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Forums / Long term support over the journey / UPDATED: I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like

Topic: UPDATED: I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like

  1. Lost Girl
    Lost Girl  avatar
    2696 posts
    4 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta,

    Happy to hear you're making some progress with hubby. Even little things can make you feel more cared for and valued.

    Hoping you can get your op soon. Take care and let us know how you go.

    Cheers,

    Carol

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    5 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl

    Thanks Carol,

    It is the little things that makes it worth it!! 

    I'm just getting a bit of cabin fever!! This rain is just continuing and i'm missing the sun. Just feeling down today. I did end up cleaning the house though!! My boys are all playing outside in the rain getting wet. 

    I hope I can have my op soon. It would make life a little easier for me. 

    Thanks for checking in on me.

    kind thoughts

    zetta

     

  3. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    6 March 2016 in reply to Zetta
    Dealing with endometriosis and depression is not fun!! Feeling really down and sore today!! This rain and not being able to go outside and feel the sun on me is beginning to take a turn for the worst. Just feeling lost!! 
  4. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    6 March 2016 in reply to Zetta
    I had a chat to my husband tonight and he can't see to understand that I have been depressed for the whole time we have been together. We've known each other around 12 years now. I know I have been depressed all this time and he doesn't seem to have noticed it all these years. Does anyone else have this problem? I just can't understand how he can be so in denial about my depression? It's just beyond me. He doesn't think it's that bad. 
  5. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7654 posts
    6 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hello Zetta...

    I just noticed you posted, so I thought I would pop in and say hello to you.

    No I don't think I have the same problem as you do with close family members not being aware. Most times, how I am feeling is on my face. I don't know...., some people aren't as observant as other people. Or they don't know much about depression to begin with, so they may not know what it looks like or something. Then some people who have depression put on masks or a happy face to cover up how they really feel and such. These are just my thoughts Zeta, I am no expert.

    I am not sure where you live, but here there is definitely no rain, only humidity and hotness. 

    Anyway I hope you are feeling at least a little better. I think the lost feeling is a common one as well. I have certainly felt it, but I can't explain it. I wish I could.....

    I have noticed you posting on the thankful thread, that is a good  choice you made. Way good.....

    Hugs to you if you would like one.

    Shell xx

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Starwolf
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Starwolf avatar
    2521 posts
    7 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta,

    Sorry to read that you are going through a rough patch.  Feelings of isolation within a relationship are indeed distressful. So well done for reaching out. That's what these forums are for.

    Quite a few men prefer to process issues on their own before they can discuss them with anyone else. However, denying you a cuddle -as never noticing your depression- shows some degree of insensitivity to your needs. You did the right, courageous thing by coming clean. Living a lie is never a viable option within a close relationship. There is nothing more you can do. You have bravely done your bit, regardless of consequences. As Paul so rightly pointed out, your husband's reaction is his problem, sad as it may be.

    Many people don't know much about depression. It is often swept under the carpet. I hope that somewhere along the line, your husband will be offered the opportunity to learn about how it affects sufferers and what he could do to help ease the pain. When too close to the bone, this info is usually better accepted if it comes from a knowledgeable outsider (GP or therapist).

    I hope you can soon put the endometriosis problem behind you. You don't need this extra pain and stress.

    Home schooling is a challenge too. You're doing a great job of keeping it all together. Please remember to take good care of yourself. We are often our harshest critics. Superwoman may be attractive...she is also an unattainable fantasy.

    When support and understanding are not available on the home front, we can't be there with you but will be here for you when needed.

     

     

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Graceeeeee
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Graceeeeee avatar
    414 posts
    7 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey dear Zetta!

    I read your posts, and I think you are a very courages woman, so a big welcome to you to the forum!! (although you might have already been here for a while) Hats off to you for being so brave and posting here! I know it's not an easy step to take, you are a legend for doing that ;)

    I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't as supportive as you need him to be right now, I think maybe he cares about you a lot so he is feeling painful too for you, just my own interpretation of his reaction, please don't get offended if you don't like this :) And I know what it feels like to be lost and confused, so you are not alone Zetta!! Hope you know here we all care about you and listen and understand with our full heart and ears, reply anytime you want Zetta :) Take care!! You are a legend, keep being just the way you are, and go gentle on yourself too, just like Paul said :) And thank you for sharing your story with us, it is a great help to anyone feeling confused and lost just like you :) 

    Have a great evening Zetta!!

    With Love,

    Grace xx

  8. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    blondguy avatar
    11369 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    Your hubby not 'understanding' is really one unnecessary hurdle in your life. Starwolf was spot here....A GP really has wake up him. 

