist with mindfulness but you'll find it difficult. Been there.

Peace

Matt.

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum.

Looking forward to getting to know everyone and offer mutual support. Thanks for inviting me here Kaz, and huge congrats !

A little about me: (single mum, 4 teenagers) . My bipolarity was finally diagnosed some years ago after yet another major crisis. I had mixed feelings of relief and regret at the time. Relief to know it wasn't all my fault for not 'trying hard enough' and regret of how much impact on my life and others might have been avoided or at least lessened.

After being given a myriad of medications, some which were even more detrimental than my episodes, I found the one that suits me best and so my inevitable highs and lows have not been not extreme or long-lasting.

However, I am really struggling with anxiety and depression, have been for some time, so am reaching out for support here. My youngest son has been battling cancer for the last 4 yrs and his prognosis is very poor. Under my doctors recommendation I have upped my meds a little, but I've also gone back to self-medicating with alcohol. (Thanks Kaz for welcoming in that thread too).

My only friends these last years have been other mums in hospital, but have understandably lost contact as they have all lost their children. I'm still living the daily rollercoaster and am feeling very lonely. I live in a different world to normal society at the best of times.

When I called the help-line last week, the kind young gentleman suggested I join this online forum, so here I am. Thanks for listening, xxx to all.

Hi Resilience, welcome! I'm so pleased you joined us here. And a big virtual hug to you.

I think you're amazing. To cope with having a very sick child and three other teenagers, on your own, is more than enough for anyone to deal with, let alone someone managing their own difficult and unpredictable disorder. I know you're struggling hun, but please just think about that for a moment - what an incredible thing you are doing!

We often say here 'you are stronger than you know', and I reckon you are a gold star example of that.

I'm so sorry about your son, that must be devastating for all the family. As a mum of two, I can only imagine the pain you're in. How is your son coping? And his siblings - brothers or sisters?

Resilience, I know the drinking is troubling you, we spoke on the other thread. All I'd say here is don't let it add to your struggles. If it's causing you grief then try hard to stop or cut down, or at least be aware of whether it's increasing. When you're ready you will stop. That time will come, just be aware that sometimes it doesn't comes till we hit rock bottom, and that's never good. So maybe try to keep it in check, and make sure you're safe when you are drinking. It took me about a year of attempts to finally manage it (after a drunken attempt to end it all).

This thread is a place for we bipolar folks to look after each other - give and receive support when we need it, and also share some lighter times and things we enjoy. If you read back you'll see us chatting about music, gardens, travel plans, ummmmm spending sprees (not so good), sports etc. In my view this is not idle chatter, it's really important for folks battling the rollercoaster and the black dog to maintain our 'normal' interests and talk about them - it gets us out of our heads for a moment and can make us smile, that's always a good thing.

I know your time is probably fully occupied, but what things do you enjoy when you can?

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better hun. Post when you can.

Cheers

Kaz

Hi all,

I have to completely agree with kazzl. Drinking is a huge issue with mental health. I have come to a point where my body is a temple. I haven't had a drink for over a year now. All I drink is water and real coffee, one a day. I don't eat sugar or have anything that contains any chemical products at all.

I am super sensitive to the slightest change in my health routine. Every day this gets better. Peace for me is on the horizon. The pattern for me is old but new at the same time. Every eposide I learn more about it and how to overcome it.

My issue with bipolar is its only short cycle periods (2 - 3 weeks). Strangely enough PTSD triggers it. In this time all I can do is focus on nothing except the rapid cycle. This is a wave that stops if i ride it out. Unfortunately major depression is a much longer process being 90% bigger than bipolar. My symptoms are quite rare. Placing me in a confusing situation in regards to diagnosis. The dr likes to sort the biggest issue only. Because I am super sensitive to medication. My body rejected bipolar meds extremely fast causing me much distress and hospitalization. Which took some time to recover from. It affected my thought processes to halt. Body nervous increased and internal digestive system stopped working.

In extremely rare cases medication can cause symptoms which make diagnosis impossible. Thats me.

I am here to return my thanks and offer my assistance in help form.

Unfortunately I cannot change my medication that would cause a time reverse affect. I do find a strange sense of belonging, mainly because of my perspective veiw. I am sorting this all out for myself and after that I will be happy.

I'm doing this through philosophy because I relate to it more than anything else. Please come and help me see straight, it would be mighty helpful to me.

Im signing off for the day peeps. Chat you all tomz.

Its hot and my boy and are going to play zen ninja in the pool. The game is posted at "walking shoes - walking group". This is a cool mindful meditation game.

Peace to you all.

Matt.

Hey, everybody.

I saw the word 'bipolar' and thought I'd make a tentative appearance and introduce myself. I'm Lady_Stardust. I don't really mind what you call me - I'm all about those nicknames. I'm nineteen and when I was eighteen I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. I had a major depressive episode when I was … seventeen, maybe? It's hard to remember. So, naturally, I was treated for depression and went through a bunch of medication, all of which worked for only a short while before I went downhill again. That was very frustrating and put me in a pretty dark place. It's hard to remain hopeful when you've tried so many different things and nothing works. Dealing with the side effects and washout periods was pretty rough, too.

I decided to do some research of my own, because I felt that I didn't always meet the criteria for depression. That's when I stumbled across the criteria for Bipolar II, and related to it far more than I did depression. I took my concerns to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed and started off on a medication that is also used for people with epilepsy. I still don't completely understand the connection between the two conditions, but I don't really care, because the medication greatly improved me.

I still get very sad and irritable sometimes, as well as (not often) experience symptoms of hypomania. But my medication keeps me level for the most part, staves off the episodes, which I am very grateful for. However, I feel the down moods hit me a little harder when they appear after a long period of levelness, because I seem to still be falling into the trap of thinking I might remain level forever. I realise that this is incorrect, but wishful thinking is appealing.

In general life, I am hoping to soon get a job. Just casual/part time. I think that that will help me, give me something to do, and an income would be nice (I do not like relying on my parents and do my best to want for nothing, regardless of their instance that it's okay).

I am okay today emotionally (I'm feeling physically unwell, gah) and hope that I will remain level but am trying to be realistic about the possibility of a shift in mood. Reality can be so difficult.

Hi Lady_Stardust - what a beautiful name! Welcome to our little gang. It's lovely to meet you - sorry you're feeling a bit off colour and hope you feel better soon.

I know what you mean about the down times hitting harder because you live in hope you'll stay level all the time. I had a similar but different thing when I was diagnosed. I'd been treated for depression for a long time and with each depressive episode I hoped it would be the last ... maybe mine was one of those depressions that disappear eventually. Once I was diagnosed bipolar I knew it was forever and my heart sank. But, we learn to adapt don't we.

It's great you're stable at the moment, I am mostly too - a vast difference to a year ago.

Best of luck finding a job - what sort of work would you like to do?

What do you enjoy doing in your free time? Any hobbies?

Cheers hun, hope to chat soon.

Kaz

Hi folks, regulars and welcome aboard newcomers,

Kazz what great news re scholarship and the new job. Wow you will be busy as. I've walked for a few hours, rowed on my machine for an hour and done up teen stomache crunch Es. I've discovered an ap called zero where you log you last meal, based on intermitant fasting with the goal of not eating for 13 hours with the hope of getting rI'd of some weight. There's some science too it .

Love the name LadyDust.Weve all different stories but we supportive here. Since being on meds I can't even have 1 glass of alcohol . It just doesn't agree with me. I was never a big drinker so I've brought a soda stream so mineral/soda water is one of my new vices.

Lady_Stardust, I hope to remain sort of level for the foreseeable future with meds, couselling and hardwork.The extremes I have endured in the recent past were scary.

Echo Kazzs sentiments with best of luck of finding a job. I was very high functioning and career minded for close to 25 years. My diagnosis explained a lot to me, I'm good for the moment and hopefully it lasts a while. I have a few side effects with my meds, would love to be off them, but the benefits far outweigh not taking them. I'm Bipolar but I'm also a lot of other things as well.Join the gang here, we bounce off each other and ride the rocky rollercoaster together,

cheers Len

Mindfullness has helped me no end. Each session of DBT starts with a session.just another tool in the ever expanding toolbox,

cheers Len