    Just my humble opinion Zetta, ask hubby to come to a GP/your therapist with you and I think he will find out rather quickly about your depression. Sometimes people 'need to be told'

    Depression is an illness not only with the psychological symptoms but the changes in brain chemistry that are also present......Making it a physical illness in itself.

    I hope you find some peace Zetta

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Guest_1055

    Hi Shell,

    My dad, uncle and aunt on my dads side all suffer from depression. Dad told me a few years ago that I suffer from depression not long after he got diagnosed. So i have the support from my parents but unfortunately not my husband. He went to the last GP visit with me and the Dr told him that what ever grudges he has he needs to put to one side and look after me but he's still not getting it. I have another GP appointment this week and ill take him with again. 

    Yes I'm pretty good at putting a happy face on and go along with it. But my mum always knows when something is bothering me, its like she sees right through me even on the phone.  Gosh I love my mum!!

    Were in Mackay and its flooding in some spots. We've had over 500mm of rain since Thursday!WE had bits of sunshine yesterday which made me feel a little better.

    Thanks for your hug Shell! Much Appreciated!!

    Hugs right back at you!!

    Zetta

     

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Hi Starwolf,

    Thanks for your reply, Yes i do realise that he processes things different than me. And i know that both you and Paul is right. Which adds to me feeling even more guilty and depressed because it feels like I'm the one who caused all of this by telling him my secret. I'm going to ask my husband to attend a few sessions with the psychologist when I start seeing one and I think we need to go to couples counselling too so that we can tackle this huge void in our communication and about what I have done. I will have my first Laparoscopy to diagnose the endometriosis on 13 May. I'm stressing about that as the recovery can be up to six weeks and I will be on bed rest for 2 weeks. Thanks for your encouraging words!! It's hard some day but I get through it.

    Kind Thoughts

    Zetta

     

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Graceeeeee

    Thanks Grace,

    Thanks for your reply and Kind words of encouragement. I guess I'm just soo frustrated that he doesn't understand that I have been struggling all these years in silence and trying to be strong. A person can only be strong for so long. 

    Thanks again for your reply.

    Zetta

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Graceeeeee
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Graceeeeee avatar
    414 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey dear Zetta!

    I'm sorry to hear that you suffered many years in silence, that is not the right way to recovery :) And I think it's a good idea to take your husband with you to the GP and the psychologist. You don't have to be alone, we are all here for you, and your parents are there for you, and I'm sure your husband will be there for you soon :) I'm so glad to hear that you are taking action and changing, good job you! 

    You are a very strong woman Zetta, thanks for the contribution you have made here! And happy International Women's Day haha, have a good day Zetta!

    With Love,

    Grace xx

    1 person found this helpful
  13. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11369 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    Graceee is spot on here..."You don't have to be alone"...

    You are one 'Pro-Active' girl Zetta....Kudos to you and your strength..:-)

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  14. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Graceeeeee

    Thanks Grace!! 

    Happy International Womens day to you too! Thank you for your kind encouraging words! I just organised that mum will be coming up for my surgery and is very happy today!! Things is starting to feel more normal and i'm not as down as what I was two weeks ago! 

    Thanks for being here!!

    Zetta

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hey Paul!

    Thanks for that!! I'm feeling lots better today!! It's great how you guys help me see things in a different way!! Thank you!!

    Cheers

    Zetta

  16. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7654 posts
    8 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    I am glad you are feeling lots better. Yeah...

    Take care now, and sleep well.

    Hugs

    Shell xx

  17. Starwolf
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Starwolf avatar
    2521 posts
    9 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta,

    Good to know things are looking up for you.

    Having to wait until May for a laparoscopy is a bit tough while you're in pain. I guess you will not have a definite surgery date until then. However, having your mother with you will help you focus on recovery instead of trying to juggle everything else. She will make sure you get some much needed rest. Sometimes, we all need someone to act as a buffer zone between ourselves and a demanding world. Having such person in our life is a privilege.

    Why let guilt drag you down ? You did the right thing and should be proud of showing this courage. We all make mistakes but only a strong, special person can take responsibility for coming clean. None of us can assume responsibility for someone else's actions and reactions.

    Trying to tackle the communication issue within your marriage is another positive decision. Hopefully, your husband will also rise to the challenge and handle his side of the relationship with new compassion and understanding.

    I wish you a peaceful, pain-free day.

  18. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    9 March 2016 in reply to Guest_1055

    Thanks Shell!! 

    I had a great nights sleep and a very busy day with a homeschool workshop and a dr's appointment and a few errands to run. But otherwise i'm doing great!! I'm seeing my GP tomorrow and hopefully I can get my referral to a psychologist and my mental health plan sorted tomorrow. 

    I think once I start to talk to a therapist I'll be better able to cope and start healing. 

     cheers,

    Zetta

  19. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    9 March 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Hey Paul, 

    I just got my surgery date today and it's the 13th of May. So i'm hoping I can handle the pain until then. I just can't wait to have mum here and helping me!! I miss her soo much!! 

    Thanks Paul, my best friend said exactly the same thing to me today!! She knows the secret and doesn't judge me for it either which makes it soo much easier to deal with it. It is a big mistake I made and I should let the guilt go. It just feels like everything is happening soo fast and I'm left behind. I pray about it daily Paul and ask God for forgiveness everyday. 

    I'm my husband does the same. He doesn't like going to a counsellor but I know this is the only way we will be able to work through this. We can't just leave it to fester and blow up in the future. 

    I had a pretty busy day today with the kids and the homeschool workshop so I'm pretty tired and sore.

    I'm off to bed for a well deserved nights sleep.

    Good night,

    Zetta

  20. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11369 posts
    10 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta

    13th May...Its a wait but on the good side its still a date you can look forward to! I have known people with chronic pain like yours and I am still feel for them because in 2016 I thought we may have progressed further where the waiting times are concerned.

    The list of people that have made a big mistake in their lives would be never ending, as Human Beings by nature are imperfect themselves.

    I just want to quote 'Starwolf' here if I may;

    "Hopefully, your husband will also rise to the challenge and handle his
    side of the relationship with new compassion and understanding."

    Very well said. I cant articulate her thoughts any better

    Love your attitude Zetta

    Paul

  21. Lost Girl
    Lost Girl  avatar
    2696 posts
    10 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hey Zetta,

    I am glad you have a date scheduled now. I am glad that you have your Mum for support. Mum's are the best when you are unwell.

    Keep strong, you have such a positive attitude through this all. I am finding the thread about 3 things you're thankful for very helpful and I see you are posting there too.

    Take care, thinking of you,

    Carol xx

  22. Graceeeeee
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Graceeeeee avatar
    414 posts
    10 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta!

    Glad to hear that you've been feeling well, and less down :-) What have you been up to today? My love and thoughts are with you Zetta, thanks for being here :)

    With Love,

    Grace xx

  23. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    11 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Well, we can't afford to have the surgery any earlier as I'm going as a private patient and not public and their waiting times are 18 months plus. So unfortunately I need to be patient and hope the endometriosis isn't too bad and he can remove them all in one go. 

    I know we're not perfect but if the mistake hurts the person you love the most it hurts deep inside you too!!  I guess I'm hurting too because I know I hurt him really bad! 

    Sorry for the late reply as my internet was playing up last night.

    Thanks for your support and kind encouraging words. 

    Zetta

  24. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    11 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl

    Hi Carol, 

    Thank you for your kind words and encouraging words!! It means a lot to me!!

    Kind thoughts 

    Zetta

  25. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    11 March 2016 in reply to Graceeeeee

    Hi Grace,

    Yesterday I had my follow up check up with my GP, and we will be doing my mental health plan in a couple of weeks. So now it's the search for a psychologist! 

    Thanks for your message!

     Zetta

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Spence
    Spence avatar
    7 posts
    12 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta,

    ​Im Spence, just wanted to sayhi and see how you are going. Hope your hubby Iis supportive. Sometimes us guys are stuborn and thick and we need to be told "For God sake, will you just hold me and love me". 

    I hope all is working out.

    All the very best.

    Spence

  27. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11369 posts
    12 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    18 Months in the public system?....Oh my! You would be rapt with May 13 :-) Smart to have the private cover!

    Have a great weekend Zetta

    Paul

     

     

  28. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    12 March 2016 in reply to Spence

    Hi Spence.

    Thanks for that advice!! I will do that in the future to make sure we're on the same page!! He is becoming more supportive now. 

    Thanks agina for posting. 

    Cheers,

    Zetta.

  29. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    12 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Yes I'm pretty stoked with that!! And it does pay to have private cover. 

    Things are looking up today!! Feeling really good today!! 

    Have a great weekend Paul!

    Zetta

  30. Lost Girl
    Lost Girl  avatar
    2696 posts
    12 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta,

    Really great to read that you are feeling good today! Yay!

    I hope you have a lovely weekend with your boys.

    Cheers,

    Carol xx

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